Standing at crossroads

[Ieshwar]

I have submitted my new story. It is a very important story for me so please do post!

 

It deals with coming out in very conservative society. And the situations that arise are not promising at all. As I have mentioned at the end of the story, this type of situation is not unheard of. So tell me, what you think of it. Plz!

 

Here's the link to the story : https://www.gayauthors.org/eficiton/viewstory.php?sid=281

 

Thanks

 

Ieshwar

[Bondwriter]

Very sweet beginning. Fine writing. I don't know how long this story is, so I will refrain from commenting further and "criticizing" because what I thought after reading the story really depends on what you've got coming next. I love the professor arranging dates for her students.

 

One thing, and I don't know what others will think, but I think you can do without mentioning whose point of view you adopt at the beginning of the chapter. You write for clever readers and your writing explains it clearly enough that we know who's talking after five lines at the most.

[york366]

I have read a lot of different stories but I never expected to see a story like this.

 

I think you have started to set up this story very well. A dying mother's wish is always a powerful motivating force. I don't know what you have planned but I think just writing this story will be doing great justice to the topic. I have actually been working on a story with actually a very similar plot. I have an outline of the story but I don't know what I am going to do with yet. Maybe I will be inspired by your story. Hope to see more chapters soon.

[Graeme]

I can see the potential for this to be a great tragedy -- which would be very realistic. The romantic in me hopes it doesn't work out that way....

 

Well done -- the style is very clear and easy to read. I started to get the feel of the culture very quickly, which is a good sign.

 

Keep up the good work!

 

Graeme

[Ieshwar]

Hi,

 

Thanks a lot for these nice comments. I really appreciated them.

 

I'm quite surprised that such an important topic has not been started before. Situation in conservative countries is really not pleasant for gays. Had it not been for this community, I would have been lost.

 

I wanted to ask a question to those who read this story- what do you think of Jay' situation? What would you have done in his place?

 

Thanks for reading

 

Ieshwar

[Bondwriter]

Sorry, Ieshwar, I commented on your Rick and Alex story in this thread. I'll make my comment in the appropriate one.

 

This is a very difficult situation for Jay. He's got to be true to his feelings, which go towards his mom and of course his loved one. I won't give an opinion on what he should do, I think you should pursue the story as you want to see this issue resolved yourself. One of the beauties of fiction is that you get your characters where you want them. So, will you choose the feelgood solution and have some happy coming out, or no coming out but a solution satisfying everybody involved, or will you go down the path of drama and have some major clash between Jay and his family? That's your call, and I'd be glad to know what happens next.

[C James]

Ouch! What a predicament!

 

What a horrible position to be in. If his mother wasn't dying, he could tell her to take a hike. I suppose this is a clear example of cultural differences: I find the presumption that anyone has the "right" to arrange a marriage to be incredibly presumptuous and arrogant, and I don't care about "cultural norms" in this case, and my reaction would be anger and a very loud rejection. I've reacted similarly to pushy matchmakers in my own family; I am polite but firm ONCE in my refusal. I make clear that not only am I not interested, but that I object to matchmaking. If they make the mistake of trying it a second time, and I rip them a new one with no hesitation.

 

You ask what I'd have done in Jay's situation: Unquestionably, I'd have politely but firmly refused. Or, if I managed to suppress my anger at the situation long enough, I'd catch the next flight home and just leave a message saying that is was an emergency, had to go, etc, etc.

 

I've seen friends have to face this sort of patronizing arrogance (presuming to tell others whom to marry). I really don't care if it is a cultural thing, wrong is wrong, period.

 

Perhaps Jay will find an ally in his uncle, who will delay the marriage until the Mother dies? Or perhaps find him a nice Lesbian bride?

I think he has made a colossal mistake in agreeing.

 

This is a very powerful story. It evoked quite an emotiotional response (anger and outrage) from me, which is very rare.

Just to be clear: I love the story: My anger and outrage is at the position Jay was put in.

 

I'm less sympathetic to Jay than I am to Ryan. Ryan is the victim here, because Jay has basically betrayed him. Jay could have said no. while Ryan had no say at all.

 

VERY powerful story and premise. Can't wait to see what you do with it. EXCELENT

Edited January 27, 2007 by C James

[Ieshwar]

Don't worry, I have already thought of the end!

