In A Flat Spin by Jovian

[Graeme]

In A Flat Spin by Jovian

How much damage could a spinning bottle in a game cause?

 

 

:nuke: :nuke: Spoilers Below!!! :nuke: :nuke:

[Graeme]

This story is more serious than some of the others in the anthology.

 

I will admit that I had trouble with the names. It was only then that it dawned on me how much I'm used to looking at a name and being able to guess the gender of the person. With the Japanese names in this story, I couldn't do that and I was confused at times as to whether particular characters were male or female.

 

But that didn't stop me from being enthralled by the tale. There were subtleties that I could almost grasp, but not quite. Some things were easy -- the gay kiss in the closest that stayed in the closet -- but I felt that the necklace had some signficance that escaped me. Was it a symbol of Toshihiro being tied to his family and that it was only when it was gone that he was truly free to live his own life?

 

In the end, after the trials he had gone through, Toshihiro had a chance at his dream.

 

Thanks, Jovian!

[jovian_w2002]

This story is more serious than some of the others in the anthology.

 

I will admit that I had trouble with the names. It was only then that it dawned on me how much I'm used to looking at a name and being able to guess the gender of the person. With the Japanese names in this story, I couldn't do that and I was confused at times as to whether particular characters were male or female.

 

But that didn't stop me from being enthralled by the tale. There were subtleties that I could almost grasp, but not quite. Some things were easy -- the gay kiss in the closest that stayed in the closet -- but I felt that the necklace had some signficance that escaped me. Was it a symbol of Toshihiro being tied to his family and that it was only when it was gone that he was truly free to live his own life?

 

In the end, after the trials he had gone through, Toshihiro had a chance at his dream.

 

Thanks, Jovian!

 

Hey Graeme!

 

Yeah, haha, you're right about Japanese names . A few, admittedly, can get confusing - I wonder if that was the reason why my mother gave me an English name instead - if you consider Jovian a Western name at all hehe. Some interesting fact about my name: firstly, I'm a fraternal twin. My father wanted to call me Jovin, but while he was registering my name, he accidentally placed the letter a behind the letter i because he was too used/comfortable spelling my brother's name "Jovan". Anyways, cultural difference plays a part in this as well: to me, it is more often than not, easy to recognize the gender of a person by his or her Japanese name. For instance, "Daichi" is one of the most common names for Japanese males. It means "first child" or something along those lines. (And we have a new member by the name Daichi too!)

 

By the way, my Japanese is horrendous lol. I regret not learning the language from my grandmother as my brother and sister have. They are trilignual: they know English, Japanese and Mandarin lol!

 

Anyways, back to the tale: you're quite right about the necklace. Ultimately, Toshihiro desires love. The necklace is a reminder to him about his mother. It's the only thing he can "feel". Still, something is missing: love. However, in his pursuit for it, he is blinded by love. "Koi wa moumoku". His judgment is shrouded by his pursuit that everything else becomes secondary to him. So basically, the idea behind the storyline is simple: love can be blind. You're right about the closet too. To Nakajima, his relationship with Toshihiro stays in the closet. To Minoru, however, it doesn't. There are other subtleties in the story that I'm going to let the readers deduce

 

To the French literary critic Roland Barthes, I'm a "dead person", hehe. So it's up to the readers to form their own interpretations.

 

Since this is my first entry, please pardon me, for what I'm going to say, I'm going to shoot myself on my foot: if you've noticed, there are a couple of grammatical errors in the story that are overlooked, including an overwhelming usage of gerunds or verb endings with -ing. I'm sorry about that! I need to tighten them!!! I wanted to change them, but I thought it would be better if I rectify and clarify them here, so as not to cause any trouble for the anthology team. One glaring mistake would be the present tense I used in this sentence: She drew herself closer towards him. “But,” she lifts a finger. (Please shoot me, hehe). There are other errors in relation to grammar or syntax throughout the story - glaring or not, but I promise not to make such mistakes again!!!!

 

Cheers and thanks for reading

Jovian

[hh5]

Hey Graeme!

