Decision to be taken

[old bob]

In the past, the present or in the future you had or you will have to take important decisions, with a largest influence in the unfolding of your life. For me, it was twice, the first time when I was 23, I decided to live with the woman I love, even as a Bi, and the second time when I was 26, I decided to refuse an offer to work and live in the States and to learn a new profession.

How was or is it for you ?

Edited September 4, 2007 by old bob

[Ieshwar]

I voted for the place to live. For two reasons.

 

Right now, I'm in the middle of a really important decision about where to study. Where to go? I know whatever I'll decide will change my life.

 

And the place is important according to me. A surrounding affects your belief, your profession and a lot of other factors. And as a young gay, a place is important. I want a place where I can live my sexuality and fulfil all my dreams.

 

The cloice of partner is important too.

 

Ieshwar

[glomph]

The choices are too interdependent to rank in importance.

 

Even though no one has voted for it so far, the choice of a belief is rather central to them all, a worldview, a belief in onesself (or lack thereof), etc., etc. I guess it's how you take it. if by choice of a belief one means adopting some set of propositions that don't really have much to do with your real life, then yes, it shouldn't get any votes.

 

The choice of a partner could determine where you live. And where you choose to live will help determine the people you meet who are potential partners. Or you might choose to live somewhere that you think improves your odds on finding an appropriate partner. Similarly, you might choose a place because you got a job there, or think the job prospects are better there.

 

Obviously.

[old bob]

The choices are too interdependent to rank in importance.Obviously.

Its not a ranking. You can choice more than one answer as i did in my comment.

And the word "belief" is perhaps not the best one, I meant religious belief (the way you behave, your "moral code")

I have certainly to improve my English knowledge :wacko: .

Edited September 4, 2007 by old bob

[Razor]

Hehe, I picked partner. Why, you ask? Well, I shall indulge you all with an explanation! (cause I'm a chatty bastard like that)

 

A partner helps with all of those. If you have someone who really does love you and wants to stand beside you and help you no matter what, then it's a lot easier to make all the rest of your decisions. You know that if you f**K up, you'll have somebody who can catch you and point you back in the right direction if necessary.

 

Where to live? How about centered around where your and your partner's family are? Or maybe you have someplace in mind for a career opportunity? So yeah, it's easier to make that decision with someone else throwing in some ideas and motivations.

 

Accepting who you are? It's a lot easier to accept yourself if someone else lets you know that they accept you, too.

 

Profession? Ah, that's mostly a personal decision but it can still be influenced by what your partner thinks, and what they think you would enjoy, and the ideas they share with you.

 

Beliefs? C'mon, you gotta be influenced/shaped/changed/whatever on this one by your partner. That's pretty obvious.

 

Anyway, you get the picture. I just really think that picking the RIGHT kind of partner makes everything else a lot easier. If you have someone who's dependable, intelligent, forgiving, and thoughtful, then yeah... a lot of that other stuff could be easier.

 

Then again I'm a sucker for lovey dovey shit.

[NickolasJames8]

I voted for the choice to accept who you are because once you do that, everything else should fall in line. To me, part of who I am is what I believe, religious and otherwise. If being in a certain place doesn't suit who I am, I'll find a place that suits me. That also goes for who my partner is. Why would I want to be with someone who isn't in love with who I am?

idk, just some random thoughts on why I voted the way I did.

[Benji]

I voted for the choice to accept who you are because once you do that, everything else should fall in line. To me, part of who I am is what I believe, religious and otherwise. If being in a certain place doesn't suit who I am, I'll find a place that suits me. That also goes for who my partner is. Why would I want to be with someone who isn't in love with who I am?

idk, just some random thoughts on why I voted the way I did.

 

 

.........I concur, a wise answer for one so young!!

[Menzoberranzen]

I chose profession, because it's the hardest thing to change. You can move, if the place you live doesn't suit, you can easily change partners, and accepting who you are is not a choice so much as a natural progression in your life. Finding yourself in a dead-end job at the age of forty is more frightening to me than being in bad marriage, for example.

 

Menzo

[AFriendlyFace]

I picked the choice to accept yourself too.

