Depression

[VictoryPanda]

Amazing to see the transition from page 2 to 15 lol. I kind of skimmed through and it's really cool to see Mark feeling better!

 

Umm lets see... I use to feel really depressed in my first few years of puberty. I'm not trying to plug my story or anything, but the more that I write it, the closer it feels to home than I wanted it to be. While the events are FAR FAR FAR more dramatic than anything I encountered, it just feels to familiar to what I felt. I never cam out of the closet until I turned 20 (only to really close friends and my brother) but I've been bullied since I about the 5th grade for being gay and not being as cool as everyone else. I was never really a nerd and I'm not flamboyant or anything... I just didn't fit in with majority of the kids at my school. One moment they'd be really protective and nice to me and then the next they'd laugh and joke. That lasted till I transferred to another district in high school which turned things around a lot more for me.

 

But I still had to deal with being gay and living under homophobic parents, a mother who religiously went to church and work 20 hours a day and my brother coming out the closet years before myself. I always felt like some kind of disappointment. I never knew if my life would ever be normal or if anyone would accept me. I never felt liked anyone really liked me even in friendship terms because I thought I was annoying or everything I said was stupid.

 

I got my first real best friend when I turned 13 and I told him I was bisexual (at the time denying it) and after a year or two, he came out to me and from that moment we started dating. I always loved him with all my heart but after we broke up (when I turned 19) I realized that he was far too controlling and I put too much of myself and dedication to him. Eventually he just stopped talking to me altogether and ignoring me after we tried to just be friends... but it was too hard. I understand it, but I'm still sad about losing my best friend more than I am about losing my boyfriend.

 

I don't want to drag on haha... but I feel like I'm blowing off some steam. I'd keep going on too but I might spoil too much for my story too! Tehe.

 

All in all, through out high school, only two people ever made me feel like I meant something in someones life. I had friends and I had fun, but deep down, I felt really worthless and I would never amount to anything. I don't know what snapped in me, but eventually I realized that it didn't matter. If someone did or didn't like me, it didn't really matter. You'll never really get a chance to see me angry, upset, sad or without a smile and being nice. Even if I don't do anything with my life, the thing that makes me happy is to see other people happy and enjoying themselves. It sounds cheesy, but that's honestly how my life works. I'm not sad anymore at all really. I do get put off thinking that none of the friends I had in high school and the two people that meant the world to me are no longer talking to me... but I think I can just move on.

 

While everyones different, I think the one thing to push someone forward is to find the one thing that makes them happy, find something that will relieve the pressure, and to try and let things roll without stopping you. You can't control the universe and just like things can make you happy, they can tear you down, so the only thing you can really do is brush it off and keep going!

[Mikelaing74]

VictoryPanda, I can sort of identify with what you've said. During my teenage years I wouldn't let any get close to me because of the feelings I had of being gay. I built a shell around myself, I knew I'd have no issues with my parents, but going to a catholic all boys school was a different matter, apart from the unlimited perving opportunities

 

One thing I did pick up on though, don't try and be normal, there's no such thing. Just be yourself, and if someone doesn't like it, it's not your problem.

 

Hugs to all

[Mark92]

This thread is all about blowing off steam, It's the reason I am trying to keep it going. We have lots of good and troubled people here.

 

I do agree with Mike, in the fact that there is no such word as "normal". I cant think of one person that I've met here on GA , I can say is normal. Kind of glad about that.

 

Hugs all

[comicfan]

Mark, I resent that. I'm as normal as they come. and if you believe that I have a beautiful bridge in Brooklyn to sell you. lol.

 

Things have been trying but I keep rolling with the punches. Trying hard to get life back on course. That is one thing I have learned, life is a journey not a destination. So trying hard to enjoy it cause I only get one shot at it.

 

Bit worried about Joe. Hope he is alright.

 

As to me, well pulled back together enough where I am finally pulling the slack up and getting things done again. to all that need it and a few who don't like them either.

[Mark92]

Rooting for you Unc, always here if you want to vent or just sob your heart out. I do it often enough .

 

I'm getting worried about Joe too, we can just sit and wait and hope he comes out of it.

 

Hugs all

[JOeKEool]

Hi all !!! Thank you for all the kind thoughts. They mean more than you can know. I am feeling better. Got pretty low there. Thought I was stuck in the mire again but i dragged my ass out for a moment at least. It is good to catch up here. I miss getting my FIX in this thread. At some point I lose hope and give up. I always know I have people here that care. That gives me the energy to claw my way up again.

