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Reader Needed For Sweet Dark Fantasy


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Would like feedback on a story I'm working on. The length of it is not certain. Pantsing here.


There is no deadline on this. Turn around is lax. Don't expect anything profound, just someone to read, and give brief impressions of their thoughts. I have worked with an editor in the past, but never worked with a beta reader though. The focus is on storytelling.


So far there are two scenes (3rd draft) written using Scrivener. Do use OpenOffice's processor sometimes when needed to import/export word docs. I leave to the reader how she/he communicate their thoughts either by in the document itself or by email.


I do not expect reader commit beyond reading the two completed scenes.


The following is the complete first scene, word count 381:


For an instance a flash of bluish light lit a cold night sky. A second later a loud boom rattled the window of Nec the Good’s high tower window.


“Yes, I’m aware that this is unusual.” Nec said from his workbench. “I’ve been alone too long. What else am I to do?”


Lightning crackled again but further away.


“I thought so.” Nec said to the storm in retreat.


He returned his focus back to the magical equation as it glowed in the air above his neatly organized work area. In his long years of life what was before him was his most personal of spells. He formulated it carefully through several seasons. He took what he planned with such seriousness he did something he had not done in a very long, He sent an invitation by messenger raven to his dear friend from years ago St. Gid of the Golden Brotherhood for advice.


“Enter.” Nec said to faint scratches at his study door.


In creped a creature commoners called the dead ones. They were known for their stiff slow gait, ruined flesh, and white glazed eyes. In a halted voice the dead man said, “Master, Golden St. Gid has arrived.”


“Good.” Nec said as he got up from his seat and took one last look at his equation before bringing his attention to the man. “Did one of your number show the Elder to the library?”


“Yes. He is there now.” The man said after a glance off into the distance.


Nec placed a hand on the his shoulder. “Does your clan still wish to continue after so many years here?”


“We wish to serve as long as you allow. We never forget the freedom you gave us from your dark brethren. Master, you woke us from nothingness.”


“That was years ago. Do you never tire? Do you ever wish not to exist?” Nec said with his hand still on the dead man’s shoulder.


“No. This is all we know. The past before this is unknown to us. Our numbers were linked together when you woke us, and remained so now.”


Nec gave the man’s should a quick squeeze. "I envy you that.”


The man’s milky eyes looked off into the distance again. “We see that you are not happy.”


“I’m working on that.” Nec’s said as he removed his hand, took another look at his spell equation before it faded away. “Let’s go greet my guest.”

Edited by redbrute
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