 

Yeah, haha, you're right about Japanese names . A few, admittedly, can get confusing - I wonder if that was the reason why my mother gave me an English name instead - if you consider Jovian a Western name at all hehe. Some interesting fact about my name: firstly, I'm a fraternal twin. My father wanted to call me Jovin, but while he was registering my name, he accidentally placed the letter a behind the letter i because he was too used/comfortable spelling my brother's name "Jovan". Anyways, cultural difference plays a part in this as well: to me, it is more often than not, easy to recognize the gender of a person by his or her Japanese name. For instance, "Daichi" is one of the most common names for Japanese males. It means "first child" or something along those lines. (And we have a new member by the name Daichi too!)

 

Jovian -> http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jovian

Is it the emperor of the Roman Empire

 

Jovan -> http://www.thinkbabynames.com/meaning/1/Jovan

The Supreme GOD or The Majestic

 

Sound like an eternal battle between a King and the manifestations of God

leading to a lot of Drama

 

I hope in real life, its just Names ??

[David McLeod]

To the French literary critic Roland Barthes, I'm a "dead person", hehe. So it's up to the readers to form their own interpretations.

 

...there are a couple of grammatical errors in the story that are overlooked, including an overwhelming usage of gerunds or verb endings with -ing...other errors in relation to grammar or syntax throughout the story...

 

Jovian

 

First, Barthes drank his own bathwater. Better dead by his criteria than alive by...oh, ca-ca, I can't finish that thought. Anyway, Barthes is the last person I'd encourage an author of fanciful fiction to read.

 

Second, I think I have an ear finely tuned to grammar, but I read the entire story with only one "gulp for grammar," and that wasn't an error, only a word choice that I would not have made.

 

Third, it's a great story. As others have noted, the symbolism is not only poignant (definition 3: moving the emotions), but it works so well into the story.

And, I do like a happy ending.

 

 

Congratulations on a wonderful story.

[Bondwriter]

The name issue does make the reader look for further clues in the text on the character's gender. Lots of drama in this tale. The narrative focus is well made and gives a nice pace to the story.

I really was worried it would indeed have a dramatic ending.

[jfalkon]

Its definetly a serious story. I find it interesting how it deals with memories. There are a number of items which represent memories including photos and the neclace. These items are always being manipulated which represents to me how dynamic and inacurate memory can be.

 

The Japanese names were a little confusing at first but I liked the way they made it unclear who was male and who was female. The effect was probably unintentional but it made the characters' sexual orientation ambiguous. For me it highlited how little sense it makes to like or hate someone based on sexual orientation.

 

Very interesting story!

[kitten]

This story was well paced and the direction it was heading wasn't obvious, so it kept me interested. Because I was interested in the plot, I didn't really notice whether or not there was any problematical grammar. Indeed, even when something struck me as an odd way of saying something, I had the feeling that it might be a deliberate attempt to express the exotic nature of the Japaneses setting.

 

I had no problems with the names becuase the word 'he' or 'she' was closely associated with the first mention of each names, so after that it was easier to remember the gender.

 

Maybe it's because I'm a cynical anti-romantic, but although I enjoyed the story and was interested in finding out what happened to Toshihiro, I didn't particularly care about him. In fact, I slightly disliked him. To a large extent he and his self-pity seemed to be the architects of his own troubles. He was too self-absorbed to see the obvious truth and preferred to believe in his own fantasies.

 

Yes, he had tragically lost his mother and was without a father, so he merited some sympathy, but he did seem to be rather wallowing in self-pity instead of getting on with life. This was pointed out by his mother's note, as well as by his aunt. He should fight, take a swing at the ball, etc. Although perhaps his aunt's actions with the album might have been a bit extreme, I do feel sympathy with her motives.

 

Just as a little possible nit-pick...

I'm not an expert on gasoline (or even petrol!), but I know it has a very strong smell, so I was in what way does 'stale gasoline' smell much different from 'fresh' gasoline?

 

Thanks for a great story!

