Black Light

[corvus]

Can be read on eFiction. I can't put it here, unfortunately, because the stupid formatting won't come through. Anyway, do read and let me know what you think. All feedback highly welcome.

[Cynical Romantic]

I don't usually read the poetry that gets posted here, or poetry in general. And if I do, I don't generally comment on it, because I'm not that knowledgeable about poetry and what could I really say?

 

But I read this because you wrote it. And I'm commenting because it's really that good, or at least, I think it is. Your words are almost cutting at how well they get at the emotions in this one. I'm really impressed.

 

I'll stop now before the review gets longer than the poem.

[J_Ross]

I don't usually read the poetry that gets posted here, or poetry in general. And if I do, I don't generally comment on it, because I'm not that knowledgeable about poetry and what could I really say?

 

Same here. I know nothing about poetry, whatsoever, but I know what I like. And I liked this. Beautiful and kind of played my emotions. A lot. Ha, I'm terrible with words, apparently, but it was lovely. Sad.

[corvus]

Cynical Romantic -- thanks! And I won't mind if the review exceeds the poem in length.

 

J. Ross -- glad you liked it. And -- you, bad with words? Your story's empirical evidence to the contrary.

[Procyon]

Great poem, it captures end-of-relationship feelings perfectly; I have felt the exact same thing so many times. At least the first stanza / the one to the left -- the second one I've only experienced once, and even that time I wasn't the one who split up -- he was, and then he regretted it, and that actually made me feel really sorry for him.

 

Anyway, the phrase "terrible black light" embodies this feeling so well. And it can actually come from both parties, although it doesn't have to.

 

There's some good lines: "I never call or indulge long in the pity or guilt that tastes like soap"

 

"Each day, I think: This is the day"

 

"One day I'll drop

the last words he said, and then the first"

 

 

(Btw the whole formatting business really is annoying.)

[jovian_w2002]

Prepare yourself for a long and possibly crappy analysis :

(You're right Corvus... the formatting doesn't work haha)

And all right Corvus, you asked for it

Remember what you said?:

<Cynical Romantic -- thanks! And I won't mind if the review exceeds the poem in length.>

 

Black Light

 

And one day I'll forget And one day he'll forget

the smell of his hair, his eye's my hair, my eyes, and my nose,

pitch black. One day I'll drop I suppose. One day he'll stop

the last words he said, and then the first, caring about the things we said, though

splintering like bells without rhythm. it's no longer clear who said what.

One day I'll be unharmed One day he'll not be hurt

by the small mole on his chin, the sheets by thoughts of me and,

that we shared. I guess, of us.

My mind will be white again. He'll go on; I have.

Each day, I think: This is the day, Some days, I wonder if he has too,

and then I believe it but I never call or indulge long

until a knot grooves my brain, in the pity or guilt that tastes like soap

and I'm enfolded in the terrible black light again. and wants to be the terrible black light again.

 

---

 

I’m assuming that there is only one narrator in this poem (of course), and that the writer does not have split personality disorder hehe Very interesting poem with loads of literary devices used, especially caesura. Here’s a simple icky analysis (I know, it’s horrible written! I need to practice not to write crappy analysis for my mock exam which is starting next week!):

 

I’m not sure if I’m on the right path here, given that the author’s intention may contradict mine heavily. Anyways, I loved this poem!!!

 

---

 

The oxymoron in the title, “Black Light” suggests the conflict between light and darkness; in other words, purity and impurity. This divide is further illustrated by the synthetic parallelism of the two columns in the poem. This amplifies the unstable relationship of the narrator and his apparent lover and places their troubled affinity at the forefront. “Black light”, a stylized, lyrical, and free verse poem by Corvus, which breaks into two columns, uses significant caesuras, irony, and figurative languages such as metaphor and simile to highlight the damaged love between the narrator and his lover, and it underlines the division of their complex relationship by focusing on the segmentation in the poem’s language and form.

 

The divide in the poem already highlights the differences between the narrator and his assumed lover. Although the voice of his lover is not heard, the narrator plants assumptions in his mind – this foregrounds the narrator’s delusion; thus, making him unreliable. The synthetic parallelism of the two stanzas exemplifies this point; it presents the narrator’s cynicism and pessimism. The left stanza focuses heavily on the individual, while the right focuses on his assumption:

 

And one day I'll forget And one day he'll forget

the smell of his hair, his eye's my hair, my eyes, and my nose,

pitch black. I suppose.

