Cruising

[JamesSavik]

From another topic but a subject that we need to address:

 

Cruising is something that we don't want to discuss. It makes us uncomfortable. That's why we should.

 

 

>>If this happened here, I would think that it sounds like you were cruised (or propositioned for anonymous sex).

 

Usually that stuff takes place in... dark allies, deserted parks, rest rooms, malls- all sorts of places. It all sort of depends on where you are and the local cruising culture. If you notice the backgrounds and settings of porn flicks, you can see the influence of the cruising culture- eg. glory holes, dark and ruined backgrounds, etc.

 

We don't talk about cruising here much. It is sort of the "dark side".

 

I suggest that cruising should be avoided because of a number of seriously dangerous things:

-people that cruise are likely to be very, very high mileage and at serious risk for HIV

-cruising makes you vulnerable to both the cops and criminals

-bashers are attracted to cruising spots

-cruising will give you a bad rep

 

That being said, I pissed off a third of the people here, another third have glowering resentments and the last third are clueless about cruising. Let the games begin. What do you think?

 

_______________________________________________

 

As Mark pointed out, it was only a generation ago that cruising was the only option available to gay people.

[Objectivist]

My innocent eyes have been dirtied!!

 

Lol.

 

I've heard of cruising, however I can't say I know anyone in RL who cruises, nor do I know of any of the good cruising places. I think some people get off on having sex in public, and I can somewhat understand that. After all the thrill...

 

But I also think that there are also those individuals who don't want to be caught having sex with another man, and therefore instead of doing stuff in their own home, or doing stuff in the house of their potential partners, they seek a public place... where they can be somewhat safe.

 

but that would be my thought on the matter. and since i know very little of the scene... i could be 150% wrong.

 

So what do I think about cruising? Well I don't necessarily feel its a healthy thing for people to do, I certainly have no intention of trying that out... but if you're going to do then make sure and protection. a body condom even. (kidding) Protection for yourself, and for your faceless (or the face that you won't likely remember) partner.

 

Cruising is something that we don't want to discuss. It makes us uncomfortable. That's why we should.

 

I think this happens because the overall gay community doesn't want to be associated with the negative aspects. Ya know? for example, not every gay man/woman is always having random sex with strangers, we're not all lispy, or effeminate and what not.

 

Good topic James

 

Sincerely,

 

James

[Tiger]

Well, I happen to think the best places for cruising are bath houses, which are scattered around major cities, including the ones in Texas. Thus, if one wants a good atmosphere for cruising, it's a lot safer than pickle parks, book stores, etc. It's also completely anonymous. I haven't been to one, but I wouldn't rule out going to one.

[Simon]

When i saw 'cruising' i thought you meant out in your car for a drive XD

I havent cruised ;-;

If im honest i thought it was only stuff you see in films.

[thatboyChase]

I go to the 24 Fitness in the Spectrum in Irvine, even though its like a 20 minute drive. Why? Its really nice, new machines, big... no HUGE and never full of people. The only down side is the bathrooms. The place is a huge cruise spot and I was actually reading an article the other day that IPD (Irvine Police Department) frequent there alot.

 

If you are caught on the premise doing that, your membership is taken away, they will arrest you (oh and they will) anybody who "saw" you or "found" you will be asked to press charges and it gets messy. A bunch of guys got arrested a month ago cause of that, they were all ages, sizes colors etc.

 

There is a beach in Laguna where guys go all the time, forgot the street but its infamous/famous. You literally go to the darker end near the cove and stand next to the guy you want to bang. Never been, thankfully.

 

James is right, its a bad scene. But its fun to get cruised of course, boosts your ego. Just don't participate. Well, I retract that statement, its only fun to get cruised by good looking people. Haha.

 

So ironic, I was reading articles on cruising the other night then you post this haha. In Amsterdam, at a park we were at, there are signs that state there is homosexual activity and if you see it you must report it to the authorities aswell.

[Drewbie]

It's not a good thing, I agree on that, I heard of crusting long ago, but with the tapping thing, never heard of that til the senator or congressmen at that accident.