 

Kit

[Graeme]

Maybe it's because I'm a cynical anti-romantic, but although I enjoyed the story and was interested in finding out what happened to Toshihiro, I didn't particularly care about him. In fact, I slightly disliked him. To a large extent he and his self-pity seemed to be the architects of his own troubles. He was too self-absorbed to see the obvious truth and preferred to believe in his own fantasies.

I took it differently. I'm aware of just enough of Japanese culture to take what you saw as self-pity as being part of his cultural upbringing. eg. the early thought about overt displays of emotion and enthusiasm being 'Very Un-Japanese' told me that Toshihiro had been raised in a more traditional, rather than modern, Japanese environment. Of course, I also know that I don't really know that much about Japanese culture, so I could have that very wrong, but that was my impression.

[kitten]

I took it differently. I'm aware of just enough of Japanese culture to take what you saw as self-pity as being part of his cultural upbringing.

 

I guess that this just illustrates how powerless we writers are when it comes to how readers interpret our stories!

 

Each reader brings his/her own experience to the story, and even simple words can resonate differently with different readers. Take the simple word 'Dad'. It may give rise to a mix of emotions depending on an individual's background. Did he have an average, loving father? Or was his father a violent drunk? Did his father die when the reader was just a baby? Did his father desert his family when the reader was in his early teens? The author has no control over the baggage brought to the story by the reader. And that's one of the great things about writing and reading stories!

 

In this case, my interpretation of Toshihiro was in fact that he was the opposite of the Japanese cultural emotional reserve - e.g. he let his emotions overide his judgement when he agreed to kiss Nakajima and again (even more so!) when he went to meet Nakajima. He became so fixated on the emotions created by the loss of his mother that he wouldn't move on and get on with his life - instead he clung to the necklace and album.

 

His aunt, who clearly cared for him, could see this and took drastic measures in order to try to get him to fight his self-absorption so he could actually get on with living his real life. With the little note on the back of the photo, Jovian showed us that Toshihiro's mother would also have wanted him to stop dwelling in the past and start living life as it is.

 

Anyways, of course that interpretation is all based on all the personsl baggage I brought to the story!

 

Kit

[Conner]

A very complex story, indeed. Good on ya, Jovian, for taking that on.

 

I hope to read more of your work.

 

Conner

[C James]

I very much enjoyed what, for me, was a look into another culture.

 

The necklace... It's too bad he didn't get it back, but it definitely worked well in the end.

[Fishwings]

That was a really good read. I definitely didn't expect Nakajima to get that violent.

 

I liked how the ending was a mirror situation of the beginning. It made me feel all warm and fuzzy inside : 3

 

Good job Jovian!

[jovian_w2002]

HEY GUYS! Guess what? I'm in Singapore now on a month's holiday now!

 

You guys were right about the Japanese culture. Thankfully where I live, I wouldn't have to care much about it. Notwithstanding, it is ingrained (mostly during my childhood years). I do follow my family's Japanese and Chinese tradition, but I don't usually converse with my family members in Japanese or Mandarin.

 

Anyways, back to the topic: your interpretations were... wow! I'm speechless. Thank you so much for reviewing my story. Admittedly, if I had been more careful about some of the word choices that I'd made, this story would have been, in my own opinion, better. Nevertheless, I'm glad that you guys have enjoyed my story!!!!

 

 

I'd be sure to submit another for the 2009 anthlology!!!

[Drewbie]

Great story Jovie Im glad that Toshihiro released in the end and he has someone that deeply cared about him but couldn't see for himself, so was Nakajima went to a institution like a mental one or just a new school?

[jovian_w2002]

Haha, he went to a different school. Hehe, I could put him in a mental asylum though. But that ending would have been hilarious instead of heartwarming hehe

[Yuki Winchestor]

konnichiwa! Your story was beautiful. The usage of the closet as a metaphor was wonderful and your story had this intensity which leaves you with a bittersweet taste. Somehow i felt the same intensity in a movie called NEVER LET ME GO(2010). I liked Minoura and the kiss was so romantic. We need more stories like these to make people realize what its like to live in a world with homophobics like Nakajimura. By the way, the japanese names were fine. Read too much manga in english to be troubled anymore! Keep up the good work! Edited April 12, 2011 by Yuki Winchestor