Right, some notes for the end of the story, and (hopefully) an entry to hang people's comments about things that need fixing or addressing. Yeah, it's quiz time -- please weigh in with the problems you had with the story. I've got my list, but I can't fix what I don't realize is wrong. (This is not the time to be nice)

I need a title! I don't know that 'Busted' really fits all the way through. The folder on my hard drive's labelled "Ghost Cop" but that's not all that good either. You've got the whole thing now, so have at it.

The Notes:

The funny thing is that this all started because of a traffic stop on Route 8 I didn't get tagged by. (It was on the southbound side, I was going north. Around exit 25 as I remember, give or take a bit) Nobody else did either, there was this state cop sitting in one of the pull-offs, just waiting. Probably doing paperwork while he was looking for people going way, way too fast. The initial scene kind of showed up with the semi-cliche mistaken identity bit and it went from there.

Unfortunately I know even less about state police proceedures than local police, so Chris turned from a state police officer to a local one, and that's going to require a bit of a rethink on the setting for the initial stop. While it would work just fine for a local officer in a lot of the country, the open, relatively high-speed roads out here ('here' being connecticut) are all state roads and the local cops don't police them.

I need to work our murdering psychopath into the story earlier. Not very much, since I do actually like the opening and it sets up the romantic plotline, but a little mention. Maybe Joe'll get cut off by the guy's Jetta, or some mention of a murder or something between Chris and Joe in the station. (Just because I didn't realize anyone was going to die at the beginning of the first draft doesn't mean it shouldn't be there when it's done)

The story started out being told from Joe's point of view -- he was the only character I really had a handle on from the beginning. Chris had a cardboard stand-in, and I didn't know about Steve at all, nor the kids and related hangers-on. It grew into a larger thing as the story went on.

I need, I think, more of Chris and Steve's interaction. Since we've got multiple third-person POVs here, the story needs more balance, and it'll let us see a side of Chris that we wouldn't otherwise. He is actually good at what he does, reasonably articulate, and caring. It's just when he's around Joe that he turns into a total idiot. Showing more scenes without Joe will help make the contrast clear, as well as move the B storyline forward some.

Just to get it out of the way... yes, I do need to set up things so Joe and Chris adopt Stephanie. I'm still not sure that's going to happen, but there is a reasonable chance, so it's worth leaving things open that way. (And her therapy bills are gonna be hell for years, I'm afraid)

Dunno what happens to Steve's brother-in-law. He kind of fell off the map after he found the body. Granted he's a secondary character, but he probably shouldn't be just dropped. Maybe a scene between him and Mary after Joe pulls the runner.

Yeah, the bad guy is possessed, but he doesn't actually mind. It's not until he runs across Joe before the story starts that he manifests in the first place (about the same time that Alex first manifests, and for about the same reason) then goes on his dark 'o the moon killing spree. Running across Joe a second time (at Stephanie's) gives him the strength to break the pattern. The host may also be the kid brother of the boy that Alex kissed when Chris was a kid. I'm not sure. If he was, then the brother's a Sherrif now, and I could set the sequel out in Arizona and have them meet back up again.

The dialog patterns need some work. Chris is generally articulate and thinks before he speaks. He rarely (if ever) swears. Steve is more open in how he talks, is mostly happy, almost always under control, and swears a bit but not much. Joe's more frenetic, tends to let his temper get away with him in non-professional settings, and swears like a sailor. You should be able to tell the three of them apart from a stretch of dialog, but I'm not sure that's consistent.

Physically, Joe is Irish. Curly red hair, pale skin, freckles, gets crispy in the sun. He's also thin, though with some muscle on him. about 5'9", give or take a bit. His height is never specified since it's not a big deal, but he is shorter by a few inches than either Steve or Chris.

Steve's more triangular, and while he's padded he's also got a good solid layer of muscle. He's a natural blonde who's gone brown as he's gotten older, fair skinned, about 6' tall, definitely imposing and not someone you'd particularly want in your face if things got unpleasant. Which is partly why he looks like he does, as it's useful when intimidating people. Probably old-stock connecticut, which means mostly english and welsh if you really, really had to trace it back.

Chris is half italian immigrant, half native american, likely Navajo as his mom is from rural Arizona. He's less inherently solid than Steve -- he'd be considered a bit rangy if he hadn't worked hard in high school to bulk up. (Overcompensating from a childhood where there were days he had a hard time getting out of bed) He heavily favors the native american side in skin and hair coloring, as well as body hair distribution. There was a bit in there where he felt kind of inadequate since he doesn't really meet the whole 'manly' stereotype in some ways but I may cut that, I'm not sure. It does get across that he's uncomfortable with his body image, which is something that would sensibly spill over from his childhood.