[W_L]

Agreed, Don't cruise if you can have a decent meeting with some one.

 

It's a throwback to the past and I will admit that I have thought about it from time to time; the anonymous sex with no string attached is interesting, but I would rather keep my HIV negative status.

[Mark Arbour]

I agree with James. I find it surprising that cruising happens at all, considering that no gay men are willing to admit to doing it. Yet it does, and there are even sites devoted to it, like cruisingforsex.com. It's the dirty little skeleton in the gay closet, and no one will admit to it, but they will roundly condemn it.

 

I've done a good amount of cruising in my younger days. Back in the 70s/80s, there was no internet, there was no craigslist, so if you wanted to hook up with someone, you had two choices: go to a gay bar or cruise. If you went to a gay bar, getting outed was a real possibility. No big deal, you may say. Well now is a different time than then. Plus they were pretty nasty places. Or you could cruise, either in a public place (bathrooms, etc) or a bath house kind of place. There it was anonymous, emotionless, and sleazy.

 

But good bad or otherwise, it's a part of gay history and gay life, now and in earlier times.

[JamesSavik]

Cruising is the only option for a lot of places. The bible belt sort of makes sure that happens. Cities deny gay bars permits (or any sort of business that caters to gays) or they harass them out of business.

 

The Internet has changed things considerably. At least you can meet someone with out the added excitement of possibly being arrested, assaulted or murdered.

 

When I first started looking for places to go out, there was one gay bar in town. I went looked around and saw that I was 20 years younger than most of the people there and left. The cops stopped me a couple of blocks away. They searched my car, made me take a breathalyzer test and verbally harrassed me on the side of the road for a half hour. All in all an unpleasant experience. The bar closed because patrons were being harassed by the police when they left and no one wanted to deal with that.

 

When another bar opened the police raided it "looking for drugs". They claimed that the crowd got unruly and used tear gas on the place. They pulled its permits. The owner sued the city and the city attorneys drug it out and ran him out of money. Don't sue the gov't kids. It sounds fun in the papers but you only get the justice you can afford.

 

Another bar opened a year later. I turned out to be a police front for an anti-drug op. I don't know if they ever found any drugs but everyone got shaken down when they left.

 

The bars turned out to be traps of one kind or another and cruising was safer in the early eighties.

 

My first out & proud boyfriend knew all about the bar and the cruising scene. He knew about the cop traps.

 

It was fun to be 18 and go out with your boyfriend where people cruised. We stayed away from the gross venues. It was real good for your ego and you could easily distance yourself from the freak show by simply leaving.

 

Jeff once said something that stuck with me: "It's like fast food. You roll in, get what you want and leave." He was right. When you are young and pretty, you can own those places. I knew a guy who got some old man to buy him a car. His car payment was that he let the old man blow him once a month.

 

There was a group of us that met and hung out. We were 18 to twenty-something and ignored the old men for the most part. Sometime Jeff and I would invite somebody cute to a threesome. It was fun but we stayed mostly to ourselves. I remember how gross it was for fat old men who thought they could just walk up and put their hands on your goods. A few of them got popped in the mouth for being so rude. I kicked one guys ass good for getting too physical with Jeff.

 

Thirty years later though most of those guys are gone. The survivors were the ones who decided early on to change their behavior and not screw every new guy that showed up.

 

The scary thing to me is that I see them again now from time to time. Cruising seems to be making a come back. Young men who are looking for somewhere to belong are showing up in the same old places. It makes me sad because I know why the places are empty now and all the shitty things that stalk them.

[old bob]

I agree with James. I find it surprising that cruising happens at all, considering that no gay men are willing to admit to doing it. Yet it does, and there are even sites devoted to it...

Gay or straight, men are men and "sex" life and "sex"places belong to our humanity. Each good side has its shadow. Hide it is non-sense. Cruising is the shadow of gay loneliness.

I've done a good amount of cruising in my younger days.....You could cruise, either in a public place (bathrooms, etc) or a bath house kind of place. There it was anonymous, emotionless, and sleazy. But good bad or otherwise, it's a part of gay history and gay life, now and in earlier times.

