I can understand about work, they don't ever have to know, I guess word can get around quickly? Could maybe just tell more friends? least ones you trust?

How long have you been dating him a month or so? maybe after three? or two?

And Some never tell their folks.

hmm.. yeah I wouldn't want people at work to know my business regardless of what it was.. its just not their right to know. So if anyone outs you to anyone that you work with or anything, I would be pissed. But yeah, for the "I love you" question; a person will say it when they feel it. I would be concerned if they did it after the first date or first week.. lol.. but any time after that.. if there is a lot of time spent together, I wouldn't be too shocked.

I have been told several times by several different people that I'm different when its one on one, different when I'm online/phone, different in person, or in a group, or even in my blog. And I probably am, I probably act in a way that I feel my social environment asks me to. But I don't know, nor do I care, because I know that every time I'm in any one of those environments, I'm not trying to be something I'm not, I'm acting like myself.

As for your public display of affection, I get you there too. When I was in high school dating Chey, I was NOT comfortable with the idea of holding his hand, or kissing (i hate seeing straight couples do it!), or saying ANYTHING nice, that would give anyone the impression that we're dating. He didn't have a problem with those things, in fact, I'm sure he even wanted to be seen kissing and holding another guys hand. Thankfully he respected my wishes, but so long as we both wanted two contrasting things, I think our relationship was doomed.

I think you need to find someone who's either in the same position as you, or has been in the same position, or someone who will go at your pace.

I presume you won't remain in the closet forever? It'll eat away at you, especially since I get the impression you've already tried to come out, if only a little.

As for your work, what does your personal life have anything to do with your work life? So long as you are a good <insert career> what's it matter who you hold hands, cuddle with, kiss, make love with (or have sex)? That in no way shape or form affects your job (i hope). If you want to tell your peers, than I would seriously suggest you find one of your peers that you can trust that is open minded, tell them in confidence that you're gay. And trust me, having that ONE person know will make a great deal of difference. But you have to trust them to keep it to themselves, until you're ready to come out to others.

It sounds like you work at a school of some sorts, and you want the fellow support of your peers (other teacher and even better superiors) because they'll make sure that your job isn't at stake.

A former teacher of mine is an awesome teacher, and a lesbian, and she's certainly caused a lot of trouble (being the sponsor of GSA, and all of its events) but thankfully she has the support of her peers, some people in high places, and the high scores of her students on tests, proves that she's too valuable to give up.

Just something to think of.

As for "i love you"... My feelings take a long time to process, and for someone to tell me after three months that they love me. Well I can't really understand nor believe them. Because in my opinion it takes longer for love to develop. I have no desire to fall hard in love with someone within three months, and then a couple months later end up with a nasty break up. I've seen it happen SEVERAL times...so I personally want to take it nice and slow, before I go getting myself in trouble with three little words with lots of meaning.

Anyways, I'll stop talking. Hahaha!

James

I think my comment is longer than your entry. Sorry. >.<

I can't really add anything to what James already said. I pretty much agree with all of it, except I'm a bit more open-minded about saying the L word sooner than 3 months.

Anyway, good luck with everything!

Are you three different people? No. I'd venture to say your demeanor changes based on your surroundings and the people you are interacting with, but whose doesn't?

The whole other thing that could be at the base of this... I dunno what to say other then don't let anyone push you into anything. Everything you do has to be for you, especially something like that. Doing it before you are comfortable with it could be bad for you, but great for other people because they get what they want.

I guess like everything, you just have to weigh the pros and cons of it. You are worth his patience over that, and if he cant be paitient well that will be his choice I guess.

I fell you over your mom's response. Been there plenty of times, and I still cant say that damn word to her. Now though its just a Mexican stand off of sorts. SO yeah can't offer anything there.

Love? I don't know much about love. Say if you feel it. Rather say it if the person your saying it to is the first thing on your mind in the morning and the last thing on your mind at night. Say it if your afraid of scaring them away.

DON'T say it if you think it will make them stay, and don't confuse it with the other L word... but I think you know that

anyhow, good luck with all this... Stuff. Just be true to yourself, you are the only person you have to answer to in the end.

Steve

p.s. if you ever need to scream or whatever about whatever, you know how to get a hold of me anytime.

Just wanted to say thank you to those of you who took the time and wrote to me, I really appricate it. <3