 

Separation, one of the themes of this poem, as indicated by the division of the poem and the usage of free verse, can also be found in the literary devices the narrator employs. The usage of irony plays an important role in establishing the difference between the narrator and his lover. At first glance, we are to believe that the narrator’s assertion to leave his lover is genuine, but on closer reading, the verse “until a knot grooves my brain” disproves that. No matter how genuine his further assertions may be, he would still revert to this self-contradiction. Furthermore, the usage of simple tenses shows that the tension between them has not been resolved.

 

The employment of figurative languages also exemplifies the tension in the poem. For example, the verse “splintering like bells without rhythm” hints at the writer’s application of free verse in his poem, as free verse is “without rhythm”. The poem also “splinter(s) like bell” because it is “splinter[ed]” into two and it does not chime (rhyme) mellifluously like that of “bells”.

 

The narrator asserts that by leaving his lover, he would escape the “black light”. In reference and contrast to the color black, the narrator mentions that his “mind will be white again” if he is “unharmed by the small mole on his (lover’s) chin”. The usage of contrast in color serves to highlight the narrator’s purity against his lover’s. He assumes that his wanting to depart from his lover would make him purer and thus more “white”. However, irony comes into the picture when his mind changes in the stanza thereafter. The narrator’s usage of irony serves to illustrate his confusion and the lack of his assertion. In both stanzas, he assumes that he would forget about his lover. “I have” in stanza two seems to have affirmed this. However, it is contradicted by these verses in the first stanza, which portrays his weakness, and therefore, rendering him as someone self-contradicting and, somewhat, paranoid instead of assertive:

 

…and then I believe it

until a knot grooves my brain

and I'm enfolded in the terrible black light again.

 

With assertion comes dominance. Dominance is also an issue that divides the narrator and his lover. The narrator is seen as someone feeble. At one point he is expressing his love for his lover, and another he doubts their relationship. Such fluctuation in his answer is seen as his biggest flaw.

 

Dominance can also be seen in the way the narrator describes his lover:

 

One day I'll be unharmed One day he'll not be hurt

by the small mole on his chin, the sheets by thoughts of me and,

that we shared. I guess, of us.

 

The color of his lover’s mole seems to suggest the darkness and devilish qualities of his lover. Yet, the adjective “small” in “small mole” proposes that the quality of the darkness of his lover’s mole is meager. This indicates that he still has affection for his lover, despite the “dark” qualities that his lover might possess. Furthermore, it exemplifies the usage of irony. He still has the affection; therefore he is a little reluctant to leave his lover. His “femininity” is also highlighted by the “sheet” as its symbol also suggests femininity.

 

The first stanza also employs the word “smell” as opposed to the second:

 

And one day I'll forget And one day he'll forget

the smell of his hair, his eye's my hair, my eyes, and my nose…

 

The usage of one of the senses “smell” signifies only one aspect about his lover that the narrator would forget. This implies that the other senses would still resonate with him; thus, illustrating the effect of irony: he still has feelings for his lover, despite his assertions.

 

Also, in regards to femininity and masculinity, the disyllabic word “unharmed”, as opposed to the monosyllabic word “hurt”, gives a feminine feel with its dissyllable. “Hurt”, on the other hand, sounds more emphatic and shows the narrator’s submissive nature to his lover. No matter how “small” the mole is, the dark quality of it – his lover’s diabolic manners – could nevertheless “hurt” the narrator.

 

(The words “unharmed” and “hurt” are called into question. Could “unharmed” mean the emotion that the narrator feels when he is not in a sexual relation with his lover, or could it mean his lover’s dominance by “entering” him; thus, “hurting” him? <Hmmm, I think this has something to do with a literary theory called: queer theory which I haven’t touched on yet, hehe>)

 

“Black light” is a poem that highlights the narrator’s struggle to abandon his lover, yet his feelings are somewhat conflicted with his thoughts. On first glance, this poem shows the simple motivation of a person struggling to leave his lover, yet on close reading, conflicts surface and the narrator suddenly becomes unreliable. Thus, he is no longer seen as someone who is assertive on his stand. His thoughts about him and his lover, dominated by his emotions and his boyfriend, are made completely out of assumptions. His affirmation to leave his lover is questioned. The repetition of “one day” also seems to suggest that the narrator is dwelling on the future instead of the present. Assumption seems to be dominant in this poem, and, in my opinion, “black light” could only refer to the irony of his assertiveness: he keeps returning to square one no matter how far he has moved forward. In a way, his attempt to forge ahead is seen as the “light”, but his flaws and his temptation to fall back into his lover’s arm is seen as something “black”; hence the oxymoron title “black light”.

