Being Bisexual

[Nephylim]

My daughter has recently attended a course with her work at which bisexuality was discussed... gods know why.

 

Apparently, from a psychological point of view there are two types of bisexual

 

- Psychological Bisexual - Those who are attracted equally to males and females

- Physiological Bisexuals - Those who feel incomplete when they are with only a male or only with a female. It was explained with lots of psychobabble and I am so not going to be able to explain but essentially they NEED relationships with both or at least strong elements of both within a relationship. That doesn't mean that they need both at the same time, or that they can't be loyal to a partner of one sex without another. It just means that they feel incomplete without relationships with both sexes.

 

I am so sorry that I can't explain the second type more clearly because I identify SO strongly with it. It isn't just that I am attracted by both males and females; what I am attracted to is marked femininity accompanied by a pretty piece of tackle. I am attracted to beautiful, delicate features and strong male psychological traits. What I am attracted to at a very very basic level is a man who looks like a woman and whose psyche is netiher predominantly male or female.

 

If you have any doubt about that look at my gallery.

 

Both of my previous long term partners were men and they both had very strong feminine traits without being effeminate. My first husband was very soft and quietly spoken and emotional. My second husband was physically very pretty and delicarte but with a much stronger and more masculine character.

 

That being said the women I have had relationships with have been all woman.

 

I would be interested in hearing your takes.

[Cyhort]

For me it changed a lot over the years. I started getting attracted to guys pretty soon after I started getting attracted to girls, around 12 IIRC. But back then I never wanted to date a guy or have any relationship with one. I only wanted relationships with girls and I was only curious about sex with guys. I had a few girlfriends from 14-15, one of which I lost my virginity to, and most ended in what could nicely be called apocalyptic disaster. After that I didn't wanna date anyone for a while but I started getting really turned on by the thought of finally having sex with a guy. I even joined one of those "meet up for sex" websites when I was 18 but I was too scared to ever go through with it, lol. Somewhere in all that I decided I wanted to try maybe dating a guy, something I never thought about at all till then. When I was 20 I met my first/current boyfriend and we got together and it was a bit weird at first getting used to dating someone who could lift me up instead of the other way around but now I don't think I could ever date a girl again. I find guys way more attractive than girls but I still get turned on by straight porn and every once in a while kinda have a short lived urge to have sex with a girl again. But mostly it's all about the guys now, lol.

 

I have no idea why things changed so much. I don't know if things like that are common or if I'm just weird, but that's the saga of my bisexuality. I think I'm more of the first type than the second though. When I'm looking for gay porn I usually like the ones with kinda feminine looking guys but I'd much rather have sex with a guy who's more on the manly side, so I'm not really looking for a "chick with a dick" type of thing. It's kinda weird though, because with my boyfriend I get really turned on by being the more submissive one in bed, but with a girl it's the opposite. Maybe I'm misogynistic-sexual or something but a dominant woman turns me off as much as a dominant guy turns me on. Like I said, weird, lol.

 

Awesome topic though

[Dannsar]

I've tried explaining a bit of this in the 'cheating' thread. Some bisexual guys actually need, very strongly, to express their mm side and have it assuaged. This is why I don't accept the cheat thing at face value. Sure some bi's can make do with one sex and possibly masturbation for the other. Everybody is different. Some people need both sexes in exactly the same way that most need one.

 

It's a weird thing, but masturbation and mutual masturbation, otherwise known as non-penetrative sex, usually by frotting is equally intense as penetrative sex. But there is just nothing psychologically satisfying in the same way as the smooth, moist warmth of a back or front bottom. I can't explain it. It's just massively different and more holistic (to use an ironic phrase lol).

 

I know that I can't go near my penis when I've come externally. It's agony. But I can go right through orgasm and out the other side no bother in penetrative sex. It's a damn good skill too!

 

The point is that the different psychological elements are very deep, and it's just obvious to me that some people will need to be physically intimate with both sexes at different times in their lives. Expecting otherwise is like expecting a straight guy to fall in love with another man and be happy ever after. Daft.

[Persinette]

Some people need both sexes in exactly the same way that most need one.

 

And this is where well-negotiated, consensual polyamory comes into play.

