Unbecoming Darrell Matthews

[Dion]

I sort of forgot to open a discussion thread.

 

Darrell is a highschool football star with a full scholarship to university until a car accident leaves him unable to play anymore. When the truth about his family, friends and himself comes to light, Darrell must find the strength to start over - or die trying.

 

You can find it here.

 

This story is the first in a (probably short) series. Chapter 2 is up.

[Altimexis]

No need to apologize for not starting your own discussion thread. This is a very powerful story. I just finished reading chapter three, and things aren't looking well for Darrell. He's lucky to have a brother like Trent, though. Trent really hit the nail on the head in confronting their dad. I can't wait to read chapter four.

[Dion]

Thanks for reviewing, Altimexis. It means a lot.

 

I'm glad you're enjoying it.

[David McLeod]

I sort of forgot to open a discussion thread.

 

Darrell is a highschool football star with a full scholarship to university until a car accident leaves him unable to play anymore. When the truth about his family, friends and himself comes to light, Darrell must find the strength to start over - or die trying.

 

You can find it here.

 

This story is the first in a (probably short) series. Chapter 2 is up.

It was pleasant to read a story that was both different enough to be interesting and literate enough that I didn't have to whip out a figurative red pencil every other sentence. I read the first three chapters without having to pause and wonder where I was or who was speaking. The image of the confrontation with the father is still vivid. You are a good craftsperson.

 

The title has piqued my interest; I hope you have something in mind.

 

David

[Dion]

Thank you for the compliment, David. The story will, I hope, take the reader through Darrell's journey from typical teenaged jock to the person he needs to be - hence the title.

 

I hope you continue to enjoy the story as it progresses.

[J_Ross]

I just finished chapter one. It feels too late to be reading and way too late to be attempting a coherent reply, but I liked this. I'm not quite sure how you did it, or even if it's just me, but the mood in the story...the voice...it's amazing. There are a few funny lines in the beginning but I wasn't sure I wanted to laugh at them. The mood of the story, even in the first couple of paragraphs had me kind of...'assuming a crash position'. *Cringe* Anyway, it was great. I can't wait to read the next bit...though I think I'm going to reread the first chapter first. I don't function well this late at night *headdesk* So, right. Great story. I look forward to reading more (and dread getting to the end where I'm hooked and I have to pretend to wait 'patiently' for the next chapter)

[corvus]

Thank you for the compliment, David. The story will, I hope, take the reader through Darrell's journey from typical teenaged jock to the person he needs to be - hence the title.

Guess who helped pick the title?

 

No I haven't read this, so I don't belong on this thread -- but I plan to! After I stop expiring from exams.... x__x

[Cynical Romantic]

Finally got around to reading the first three chapters. I'm liking the story so far, even if it does seem a bit over-the-top in terms of melodrama early on. I mean, Dion, you obviously like to make your characters truly, truly suffer. But the voice is great and I really like Darrell's interactions with his brother, and I look forward to seeing what happens next.

[Dion]

I just finished chapter one. It feels too late to be reading and way too late to be attempting a coherent reply, but I liked this. I'm not quite sure how you did it, or even if it's just me, but the mood in the story...the voice...it's amazing. There are a few funny lines in the beginning but I wasn't sure I wanted to laugh at them. The mood of the story, even in the first couple of paragraphs had me kind of...'assuming a crash position'. *Cringe* Anyway, it was great. I can't wait to read the next bit...though I think I'm going to reread the first chapter first. I don't function well this late at night *headdesk* So, right. Great story. I look forward to reading more (and dread getting to the end where I'm hooked and I have to pretend to wait 'patiently' for the next chapter)

I thought of a couple of responses to this but the best thing to say seems to be: Thank you very much and I hope you enjoy it as much when you've had some rest.

 

 

Guess who helped pick the title?

I gave you credit! Didn't I? *checks* Yes, I did. Thanks again.

 

 

Finally got around to reading the first three chapters. I'm liking the story so far, even if it does seem a bit over-the-top in terms of melodrama early on. I mean, Dion, you obviously like to make your characters truly, truly suffer. But the voice is great and I really like Darrell's interactions with his brother, and I look forward to seeing what happens next.

I suppose it does seem a bit over the top, doesn't it? It's fiction but a lot of things I write contain some truths as I know them. I hope it doesn't get to be too much for you to continue reading.

 

Thanks for the reviews, people!

[hh5]

It is a life changing event for Darrell. A dream taken away in a blink of an eye. I hope there the message "Life will find away" for Darrell.

I suspect he has more brains than a line backer; so there's hope for him. hmmm "A Gentle Giant"

I hope there's a chance for a divorce? Especially for idea of a father to attack an injured son. Sounds like jail time.