I did too, and it's part of my good memories.

[David McLeod]

Jeff once said something that stuck with me: "It's like fast food. You roll in, get what you want and leave."...

 

Young men who are looking for somewhere to belong are showing up in the same old places...

 

James, Again you think deeply and well. I would add to the fast food metaphor: it's decidedly not the best food you're going to find, and it's probably unhealthy. Your last thought, however, was the most important: we all have a need to belong (something Maslow missed, I think) and a need for companionship, and those needs can be strong enough to suppress other needs (safety, to continue the Maslow thought). I think that the need to belong, the need to associate, can be more important than the need for sex, and that the two can easily become confused, especially in the mind of a young person.

[Benji]

I agree with James. I find it surprising that cruising happens at all, considering that no gay men are willing to admit to doing it. Yet it does, and there are even sites devoted to it, like cruisingforsex.com. It's the dirty little skeleton in the gay closet, and no one will admit to it, but they will roundly condemn it.

 

I've done a good amount of cruising in my younger days. Back in the 70s/80s, there was no internet, there was no craigslist, so if you wanted to hook up with someone, you had two choices: go to a gay bar or cruise. If you went to a gay bar, getting outed was a real possibility. No big deal, you may say. Well now is a different time than then. Plus they were pretty nasty places. Or you could cruise, either in a public place (bathrooms, etc) or a bath house kind of place. There it was anonymous, emotionless, and sleazy.

 

But good bad or otherwise, it's a part of gay history and gay life, now and in earlier times.

 

............Cruising was dangerous on all fronts, getting outted, trapped by homophobes, cops and of course AIDS was running rampant back then. With the danger was an excitement element, I guess you could equate it to the thrill seeker that skydives or races cars. I remember the bathhouse's were my first time experiences, then I got bolder and went to the gay bars, even though I wasn't 21, they let you in. Funny, I remember the cops closing the bathhouses down (AIDS), but they seemed to leave the bars alone, I remember the cabaret nights but there wasn't any of that wild dancing you see on TV going on. Seems there was an unwritten rule about leaving alone, first time I decided to go home alone I was scared to see four huge guys following me out, turns out they wanted to make sure I got to my car safely. The next thing the cops closed down or better yet, closed up was the glory holes in the movie arcades, then they got rid of the closed doors on the booths replaced with the bar style type doors. (Funny thing was years later, I was sent in to inspect this for compliance as part of my job ) About a year ago, I was in a section of town for a meeting, afterwards I saw an old haunt, I was surprised that it was still open, I stopped by (not looking for any hook-up) and it was being patronized by straight couples and gays alike. You'd think the straights would avoid a place named 'The Back Door' , I shot some pool had a few beers and learned that the entertainment still played out on the weekends. No escort to the car this time, I guess the homophobes left the place alone by then. I'm not ashamed of what I did back then, there was no internet, GSA meetings, or safe gay friendly establishments like there are today. Neither would I advocate anyone doing such a thing today, it was simply a sign of the times and the way it was.

[Mark Arbour]

............Cruising was dangerous on all fronts, getting outted, trapped by homophobes, cops and of course AIDS was running rampant back then. With the danger was an excitement element, I guess you could equate it to the thrill seeker that skydives or races cars. I remember the bathhouse's were my first time experiences, then I got bolder and went to the gay bars, even though I wasn't 21, they let you in. Funny, I remember the cops closing the bathhouses down (AIDS), but they seemed to leave the bars alone, I remember the cabaret nights but there wasn't any of that wild dancing you see on TV going on. Seems there was an unwritten rule about leaving alone, first time I decided to go home alone I was scared to see four huge guys following me out, turns out they wanted to make sure I got to my car safely. The next thing the cops closed down or better yet, closed up was the glory holes in the movie arcades, then they got rid of the closed doors on the booths replaced with the bar style type doors. (Funny thing was years later, I was sent in to inspect this for compliance as part of my job ) About a year ago, I was in a section of town for a meeting, afterwards I saw an old haunt, I was surprised that it was still open, I stopped by (not looking for any hook-up) and it was being patronized by straight couples and gays alike. You'd think the straights would avoid a place named 'The Back Door' , I shot some pool had a few beers and learned that the entertainment still played out on the weekends. No escort to the car this time, I guess the homophobes left the place alone by then. I'm not ashamed of what I did back then, there was no internet, GSA meetings, or safe gay friendly establishments like there are today. Neither would I advocate anyone doing such a thing today, it was simply a sign of the times and the way it was.