[Tiger]

I guess if one wanted to consider my actual attraction, I am technically bisexual, though I'm an oddity as one. There are very few women I find attractive as strange as that may seem, and even the types of women I find attractive probably couldn't keep me. Somewhere there's a fear I have of women as far as intimacy goes. I don't think I had that fear 10 years ago, but I definitely do now. I honestly don't understand it. However, I'm just fine adopting the gay label, and I know when I find "the one" it will almost certainly be a man.

[Hamen Cheese]

I'm not really sure I (or anyone) can box my bisexuality to just those two types. Personally, I haven't figured out yet which gender I'm more attracted to (or if I really even care either way). I've always thought that there are personality traits I look for in those I like. If that person happened to have a penis or vagina, I personally do not care if it was just us (I mean I know some gay people who cringe at the very idea of a vagina and boobs).

 

So am I bisexual? I really don't know. For all I know, I could just be curious about guys...

 

But I have to agree with you Nephy that there are certain physical characteristics that I look for in either sexes.

[TetRefine]

Most people are bisexual to some extent or the other. As has been established many times before in here, there are very few exclusively gay or exclusive straight people in existence. Its just most straight men won't admit they have some level of attraction to other guys, even if it isn't purely sexual. I used to have much stronger attractions to women then I did guys. Over the high school period, that slowly changed to the other way around. I still find some women sexually attractive and sometimes wonder what sex with a girl would be like. When it comes to relationships though, I just can't picture a woman in the place of my boyfriend.

 

I guess if I had to put a label on myself, I'd say Bisexual, Strongly Leaning Male. Though, to some extent that still isn't really accurate.

[Dannsar]

Somewhere there's a fear I have of women as far as intimacy goes. I don't think I had that fear 10 years ago, but I definitely do now. I honestly don't understand it.

That's a bloody interesting viewpoint, and one I can relate to. Worthy of a whole new thread, actually. Best not to derail this one.

[Cia]

I'm ranked in psychological bisexual I guess. I'm equally attracted to men and women but I'm very much monogamous. I am okay with just being with a man for the last 14 years but I still like to look at women and they still play a factor in my sexuality, even if I'm not doing anything with one. That being said, the features I'm attracted to with men and women are very different. I like larger, stronger-willed men with strong masculine traits and I like women with softer, more feminine traits than me. I'm sort of in the middle myself when it comes to men/women personality traits so it's not surprising to me I like my partners to be on either end of the spectrum for the sexes.

[Former Member]

Interesting, I find that my sexuality is always evolving, even now, in my mid-late twenties I'm still not quite sure.

I guess based on physical attraction, I'm Bisexual leaning female, I find that in numbers, more women are attractive than guys, though the feelings I have with the guys I am attracted to are far stronger than the attraction to the women I feel attracted to, if that makes any sense?....

 

Psychologically, I'm Bisexual leaning male, I just can't form strong emotional bonds at all, to the fairer sex, believe me I've tried and failed on that.

So how do I class my sexual orientation? Well as you can see on my profile I've put down "gay", and I guess that's because, to me, my orientation is a lot more than just what my preference is 'physically'. Whatever I've felt at any one time, I'm fortunate to say I've never resented my orientation, even in my teen years or wished for any thing different, although it would be easier if I knew for sure which team I played for, be it gay or straight.

[Dannsar]

Interesting, I find that my sexuality is always evolving, even now, in my mid-late twenties I'm still not quite sure.

I guess based on physical attraction, I'm Bisexual leaning female, I find that in numbers, more women are attractive than guys, though the feelings I have with the guys I am attracted to are far stronger than the attraction to the women I feel attracted to, if that makes any sense?....

 

Psychologically, I'm Bisexual leaning male, I just can't form strong emotional bonds at all, to the fairer sex, believe me I've tried and failed on that.

So how do I class my sexual orientation? Well as you can see on my profile I've put down "gay", and I guess that's because, to me, my orientation is a lot more than just what my preference is 'physically'. Whatever I've felt at any one time, I'm fortunate to say I've never resented my orientation, even in my teen years or wished for any thing different, although it would be easier if I knew for sure which team I played for, be it gay or straight.