 

Mike, I sure know of the shell we build around us. I think mine is still there. I tear a piece off here and then rebuild it over there. A constant battle .I do make slow progress.

 

Panda, You sound like you have the answer. That one thing that makes you happy. I haven't found mine yet but I have hope. Thanks for sharing. It helps to know we aren't alone in our struggle.

 

Mark, Karl, Wayne,Clara,Mike, every one. Again, the kind thoughts are deeply appreciated. HUGS !!! and LOVE !!! to you all. Thank you for caring.

[Mikelaing74]

Nice to see you back Joe, remember one piece of the shell at a time

[Mark92]

Welcome back Joe

 

We have missed you, If you get that low again, or feel yourself slipping. Just talk to one of us. Either here or email. So many people want to help you.Dont forget that.

 

Well, I am feeling good today Hope everyone else is?

 

Hugs all

[Mikelaing74]

Yes, today is a good day. My email system is back to health after some serious TLC and threats of violence yesterday

 

[Mark92]

LOL you big bad man

 

Glad you're feeling good.

[Mikelaing74]

I'm having absolute joygasms at the moment, I've bought a house and a new amplifier.

 

http://uk.yamaha.com/en/products/audio-visual/av-receivers-amps/rx/rx-v473_g/?mode=model

 

I think I'm more impressed with the amp to be honest, snuggle isn't seeing it that way

 

After getting bullied by snuggle, I have to put the link to the house up:

 

http://www.rightmove.co.uk/property-for-sale/property-16910262.html

Edited May 2, 2012 by Mikelaing74

[K.C.]

I'm having absolute joygasms at the moment, I've bought a house and a new amplifier.

 

http://uk.yamaha.com...3_g/?mode=model

 

I think I'm more impressed with the amp to be honest, snuggle isn't seeing it that way

 

After getting bullied by snuggle, I have to put the link to the house up:

 

http://www.rightmove...y-16910262.html

 

Congratz...the pink carpet will the first thing to go, right?

[Zombie]

Cute teddies Mike (pic 10) - they were the deal maker right?

[comicfan]

You have a house and snuggle bunny and the amp puts you over the moon? Dear boy, get your priorites fixed, and get rid of that pink rug. OMG! lol. Congrats all around though in perfect seriousness. Couldn't happen to a nicer person.

[Mikelaing74]

Thanks guys, yes the pink carpet is going to have an accident involving a skip also the kitchen is going missing I can see a few happy weekends with a sledge hammer coming up.

 

It was an utter delight to see the guys face when we offered to write him a cheque on the spot to cover the house, he was positively drooling thinking about the commission on a quick sale ! That and we made a scene between us because he was acting like a stuffed shirt, basically it came down to Snuggle and I fighting over what we buy first, the amp or the house

[Mark92]

Congrats Mikey and Snuggles, its a very pretty house, 70'S by the look of the staircase. Nice one

[Mikelaing74]

Thanks Marky, snuggles is positively drooling over the shopping opportunities

[Mark92]

My place is still mostly back in victorian times, when it was built. I have some very old pieces of furniture. But the decor is just awful.

So far I've managed to paint the hallway and pantry. LOL

 

 

Hugs all

[Mark92]

My place is still mostly back in victorian times, when it was built. I have some very old pieces of furniture. But the decor is just awful.

So far I've managed to paint the hallway and pantry. LOL

 

 

Hugs all

[Mikelaing74]

Decorating isn't my favourite thing in the world to do, but it needs doing. Once we've picked out the colour scheme we'll get a company in to do it for us. I want rid of that pink carpet as it's hideous and underneath is the original floor boards, so I'll sand them down and leave them exposed and I think it will look so much better.

 

Hugs all

[Mark92]

Yeah I agree so is it 70's??

[Mikelaing74]

At the moment it is Marky, but we'll get that fixed.

[Mark92]

70's are roomy thats one good thing

[Y_B]

After getting bullied by snuggle, I have to put the link to the house up:

http://www.rightmove...y-16910262.html

 

 

That is a nice backyard/yard area

[Mikelaing74]

That is a nice backyard/yard area

 

Cheers Yan, I just need to learn about gardening now