---

 

LOL, I should stop here. Hopefully the simple analysis above works to some degree, lol. I know my analysis is horrible haha!! lol (I forgot to describe the significance of the usage of caesura... dang it hehe)

[corvus]

Procyon -- glad you liked it. And yeah, I agree about how brilliant those lines are.

 

Jovian --

Anyways, I loved this poem!!!

That's all that matters, lol.

 

That aside, your analysis was... wow. Impressive and interesting. It brought up a lot that I didn't think of with the poem while writing. I'm going to say a few things, but first I want to disclaim that you shouldn't pay any attention to what I say at all. That's right -- what I say at this stage is irrelevant, because an author has no part in his work after it's been produced and set free.

 

But anyway, I saw the poem more simplistically, i.e. as having two narrators, one the still-hung-up half and the other the half that'd moved on. I think the first (left) stanza is fairly strong by itself, with progression from sensual memory (hair, eye's pitch black) to verbal remembrance to strictly objective items (mole, sheets). This is accompanied by a decrease in agency: forget --> drop --> be unharmed. After this comes the summation, featuring the hoped-for "white." Finally, there is the realization that the Dickinsonian "knot" will groove the speaker's brain and the annihilative black light will come again.

 

What makes the poem interesting -- IMO, at any rate -- is that there's the second (right) stanza. It's not difficult to put oneself in the shoes of the abandoned lover, but to make the imaginative leap to the POV of the abandoner is, I think, fairly interesting. What the second stanza offers and builds itself on is contrast: the painful specificity of the first against the almost negligent generality of the second. One wonders how much of this generality is self-willed, as a protective mechanism against the black light, and how much of it is simply that he'd "[gone] on." The dramatic impact is therefore made with the sudden appearance of figurative language and its accompanying tonal shift in the last two lines. It's a dark ending, predicting that neither will truly escape the terrible black light, but -- at least for the spurned! -- comforting as well.

 

Thanks for the thoughtful response!

[David McLeod]

Can be read on eFiction. I can't put it here, unfortunately, because the stupid formatting won't come through. Anyway, do read and let me know what you think. All feedback highly welcome.

 

Understand the frustration with the formatting; that's what makes it!

[AFriendlyFace]

I didn't enjoy the poem half as much as I enjoyed reading what Jovian and then Corvus had to say about it. Corvus, please don't take that as any sort of criticism or failing of the poem itself; I simply love reading literary analyses.

 

I think what everything hinges on is whether or not the reader takes the piece to represent two separate points of view or one disjointed one. I had understood it from the point of view of two separate points of view and read and enjoyed it in much the way that Corvus expressed in his response. However, it's fascinating to me that the poem can be read in the other manner as well and still produce a very interesting, vastly different understanding of the piece.

 

I really enjoyed Jovian's analysis with the exception of his comments about masculinity/femininity. However, that's a personal bias because I'm apt to downplay gender as much as possible. Indeed, the only reason I study gender is so that I can destroy it

 

 

Obviously, a very thought-provoking piece, Corvus!

 

On a side note, let me once again congratulate you for producing another wildly fascinating, highly experimental poem! In fact I'm tempted to say you're the most experimental person I know!

 

(Obviously I should clarify that I mean "the most experimental poet" but isn't the innuendo in that ambiguous statement delightful? )

 

Awesome job!

 

-Kevin

[corvus]

Kevin -- thanks for the reply. "Wildly fascinating" and "highly experimental" please me as adjectives for my work. And myself, I suppose.

 

It's interesting that you say you love reading literary analyses; it was reading Helen Vendler's essays on poetry a couple of years back that inspired me to actually start writing poems.

[Maddy]

Beautiful poem. Quite frankly my favorite from any online forum.

 

Maddy (: