Jump to content
  • entries
  • comments
  • views

A World Without Certainty



I can't stand certainty. The arrogance of thinking you know something really annoys me. Especially as it relates to people, other people, but also yourself.


I've been studying sexuality and gender issues for a long time now, however, they've been particularly on my mind for the past couple of months. The way I see it, the GLBT community is designed for gays and lesbians, but the bisexuals and transgenders are still pretty much marginalized and discriminated against. It's frustrating enough when that discrimination comes from outside of the community, but I find it especially distasteful when other gays and lesbians are quick to criticise bisexuals or trans people or to throw them under the bus for their own gain.


Maybe I'm expecting too much. I'm beginning to think that perhaps I am. People, it seems, are naturally closed-minded. A lot of heterosexuals (not all of course) cannot conceive of anything but MAN and WOMAN and their attraction only to the opposite sex. Then gay and lesbian people come along and they say "hey wait a minute, I am attracted to the same sex." Now it seems to me that that "unique" perspective would give them pause. It seems like it would make them say to themselves (or even better to others), "see, now clearly sexuality isn't this black or white thing. Clearly gender and gender roles are also more fluid." Yeah not so much. Unfortunately, it seems gays and lesbians are just as capable as anyone else of being repulsed, distrustful, or generally perplexed as hell when it comes to bisexuals or trans people.


It seems that a great many gays and lesbians still need their certainty. They need to know "I am a man, end of story." Or "I am a woman, end of story" or "I only date other men" or "I only date other women." It seems that ideally what they want is to believe that people either fall in love with a man OR a woman, but not either. They want to be certain that the people they know as straight will continue to date the opposite sex and that the people they know as gay or lesbian will continue to date the same sex. They want to know what's in between someone's legs, because clearly that will be a reliable indication of how that person is going to act, think, and feel. Surely bisexuals must be "confused" or "in denial". A transgender person who doesn't feel comfortable in their birth roles must similarly be "confused" or else just "really sick". In both cases the last thing the gay or lesbian person wants to do is be associated with such an individual. They don't want to take the time or effort to understand them. Worse, they certainly don't want to question their own feelings about their sexuality and gender.


I'm just so damn sick of it! I'm so sick of the f**king notion that "boys act one way and girls act another."


I just don't think that life should be this black and white. I don't think sexuality and gender should be so rigid.


I am a gay male, that is my "identification". It also works pretty well for me most of the time. I have absolutely no desire to have "girl parts" for myself. In general I'm very comfortable in the "role" of a gay male. It fits. However, that doesn't mean that I don't think the whole notion of "roles" is ridiculous, limiting, and narrow-minded.


I'm a very sexual person. I could certainly enjoy sexual things with a female. They're not my primary attraction by any means, but even if I'm not attracted that doesn't mean that I couldn't happily share my sexuality with them. I've shared my sexuality with guys I wasn't attracted to. It seems to me it would be the same thing with women. Apart from which I am attracted to some women sometimes.


I do think of my sexuality as "gay". That is what identifies me the best but it certainly doesn't encompass all of my sexual feelings. I'm certainly not threatened by having sexual feelings toward women sometimes and I'm sure as hell not threatened by other guys who sleep with guys having sexual feelings toward women. It doesn't repulse me, it doesn't scare me, it doesn't make me jealous, and it doesn't make me suspicious.


When it comes to gender I'm even more open-minded and fluid. I'm a "guy" but I have my own unique, fluid definition for what that means anyway. I love my physical body and am very satisfied with it, but when it comes to emotional, intellectual, and behavioural aspects of my personality I consider myself essentially androgynous. There's no telling what role, emotion, behaviour, or line of thinking I'll take. I can't predict, and I certainly don't want anyone else to try, especially not because of my "gender".


I do love gay and lesbian people, probably more - as a whole - than any other type of people, but I am deeply disappointed by how certain the majority of them like to try to be.


Recommended Comments

Kevin, maybe you should open a new topic with the attitudes of gays and lesbians toward Bi-people.

I checked in Wikipedia the articles about Bisexuality and about Alfred Charles Kinsey (see my signature in my profile!). You know that I

Link to comment

Hi Old Bob :)


Kevin, maybe you should open a new topic with the attitudes of gays and lesbians toward Bi-people.

Over the years I have started several discussions of one kind or another about bisexuals.


I checked in Wikipedia the articles about Bisexuality and about Alfred Charles Kinsey (see my signature in my profile!). You know that I
Link to comment

Personally, I'm a fan of certainty. A TA friend of mine gave me the quote "I may be wrong, but never in doubt!" which pretty much sums up my approach to life. I'm intelligent and analytical, and through the years I've gotten into the habit of being correct. To me, things just are a certain way, until something comes along to prove me otherwise.


All that said, I have fewer issues with Bisexual and Transgender people than many. People that identify as Bisexual do not bother me because I can be classified as such. I'm mostly attracted to men, so I say Gay, but the exact truth is a bit more complicated than that. I also remember how extra confusing it was to be Bisexual during puberty, when I kept teasing myself "but you like women, you can't be Gay."


As for transgender, people that know what they are and what they want to that degree are alright in my eyes. I disliked the main character of <i>Transamerica</i>, but that wasn't because she was switching genders. I wouldn't want to DATE a Transgender person, but that's because I'm more or less a hick and, for my bed, like people that subscribe a little closer to their preassigned gender roles.

Link to comment

Well, I mostly disagree with your perspective personally, but whatever works for you :)


At least you're more open-minded than most people.

Link to comment

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
  • Create New...

Important Information

Our Privacy Policy can be found here: Privacy Policy. We have placed cookies on your device to help make this website better. You can adjust your cookie settings, otherwise we'll assume you're okay to continue..