 

Sympathies ... though I know that's not what you're looking for I think I'd just tell you that, in common with the 'you come into the world with nothing, you go out with nothing, you come in alone, you go out alone' sort of thinking, you are playing for Team You. At the end of the day, it matters not one jot what other people think about it. As long as there are some people who can be comfortable with it, and you can find them, and you don't inflict unecessary pain on anybody, it's all good.

 

The actor John Mills was bisexual. As far as I am aware, his wife knew. Now, I don't know the calendar of events in their lives, but if she was able to cope with it as they went along, then he'd found someone who was comfortable with it. Seems reasonable to me.

 

Of course, some people claim that bisexuals are a bunch of selfish bastards trying to play the field and have it all ways. But as we all know, that's just not the case.

[intune]

I'd say the first probably fits me better. Although, I always find male relationships more satisfying. Even though I'm attracted to both sexes I don't feel like I'm missing anything necessarily when I'm with either gender.

[Syniq]

I've identified as gay since I came out, but recently I notice I'm surprising a lot of my friends with comments like "She's really hot" and similar things. I mean, I've always known I'm a strongly male-leaning bisexual, but it's almost like I'm becoming more comfortable with my 'straight' side and coming out as bi. How's that for ironic?

 

I've already met and lost one of the people who could qualify as The One™. However, if The Second One™ comes along, I'm willing to bet that they'll be another guy.

Edited October 15, 2011 by Syniq

[Mal]

I started out Bisexual. Now I'm more gay than bisexual. I used to find more women attractive then men, but the man attraction was stronger. It has grown to the point that I think i could have sex with women, though its not fulfilling, just not a relationship. Though I do have a hard time imagining a relationship with a guy. That might be because the only real model i have for a relationship is my ex wife, and I can't imagine being intimate with someone else. Not because it's bad or anything, just because I have nothing to go off. I'm at the point where I am looking exclusively for gay relationships. Women just aren't my thing really. Vagina<Penis.

[Syniq]

I started out Bisexual. Now I'm more gay than bisexual. I used to find more women attractive then men, but the man attraction was stronger. It has grown to the point that I think i could have sex with women, though its not fulfilling, just not a relationship. Though I do have a hard time imagining a relationship with a guy. That might be because the only real model i have for a relationship is my ex wife, and I can't imagine being intimate with someone else. Not because it's bad or anything, just because I have nothing to go off. I'm at the point where I am looking exclusively for gay relationships. Women just aren't my thing really. Vagina<Penis.

 

Blimey…I might be poking at the Godiva device by saying this, but I'm really shocked to read a post from someone who's 21 talking about his ex-wife. Maybe I'm just incredibly naïve, but I kinda think that 21 is far too young for someone to have gotten married, let alone divorced. Hell, my best friend from my high-school days isn't marrying her 6'4" Royal Marine boyfriend until next year, and my 28-year-old cousin didn't marry his wife until last year, so... :s

 

Although this is WAAAAY off the point, so apologies. >.<

[Cia]

Don't knock young people marriage for everyone. I know a lot of people who can do it and do it well. I don't advocate it for everyone because people do change a lot. You have to know who you are, who they are, and be willing to accomodate change. Unless you are willing and able to do with that with a partner, you won't make it.

 

This is where not KNOWING your sexuality can be dangerous to your relationship. If you're bi but not quite sure what you really prefer, you can cause a lot of heartache on both parts. You have to be sure of who you want, not just the sex of who you are with. I am pretty much right in the middle, liking both sexes equally but when I met my husband at 16 I knew HE was it. That was 14 years ago, 11 of them married. I married young, I'm VERY bi and I've never cheated and never regretted picking a man over a woman to be with long-term.

 

It is possible.

[Nephylim]

I got with my first husband at 16, married at 18 while still at school and divorced at 28 after ten great years and a wonderful daughter (whom I had at 22 and was NOT the reason I married)

 

Marrying young CAN work but, as my own experience showed, both change and if you change in different ways the relationship eventually fails. Although, if, as in my case, it was simply a matter of changing in different directions it makes a good break up and lasting friendship possible.

