You lay out the questions and come up with lots of answers. Living with one's characters is indeed very engrossing when you're serious about your writing. As for the story you've yet to tell, it will come in due time, maybe springing out from a short story you'll want to develop; you could just take it as it comes, exploring other sets of characters and universes.

Having written your autobiography (I only read the first ten chapters, but from this I imagine how you relived a lot of the events having to view family differently) will certainly save you tons of analysts' fees in the future! From what you say, you now have lots of insights on your feelings. You should be able to let go of negative feelings with or without the help of some experienced person who helps you to talk out these issues with the ones you love. I sound pompous, don't I? My best to you.

Well, okay, so, you're a storyteller; and, it sounds you've come to realize you have it bad. You're able to create characters and deeply care for them; unfortunately, sometimes allowing your mind to become consumed with their fictional issues. Yet, that's okay, too. It's all part of the process; some might say part of the curse, like waking up in the middle of the night because one of your characters DEMANDS attention.

All I can say, right now, is to go with the flow and realize you have a gift few are given. Sometimes when your characters' lives intrude on your own, completely dominating your thoughts, force yourself to think of something enjoyable, pleasing, that has nothing to do with any of your characters. For me, it's a mountain top in the North Cascade Mountains in Washington State. It doesn't have to be a place, it could be a person, a moment, or whatever you know to be very pleasurable.

You've already begun the process of using your writing to clear up the cobwebs in your mind and seeing that, with maturity, some of those happy, idyllic childhood memories might not not be as idyllic as you remember them. Storytelling is a good way to do a little spring cleaning, now and then.

I wouldn't worry too much about that unknown story you have yet to tell. It will be ready for harvest in its own season. Don't force it!

And, remember, to always have fun.

Hi Nick, I know I don't know you really at all, but there were some points you made that I thought I might be able to help with by adding my own two cents.

You said you feel like writing has become something so much more than what it started out to be. My thinking is you might have found your calling in life. Just like firefighters or policemen might have a deep seated urge to help people through what they do, through your writing you can help just as many people, if not more. A lot of gay or questioning teens have so much trouble dealing with it that it's nice to be able to read stories online as an escape from the crap of daily life. I know had it not been for authors like Comicality who was writing when I was dealing with everything, I might not have made it. You are in a position to help people even more, being so young. If a teen realizes you're just as young as they are, they'll be more likely to believe in what you write. I don't know if that helps you out any, but it was just the impression i got from reading what you said.

You also said you feel like there is a story out there that you need to write. I think all serious writers feel that way. I don't remember who said it, but someone said that there is a story in everyone. Everyone has a grand epic to tell, it's just a matter of finding it and putting it down on paper. Easier said than done, right? Look at Stephan King. He started writing in the seventies with a book called The Gunslinger. (Carrie was published first, but The Gunslinger was written first) After three decades, he finally finished the story he set out to tell, with book seven published in 2005. It took him thirty years to tell his epic, and he's considered by a lot of people to be one of the greatest writers of our time. What I'm trying to say is, don't try to force it to happen, just continue doing what you're doing. I think in time your epic will be written, and years from now people will be talking about Nickolas James in the same category as Stephan King.

I don't know if any of that helps, but I just wanted to tell you what I think. Good luck, and keep up the great work!

You said you feel like writing has become something so much more than what it started out to be. My thinking is you might have found your calling in life. Just like firefighters or policemen might have a deep seated urge to help people through what they do, through your writing you can help just as many people, if not more. A lot of gay or questioning teens have so much trouble dealing with it that it's nice to be able to read stories online as an escape from the crap of daily life. I know had it not been for authors like Comicality who was writing when I was dealing with everything, I might not have made it. You are in a position to help people even more, being so young. If a teen realizes you're just as young as they are, they'll be more likely to believe in what you write. I don't know if that helps you out any, but it was just the impression i got from reading what you said.

Nick, I am much older than you, but your stories and poems helped me more than you can imagine.

God bless you,

Michael.