Shades of Adrian Gray

[Kalen]

Hey guys. My first story here's over in efiction here. Let me know what you think!

[sat8997]

It caught my interest, so I'm highly recommending this one. Let's see what you do with the rest of the story.

[Conner]

Nice job, Kalen!

 

The sarcasm and irreverence are absolutely superb. Always a plus for me.

[Kalen]

It caught my interest, so I'm highly recommending this one. Let's see what you do with the rest of the story.

 

 

Thank you so much! Hopefully you like what I do with the rest of the story. Chapter 3's up now!

[Kalen]

Nice job, Kalen!

 

The sarcasm and irreverence are absolutely superb. Always a plus for me.

 

Thanks! And yeah, Evan's a sarcastic and irreverent bastard, particularly in the 'present time' more so than in the past. Adrian's a corrupting influence, you know.

[Marco Polo]

I'm not sure what's making me like this story. That's not meant in a offensive way. There's so many things I like that I find it difficult to pin-point it. I can feel the anger and the trapped feelings of Evan quite clearly. And the first thing I thought of when Adrian was described was one of my friends, it was uncanny and I think that makes it easier for myself to relate to.

 

So far, I'm loving it so much that I shall be stalking your updates.

 

p.s: Vanessa... golden character. I love her blatant statements. She's a force and I can't wait to read more of her.

[David McLeod]

Just read Chapter 2, and am looking forward to 3. The arc in Chapter 2 is an archetype; we all could learn from it. We are led very smoothly, deftly, brilliantly, into an understanding of the progagonist.

[Nephylim]

Chapter three had a lot of very touching moments in it. Evan's comments to the teacher were classic. I think I would have had to at least kick over one of those tables if not set fire to the school with the candles.... I mean it would have been their own fault for leaving fire around kids eh? Mind you I have a strange view on both fire and death.

 

Poor Evan. Funnily enough my Efan has a lawyer for a mother too... I hope I handle him better than Evan's mother does her son .. at least with more sypathy tact and discretion. Perfect picture of teenager parent relationship though. Nice story sensitively written.

[Libby Drew]

Just read through chapter three, and I'm enjoying the story very much. Honestly, I don't normally go for the 'high school' genre, but you're approaching things from a unique direction, and I think that helps. You've fleshed the characters out very well in a short period of time, and the dialog is witty. As interested as I am in the back story of Adrian and Even, I'm glad you're not skimping on the grieving aspect. I see lots of potential here. I'll be on the lookout for updates.

 

Thanks for sharing your story.

 

~Libby

[Kalen]

Just read through chapter three, and I'm enjoying the story very much. Honestly, I don't normally go for the 'high school' genre, but you're approaching things from a unique direction, and I think that helps. You've fleshed the characters out very well in a short period of time, and the dialog is witty. As interested as I am in the back story of Adrian and Even, I'm glad you're not skimping on the grieving aspect. I see lots of potential here. I'll be on the lookout for updates.

 

Thanks for sharing your story.

 

~Libby

 

Wow, thanks Libby! This means a lot coming from you, as Running Far Afield was pretty much the story that led me to GA in the first place. I definitely don't plan to skip on the grieving aspect, its one of the most important aspects of the story, because as important as Adrian and Evan's relationship is and as important and Adrian is to Evan, its what you do after the good stuff that says the most about you. One of my writing teachers once told me that the biggest difference between writing and real life, is in real life, the endings are the least important part. As sad as it may be, the end of the story of Evan and Adrian's relationship is still only one of the first chapters of Evan's life.

 

- Nephylim - thank you so much for your constant reviews, on this and Coyote Confessions. I love that Efan (sp?) is your son's name, weird coincidence. And I'm sure he does just fine with a lawyer for a mother! Evan's mom loves him too, don't forget that the story is through Evan's perspective and teenagers tend to have a very skewed perspective when it comes to their parents.

 

- David - thanks so much for your review here, on efiction and the email you sent me. It really means a lot, and I would love to discuss any aspect of writing with you any time. My email's always open!

