Hi I'm new here and I need some help!

[tiredofmyex]

 

I am bisexual. I like men and women but I like women more.  I want to talk about my ex. I fell in love with a girl I've known almost all of my life. I've known her since the early 80's. I grew up with her being so in love with her but I never said anything to her about it. Back in the 80's, it just wasn't easy to come out and tell another girl that you like her! She dated guys when she was younger so I knew there was no way I would have a shot at her. It was sooo painful and agonizing to watch her be with guys and I couldn't do anything about it! But years and years after, she admitted to me that she did have feelings for me. In fact, she fell in love with me. Before that when we were kids, I noticed that there were some signs that she was into me cuz she was really affectionate. So one time when we went camping, she kissed me on the lips and held me tight. But I never read into more than just a kiss that was a little more than that so I just let her be. I never said anything. Although she did admit to me that she did have feelings for me when we were young. But when we were teenagers, that affection she had for me stopped. So because it stopped, I couldn't say anything to her anyway. But I loved her pretty much from the first time I saw her. So as soon as she told me how she felt about me, we started dating. Things were great for the first two months but then she started cheating on me with different people. I was devastated! She ended the relationship with me earlier this year. She met another girl at her jiujitsu school. She started talking to her and as time went on, she ended things with me and is now with this other girl. I think she is falling in love with this other girl but I know it won't last cuz none of her relationships have lasted!

She blames me for the demise of our relationship. She said that she ended things with me because of my anger. That I am a horrible mean and cruel person because of all the mean things I said to her. Hello??? She cheated on me! And she cheated several times while she was with me! So yes, I grew very angry at her! Where I went wrong was that I said whatever came to my mind. I even called her a whore. So I know that was not right, but I also tried to talk to her in a civil manner, trying to explain to her how her cheating made me feel and how angry she had made me. She still didn't get it! I probably would've gotten a better response from a wall! She says that this other girl she is with listens to her, doesn't judge her or talk down to her. She says that she can connect with her better than she did with me because I am always at odds with her. She says we are like oil and water since we were kids but hello? Why would she go after me then if she thought we were oil and water??? So what she does is blame me for all the of the issues we had without really acknowledging what she has done!

Now she is seeing this other girl who incidently just got married herself. She just got married last month to another girl but she is having sex with my ex! And my ex really believes this girl is a good person because she doesn't judge her or tell her anything about all the stupid things she's doing! I think this other girl has absolutely no respect for her wife and is clearly into my ex! Also, this other girl is 10 years younger than my ex! How is it that my ex can actually think that this person is good for her??? My ex threw me away like I'm a piece of garbage! For this other girl! A friendship/relationship that lasted 30 years! She threw it all away and she doesn't care! Its not that easy for me to just be done with her because her family and mine are fairly close. No one on either side of our families knows that we were dating and they don't even know that we had feelings for each other. So whether I want her out of my life or not, she's still going to be around.

Now I must be clear...Even though we may see each other time to time, I want absolutely nothing to do with my ex! I know she is toxic and she doesn't have what it takes to make me happy. I know she is the problem and everything went sour because of her! My ex has no heart. She has a battery that just keeps her alive. She has ice in her veins! She is narscissistic and selfish! She doesn't care who she hurts as long as she gets what she wants. She has never had a successful relationship with anyone! Not even any of the guys she dated. She's so hopped up on sex that she doesn't realize how her addiction to it has damaged me! She claims that I am too black and white and that I am in a box. She believes that there are grey areas in a relationship, meaning that she can be in relationship and still have sex with other girls and that its ok to do that!  She pretty much wanted me to accept anything she does and not have any consequences for her actions! She said that I don't look at things from the right perspective! What the....??? She's the one who doesn't see things in the proper persepective! She tries to justify everything she does and doesn't care who she hurts! I think she is sick. It could be that her love for me was never real. I don't know.

I want to know what all of you think about this??? I would certainly welcome any thoughts on this troubling situation that I am in!

 

[joann414]

I think you need to start anew.  Get rid of old baggage, and move forward.  You sound like you know what is going on.  Don't go back into a bad situation. JMO

[tiredofmyex]

Thank you. I definitely don't want to go back to her. I know that she is no good for me. She is incredibly selfish and she doesn't really care about anything. But what do you suppose is going on with her? Why does she want to run away from a good thing??? I would have given her the world if I could!

[mickey1952]

Hi, tired. I agree with Joann. Make a fresh start of things. You sound like you already know what to do. So here's the "permission" you may feel you need. Out with the old, in with the new. There's someone out there just waiting to meet you who wants to love you, respect you, and share your life with you. Just keep yours eyes and your heart open. Good luck to you and stay in touch with us; you've got friends here!

[Daddydavek]

" But what do you suppose is going on with her? Why does she want to run away from a good thing??? I would have given her the world if I could!"

 

For some people it is never enough and your ex sounds like someone for whom no one will ever be enough.   I think you are well rid of her.   There are takers and givers in this world and love is between two people who want to give of themselves to the other without being quid pro quo about it.  It really is time to move on with your life.  

[tiredofmyex]

Thanks Mickey and Daddy Dave. I know what I have to do. I just cannot believe her behavior and I was hoping someone could tell me what's up with her. But I know I will never ever get back with her again, even if she begged! But like I said...Its so hard to cut her off completely because both of our families are close, plus neither of our families knew we're gay and that we were seeing each other. She doesn't deserve me! I know that. But I do feel bad for the part I played by belittling her like I did. I feel guilty about that. No matter what she has done to me, I should not have berated her.

Edited November 4, 2013 by tiredofmyex