CONFUSED... ><

[xteeeeeeve]

Hey guys.. i need advice...

 

***DISCLAIMER : English isnt my mothertongue so bear with me. ^^'

 

 

Anyway..

 

 

a few weeks ago, my ex sent me this:

 

" yo steve i just wanted to say sorry for some of the stuff i said/did. i was in kind of a weird place emotionally. not really an excuse, but it's there and it is what it is so take it as you will. maybe we can be friends again one day. although i completely get it if you don't want to talk or anything. it's cool. i just thought i'd extend an olive branch because i was kind of a dick. peace. "

 

That's FOUR months after he broke up with me - FOUR months with zero communication whatsoever. (We were in a long-distance relationship btw)

 

A " hey you. it's cool dude. apology accepted." was all i could say.

 

It just took me by surprise. I would never expect in a million years he'd talk to me again.

 

But that's not the real reason why I came to ask your advice. Thing is, I thought I'd just forgive him and move on. But just when I thought I had completely forgotten about him, now that we're 'cool', I keep feeling the need to want to talk to him again. It's been a WHILE since I've opened my AIM (he's one of only 4 friends I have on there). Now, I constantly log in (invisible) to check whether he's on or not or if he left me any messages. Now, I keep stalking his facebook for updates on his life. We're no longer friends on there btw. He did try to add me again but I just ignored his request. Anyway, I've become obsessed again! I didnt realize I still have feelings - strong feelings - for that bastard! ...and I hate it. He hurt me big time and I'm supposed to be mad at him still. Now, I miss him terribly it's frustrating!

 

I tried so hard to avoid anymore contact with him after he sent me that message but to no avail. Well, we never really talked a lot like we used to - just exchanged some 'Hi's and watchu up to's'. He didn't really make any effort to contact me again either. We only talked whenever I went online. He's always the first to say 'Hi' - I'd only sit there and wait until he talked to me. Few days passed, and I just stopped talking to him again - thinking I was just reading too much into his apology. But that never stopped the stalking though.

 

Two days ago, I decided to go online to see if he were around. He seemed really happy to see me there and was kinda talkative, just like old times. That's when things got a little more confusing. Out of the blue, he sent me a link to this video:

 

 

I thought it was another one of those stupid videos he loved to send me. Well, at first I really thought it was stupid coz I thought the woman in the video seemed completely crazy and I couldn't make out a word she was saying (OKay, maybe 2 or 3 words, but still). That's when I asked why he sent me that vid. "Idunno. I think it's a nice song." he said. So I googled the lyrics to the song:

 

Out on the wiley, windy moors

We'd roll and fall in green

You had a temper, like my jealousy

Too hot, too greedy

How could you leave me?

When I needed to possess you?

I hated you, I loved you too

 

Bad dreams in the night

They told me I was going to lose the fight

Leave behind my wuthering, wuthering

Wuthering Heights

 

Heathcliff, its me, Cathy come home

I'm so cold, let me in-a-your window

 

Oh it gets dark, it gets lonely

On the other side from you

I pine alot, I find the lot

Falls through without you

I'm coming back love, cruel Heathcliff

My one dream, my only master

 

Too long I roam in the night

I'm coming back to his side to put it right

I'm coming home to wuthering, wuthering,

Wuthering Heights

 

Oh let me have it, let me grab your soul away

Oh let me have it, let me grab your soul away

You know it's me, Cathy

 

So apparently, it's about this girl, Cathy, who pleads to Heathcliff to take her back in again...something like that.

 

Surprised me? YES. Made me hopeful? VERY.

 

I didnt ask further. I was scared to ask if it meant anything to him. So I just said it's nice and if I'm ever having a son, I would name him Heathcliff coz i thought it was a cool name. He said if he had a son he'd name him Biscuit. lol and said "I wanna have your babies and name them all Biscuit." O.o

 

We talked again today and it was nothing like the other day. The 'conversation' we had today was just dull. Seemed like he was not interested.

