Jfalkon

[C James]

Jfalkon

[C James]

Review by TL The Writing Tiger

 

This is a rather eerie tale of woe. Sometimes life has some unexpected twists, and the safety net of home is gone. I found myself wondering when the poor boy would be well enough to find a way out. Overall, the scene of the story gave me a sense that the place was a most unpleasant and scary place to be. The ending was indeed satisfying.

[Krista]

At the start of the story, the bright, seemingly close family, whispering encouragements to someone ill, was a good vision. We all want family to be so caring, but then, the next scenes, as the story progressed were severely disturbing. A family now abandoned their son, leaving him as an after thought in their minds, which was the one thing that stood out throughout the story. The harshness of the place and the scary environment only made the escape at the end all the more fulfilling, and I was glad to see it end with the hope of a better future. Even though, their future is still completely uncertain, possibly the story ended that way, to again, solidify and make the escape fulfilled, but I am left wanting to know the next steps to be taken for the both of them.

 

I would like to think that the family only left because they couldn't take seeing him wasting away in a place meant for people to die.. but then again, I wouldn't want them to have a second chance to enjoy his life either. The other boy was a complete mystery as well. So I like that I'm allowed to imagine the future for them, because the escape was only a start in that direction. Telling the rest of the story would take away from it completely, so I'm glad you ended it when you did.

 

Good job!

[Tiff]

I loved all the dark elements in this piece, making it a bit supernatural. For me, the shadows were like death, waiting to snatch up those that were scared enough to give in to their fear and die. And what was up with the sanitation of the place? LOL. Obviously, this place was shady as hell. Aren't there some kind of regulations? That's one of things that kept running through my mind, but I did remember you were painting a bleak picture, of people who are sick, and end up forgotten. Why did his family stop visiting? In so many of these anthology stories, families have abandoned their children, and it just baffles me and makes me so angry.

 

I have to go back and reread it again, but I don't remember if they were naked all the time or some of the time? But when they were naked and herded into the room for those who were able bodied, with no blankets, it kind of reminded me of the Nazi crematoriums. Especially when the old man said he came there to die- they were helpless and waiting for something. Death, perhaps? Anyway, just my interpretation.

 

The ending is the best part. The fact that Tony is weak, but is try so hard to get Jake outside, because he belongs out there, is very touching. He creates a plan and is so patient in making it work- each day unscrewing more of the window, and making sure Jake is fit enough to run for it. Sure, we have no clue what will happen to them, and they're young, weak, malnourished, and naked on the side of the road, but the fact that they have each other and are away from that disgusting place, is like you wrote: heaven. Together, I have no doubt they can weather through anything. Freedom is the ultimate gift, even if you seemingly have nothing else.

 

Oh, this is long, but one more thing. The imagery is amazing. As the boys are making their escape, I could literally visualize the their small thin bodies running through the wild grass; I could imagine the pain of the stones on their feet, but feel their fear and determination to keep going. I could see the blood, making a little trail, and especially, the moonlight highlighting them and their path.

 

A great dark piece with a wonderful end. Fantastic job!

[Graeme]

Well done, JFalkon. You're really developing your powers of description and story telling with your anthology entries.

 

While the shadows can be taken to be supernatural, they can also be taken (as Tiff said) as just a personification of the fears that exist in that sort of place. The comment about not allowing yourself to fear if you want to resist reinforces (in my mind) that interpretation.

 

I was wondering how long their escape would last. It could be that they are found by well-wishers and their escape continues. It could be that they are found and returned. Either way, the mere fact of having escaped I think is enough for the boys. They have reached their heaven, and if they return to hell, they still have that glimpse of nirvana to carry them through.

[Ieshwar]

Completely mysterious!

 

First the story. It leaves us for details. But i understand. You wanted the readers to concentrate only on these specific things. But i would have liked to know more. The ending left for more too.

 

And I found the characters intriguing too. Tony proved himself to be very inetlligent and strong. But i would love to see him in other circumtances too.

 

Very good indeed!

 

Take care,

Ieshwar

[jfalkon]

Thanks for all the kind comments. I actualy based this story mostly on things I have heard about convalescent homes. Here in the USA they are often places where people take old and/or frail family memebers because they can't take care of them. Many of these places are not run properly. I have heard eyewitness acounts of these places keeping their patients dirty, naked, and druged. Sadly a large part of the story is not a product of my imagination.

 

The abandonment is also a fact of life. People get bussy. They have to pay bills including the medical bills which can be increadable. They are overworked and tired. When their relative is unresponsive some family members get discouraged. They don't want to watch their relative deteriorate. It is very sad.