Andrew Q Gordon

Taking the steps two at a time, he wondered why he was in a rush to get there. Their quiet evening at ‘home’ was about to take a detour. He avoided the subject when they talked earlier, begging off explaining by saying he had to get to practice. Truth was, he still hadn’t found a good way to explain this to Peter. Even though he had a key, Jason still knocked. Peter told him a hundred times this was ‘their home’ and he should let himself in, but he still felt weird opening the door

Stuart, They went from not speak to being official lovers, with Daniel getting full 'honors' and such? Uff that was fast. Golly, but you answer one or two questions a chapter, then raise 5 or 6 more - dag that is frustrating, nicely done, but frustrating. I have questions, but will post those on your forum, that way I can respond to your response if need be Nice - now get working on 10 Andy

Long those lines

Kavrik, Well sadly life often takes a turn for the worse, so I don't want to write that everything is always woo hoo wonderful. The ending of this is already writing, I'm just editing and filling in a few places - so I won't be changing things. I am also a sucker for happy endings, but I also like to try different things, I have always wanted to write something where the ending isn't the happy couple walking off hand in hand. Not saying this is that story, not saying it isn't. Only two people know the ending, and hopefully neither of them will tell.

Thanks for reading - I had hoped when writing that this wouldn't be too predictable - hopefully I have/will succeed in that objective - Thanks again for taking the time to comment.

Imo, Thanks for the detailed comments - basically clueless is how I would describe Royce - in his mind there isn't anything wrong with pretending to placate Jason's mom. He doesn't - as you suggest - understand how this would NOT be okay. Glad I got the emotions right for you in this chapter - next chapter - sadly things do get worse - but I won't make folks wait too long for chapter 24. Thanks again reading and commenting. Andy

It's funny, when I started writing this, I had a terrible formal style, next to no contractions. I have been trying to keep the dialogue more 'natural.' I know I often forget. Thanks again for commenting. I tinkered with that last scene for a while, glad to hear it worked for you. Andy

Thanks for the comment, I always like to hear what people think. I know it is not the easiest to find time to comment. As for rushing into the sack, I wanted to give them a chance to know each other first. Also, I don't do a lot of sex scenes, I don't think I am good at it so I get to that point and let the reader imagine for themselves what happened. That way no one is disappointed Thanks again for taking the time to comment, I really appreciate it.

Thanks, I am glad to hear that the tension I was trying to build came through, this was one of the harder chapters for me to write. I have to give props where they are owed. Anyta has pushed me to show more of the emotions of the two. I feel this is much better because of her input. Thanks again for letting me hear from you. Andy

Thanks Mike, without the support of people like you I wouldn't feel the drive to keep going. Thanks for taking the time to let me know you are still reading, it is always appreciated.

Soon, I promise. Can't say folks will like what happens, but it will be up soon.

Chapter 24 will take things in a different direct. Let's just leave it at that. 24 will be out soon - just trying to get the new few chapters edited. Thanks for reading and especially for commenting. Andy

Owl, Glad you have this up, I know you said once this was low on your totem pole, but I still like this story as much as the Indiana Summer. [Haven't started M &J yet ] I like how you keep focused on the man story - Zeek and Jake, while using the other back ground issues too keep the story going. Yes Zeek is - was - blind but the disability, the surgery, the recovery, all of that plays into the boys relationship. It's the little things that make this great - the interaction between the boys, the way they handle their hormones, the realistic way you deal with their sex life - i.e. they don't just rush in, they take the time to make their first time special, and not just 'getting it out of the way.' That is a lot harder than writing a graphic sex scene. The small things, like the small snippets of their lives, their quirks, the things they like, they make your character more real to us the reader. I will say that now that things are going so well, I am worried - when will the shoe drop and what will it be?? No don't tell me, just saying I am now worried about what happens next. Looking forward to 14. Andy

Chapter 23 is up: Chapter 23 Things are about to take a turn for the worse - there won't be a lot happy times for Jason or Peter after this.

Focused on the email he was reading, Jason absently opened the door to Peter’s apartment. More out of habit than any conscious thought, he turned the top lock before slipping the bag off his shoulder. “That you, Jase?” Peter was in the kitchen, judging by the sound of his voice. “Yeah, Pete.” He put the phone in his pocket. It was only then he realized what Peter said. “Who else has a key to your place?” Peter appeared from around the corner. “Awful slow on the return there, Soc

= one word not two I would use a comma and not a period. "Come in and sit down," the older man said... = "halfway" is one word not two Wow, who knew Douchebag was one word? Not spell check, it still shows it as two. But the URBAN dictionary says it is one - so much for spell check to help me with my favorite insults. Dangling prep-a-what??? That stuff was never my strong suit - no excuse, just don't read this with a fine tooth comb, I readily acknowledge I will make those kinda mistakes, same with speech tags, I know it is; comma, quote, speech tag beginning in lower case - boy do I know that - are you reading this Anyta??? I appreciate the heads up, I try to catch stuff like this when I edit before posting, and when writing new chapters. I just don't always succeed. The idea with Jason saying stupid or even hurtful things to Peter is to show how the conflict inside can make his say the wrong thing. That you saw that - well I guess it worked

