I went out with Viv the weekend before last. We enjoyed a sun and rain filled day at Disneyland with Will and Rich. It was a grand time all things considered. Will got a kick out of the "happy" guy in mock lederhosen who was checking seat belts on the Matterhorn. Horrible ride by the way, I swear I bruised my scrotum on its jostling turns.

For those of you who don't know, Viv doesn't do down. So that killed allot of the rides at the park across the way. Though we did have an interesting conversation about the impact on machismo by calling a guys unit cute. In my opinion, cute is a death stroke. You just don't do that, there are plenty of other adjectives in the English language. Lets just leave cute out of it okay? Cute is puppies and babies, It's bear cubs and furry baby seals. Calling a guys dick cute is like taking all of those cuddly things and tossing them into a chipper shredder, along with the guys self image.

After we went to a Mexican restaurant back over in my neck of the woods. Long way to drive for tortillas, but Viv claims the margaritas rock.

There was a young couple there, She was sitting in chair by the window, He was standing, shielding her for view. Sort of, as if he were sub-consciously protecting her from some perceived threat. It wasn't the typical "I have separation issues so let me hang all over you" that you normally see with young couples. There was a aura of shivery involved, as she and his mother sat and he stood. They needn't be pawing over one another or constantly touching. Just the proximity was enough. her comfort was enough.

It's when I see that I feel alone, and a longing for it. That usually brings with it a hunger for some societal concocted sense of normality. I know the the thinking is flawed and stupid. I know that I would think less of person who thought the same way, but in moments of self pity and loneliness, I can't help but wonder if i could give it a go, along with a whole host of other things I am too ashamed to give voice to here.

I don't like when I start thinking this way. It seems so... defeated, so... uncharacteristic to allow myself to get caught up in the expectations of society. It's not though, we are supposed to bend to the will of those around us. Its barely noticeable, but actions evolve to suit our surroundings.

beh I'm rambling and I should be working.

I'll catch ya all later.

Steve