Comicality Posted January 28, 2012 Posted January 28, 2012 "Derailed" By LemonFresh http://www.irc.shack...id=22&Itemid=97 Now, originally, I was going to review the third chapter of LemonFresh's other story, "Birthright", but seeing as I did a short review on the first two chapters last year, I didn't think I could do another one without being redundant. Luckily, LemonFresh has more than one story going right now! Hehehe! Now, I will start of by saying that I am a fan of LemonFresh and his work. He's still in high school, and his mind is already able to create complex characters and set a mood and tone for the fantastic worlds that he sets his stories in. His very first offering to the rest of the world came in the form of "Derailed". The story follows the life of main character, Cameron, who is growing up in what is basically a post apocalyptic world...where a deadly virus has ravaged a great deal of the population. But once the virus was cured and everything was thought to be returning to normal, the world's governments realize that thevirus has mutated, and passed down incredible powers to the next generation of kids born from the parents who survived the original outbreak. It's a part of their genetic code, and they are now being hunted, terminated, or forced to live a life on the run, hiding in small colonies and looking for safe havens fortheir kind wherever they can find them. I will say that, while the first chapter is in need of a little more editing for small errors and spelling mistakes, both the story and the writer mature by leaps and bounds with each additional chapter. It's something that you can literally feel from beginning to end (Or end so FAR), and that's amazing to see. Cameron is forced to deal with his current situation, where he is practically a prisoner underground, with only his closest friends and 'teachers' for company. Also, he is dealing with strong feelings for his best friend, Seth, which unfolds nicely throughout the series. It leaves one guessing whether or not it's even possible in the beginning. And that is hard to pull off in a genre of fiction where the boy almost 'always' gets the boy. Other characters, Adrian, Bruiser, Corbin, Tim, Mark, Andrea, and the wise Magashi, play slightly smaller roles, but important ones in the story. None of them feel as though they are just there for filler. It leaves the readers waiting to see what else we can learn about them and how they all fit into the storyline. Only time will tell as the plot develops. I do like the way that the 'abilities' of this new generation is being handled. It's being tested and monitored and moderated by others, but you get a very realistic feel of the previous generation not really knowing what to make of these new kids. And that's an interesting angle. How can one generation provide guidance to another when it is so very advanced in so many ways? The colonies are all searching for more refugees that need help, but (also very realistic) these new refugees don't always play nice. There are ocassional clashes and flare ups that have to be handled. You have teens that want to do more with their powers than they're being allowed to do. You have conflicts within the ranking 'overseers' as to what paths should be taken, etc. So that's a plus, and helps to make for an intriguing read. The only real complaint that I have here (As I have with a lot of great stories that I've read in the past) is that I thirst for more. Not just more as in a continuation, but in the earlier chapters as well. I want to be totally sucked into this world, mind, body, and soul. I want to hear more. I want to know more about how the public reacted initially to the deadly Holmen virus and what happened when it returned in their children. I want to know more about the government's reaction and how they carried out their actions to somehow make them runaways and targets for their VCU squads. (The VCU squads seem like a 'distant' threat in the first few chapters, but later on, you get to see why they're feared and what they're capable of!) There's mention of the beginning of the hunts and all, where a boy getting bullied in school gets out of control and turns his entire home town into a giant crater with his abilities. THAT...is amazing! That could be a prologue or maybe even a whole prequel in itself. The 'beginning of the war' type of thing. So I would definitely expand on what happened there. And I'd also love to seemore with Cameron and Seth, as to how they connect and interact, and learn a bit more about their history as best friends. They seem like a really cute couple. A few fun moments between them, a little tension, I think could make readers root for them even more. Other than that, awesome story! Check it out! I was careful not to give any spoilers, so you'll have to read for yourselves! Cool? There's a link up above to LemonFresh's section on the Chat Shack, with "Derailed" and his other stories. Give it a look, and let him know what you think! K? 1
TurtleBoy Posted February 4, 2012 Posted February 4, 2012 Okay, so I was finally going to sit down and read this, but it looks like the Chat Shack has the chapters all screwy. Some chapters have multiple parts, but I'm only seeing "Part 2" of those parts
Red_A Posted February 4, 2012 Posted February 4, 2012 turtle boy try GA stories search for author then click on derailed story It looks OK there http://www.gayauthor...nfresh/Derailed
Comicality Posted February 6, 2012 Author Posted February 6, 2012 Really, because I saw it fine on the Chat Shack link. I'll let LemonFresh know...
Freefallen Posted February 10, 2012 Posted February 10, 2012 What happened was the author made changes to the chapters on GA, including chapter titles and added text, that The CHAT SHACK was not informed of. We are in the process of obtaining those revised chapters and updating the story. We apologize for any inconvenience. 1
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