Andy, one of these things is not like the other. I wouldn’t consider a chop shop an “industrial business”. A chop shop is a slang phrase for an illegal location or business which disassembles stolen automobiles for the purpose of selling them as parts. It may also be used to refer to a location or business that is involved with the selling of stolen goods in general, or a brokerage that sells non-existent equities, both fraud and stolen goods. Hmmm… I happen to really like “classic” cars but is “older” synonymous with “classic” here or do you mean decrepit and rundown cars? A.K.A., junkers. This seemed a little awkward because the relevant information seems out of order. I know this is dialogue but would it have been smoother if you’d written, “The landlord is kind of picky because she lives here, so most of the tenants are good folks”? Anyway, I love this story and I'm really enjoying the read. I also read everything critically (I can't really turn it off). I hope you don't mind. I will go change Chop Shop to Junk Yard - To be honest, working in Law Enforcement, we really don't see 'chop shops' much so it was more a reference to a place where old cars go to die, but point taken, I will change it. I will insert the work older model, and no I don't mean junkers and the like - my neighbor has an older car - its like a 2000 mini van - they aren't especially wealthy so a new car isn't in the budget, so older was just that - not new. Not crappy, just not new. Yeah the picky landlord could have come first, but that one doesn't bother me. Sometimes we all don't get things in the perfect order. Makes it a touch more 'normal' - I hope lol Thanks as always, I need to keep up with your reviews by posting new chapters faster LOL Andy

Thanks - I am not good with compliments so Let me leave it at thanks :)Oh and yeah I am afraid that those looking for wild rabid sex are going to be disappointed, I am good at alludig to it but not so good at putting it in print. part of that is because I like to imagine THAT for myself, I don't want someone to tell me how it happened but then again, some people are better at describing it than others

Don't rush things, Jordan will get his - karma is like that you know. Modest? about what??

Actually I said it was NOT autobiographical but that it drew on some things in my life - well yes soccer was one of them but I was a total closet case when I played so this might be a dream come true but is totally not what I experienced - too bad it would have been more fun I suspect.

Okaya bit behind in my reading and comments - I left you a review on the site but felt these comments were better left here on your discussion topic. I am up to chapter six right now but I had to go back and read four to fully understand five and six so these comments are on those chapters. I didn't realize the images Kian saw with his 'son' were going to take place so soon - or did they? Meaning how far in the future was what he witnesses in the dark room? Clearly some of what was shown to him was in the present but it seemed a bit garbled. Was his wizard friend dead? or was that in the future? I guess it confused me given the events in five. Okay, this me and my personal preferences. I know I shouldn't be saying this but - I guess I was a tad disappointed that the ONLY way an Omega could be born was for him to get boned by a Valion knight. More over, how is it that Dylan didn't realize Kian was an Omega, the Omega when they were lovers before?? And how is it that he suddenly became one after centuries of living? Oh yeah, being a prude, did Dylan REALLY need to piss on Kian to seal the deal?? I mean eewww. Last, the dream of his childhood training was well done -it helps to see what he went through and how he basically betrayed his mentor and savior. It is another piece of his life that defines his character [or lack thereof] The vivid imagery and detailed description of the world and its customs is simply amazing. This is really great stuff. Andy

Very vivid detail - I sound like a broken record when I keep repeating that but it is true. One thing - getting f**ked to death has got to be the best way to go a gay man can image - no??? BUT along those lines, just because the Valion Knights will all want him, he is not exactly without the means to defend himself if need be. I would imagine there isn't much chance of him being boned to death by the horny Valions unless he wanted them - which I think is what happens to an Omega, with just a touch from a Knight, he will want them as much as they want him. I like this chapter and how you detail his childhood of sorts - his is a sad story - being raped as a kid makes you want to kill a few dozen scum of the earth types. Anyway, the end was brilliant, he acknowledges he is NOT a saint and he too has done some terrible things in his life. Too bad - Constantine sounds like a straight up guy - for an assassin that is

Woo Hoo I get to be the first to review your story on the new system - I am going to start with Chapter 5 because this is where I started reading since GA Stories went up. First I can NOT believe the amount of detail you present - and I don't mean that in a bad way - the images you are painting for us is amazing. Sucks he had to abandon his comrades to save himself and Dylan, but in truth, they were doomed the minute they signed on with Dolmani as their 'guide'. But I kinda of like those that survived. Especially the lion kid, sucks he had to die One thing, I think - not sure but think you got your numbers mixed up. There were only Five left when they found Dylan the elf, the wizard, Dolmani, Kian and the lion kid [sorry I forget their names and am too lazy to go look. When they ran through the lightning you said five ran while Kian held off the lightning, and later you commented on the six of them. The big smelly guy was dead by then so it was five not six. Unless I can't count which is always a possibility. More in when I review chapter six

Not that folks are reading these discussion threads so much anymore, but what the hey, will post here anyway. Sent the latest chapter to be reviewed so I figure as long as I can keep a constant stream of ready chapters, I will keep posting sooner than later. So here is Chapter 22 - comments not required but welcome nevertheless. Andy Chapter 22 -

Checking the time on his phone, Jason left the Java Shack, coffee in hand. Darryl would laugh at him for drinking coffee on a hot August day, but then Darryl wasn’t waiting for Peter to finish working before he could eat. “Jason!” Hearing his name, he froze. It couldn’t be him, he thought. Rather than look, he decided to keep walking. Maybe he would get the hint. “Jase, stop.” The voice was closer now. “What do you want?” Jason didn’t try to be civil. “C’mon Jase,” Jorda