 

You raise one of the bigger attractions of cruising: the excitement. Excitement didn't just come from sex, because in most cases, it was pretty bad, especially in public places. A blow job, a hand job, rarely a f**k. But what was exciting was the danger of it, that you were doing something wrong and illegal. Then there was the excitement of the unknown. Who would you meet? Would it be some blond god that wanted a blow job? Or some smelly old guy cruising for young meat? Finally, there was the excitement of meeting someone who liked what you liked, that companionship and belonging thing that David so aptly brought up. All in all, it was/is an amazing adrenaline cocktail.

[Tiger]

One thing I've never understood is the attraction of going to pickle parks and glory holes. I mean... we've all seen public restrooms. They're disgusting. I never get hard in a public restroom. Sex is the last thing I want in a filthy restroom that smells like crap. Can anyone tell me the attraction, because I certainly don't understand it.

[irangel]

One thing I've never understood is the attraction of going to pickle parks and glory holes. I mean... we've all seen public restrooms. They're disgusting. I never get hard in a public restroom. Sex is the last thing I want in a filthy restroom that smells like crap. Can anyone tell me the attraction, because I certainly don't understand it.

 

I think it's like the Pon farr

except it happens more often than every seven years,

"dah blood fever"

 

more like very 12 hours during peak times...

[Tiger]

I think it's like the Pon farr

except it happens more often than every seven years,

"dah blood fever"

 

more like very 12 hours during peak times...

Maybe I'm too much of a prude to be affected.

[irangel]

Maybe I'm too much of a prude to be affected.

 

 

or maybe you are better at keeping your head clear of the blood fever

 

"to thine own self be true"

[Benji]

Maybe I'm too much of a prude to be affected.

 

.................Err! I never did the public restroom thing, same here it is a nasty place, and the glory holes were a bit too much! Talk about in your face! ......nope, never put my face up to one of those either. I'd rather see whom I was with.

[JamesSavik]

So in summary- correct me if I'm wrong:

 

After reading the posts here:

• Cruising isn't just about sex
  
• culture has a great deal to do with it
  
• It is a rush (excitement)
  
• it gives a sense of belonging to social outcasts
  

 

Anybody else see anything that should be added?

[thatboyChase]

James, apart from the illegalness, criminal acts, disgusting aspects that it has become... I'd let you cruise me any day. Tee heee!

 

Illegalness isn't a word.

[Benji]

James, apart from the illegalness, criminal acts, disgusting aspects that it has become... I'd let you cruise me any day. Tee heee!

 

Illegalness isn't a word.

 

.............Actually, http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/illegalness

[thatboyChase]

.............Actually, http://dictionary.re...wse/illegalness

 

Benji just owned me.

[irangel]

So in summary- correct me if I'm wrong:

 

After reading the posts here:

• Cruising isn't just about sex
• culture has a great deal to do with it
• It is a rush (excitement)
• it gives a sense of belonging to social outcasts

 

Anybody else see anything that should be added?

 

provides or used to a sense of self worth

provided bragging rights (in some circles)

 

John Rechy's "Numbers" is a scary but awesome novel about the compulsion to reach a certain number of "conquests"

his other works were good, but nothing IMO compared to his novel "Vampires" quite the psychosexual-drama

[Mark Arbour]

One thing I've never understood is the attraction of going to pickle parks and glory holes. I mean... we've all seen public restrooms. They're disgusting. I never get hard in a public restroom. Sex is the last thing I want in a filthy restroom that smells like crap. Can anyone tell me the attraction, because I certainly don't understand it.