 

I was asking this question only to know other's point of view. And i was surprised!

 

I won't comment on the answer since I don't want you to guess the end. But I will at the end. But i hope more tell me what they think of Jay's situation.

[Ieshwar]

Hi everyone,

 

I have posted the second chapter of Standing at Crossroads. I know it has been quite a long time since I updated. So sorry!

 

The link for the second chapter:

https://www.gayauthors.org/eficiton/viewsto...0&chapter=2

 

So please read it and tell me what you think of the story and the direction it is taking. You read the conversation between Jay and his friends at the restaurant? Your opinion? And what about Maya?

 

What do you think of the style of writing? How can it be improved?

 

Thanks.

Ieshwar

[Ieshwar]

Hi there,

 

I have been writing the third chapter when a question came in my mind. I have used some Hindi terms like 'Guruji' in the second chapter for lack of suitable terms in English and I'm intending to use a few more in the coming chapters. Do you have any difficulty understanding those terms? And are some details like the names of the people and towns obstructing the reading?

 

Thanks to all those who read this story. Your comments are the most welcomed.

 

Take care

Ieshwar

[york366]

yay! i love the new chapter. i hope the third chapter won't take so long. i like where the story is heading. it will be interesting what happens to jay. also, it seems no matter what, someone will get hurt. the interesting thing is that so many people are in jay's position and have to make a decision (like krishna). the only complaint i had was that you seem to be hurrying through some potentially good scenes like ryan showing up at the shagoon. in my opinion, that is really one of the most important scenes in your story so i hope you will do it justice. i would also suggest adding some more details to make the surroundings come more alive. just some thoughts though, the story is great anyways. i really hope to read chapter 3 soon...

[Bondwriter]

I have been writing the third chapter when a question came in my mind. I have used some Hindi terms like 'Guruji' in the second chapter for lack of suitable terms in English and I'm intending to use a few more in the coming chapters. Do you have any difficulty understanding those terms? And are some details like the names of the people and towns obstructing the reading?

I don't mind, it's part of the fun of reading a story taking place in a surrounding that is not familiar to me. If you cannot make them understood from context, a little glossary at the end wouldn't hurt.

[C James]

Hi there,

 

I have been writing the third chapter when a question came in my mind. I have used some Hindi terms like 'Guruji' in the second chapter for lack of suitable terms in English and I'm intending to use a few more in the coming chapters. Do you have any difficulty understanding those terms? And are some details like the names of the people and towns obstructing the reading?

 

Thanks to all those who read this story. Your comments are the most welcomed.

 

Take care

Ieshwar

 

The use of Hindi terms, to me, was puzzling. Without a definition, they made no sense as I had no idea what they were, not even what language (so I couldn't even look them up).

 

I strongly echo Bondwriter's suggestion of a glossary at the end of the chapter.

 

Chapter two was great! To be honest, I had my doubts, as I couldn't (until later in the chapter) see a reason why he wouldn't just leave, either with, or without, telling the family where to stick its medieval idiocy (sorry to anyone that offends, but I find the concept of arranged marriage (or anything else) involving unwilling participants to be unacceptable). But, you pulled it off perfectly with the Mother's medical condition reaction to his initial rejection.

Edited April 4, 2007 by C James

[Ieshwar]

Hi everyone,

 

Thanks for taking time to post these comments. In chapter two, the terms were quite explicit but in the future, I'll try to add a glossary where necessary. I'm doing my best to update the story as soon as possible but I'm in senior year and it's really exhausting! But the comments are a very strong incentive which boosts up my writing. So thanks a lot!

 

I would welcome all comments about the story. It means a lot to me.

 

Take care

Ieshwar

[Ieshwar]

Hello,

 

I have posted the third chapter of Standing at Croosroads here! Please do read and review and it means a lot to me.

 

You can tell me what do you think of the plot, about the direction it is taking, about the style, how can I improve my way of writing and anything you want to tell.

 

Wish good reading to you all,

 

Ieshwar :king:

[Bondwriter]

This develops nicely after the happenings of the first two episodes. Jay is torn between love and duty, and who should he be faithful to? It seems the format is the novella, and that allows you not to get stuck in an endless narrative; there is material for a 600-page story in your subject matter. I haven't reread 1&2, but I maybe would have liked more about Jay in India. Still a nicely handled story, focusing on this short time frame and hence the most immediate drama. Nice job.

