Are you listening?

[GaryK]

I would be a good listener, but I have entirely too much to say, and everything reminds me of something else, so the other person doesn't get much time till I come up for air. I guess I usually listen fairly well if they get a chance to say something.

My claim to being the King of Off-Topic extends into the real world as well.

[S.L. Lewis]

My claim to being the King of Off-Topic extends into the real world as well.

 

 

Does it now? Wow, that's shocking. Not. j/k.

Anyways, I've known quite a few people who get off topic but then get right back on, making it seem that they aren't paying attention but shows that they are. It's confusing talking to those who do that.

[GaryK]

I'm sorry. I wasn't paying attention. Would you please repeat that for me?

[Tarin]

That's a very interesting question, Tarin! I've never really given any thought about the best way to make eye contact...I just always figured it sorta happened on its own. Of course that's a sill thing to think on my part if it isn't natural for some people, like yourself for example. It sounds to me like the method you're employing would work okay. I just sort of would say, look at their face in general but don't like stare through them. Just sorta meet their eyes - both eyes I guess - mostly just try to catch their gaze.

 

Too much eye contact can be a bit creepy though, and can come off as a challenge or something. Don't like stare into their eyes directly and refuse to break the gaze for long periods of time, make the contact, hold it for a few seconds, then slightly move your eyes to relieve the constant staring thing. A pretty natural way is to like move your hold head ever so slightly, or just glance briefly at a cup you might be drinking from or some other "prop" and then glance back at them and meet their eyes again.

 

It's sorta hard to explain, but it sounds like you're doing a good job, and I commend you for trying

I just went out with a friend, and I did really well with eye contact. We were at dinner, so I had plenty of opportunity to look her in the eye, and then to look away.

We actually talked about this briefly!

At the end of the night it felt really good, because I did it quite easily.

 

Anyway, back to the main thing I was curious about in this post. Do you guys think that as a whole extroverts make better listeners than introverts, or visa versa?

I think that, generally speaking, introverts listen more, but may not be better listeners. They may, though, enjoy listening; that may

[AFriendlyFace]

I just went out with a friend, and I did really well with eye contact. We were at dinner, so I had plenty of opportunity to look her in the eye, and then to look away.

We actually talked about this briefly!

At the end of the night it felt really good, because I did it quite easily.

 

Wooo hooo! I'm happy and proud of ya, dude

 

I think that, generally speaking, introverts listen more, but may not be better listeners. They may, though, enjoy listening; that may be why they seem introverted -- because they would much rather listen than talk.

To me, it would be somewhere in the middle that would be the best, someone willing to listen because they know how good it feels to have someone listen to you.

An extrovert might always try to take over the conversation, and be bored if they cannot. Then again they may have the better understanding of how good it feels to have someone listen.

If that makes sense...

 

So I really don't think that it matters about introvert/extrovert much. It depends on the person, introverts can be great listeners, as well as extroverts.

Yes, I suspect that all pretty true. Almost certainly it does depend on the particular person.

[corvus]

I would be a good listener, but I have entirely too much to say, and everything reminds me of something else, so the other person doesn't get much time till I come up for air. I guess I usually listen fairly well if they get a chance to say something.

 

lol, that's hilarious. I can't say I do as much talking, but I can definitely understand the reminding-of-something-else bit.

 

I think that, generally speaking, introverts listen more, but may not be better listeners. They may, though, enjoy listening; that may be why they seem introverted -- because they would much rather listen than talk.

 

I think that's a very insightful definition of what an introvert is -- someone who enjoys listening more, but not necessarily a "better listener."

 

The culture of instant messaging I grew into was very scattered. I remember in 8th grade that sometimes I'd have, like, 10 conversations going on at once. A couple of years later, I made a good friend who definitely was not used to this sort of thing, and consequently sometimes got annoyed that I would talk -- do something -- come back to talk -- finish pset. Haha.

 

I think it depends on the situation. IM conversations can go on for hours if you don't sign off, and it's unrealistic to expect undivided attention the whole time. But if the topic is something important, or if we haven't talked in a while, etc., I do stay put and don't go looking for how to solve transient cases of heat transfer.