 

- Melancholy - glad you're enjoying it! No worries, I'm not offended in the least that you can't pinpoint what you like most about the story. My favorite stories are the ones where I can't do that either, where its more than anyone element but the act of several of them converging that really sell the story. And don't worry, there'll be more Vanessa.

 

 

 

 

[Libby Drew]

I definitely don't plan to skip on the grieving aspect, its one of the most important aspects of the story, because as important as Adrian and Evan's relationship is and as important and Adrian is to Evan, its what you do after the good stuff that says the most about you. One of my writing teachers once told me that the biggest difference between writing and real life, is in real life, the endings are the least important part. As sad as it may be, the end of the story of Evan and Adrian's relationship is still only one of the first chapters of Evan's life.

 

Your writing teacher is very smart. And so are you for taking advantage of that knowledge. As painful as Evan's journey turns out to be, having one's mettle proven so early in life has advantages. Based on what I've read so far, I have complete faith you'll give us a great story. And ending.

 

Thanks, and I'm glad you enjoyed Running Far Afield. Don't get me wrong. I love a good high school coming out story. Maybe too much. They can blend together after a while, but others definitely stand out. I've been shamelessly devouring CJ's In Due Time, and now I have this story to love.

 

Read chapter four this morning. Wonderful! Evan's leaps of logic made me laugh. Can't wait for tomorrow!

[blksantos]

I was done reviewing for an exam last night when I came across SoAG. Instead of having an early trip to lala land, copy-pasted chapters 1 to 3 and read the whole thing in my psp.

Edited August 11, 2009 by blksantos

[Conner]

The post-movie dialogue between Evan and Adrian in chapter 4 was superb! Just loved it!

 

It seemed somewhat ironic, I must say, that Adrian was scolding Evan for not being more normal in approaching him the way he did. Adrian's the one who is supposed to operate outside the normal. Mind you, he had been feeling a tad defensive most of the evening.

 

I'm trying not to "engage" Adrian's character too much...it's not working though. I imagine it's only going to get worse.

 

Super story!

[Benji]

...................I finally got around to reading this story, and I'm glad I did! One of the first things I noticed is how timeless this story is, so far it could be set in the '70s as well as today. Adrian's justified apprehension of Evan's intentions make sense, he'd been living in fear of being outted for months and then gets a call to go out? For all he knew, Evan could very well have been setting him up for blackmail or worse. Evan acted like a 7th grader at his first dance trying to work the nerve up of asking a girl to dance. I laughed my ass off when he stumbled his words, 'well, I may be gay...just happened.... well kinda knew...err!! Denial, yeah that's it! Great story, looking forward to more chapters, these two are so deep in the closet, but I have a feeling Evan is about to step out soon. Edited August 16, 2009 by Benji

[Kalen]

Hey guys, glad you liked Chapter 4. It was a lot of fun to write. Chapter 5's up now and Chapter 6'll be up sometime tomorrow and has Adrian and Evan's first real date. Never fear, Evan will continue to be an idiot. Glad to hear people are enjoying Vanessa. More of her in chapter 7.

[Conner]

I really do like your writing style. Perhaps I should say speaking style because the dialogue, including Evan's self-dialogue, is just remarkable.

 

And it's funny, too!

 

I can't tell you how much I wanted Evan to lay into Kyle. :2hands: That was absolutely gratifying.

 

Miss Davis, our hippie wannabe, has her work cut out for her. Evan definitely going to be a tough nut to crack. She does seem up for the challenge. A grief counsellor - can you imagine having a job like that! :wacko: Unfortunately or not, Evan does need to crack.

 

BTW, I was in my twenties through the 70's. Those were good years. I wasn't much of a hippie, but everyone my age liked to dabble...occaisionally I'd throw on a ty-dyed t-shirt and some "love" beads. No doubt Miss Davis' formative years were right smack in the 70's. We'll just have to blame her parents.

 

I hope Miss Davis realizes that boys are taught not to do emotions. Girls do emotions. Guys can be aggressive now and then....well, because boys will be boys. Evan is a whole lot angry right now and is certainly acting it out, all the while doing the lone wolf thing...which is sort of a symptom of not being able to do the emotion thing.