 

Please, tell me I'm not reading too much into this. Please tell me what I should do. I admit I still love him. But I dont wanna ask if he still feels the same way. I'm scared of getting rejected again. Rejection hurts so much. I dont think I can stand another one.

 

-Steve

Edited March 29, 2011 by xteeeeeeve

[Tenebrae]

I hate to be so blunt, but write him off and move on. Looks to me like he's just playing you to see if you can be strung along with a ring through your nose. If the conversations are flat and he can't muster up some sort of emotion to give you, leave him be and find someone who can. I've been there with guys like this, and the constant roller coaster of "I want you now" and "I don't want you now" can mess up your head big time. It's best to step back and evaluate the scene from an objective point of view --- he may want you only to dump you all over again. Some guys get into the power trip thing. Especially if they know you still have feelings for them.

[WatchPatRun]

I hate to be so blunt, but write him off and move on. Looks to me like he's just playing you to see if you can be strung along with a ring through your nose. If the conversations are flat and he can't muster up some sort of emotion to give you, leave him be and find someone who can. I've been there with guys like this, and the constant roller coaster of "I want you now" and "I don't want you now" can mess up your head big time. It's best to step back and evaluate the scene from an objective point of view --- he may want you only to dump you all over again. Some guys get into the power trip thing. Especially if they know you still have feelings for them.

 

I actually disagree with this statement completely. The fear of rejection is something I know all too well - but the fear of not ever knowing is something that creeps up after the fear of rejection wears off, only it's a hundred times worse. If you really feel strongly about him and you are able to place see yourself in a working relationship then I say go for it. Life is short, you only live once and if you think it's there - grab it.

 

Now if he has a mean personality or has done something wrongful to you in the past, I would steer clear of him. It is easy for someone to realize that they had something great once it's gone, HOWEVER, it doesn't mean that old habits don't return, which in most cases they do. I know that I just gave yo a mixed piece of advice but try doing what I do in situations like this.

 

Pretend you are a stranger who has no emotional ties to this relationship at all. Pretend that you are the one deciding whether or not you should pursue this other boy again. Think about all of the FACTS and ignore your heart. Once you've done that, make a decision. I always say - once the heart is hurt, you think with your mind before your emotions.

 

Hope I helped.

[Tipdin]

Keep the friendship - and keep it only as a friendship.

 

You're too young to get caught into someone else's neuroses.

[Marzipan]

I'd be scared too. Be a friend to him for a while. Take your time and don't rush it. Maybe he will show it more clearly if he wants more too. Or you'll come up with more courage. Or you'll see that you don't want more than being friends.

 

Just remember, which ever way it goes, you'll be fine, hon.

 

:hugs:

[comicfan]

Funny he sent you the lyrics to song about Wuthering Heights. It is a major work of literature about basically a control freak who loses it all and takes the one person he loves down with him. Not exactly something you want in a romantic relationship.

 

Don't let yourself be tied to him if you are still willing to stalk his facebook and want to know every detail. If you can be content to be a long distance friend without knowing his daily details then I'd suggest being friends. IF you find that hard to do it might be much better off for you to simply let this relationship end and move on completely. Either way I wish you the best of luck.

[Michael9344]

From what you said, he hasn't told you HE wants you back. Developing feelings for him now is quite dangerous. Not only because he might hurt you again, but he might reject you. I'd say you should cut all communication with him. Communication is the foundation of all relationships and from what you said, your heart is already winning the war with your head. Don't talk to him for sometime, then decide if you REALLY want him back and WHY you want him back. Follow your instincts and make a decision with your head and not your heart.

[DragonFire]

He’s looking for closure I believe. He feels bad about the way it ended and maybe a bit guilty and wants some kind of redemption… which you’ve given him.

 

Frankly I agree with Tenebrae, you need to close this chapter of your life and move on. This guy has got what he wants and that’s exactly why your conversations are somewhat stagnant. Been there done that myself; all you’re doing now is opening up old wounds and torturing yourself with what if’s.