 

I voted for the choice to accept who you are because once you do that, everything else should fall in line. To me, part of who I am is what I believe, religious and otherwise. If being in a certain place doesn't suit who I am, I'll find a place that suits me. That also goes for who my partner is. Why would I want to be with someone who isn't in love with who I am?

idk, just some random thoughts on why I voted the way I did.

Well said, Nick! My reasons are pretty much in line with this. Also, my 2nd choice probably would have been the choice of a partner, but I feel that it's more important to accept yourself first. I'm a firm believer in not waiting around for other people to complete you, etc. I personally don't think someone who has major unresolved issues about themselves is a good candidate for a serious relationship.

 

I chose profession, because it's the hardest thing to change. You can move, if the place you live doesn't suit, you can easily change partners, and accepting who you are is not a choice so much as a natural progression in your life. Finding yourself in a dead-end job at the age of forty is more frightening to me than being in bad marriage, for example.

Oddly, that would have been pretty much the "least important" on my list. I don't really think it is that hard to change careers if you don't like the one you're one. I've known alot of people who've done it, and I fully plan to do it at least two or three times myself (if for no other reason than that I couldn't imagine wanting to do the same thing for my whole life).

 

I also think the choice of where to live is more trivial than most of the others since, as someone who's lived in several cities, each time essentially "starting over", I can attest to the fact that it's not really that difficult to do, and with a partner, self-acceptance, and strong beliefs, it should be even easier! I do think it edges out career with regards to importance, however; since where one lives can easily make a massive difference about the level of acceptance and tolerance one might find, as well as impacting a ton of other things.

 

I think the choice of a belief would have been my third choice (right after acceptance and partner). IMO, it's really important to know what you believe and to have a "moral code" or at least "life philosophy" in place, and indeed I might well argue that this should be the most important on the list since I think without this, once again one might not be in any boat to have a partner, and may not even be in a position to accept themselves.

 

So anyway, acceptance, partner, and belief are very important to me. Profession and location, not so much.

 

Great survey, old Bob! Thanks for getting us thinking about these things!

Have an awesome day all and take care!

Kevin

Edited September 4, 2007 by AFriendlyFace

[Menzoberranzen]

I agree that acceptance and belief (though not necessarily religious) are very important, but to me they are not choices. I didn't wake up one morning and say "Hey, I think I'll accept myself today. And I'll become an atheist while I'm at it." These things happen naturally as your experiences shape the way you view yourself and the rest of the world.

 

As for a partner, people who can't get by in life without a significant other seriously need to obtain some self-respect. Yes, it's lovely to be in a relationship, but life is no more difficult without one. I agree with you Kevin, that it's not all that hard to change professions, but it's harder to do that than to change the others, I think.

 

All in all, there is no one decision/event/thing that shapes who we are. All of the listed 'choices' contribute in some way to the person that we are, and to label a single one as 'the most important' would be overly simplistic.

 

Menzo

[Krista]

I believe accepting who you are is the most difficult one and the most important. It takes most of a person's life to accept who they are out-right. You also change, learn, and grow and some of that you may not like at first or understand or even accept. There are also a lot of environmental and outside pressures that could hinder your acceptance. It's also extremely difficult to accept your faults when all you really want to remember your successes and good qualities.

 

 

Anyway, so I voted for that one as it seems to have the most work towards accomplishing that. A lot of people don't.

 

I also don't think you can "choose" your partner. It's a lot more than just choosing, it just kind of happens or it just kinda doesn't.. lol.

 

 

Krista

[JamesSavik]

The answer to these questions will vary considerably from person to person.

 

I answered where to live because I sincerely regret getting so attached to Mississippi. It doesn't matter how much I love it, it will never love me back.

[rknapp]

I picked profession, partner, and belief.

 

Profession is important because your career is what takes you through life. If you love your job, then you will be happy. If you hate it, as I do mine, then you will struggle day-to-day and will likely change jobs frequently. This has the effect of changing location, which in some cases is something you have no control over, and is why I did not pick that one.

 

Partner can have a profound affect on a person as well. In a happy/sad sense, a bad partner will lead you to utmost misery. However if your partner is a very good match for you, then you can be infinitesimally happy because your partner can bring you up when other aspects of your life have you down.

