[Libby Drew] Undertow

[Libby Drew]

Here be the discussion thread for Undertow. I was thinking I'd go into all the reasons I wrote it, and why I chose to blend certain themes together, but...eh, I decided that kind of navel-gazing just wasn't all that interesting to anyone but myself

 

This is a stand-alone short story with no planned sequel.

 

Thanks very much for reading.

[kitten]

I enjoyed this story - a snapshot showing a few minutes in the lives of two men. I found it very entertaining but with an 'undertow' of potential danger and/or serious consequences. The brief glimpse told me a lot about both of them in just a few words. It also had a couple of references to the 'off-stage' situation that left a few questions that teased me. Of course, that is what a good short story should do.

 

The writing style is skillful and very smooth, so it led me nicely through the story. There was just one point where my eyes/brain jarred a little - "installing manners". This isn't wrong, but (maybe it's the fact that I'm attuned to British English) it jarred because I expected that phrase to be 'instilling manners'. Probably I'm wrong, and in any case it's a minor and perhaps petty personal quibble about a fine short story.

 

Kit

[Libby Drew]

 

The writing style is skillful and very smooth, so it led me nicely through the story. There was just one point where my eyes/brain jarred a little - "installing manners". This isn't wrong, but (maybe it's the fact that I'm attuned to British English) it jarred because I expected that phrase to be 'instilling manners'. Probably I'm wrong, and in any case it's a minor and perhaps petty personal quibble about a fine short story.

 

Kit

 

Hi, Kit. No, you're not wrong. It's a typo. Thanks for pointing it out so I can get it corrected.

 

I'm glad you enjoyed the story. Thank you very much for the comment.

[irangel]

Here be the discussion thread for Undertow. I was thinking I'd go into all the reasons I wrote it, and why I chose to blend certain themes together, but...eh, I decided that kind of navel-gazing just wasn't all that interesting to anyone but myself

 

This is a stand-alone short story with no planned sequel.

 

Thanks very much for reading.

 

OMG,

there should be a disclaimer...not to be read while at your work desk...

I can't quite get up right away here...I had to stop reading at the first paragraph...or 5 sentences...don' t quite...I'm a little flustered...

 

dah-um...I need to read this in the comfort and safety of my home...

 

love the start...I'm sure the finish will...measure up

 

;-)

[Libby Drew]

OMG,

there should be a disclaimer...not to be read while at your work desk...

I can't quite get up right away here...I had to stop reading at the first paragraph...or 5 sentences...don' t quite...I'm a little flustered...

 

dah-um...I need to read this in the comfort and safety of my home...

 

love the start...I'm sure the finish will...measure up

 

;-)

 

Oops!

 

And here I thought I should've warned for infidelity.

[irangel]

Oops!

 

And here I thought I should've warned for infidelity.

 

oh, yeah...much better read in the quiet of one's...wherever

 

 

 

[Libby Drew]

oh, yeah...much better read in the quiet of one's...wherever

 

 

 

 

 

Made it home in one piece?

 

Glad you enjoyed it. Thanks for reading.

[corvus]

Brilliant! I really like this. You slip into the characters so effortlessly, and the pacing is spot on. How many words is this? You've already introduced Sam, Tim, their relationship, the new turn on their relationship, *and* the daughter Lisa, *and* garnered our sympathy for her. You also manage that tricky balance of seriousness and hilarity -- which is what's true to life at the end of the day.

 

This obviously isn't it, right? How short will it be? (Which is another way of asking -- can it be long?) And it has a happy ending, right? I mean, the tone would be all wrong for a sad ending... you know... for the sake of the story, and all.....

[Libby Drew]

Brilliant! I really like this. You slip into the characters so effortlessly, and the pacing is spot on. How many words is this? You've already introduced Sam, Tim, their relationship, the new turn on their relationship, *and* the daughter Lisa, *and* garnered our sympathy for her. You also manage that tricky balance of seriousness and hilarity -- which is what's true to life at the end of the day.

 

This obviously isn't it, right? How short will it be? (Which is another way of asking -- can it be long?) And it has a happy ending, right? I mean, the tone would be all wrong for a sad ending... you know... for the sake of the story, and all.....

 

 

Thanks, corvus. That's high praise, my friend.

 

This IS it. This is it. I'm not even crossing my fingers behind my back. I had the end in mind before I began, and I'm not even sure where I'd take the story from here because, well, I'm torn, frankly. I want Sam to both call and not call. I want a happy ending and a more realistic one.

 

Yep. I'm going to leave off here. Let it stand on its own. *sits on hands*

[corvus]

Thanks, corvus. That's high praise, my friend.

 

This IS it. This is it. I'm not even crossing my fingers behind my back. I had the end in mind before I began, and I'm not even sure where I'd take the story from here because, well, I'm torn, frankly. I want Sam to both call and not call. I want a happy ending and a more realistic one.

 

Yep. I'm going to leave off here. Let it stand on its own. *sits on hands*

 

Wow, okay. I totally respect that, but these character just jumped off the page at me, and if I had such vibrant characters to work with, I wouldn't consign them to a short. Still a great read -- thanks for writing!

[irangel]

Here be the discussion thread for Undertow. I was thinking I'd go into all the reasons I wrote it, and why I chose to blend certain themes together, but...eh, I decided that kind of navel-gazing just wasn't all that interesting to anyone but myself

 

This is a stand-alone short story with no planned sequel.

 

Thanks very much for reading.

 

Hi there,

 

I felt inspired to draw something after reading "Undertow" for the ermmm---time...

My take on Sam's caught in the riptide moment...as it were

;-)

 

hope you like it,

pardon the scanning tribbles.

[irangel]

Hi there,

 

I felt inspired to draw something after reading "Undertow" for the ermmm---time...

My take on Sam's caught in the riptide moment...as it were

;-)

 

hope you like it,

pardon the scanning tribbles.

 

Well, since I did Sam it was only fair to do Tim as well...hope you like it

seems Mark Arbour likes the way I did Tim's ass

;-)

 

Sophia Loren used to say (while hugging her body) "I owe all this to pasta"

I like to say, I owe it all to watercolor...and a vivid imagination

;-)

[Libby Drew]

Well, since I did Sam it was only fair to do Tim as well...hope you like it

seems Mark Arbour likes the way I did Tim's ass

;-)

 

Sophia Loren used to say (while hugging her body) "I owe all this to pasta"

I like to say, I owe it all to watercolor...and a vivid imagination

;-)

 

Mark is right! (As if I expected any less. ) It's a provacative pose, and Tim is most definitely provacative. I'm loving watching these two come to life. Here's a toast to your imagination.

 

Thank you very much!