I've been on a flurry lately. Must be all the extra coffee I've been drinking. I've been having it black for the last little while, because I feel strongly that powdered creamer is something that happens to other people, and by itself, sugar in coffee just seems silly. My parents will be so proud.

California living has finally gotten to me. It was bound to happen sooner or later, but evidence that I've gone around the bend to crazyville has manifested. I've, more and more, been noticing that my stomach has began to follow its own marching orders. In essence, I'm developing a belly. Dammit. This horrifies me, because I've seen many, many guys that have "frontpacks" and the thought of joining their ranks makes my skin crawl. I never realized I was this shallow, but I've always been among the genetically gifted, so I guess its just something I never had to worry about before. I'm worrying now, even more today, because I noticed a little something when I was washing my face in the bathroom earlier today.

At the same moment that my stomach feels distended and bloated completely out of proportion, I've lost enough weight over the last year that I can once again count my ribs through my shirt. The last time I was this skinny was my freshman year of college.

So, clearly, I'm not fat. Not even fattening. I may be out of shape, which is why I feel the way I do, but I had to have lost a LOT of weight, and I never have had all that much to spare. But, while I intellectually know I've been basically starving myself up till now, for the first time in my life I feel fat. Every time I eat, I feel my stomach, and this has discouraged me from eating as often or as much as I might otherwise have. I'm leery of even so much as starting an exercise program to bring my abdominal muscles back into the loose line I'm willing to accept, because what if I don't stop at "not gross." And worse, I highly doubt I'm going to be taking in enough calories to make up for a new regimen, at least until I stop being physically ill whenever I eat, which means I'd just be starving myself faster. In the words of another crazy Californian, that would be so not hot.

I may have to discuss this over with my cousin. She's had body issues in the past, and also has been quite willing in the past to slap the shit out of me when I deserved it. Since she's packed on a few dozen pounds over the last year (and the bitch has never looked better, gah!), my new found SoCal syndrome will probably be greeted with even less sympathy than my usual spate of bullshit.

Been reading more comics lately (I've been on a kick--I was deprived as a child), including the Young Avengers hardcover. This, for those unaware, made my list for two reasons. One, it is connected in theme and at times in story with the Runaways, another Marvel line that I've been reading. Number two, it, from page one, featured as part of its band of protagonists a homosexual teenage couple, including a boy that resembles a kid I had a crush on in college. Three cheers for literacy! Seriously, how awesome is that? Since the comic is written by and for straight males, my favorite character is quite clearly the "girl" in the relationship, a trope that has always annoyed me, but for once I'll let it go. He's not flaming, so I suppose merely making him a bit on delicate side can be considered progress enough. And, really, the trope only seems to act as a live wire against my nerves, so maybe I'm just weird. It's probably because I tend to be smaller and a bit more "feminine" than the guys I date, so people treating me like a woman has had time to really dig in there as a source of irritation.

My reasons for reading the Runaways are more typical reasons for why someone would read a comic. The writing cracks me up, with enough deadpanned sarcasm to make me grin uncontrollably, and give me ideas. There is also a particular character that I find interesting. He's a tall, nerdy, Hispanic kid that grew up in Los Angeles. He also happens to be an cyborg whose "father" is a megalomaniacal robot, and he's apparently straight, but otherwise I wish this comic, his character in particular, had been around and available to me ten years ago. Who knows, I might be willing to go by my first name now, if that had been the case. In the meantime, since I am unable to leave well enough alone, I keep mentally paring him off with the other single guy on the team, who is a taller, white jock with a penchant for violence and automobiles. I kind of doubt the writers will go that route, particular with the couple on the Young Avengers and the Runaways already having a female homosexual couple, but Ive made a note to scour fanfiction.net for that ship at some point in the future.