 

And, although it's not exactly on topic it does, I think kind of touch on the bisexuality issue because the reason for the change might be a growing realisation of your bisexuality and a need for a different sex partner. In my case that was a tiny part of the change but in others it might be more

[MarkSen]

Er, I'm probably somewhere in the middle, but it's probably a lot more complicated than it seems anyway. And I'm just 17, so who knows what'll happen in the future.

 

Right now, I prefer guys who are masculine in physical appearance and in behavior. I prefer guys who are taller than me, decisive, protective, and maybe a tad more dominant than I am. For girls, I prefer the exact opposite. I prefer girls who are feminine in physical appearance and in behavior. I prefer girls who are shorter than me, caring, have a go-with-the flow kind of attitude, and a bit on the submissive side. I think I am mostly a psychological bisexual, but I'm also probably a little bit of a physiological bisexual too. I don't really know. I'll see what happens.

[old bob]

Interesting topic and it's not the first on the same subject.

We discussed it a lot in the last 6 years, sometimes with very rough words against the bisexuals .

This time the opinions are more 'soften' and even-tempered .

 

I'm to lazy to find the right words to express my opinion.

I found in the comments above exactly what I think today, the same since I discovered my bisexuality, many many years ago :

 

"Most people are bisexual to some extent or the other. As has been established many times before in here, there are very few exclusively gay or exclusive straight people in existence."

 

"I'm ranked in psychological bisexual I guess. I'm equally attracted to men and women but I'm very much monogamous. I am okay with just being with a woman for the last 60 years but I still like to look at men and they still play a factor in my sexuality, even if I'm not doing anything with one any more."

 

Thanks to Tetrefine and Cia for the accuracy of their comments .

[DragonMando]

I'm probably mostly a psychological bisexual. I can be content in a monogamous relationship though until I actually try a polyamorous relationship with both genders involved, I don't know.I'd like to though and my current girlfriend accepts that I'm poly and can't help but at least look.

[Mal]

I ended up with an attraction to women too, but sexually, and mostly in the porn sense. Men are overall more appealing to me. For a real relationship, and a more reciprocal relationship, I am gay. Women bother me, and vagina is scary like cthulu. I did get married too young, but only because I did not know my sexuality. It works for some people, some not.

[Russell Timm]

Great to find this topic being discussed here. (I'm new)

 

I indentify with the 'Physiological Bisexual'.

 

Who I'm attracted to knows no gender but the problem I have is that the longer I spend in a relationship with one the more I feel the urge for the other. Even though cheating makes me feel nasty and dirty I feel fullfilled as a result and recharged for the primary relationship again.

 

Feel better for having said that.

[Pete Bruno]

This is my first post here, so please don't anyone be offended, I am old (55 on 11/11) and opinionated. The comments I find most interesting are about 'evolving sexuality', this is something that never happened to me, and it's just hard for me to get my head around the concept. It could be because the only thing that has evolved in me was my acceptance of my own homosexuality. I've often joked that I knew I was gay in the womb, since I had to cut out rather than passing through a vagina. Bad joke I know. I have slept with (oh God!) many, many "straight" and "bi-sexual guys in my time; especially guys I played baseball and football with in high school and college; and while during that time (in fact until I was in my late twenties) I wasn't officially 'out', I had no doubt in my mind that I was 100% gay. Call me skeptical, but I'm with Arnold Becker (Torch Song Trilogy) when he says "So me a man who leaves his boyfriends bed to sleep with a women, and I'll show you a true bi-sexual."

[Russell Timm]

Call me skeptical, but I'm with Arnold Becker (Torch Song Trilogy) when he says "So me a man who leaves his boyfriends bed to sleep with a women, and I'll show you a true bi-sexual."

 

I would like to try and understand what you are trying to say. Would you please elaborate?

[Zolia Lily]

Have to preface this by saying I've never been in a relationship, so this is all pretty theoretical.

So far, pretty sure I'm straight. Lady bits scare me a little. That said, I'm usually attracted to men who are pretty, feminine and small and girls who are tomboyish, slender short-haired etc.

I feel like i could definitely live without straight men, though. Most of my friends are either girls or gay, and I don't feel like i'm missing out on anything. I suspect I could quite happily have a relationship with a girl, if she was the one. I'd just have to get over the 'lady bits' thing first...