 

You were in a long distance relationship, which in itself is stressful enough. My advice to you is to move on and find someone closer to home to date. I’m sure there are plenty of cute guys that would be willing to fill the position.

 

Good luck.

 

[MikeL]

There are a lot of fish in the sea. If he wants to be friends, be his friend. Don't expect more. Find someone closer to home and go swimming with them; your chances of a lasting relationship are better there.

 

BTW...your English is great!

 

Best wishes.

[rustle]

Steve, I've been where you are now. He came back, but didn't want what I did. I tried to wait it out. The second breakup was worse than the first. Thirty years later, it still aches.

 

Break it off. Now. Delete his AIM contact, lose his digits, forget his FB account. You've told him how you feel about him; he's told you he doesn't feel the same. If something has changed for him, and he wants you as a boyfriend, it's up to him to say it. Clearly. No hints, or songs with hidden meanings. If you can, tell him what's going on - that you won't be happy being his friend, you want to be more, and he should only contact you if he wants to get back together.

 

You're too invested to be able to just be a friend. Come on, you're stalking him. Unless he wants you, you're holding on to false hope, and that's not healthy.

 

Unrequited love's a bitch. Somewhere out there is a really cute guy who will love you as much as you love him, and that's who you deserve.

 

And Mike's right. Your English is beautiful.

 

Good hunting.

 

 

[Cjay]

The way I see it, he's either trying to win you back or just looking if you still had it bad for him. Okay, forget about winning you back.

 

There's a reason why you guys broke up. Chances are, he's most probably lonely that time and felt the need to hit you up. Once he get the idea that you are still emotionally inclined that way, he'll run you off.

 

Play it cool. Guard your heart. There's no harm in talking, maybe he needs someone relatively close, just friends maybe. But it doens't mean he's not holding back either.

 

Hey, I already added you on ym.

[xteeeeeeve]

Awwww THANK YOU SO MUCH you guys... =,)

Apparently, most of you want me to just close this chapter of my life and finally move on.

But I thought about it, and realized that if I kept avoiding this 'problem', sooner or later, im gonna have to look back at the whole situation, and spend the rest of my days saying 'what if' and it'll eat me up inside. So yeah, I bit the bullet and asked him. Well, I didn't ask him right out if he still loves me or whatever. Instead, I sent him an offline message and asked why he suddenly came back after four months. When we did finally talk again, he just said he lost the message coz his messenger crashed or something and asked if I could restate my question. He also said he did read most it but he's 'forgotten all about it'. I got annoyed so I told him to forget it. But I asked him why he sent me that song and if it meant anything to him. He just dodged the question and asked 'What do you mean "if it meant anything" to me?'. Now, this guy is faaaar from dense. Heck, he's a freaking writer for an online magazine. He knows. Even a monkey could tell I'm still in love with that bastard.

I thought he truly misses what we had together and wanted to make things right. I guess I was wrong...

But hey, that's life. You win some, you lose some.

It hurts. Man, it f**king HURTS. But I guess it's better than never knowing what could've happened if I did something about it. At least I wont have to look back thinking I missed an opportunity coz I was scared.

THANK YOU ALL SOOOO MUCH for helping me out. You guys have no idea how much each one of your replies has made all the hurt easier to bear. Dun worry, I've deleted everything - his addresses, my AIM messenger, our chat logs (Yes, I'm very sentimental - I think it'll be the death of me), AND, I finally blocked his Facebook account so I wont have any access to it anymore. No more stalking. PROMISE.

Again, THANK YOU SOOO MUCH! >> hugs <<

Steve

[Michael9344]

I'm happy that you finally read between the lines and not have to worry about coulda woulda shoulda. I'm happier with the way you're handling it. And I don't think it's sentimental. It's the right to do to allow you to move on with your life. I hope some better guy falls for you soon. *hugs*

[WatchPatRun]

I'm sorry it hurts but at least you have closure and can move on fully knowing what would've happened. It'll all be good for you before you know it