Do you want a gay child?

[Graeme]

Anyone that can't love a kid unconditionally shouldn't have any.

I agree

 

I wouldn't prefer them to be gay. I'd rather them grow into whatever they grow into with my guiding and parenting, etc.

Exactly! It's one of the reasons I had for voting no, too.

 

Unconditional love is an interesting concept. I think my live for a child would only stretch so far if s/he turned out to be a sadistic murderer.'

To be honest, I've thought on this subject before. I believe I can still love my sons, even if they perform acts that I find repugnant. If nothing else, I've got the good memories of them from when they were growing up and I can love them for that. I may be saddened if they turn out to be sadistic murderers, I may withdraw my support for them, I may even turn them in to the police myself, but I wouldn't withdraw my love (I hope).

[JamesSavik]

Unconditional love is an interesting concept. I think my live for a child would only stretch so far if s/he turned out to be a sadistic murderer.'

 

Even if you would love the child the same either way, you can still have a preference. The common example is the gender; many people want a girl/boy, but those who get the other still love the child the same.

 

Menzo

 

The sadistic murderer possibility is a rare extreme- and probably a danger to the parents as well.

 

The more common problem is with parents who don't accept one or some of their children because of their gender, orientation, career choice, etc.

[AFriendlyFace]

As for the poll results so far, what I found interesting is the dichotomy between the sexes in the voting. Why are more people voting 'yes' for one sex over the other?

 

 

I too was wondering the same thing, but I guess the answer is in "who" the question is being asked to. If it was asked to all hetrosexual married couples, don't you think that the majority of both questions would be no? Now ask that question to gay men, and you will have a lot who say a yes to the gay son, but no to the lesbian daughter, but only because they are not exactly familiar with the lesbian lifestyle (I'll admit, I'm one).

 

Now if you asked of Lesbian women, I would guess that they would be slightly more okay with the daughter than the son for the same reason.

Very well reasoned, Steve! I would think that you're quite correct!

[Menzoberranzen]

The sadistic murderer possibility is a rare extreme- and probably a danger to the parents as well.

 

The more common problem is with parents who don't accept one or some of their children because of their gender, orientation, career choice, etc.

 

True, I agree, I just thought I'd point out a condition on which I'd probably stop loving anybody.

[NickolasJames8]

Hmmm...I know that everyone's been suggesting other options to choose from, and that you probably won't be adding any, but here's a couple I think should have been up there

 

 

Yes, if that's what's truly in his DNA, but I worry about the stigma society attaches to gay/lesbian/bi/transgendered people.

 

No, because I know they'll face the same kind of discrimination I have

[Lugh]

First I'd like to say I did not vote. Mainly because at this point, what I want (or don't want) is a moot point. In my opinion, sexuality is something a child comes with, the same as gender, and while I may have at one point had a preference, I can honestly say both genders have their own particularities as do all the shades of sexuality. Would I have prefered him to be gay at one point? Honestly the thought terrified me. Especially when I would go into the preschool and see him dressed up as a fairy princess -- tierra, wand, and wings! But I never told him it was 'wrong', I didn't hand him a football and tell him to 'be a man'. I just accepted the fact he wanted to be a fairy princess at that point in his life and moved on. Luckily he outgrew it, but would I love him any less if he had not? No, I can honestly say I would not. So does his sexuality matter? Only to him.

 

As many of you know my son is 12 (and that all important half) and he came out to me as heterosexual. He has a girlfriend and we are wading through muddy waters together as we always have. Am I relieved? No, I'm not. Again I'm terrified, but I have learned that being terrified is actually a very healthy part of being a parent.

 

I hope this makes sense...

 

Lugh

[Graeme]

I hope this makes sense...

Made perfect sense to me, but then I have the advantage of having two sons even if they're not at the age where their sexuality is apparent. One of my sons has said he'd like to marry his brother when he's older, but there's also a girl who he intends to marry (as well another girl who's going to be his girlfriend). We're just waiting for him to grow up a bit more and then we'll find out....

[Matthew]

I want at least eight children, but I really don't care if they're gay. I answered that I'd rather have a gay son and not a lesbian daughter, simply because, as has been said, I'd better know how to relate them.

 

I don't think having preferences in any way undermines your ability to love your child. I'd rather my child not be a drug addict, but I (hope I) wouldn't love them any less if they were.