I don't know right now whether Chris' maternal grandmother is still alive. I don't actually know who his maternal grandfather was, though I'm pretty sure he wasn't human. That may or may not make for a hook into a sequel, or it could just stay as one of those things.

Megan, Chris' ex, needs to get worked in more, though indirectly.

Homophobia is pretty much nonexistent as a motivator or issue in the story. Yes, Joe's excessively up front about his sexuality, and Chris and Steve's boss is an insulting ass, but it isn't generally a worry. Chris' flinching from Joe in public is because of his relationship issues, not that Joe's a guy.

Character motivations

Joe: Joe grew up lower class (I always think somewhere in Waterbury, but never actually place him) and wanted out in the worst way. He worked his ass off through high school to get into college on a combination of loans, grants, and work. He left home and never went back, mostly because his family life was hell. The drive that got him out also got in the way of any real social life. He didn't have time for anything past casual, and his upbringing didn't really equip him for healthy serious relationships. (He's done enough therapy to know that, and to have a general idea what's involved, but there's a difference between the abstract and the practical in these things) He's certainly not been a monk, and he has dated, some short, some medium term. Nothing serious, though, not much past friends with benefits. He does sometimes regret this.

Joe has always wanted kids. He gave the idea up in high school when he figured he was gay, but that never stopped him from wanting them. He's never done much about it -- he has a fear that he'd be the same sort of parent that his parents were, and he wouldn't wish that on anyone. He's relatively inexperienced with kids, and has, to date, only had to deal with them professionally (when people bring them into the office) or very casually. He's yet to have to be responsible in the face of a major meltdown.

Being the flimsiest of the family he was on the receiving end of a lot of crap until he learned to fight back. What he lacks in physical strength he makes up for in viciousness, quick wit, and manic energy. (He's got a tendency to go for the throat, then kick you in the nuts. After that he gets nasty) He's had to deal with some homophobia and some near-bashings, and as a result he's very in your face about his sexuality when it becomes an issue, though he's good about leaving it go in professional settings. He does not take crap from anyone.

Chris: Chris was born in rural Arizona, on the edge of one one of the towns. His mother was full-blooded native american (though always thought she was half), his father was the grandson of italian immigrants, and both his parents were arguably insane -- at least they saw things that weren't there. They both drank heavily. His father comes from a long line of guys who were mad. His father probably committed suicide while posted in the Korean War (I expect seeing spirits would be a bad talent to have in the middle of a war), and it goes back paternally from there. His mother was something of a pariah, as her mother got pregnant by a mystery guy she'd never own up to. If the slang went back far enough I'd have him named coyote and leave it for everyone to think he smuggled illegal immigrants across the border while she thoguht she'd bedded a deity. (Or at least a force of nature, depending on how you like to categorize these things)

Chris had Alex, his imaginary friend, since he was about five. He was an escape from his parents, unfortunately Alex took a toll and left him weak and in bed on and off for years. When he was eleven his parents died when their trailer caught on fire, and he moved in with his paternal grandmother. He lost Alex at that point, and it gave him a determination to lose the sickly body he had. He spent a lot of high school hitting the weight room. Chris is crap with relationships; what he saw growing up really didn't prepare him for anything. He was also attracted to boys, though he didn't think about it too much given there was more than enough other crap going on for him to deal with. He did date occasionally, though never too seriously.

He got bagged by Megan about six years ago. He'd done something that had gotten him some recognition, she decided she wanted him, and she went and got him. He didn't fight too hard, and it wasn't too long after that they were married. That didn't work out at all well. She was looking for prestige, good sex, and someone to make her a princess -- what she got was a tepid bedroom, mostly ignored, and a serious lack of sympathy. She's very much not a nice person, but Chris bears a lot of responsibility for the marriage getting as bad as it did. As a result Chris is gun shy and very insecure about relationships. It the major component of what makes him flinch from Joe throughout the story -- not that he's confronting his issues with being gay, but that he's scared to death to let anyone get close enough to hurt him.

Steve: He's a secondary character, so he's not as immediately important, but he really wants his friend to be happy. He's known Chris since they were both eleven, and he's seen the misery Chris has been through, most recently with Megan. He doesn't give a damn about the whole gay thing -- Joe could be an alien or a sheep for all he cared, if he made Chris happy he'd be all for it. (Though he'd probably be disappointed with a sheep)

I think that's pretty much it. I would, very much, appreciate honest commentary on things, most especially on things that were missing, didn't work, or were incomplete. Not that I don't mind a good ego stroke, but I think we can assume that the good bits will stay, so I'd like to concentrate on the bits that need fixing. I would very much appreciate folks taking the time to point things out that need work.

It's been fun, that's for sure. 82K words, all because of a cop on a dark night and some writer's block I was procrastinating on. Go figure...