Today, I went in for another interview at another regional accounting firm.

They were a nice firm and pretty decent decor. I got to talk to the managing partner, aka. the Boss of the local office. I can tell you the guy had a worn out look in his face; slightly old and a bit battered. He had been at the firm after the Arthur Andersen collapsed. He was a decent guy and a really nice human being.

We went through the stages and talked about my work experience as an intern and my specialties.

Then, we got into my personal details: For anyone who did not know, I was formerly a College Vice Chair of the Republican Party and District Coordinator, never understood what I did in the latter aspect except say "hi", check people off lists, then go to meetings.

We talked about policies and I was surprised by some of his frankness; we both thought Palin was a really bad choice for VP and there were a lot of problems. I didn't bring up the gay topic, because (a) Business people usually do not want to hear who you are sleeping with and (b.) Most upper management are pretty conservative.

Somehow during our back and forth, we went into the topic and I got an interesting surprise. He said that he thought, "The party highest principle should be to let people do whatever they want" and he was very open about the entire gay issues that the Republicans have pushed due to religious influence. I did not come out to him, but it was truly good to know some one else felt the same way.

However, he did vote for McCain, but it was mainly due to foreign policy and a hope of better fiscal policy in the future.

I feel good to know there are people like that around, and sad since you never hear about people like him. He showed me pictures of his kids and told me about his experience and what being a good accountant and consultant should be.

I may not choose his firm or his firm may not choose me, but I felt a bit better in my heart.

Other stuff:

I got into another fight with a friend over prop 8 stuff; he called me a "know it all guy" after I told him the Democrats are moving toward the Religious conservatives even more and it is likely with the recent defeats of Gay Rights' they will not be so quick to support us.

It has only been a little more than an hour, but I searched my soul and I think he is right. I have an IQ of 147 and I really do act it out sometimes. I know a lot of different things from different disciplines and I still want to learn and acquire even more information, but there is a point that I got to realize a certain truth, I can't know everything.

I hate being smart and I hate being active in that type of intelligence, damn it. I wish I could be one of those smart silent asian guys, but I am not. I might try to make myself out to be shy and demure in real life, but in reality, I like being an aggressive Top. I seriously can't hide my nature and desire in that regard like I tried my sexuality as a teenager.

I have a complicated moral compass and a complicated code of honor. I will fight you for causes that I believe in, but I am willing to change and acknowledge that I was wrong if it comes to it. I don't like absolute in anything and maybe that is something people really don't understand about me most.

What I mean by absolutes is ideals that you hold for me one day will not be the same for me tomorrow. It does not mean I am bipolar, but I develop my personal ideals as time goes by. I still retain somethings in my heart like sentimentalism, which is my greatest weakness. I attach honor and emotional strengths in principles, but I am in a constant state of fighting those same principles that I put such emphasis on. I have internal debates like the one I had after the "Know it all" statement. That's another one of my many coping mechanism that I learned to adjust.

As a teenager, I did many things I am not proud of in order to shield my sexuality; I hated myself and had my own personal demons from that period still within. I know that part of me is still alive and he is not going to be destroyed. I must live with him and live with the pain I caused others and the irreparable damage I did. I used my adjustment mechanisms first to reason out why my parents divorced and I accepted part of the reason was my disability, which my mother actually said during a drunken state to my face. I fought portions of my disabled tag from elementary school and up. I never let the kids on the bus that tease me cause me to falter in front of them. I fought my own weaknesses in vision with only one operational eye and survived. I reasoned my problems and achieved greater sucess as I went. I developed it in my teenage years to use reason to get through the tough times. I have gone through many emotional tragedies, but I cannot allow them to break me. Yet, I succomb to fear from being gay for so long as a teenager and I only come to realize that it was wrong.

That's alot of psycho-analysis for people to write a doctoral dissertation.

So these little mechanism help me adjust and make sure I keep my focus.

I have many character flaws and many problems, but everyone does. The only difference is I am willing to admit it to myself first and foremost. It might take me time, but I try to change everyday and improve.

So that is my rant for today

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P.S:

I got a sinus Cold earlier in the day, so it was quite a sight with me having a runny nose and itchy eyes. Since, I have a variant of glaucoma it puffs my eyes a bit more than usual inflaming them red and pretty scary with veins.