 

From the first chapter of "Chronicles of an Academic Predator", this was in essence a generic example of a bathroom encounter. It was modeled after a hook-up I had on campus when I was at college. The guy turned out to be the President of the College Republicans.

 

I left the History Building and my feet seemed to automatically take me two buildings down. I entered the building, similar to the others on campus, and made my way to the basement restroom. This place was like a release valve for my sexuality, the only place I went to experience an orgasm with another living being. As I walked into the bathroom, the familiar smells assaulted my nostrils, the urinal soaps, the air freshener, the residual floor polish...all fueling my anticipation and plumping my dick. There were two urinals and two stalls. Sometimes I'd come here and there would be no one. I'd wait and wait until I had wasted enough time, then I'd leave. Other days I'd come in and the other stall would be occupied by one of the old trolls that lurked around here. Old men, men over 50, who lurked here hoping a young college guy wouldn't notice how ancient they were, or wouldn't care, and let them suck his dick anyway. Those trolls would camp here for hours, ruining the place for the rest of us.

 

Today I was in luck, or at least I hoped so. The bathroom wasn't empty; there was someone else in the first stall. Only the guy's shoes were visible under the stall, a pair of those new ankle-high square-toed numbers that were all the rage lately. It's unlikely that old trolls would sport a pair of those. I entered the second stall and took a piece of toilet paper from the roll and leaned over to wipe off the seat, not really concerned about cleanliness, but using it as an innocuous excuse to lean over and peek through the large hole in the wall. The hole was large enough to fit a dick through, even a big one, something I'd found out on several occasions.

 

Looking through the hole was almost an art form because you had to look like you weren't looking. The last thing I wanted, the thing that would be a total disaster, is to get caught. Campus cops sometimes patrolled here, looking for guys like me, but just as scary were regular guys, guys who might be offended, guys who might recognize me, guys who might tell the world I was a faggot. I glanced through long enough to make sure that the other guy wasn't an old troll. The best way to do this was to try to get a glimpse of his face, but if that failed, to try to see his hands. Young guys didn't have wrinkled, grizzled hands. In this case the guy had one hand on his thigh, young and taut skin, while the other covered up his crotch. The excitement surged within me as I quickly unbuckled my pants and slid them down, along with my boxers, and sat on the toilet, being careful to hold my hand so it blocked the view of my crotch, only showing a little bit of my blond pubic hair. My pubic hair was just like the hair on my head, thick and dense.

 

The guy in the next stall was carefully moving his right hand. It was innocent enough; it could be construed as someone just scratching his balls. I mirrored the movement, conscious that both of us were staring through the hole.

 

The other guy's movement became more deliberate, showing me a view of his pubic hair, which was bright red. Hot! I could see him move closer to the hole, watching me repeat his moves, becoming bolder now, showing me the base of his hard cock. I showed him mine, plus a little more. Now he was obviously jacking his cock, and I could see it clearly, only partially shielded by his hand.

 

Seeing that I was jacking as well, he removed his hand and gave me a look at his hard dick. It was bigger than mine by about half an inch, so that put it at 7 inches, and pretty similar in thickness. I rubbed my finger on the bottom of the hole, and he stood up slowly, guiding his beautiful dick through the hole. There it was, live and in color, in front of me. I stroked it once or twice then swallowed it whole. Bathroom encounters don't provide much time for foreplay and teasing.

 

He was thrusting against the wall, and I could taste the pre-cum leaking out of his cock. He was getting close, when all of a sudden the bathroom door opened. He jumped back and sat down quickly to make sure we didn't get caught.

 

The guy that walked in went over to the urinal, peed, and then left. If it would have been one of the trolls he would have lurked outside the stalls, trying to see through the cracks around the door, hounding us until one of us left. This time I was lucky.

 

As soon as the bathroom was empty again, my

[corvus]

I think the craigslist, manhunt, etc phenomena have largely supplanted cruising. I've no numbers to back it up, of course, and James's observations are more or less counterevidence. Nonetheless, in my experience, the desperate gay male goes online before he goes to the park. *shrug*