 

Belief is important because your beliefs and moral codes are what create an image of you in other peoples' minds. By people, it could be your community, your family, your friends, your co-workers, and potential/current partners. All of which will have a profound effect on you in their own unique way.

 

The choice to accept who you are is difficult at best. I did not choose it because I did not want to choose every single option there, completely defeating the point of choosing the best options. I also did not choose it because, if you're anything like me, then you are too busy with more important things (profession, schooling, etc.) to even think of who you are. Sexually, I am currently nothing because I choose not to have relations with anyone beyond friendship (I have three barking up my tree, I just choose not to toss down the rope ladder). But that's just me. Certainly accepting who you are is a huge part of your life and cannot be taken lightly. If you are really gay and choose to be straight, then not only are your hurting and depriving yourself, you are also hurting the woman you marry and the kids you have with her, as can be immediately seen with the McGreevy family.

[colinian]

I picked my belief and partner decisions, in that order because that's how they happened chronologically.

 

Belief:

 

I was in the 5th grade when I made my belief decision. I was attending Catholic school, taught by a mix of lay teachers and nuns. My 5th grade class was taught by a nun, Sister Mary Constancia. As part of our daily Catechism training, once a month one of the Jesuit priests would come to our class and give a lesson. That fateful (for me) day the subject was Predestination. The way my 10-year-old brain interpreted what he was teaching us was that everything we did was predestined, it was all God's plan for each of us, and we had to be good because God could see everything we had done, were doing, and would be doing. My immediate thought was, well, why do I have to do anything? If it's all pre-planned, then whatever I do is part of God's plan for me. And if he can see everything, and already knows what I'll be doing in the future, anything I do is what he wants me to do. Of course, being me, I raised my hand and ended up in a debate (or argument) with the priest and got yelled at. I had to take a note home to my parents, who had to sign it and I had to return it the next day and apologize for being disruptive.

 

My parents and I had a long discussion. The decision was made that, instead of going to 6th, 7th, and 8th grades at St. Mary's School, I would attend the local public intermediate school.

 

I thought about what had happened at school, and realized that it changed the way I thought about religion. Now I think of myself as living a good and moral life, but not participating in any organized religion.

 

 

Partner:

 

I've never had any angst or concern or problems or worries or doubts about my sexuality. Really. I love to use Popeye's saying: "I Yam What I Yam!" And I'm completely happy with who I am. Or "What I Yam". Whichever. Both.

 

It was spring and I was in the 7th grade Doug moved into our neighborhood. I walked a couple of blocks down the street to see who it was moving in, met Doug, and fell for him. We ended up becoming best friends, then "playmates" . During the summer between 8th and 9th grades we decided to become boyfriends. Now we're 17, in college, and bonded together, even more than ever. And in love with each other totally and completely. Doug is the single most important person in my life, the single most important thing that's ever happened to me, and our decision to become partners was the key to that happening.

 

 

Colin

[BeaStKid]

Let me see....

 

I voted for-->

 

Choice of a place to live...Why? I believe that is the most important decision I have had to take considering that my parents are separated.

 

The Choice to accept who you are...For obvious reasons.

 

The Choice of a Partner...Need I elaborate?? This is also important for you have to live with that person for the rest of your life (I'm a hopeless romantic and I don't believe in divorces)!!

 

The BeaStKid

[Benji]

Let me see....

 

I voted for-->

 

Choice of a place to live...Why? I believe that is the most important decision I have had to take considering that my parents are separated.

 

.....I'm at a stage where I can choose where to live.

 

The Choice to accept who you are...For obvious reasons.

 

.......Probably the 1st choice for all.

 

The Choice of a Partner...Need I elaborate?? This is also important for you have to live with that person for the rest of your life (I'm a hopeless romantic and I don't believe in divorces)!!

 

......I agree, I don't believe in divorce either, there's just too much desert out here!

Edited September 5, 2007 by Benji

[The Reaper]

I chose your beliefs. Because your profession, your partner and your home can all be changed in the snap of a finger.

 

Now what about accepting yourself? Well, i firmly say that you shouldn't have to "accept yourself." For that implies there was something wrong with you to begin with that you've come to terms with, and theres nothing wrong with me (thats what i believe and i chose beliefs.)

 

 

 

 

Just what i think,

 

E-Dizzle