 

I'm going to stop now before I make this entire story about me.

[David McLeod]

Chapter 4: Wonderful wordsmithing. Memorable phrases. And a good story arc. The dialogue, especially after the movie, was grand.

[Kalen]

Hey guys, thanks for the continued feedback and support, I really appreciate it. I just added Chapter 6, and I'm so sorry it took so long to get up. I had a bit of a medical crisis these past couple weeks, and so wasn't really able to do much of anything. Thankfully, everything worked out alright and now I'm just trying to get caught up with everything I've had to put on the backburner while I was err, otherwise engaged. I have finished writing Shades, and so now that I have everything back to normal I should be posting the rest of the chapters if not daily, then at least every other day. I have a very irregular work schedule so that's why my best laid plans sometimes go awry. Anyways, enjoy and let me know what you think!

[Benji]

Hey guys, thanks for the continued feedback and support, I really appreciate it. I just added Chapter 6, and I'm so sorry it took so long to get up. I had a bit of a medical crisis these past couple weeks, and so wasn't really able to do much of anything. Thankfully, everything worked out alright and now I'm just trying to get caught up with everything I've had to put on the backburner while I was err, otherwise engaged. I have finished writing Shades, and so now that I have everything back to normal I should be posting the rest of the chapters if not daily, then at least every other day. I have a very irregular work schedule so that's why my best laid plans sometimes go awry. Anyways, enjoy and let me know what you think!

 

.............Great chapter, I loved the dinner/date, Evan's smooth delivery to his 'immature' parents. Looking forward to more.

[Marco Polo]

I have to say I really enjoyed Chapter 6. I love the portrayal of his immature parents. What a gleeful notion. I've never thought of children maturing before the adult. And I very much love the inner dialogue. 'First base for nervous gay virgins' Ah beautiful. And the little tangents Evan goes off on, I don't even mind that it deviates from the plot for a split second, it's very enjoyable

 

Keep it up.

[Nephylim]

Hey guys, thanks for the continued feedback and support, I really appreciate it. I just added Chapter 6, and I'm so sorry it took so long to get up. I had a bit of a medical crisis these past couple weeks, and so wasn't really able to do much of anything. Thankfully, everything worked out alright and now I'm just trying to get caught up with everything I've had to put on the backburner while I was err, otherwise engaged. I have finished writing Shades, and so now that I have everything back to normal I should be posting the rest of the chapters if not daily, then at least every other day. I have a very irregular work schedule so that's why my best laid plans sometimes go awry. Anyways, enjoy and let me know what you think!

 

 

The chapter was sweet. I did enjoy it a lot. Glad you're back on track.

 

Sorry to hear you have not been feeling so good and I am very glad it all turned out ok in the end.

[Kalen]

Thanks Neph, Benji and Marco! Glad you enjoyed Evan's immature parents. Sometimes parents can be so embarrassing. Chapter 7's up now!

[Nephylim]

I think Chapter 7 is my favourite so far. The whole thing was so fresh, so detailed and Evan's musings give us a wicked insight into his character, which I am liking more and more. Vanessa is fabulous... the way she dropped that bombshell so cooly... just fab. The tension built and exploded wonderfully. For a chapter about art, this was art.

[Conner]

Chapter 6 was absolutely delightful. It was just fun, beginning to end.

 

Chapter 7 was heart wrenching. Tell me, why does the reader always have to pay for the fun? Authors are cruel.

 

Venessa has compassion. :wacko: Who wooda thunk! She pulled it off and stayed in character too. Great scene!

 

Totally loving this story!

[Benji]

Thanks Neph, Benji and Marco! Glad you enjoyed Evan's immature parents. Sometimes parents can be so embarrassing. Chapter 7's up now!

 

.............The title was eerie reminiscence to "The Picture of Dorian Gray" in a different direction. And now with Evan painting, I'm wondering where this story is going!! . Humm, love the hippy counselor, met many myself, in my life, doubt they cured me of my ills. But they did let me see myself as a 'spirit on his life's journey'. How f**king quaint!! Good chapter, Evan is going in for the break, and he needs ii very badly!!