[Ieshwar]

Thanks for the comments! When starting the story, I wanted to put emphasis on the situation of gays in conservative societies. Perhaps, I should have written a bit about Jay's situation in the past but it never crossed my mind. What you're reading is what came into my mind.

 

And what do you think Jay will decide?

 

Ieshwar

[Tim28]

Ieshwar,

 

Just wanted to let you know that I am enjoying the story. I'm hoping Jay is too nice a guy to hurt the young lady. Looking forward to the next installment. Thank you for the time and effort you have put into writing this story.

 

JT

[Ieshwar]

Thanks JT! Yeah, Jay is in a true dilemma. It's upto him to take a decision. The fourth chapter will be out soon. Probably by the end of the week!

 

Take care,

Ieshwar

[Endless Skies]

The general storytelling seems a bit rushed, but while I normally don't like that, it fits this story. It's really great to see a writer able to adapt a writing style that fits their story so well. The entire thing is moving so quickly as is the entire story. It isn't slow for us and quick for Jay, it's fast for both. I am really enjoying this and can not wait until the fourth chapter. ^.^

[Ieshwar]

Hello,

 

Welcome to GA, Endless Skies.

 

Thanks a lot for your comments. I have been told before that the pace was a bit too quick and that I could have been more slow but I kept it like this. Strangely, I never consciously adopted this style. Glad to note that you liked it and that it compliments the story.

 

Take care,

Ieshwar

[Camilla]

Excelent story! Keep up the good work.

Can't wait to see what happens in the next chapter.

 

Camilla

[blueboybr]

I totally understand the situation Jay is in. I do know where it comes from, the cultural connotation and all.

What puzzles me, though, is his letting himself be dragged into it.

 

I come from a rather conservative household with what you'd call old-fashioned principles and values. I too struggled family pressure and guilt. I suffered a lot so I can definitely relate to Jay's sense of helplessness and desperation. However, at a fairly young age I made a tough decision: however hard it could be or whomever I could come to hurt, I would NEVER be lead by others. More importantly, I would never let myself be in a situation in which I had make such a compromise as to hide or even deny my very self.

It was tough, I can tell you the least, but I've never regretted it.

This is why I can understant what Jay's going through but I can't feel sorry for him or even pity him. Call me stern (or harsh?) and I'll take it!! But that's the way I see things.

 

This is definitely an intersting story and I agree that the rushed tone of the writing fits well the haste of events.

I look forward to reading the final chapter.

Keep up the good work, Ieshwar!

[Ieshwar]

Thanks Camilla and Blueboybr!

 

However, at a fairly young age I made a tough decision: however hard it could be or whomever I could come to hurt, I would NEVER be lead by others.

That's very mature but alas, not everyone can be so dertermined! There're still mny amonsgt us who follows others. According to me, Jay's situation isn't just because of his conservative society; his letting go and lack of decisiveness play a very important role. Nobody is perfect, neither is Jay!

 

Ieshwar

[blueboybr]

Thanks Camilla and Blueboybr!

 

 

That's very mature but alas, not everyone can be so dertermined! There're still mny amonsgt us who follows others. According to me, Jay's situation isn't just because of his conservative society; his letting go and lack of decisiveness play a very important role. Nobody is perfect, neither is Jay!

 

Ieshwar

 

I'd never expect Jay to be perfect. He just human and that's what makes this story appealing to me, I can relate to him.

After posting my message and specially after reading your reply, I came to realize that his situation is the result of his cultural background just as it is a result of his acting out indecisively. He can't seem to realize that doing nothing occasion just as musch as doing anything. Action or non-action has consequences and people get hurt, notwithstanding.

Of course, his personality lacks that angry side that, in my case, lead me to make the decisions I made. He's a much sweeter guy than I ever was!!

 

I don't even consider maturity a key in the process because I definitively wasn't mature when took matters into my own hands. Thinking back now, I could have probably done things in a nicer way.

Alas, so much for my self-psychoanalisys! :wacko:

 

I just can hardly wait to see how Jay will deal with this stuff!