Edited December 3, 2008 by hh5

[Dion]

Pretty good, hh5. It'll take a little while to tell the story, though.

 

Thanks for leaving a review!

[hh5]

Pretty good, hh5. It'll take a little while to tell the story, though.

 

Thanks for leaving a review!

Your story is great tale to be told.

I certainly learn a lot from many tales just like this.

As in another discussion, Darrell is on his way to becoming a "real man" thats if his father does not cut it short.

[Verm]

I like this story, even if it uses a very repeated theme. Honestly, at first I was a bit put off by the title, it didn't really catch my attention. But I'm glad I read the story. The drama and interaction between characters are really believable, I could almost smell the anger when daddy dearest was raising his hand with the belt buckle, and I cringed in fear in Darrell's perspective. Very compelling. As David McLeod said, you are a good craftperson. Can't wait for the next chapter!

[hh5]

I like this story, even if it uses a very repeated theme. Honestly, at first I was a bit put off by the title, it didn't really catch my attention. But I'm glad I read the story. The drama and interaction between characters are really believable, I could almost smell the anger when daddy dearest was raising his hand with the belt buckle, and I cringed in fear in Darrell's perspective. Very compelling. As David McLeod said, you are a good craftperson. Can't wait for the next chapter!

I glad the belt thing was done tastefully - I know myself and a few friends who wouldn't like vivid details of the feelings.

Of course it I did skip the belt part initially to avoid the memories but then I realized I would misunderstand what happen to Darrell and the sacrifice he made for Trent so I did reread the part I missed.

[Dion]

It was a difficult read - and not much easier to write. I think that far too many people have similar experiences that would make reading this chapter hard to do.

 

On a lighter note, chapter four is now up.

[David McLeod]

The most recent chapter contains several "gotcha's" -- which were most excellent. You're keeping the story moving well, and creating suspense without resorting to simplistic cliff-hangers. Keep up the good work!

[Conner]

Well, with the several recommendations in this thread, I went off and tore through all 5 chapters.

 

It's a superb story. Trent is such a cool dude.

 

So I imagine Darrell is heading off home....maybe, he'll give Brock a call. He could certainly use the support right now.

 

So, where's chater 6 already?

 

Conner

[Dion]

I'm happy you're both enjoying it so far. David: I try to leave the cliffhangers to those who write them well. I put one or two in a previous story and wasn't happy with the result. I'm just not very good at them. Connor: I only just put up chapter 5. You'll have to wait for chapter 6.

 

Thanks for reviewing!

[KJames]

Dion, I have also been reading your story...and love it. The story flows smoothly and keeps interest going. I also like the idea of the strong football player type having to "find" a new purpose in life, not that I would ever wish the pain of knowing two close friends died on anyone, hopefully with someone who wants what he has to offer.

[David McLeod]

For those who didn't get the notification, but are following this forum: Chapter 6 is up. So, which way is Darrell running, anyway?

[Altimexis]

As I posted in my review of Chapter 6, what's not to like?

 

After running home from a disastrous outing by his gossiping grandmother at the end of chapter 5, Darrell winds up at an authentic diner on the other side of his hometown, has a great meal of comfort food - none of that usual processed burger crap - and ends up talking to a nice waitress. There's just something about diners and the people who frequent them, many of whom are regulars, and this all happened at something like 2 AM! I'm guessing this story takes place somewhere in the American Northeast or possibly the Midwest - real diner territory - you just don't find this sort of thing in California. Believe me, I've lived on both coasts, the Midwest, the West, the North and the South.

 

Of all the people to run into but Brock! That was great. Coincidence? You bet, but it works here, and a party is just what Darrell needed right then. The last person I was expecting for him to run into at the party, however, was his old high school freshman crush, Adam Warren. I can't wait for Chapter 7.

 

Dion, your writing is so real.

[canundra]

I thought this story was finished! So I decided to finally read it and I tore through all six chapters...and then I found out it wasn't finished! ;alkdsjfd;lkajfd;lkaj;lksajdf

 

This is incredibly frustrating

 

But yeah, LOVE the story

Edited January 13, 2009 by canundra

[KJames]

Boy are you full of surprises! What happened between Darrell and Adam is similar to what happened between a friend and myself...29 years ago, but we weren't in sports. I'm trying to open communication with him now and am waiting for him to respond...

 

Chap. 7 was a real surprise! Keep it up, this is turning out to be a great story--I thought at the start that it was "just another jock" story. I'm glad I went back and read the earlier chapters!

[Conner]

Chapter 7 was excellent!

 

Great dialogue.

[colinian]

Great chapter. I've recommended Unbecoming Darrell Matthews to some friends to read.

 

Colin