[rich_e]

I want to raise a gay child. Personally, I don't like the excuse "I wouldn't want them to go through what I went through." Having to overcome such an obstacle has had a huge impact on who I am as a person. It really opened up my eyes to the complexities and challenges of the world, and I think it made me into a more empathetic and kind person. Plus, it can't get easier unless it's made easier. As a parent, I think that I could provide a lot of much needed support to a gay child and make them comfortable in being who they are. I know what's it's like, so I know how it can be made easier. Yes, they might face discrimination, but regardless, they're going to come across hardships in their lives that I won't be able to shield them from. It's just a part of growing up.

[LittleBuddhaTW]

I'd just be thrilled to have a kid to begin with; I wouldn't worry about something so trivial as their sexuality.

[AFriendlyFace]

I hope this makes sense...

Definitely seemed well-reasoned to me, Lugh.

 

One of my sons has said he'd like to marry his brother when he's older

Hmm, well that's kinda sweet, but perhaps you should dissuade him from that if he still wants to in 10 years

 

I want at least eight children, but I really don't care if they're gay. I answered that I'd rather have a gay son and not a lesbian daughter, simply because, as has been said, I'd better know how to relate them.

 

I don't think having preferences in any way undermines your ability to love your child. I'd rather my child not be a drug addict, but I (hope I) wouldn't love them any less if they were.

Awww Matty! That's awesome! (even I think one particular bit of that post, while probably true for you, was consciously designed to irritate me )

 

I want to raise a gay child. Personally, I don't like the excuse "I wouldn't want them to go through what I went through." Having to overcome such an obstacle has had a huge impact on who I am as a person. It really opened up my eyes to the complexities and challenges of the world, and I think it made me into a more empathetic and kind person. Plus, it can't get easier unless it's made easier. As a parent, I think that I could provide a lot of much needed support to a gay child and make them comfortable in being who they are. I know what's it's like, so I know how it can be made easier. Yes, they might face discrimination, but regardless, they're going to come across hardships in their lives that I won't be able to shield them from. It's just a part of growing up.

Well said, Richie!!

[Matthew]

Awww Matty! That's awesome! (even I think one particular bit of that post, while probably true for you, was consciously designed to irritate provoke me )

 

 

ME? Never.

[Beckahness]

Has anybody else noticed the different in answers between having a lesbian daughter or gay son? Most people said NO, they would not want their daughter to be a lesbian, but like 80% said YES, they want their son to be gay.

 

Just food for thought.

[AFriendlyFace]

Has anybody else noticed the different in answers between having a lesbian daughter or gay son? Most people said NO, they would not want their daughter to be a lesbian, but like 80% said YES, they want their son to be gay.

 

Just food for thought.

This is likely because as several have pointed out they feel more able to identify with gay sons versus lesbian daughters. Personally I've had a great deal of very positive exposure to lesbians, and would be very comfortable raising a lesbian daughter

 

I agree thought that it kinda makes me sad that more people don't know how nifty lesbians are, but I get that it's probably due to less exposure

[JamesSavik]

I'd just be thrilled to have a kid to begin with; I wouldn't worry about something so trivial as their sexuality.

 

 

 

Ding, ding, ding! We have a winner folks!

 

Someone hand LB a rug-rat immediately!

[Beckahness]

This is likely because as several have pointed out they feel more able to identify with gay sons versus lesbian daughters. Personally I've had a great deal of very positive exposure to lesbians, and would be very comfortable raising a lesbian daughter

 

I agree thought that it kinda makes me sad that more people don't know how nifty lesbians are, but I get that it's probably due to less exposure

 

 

Probably. I'd be happy to have a gay son someday, but having a lesbian would probably freak me a little. Not to say i wouldn't love her just the same as i would should i end up with a straight one, I just think considering the fact that I have about a trillion issues with myself for possibly being(denying the fact of) bi, I'd relate more to a straight daughter. Then again, who knows? Maybe a lesbian daughter would be easier.

 

But yeah, I think a part of it has to do with exposure-- I have a few gay guy friends but zero lesbian friends. And my parents are severely homophobic. I made a LGBT poster once for school, my mom found it and thought I was gay. She disowned me until I convinced her that it was just a poster. But yeah. I'm rambling