AFriendlyFace

Adorable! Many people have their ears pinned, and there's nothing wrong with that, but we mustn't bring it up unless they volunteer the information

I shall continue to call you Mike as well if that's cool, my friend. But I am pleased that you're going for something positive that'll make you happy! -Kevin

Yes, I think that's standard practice for graduations. I wouldn't know personally because I didn't attend mine; they were optional so I just had them send me the diploma. I was going to go to one for a good friend of mine...but by a twist of fate I ended up extremely late and got there just as everyone was walking out. Actually as bad as it sounds to say this I don't mind too much since I missed all the boring part but got to do all the fun celebrating afterward! Congrats again! It's awesome that you're not sad now and just enjoying it! I'm celebrating the end of a very good week at work! -Kevin

LOL, that gave me pause for a bit there. Cool! I seem to remember you saying that before as well. Am I pronouncing it correctly? I usually say it like "I (eye) ish war"

I've always thought your avatar was adorable! And it matches your adorable personality perfectly! I'm sure you're just as cute in real life too What about Luc? I think he might still have his. Also, I'm pretty sure Vancy still has his

LOL, dude, as it happens my ancestry is more German than anything else (with another good bit English, followed by French, then a bit of random other European). So maybe it's a German thing...I hear Hitler was a vegetarian

I have to say I pretty much agree with everyone above. Although I would disagree with James only in his statement about falling in love with your best friend being a phase gay/bi people go through. I don't think it is necessarily a phase that all gay/bi people go through and I also think it happens to straight people. Krista's point about best friends typically being the same gender is an excellent one (thus gay people might be more prone). Also, regarding Ieshwar's question about like and infatuation etc., I purposely left that vague to give people the prerogative to choose and define their answers accordingly. My answers: -Do you think people (straight or gay) are prone to falling in love with their best friend? Or is this just over-represented in the forum. Like everyone pointed out, I think it happens in general because a 'best friend' is someone you're so physically and emotionally close to. So if there is a capacity for attraction I think it makes it very possible indeed. -Do you think GLBT people are more likely to experience this than straight people? A bit more because as Krista pointed out typically one's best friends are the same gender so if you're attracted to same gender people it's more likely. But I don't there's much difference if you compare straight men and women with an opposite sex best friend. -Has it happened to you or someone you know? Obviously people I know. Me...I don't think I've ever really been 'in love' with a best friend before, and actually I don't think I've ever even been seriously infatuated with a close friend before. Typically what happens to me is that I'll have feelings for a regular friend or just friendly acquaintance and over time if nothing develops romantically BUT our friendship grows I usually lose my romantic feelings for that person. I have a lot of close friends, indeed most of my close friends, that I was once infatuated with a bit, but once they got in the "close friend zone" I didn't have those feelings anymore. I don't mean this quite the way this statement will probably express it in terms of connotation, but to me falling in love with a best friend or very close friend is almost unthinkable. I literally wouldn't consider it and my mind doesn't go there at all. That said I might definitely always continue to find the person attractive, even in a sexual way. But love and lust are two different things and I'm physically attracted to lots of people I'd never consider actually dating. I guess the closest I ever came to this experience of 'falling in love with your best friend' was when I was in junior high. Looking back I can clearly see that I was infatuated with my best friend. However, I didn't realize or label those feelings at the time. Also, it followed the general trajectory of my experiences in that we first got to be friends in junior high and that's when I was attracted to him. He remained my best friend through high school and into college, and I honestly don't think by high school I was romantically interested in him at all. But I do remember a 'spark' in junior high. -Why do you think it happens in general? I definitely think Ieshwar said this best and most beautifully! -Overall is it a good thing or a bad thing, and why? I have known a few pairs of best friends who have fallen in love. It is really great and for the most part these seem to be among the happiest and most successful relationships. I think the key goes back to what Krista said, if they both fall in love it's awesome, if only one does it's a nightmare (for both usually). Take care all Kevin

That brings up another point: autonomy is a great pick me up! I enjoyed my childhood a great deal, but I grew even healthier and happier once I moved out and could do my own thing. I did forget that you didn't live alone. It's obviously much easier to parade about nude or near nude if you do

So I've noticed over the years that a huge number of members seem to have fallen in love with their best friend at some point or another. We have countless threads scattered throughout the forum discussing this topic. However, unless I'm mistaken we don't have any threads discussing the general phenomenon (as opposed to all the specific incident threads we have). So no, I'm not in a situation like this right now (don't really think I ever have been, though maybe kinda sorta). I just thought it might be good to finally discuss the topic itself. So a few questions: -Do you think people (straight or gay) are prone to falling in love with their best friend? Or is this just over-represented in the forum. -Do you think GLBT people are more likely to experience this than straight people? -Has it happened to you or someone you know? -Why do you think it happens in general? -Overall is it a good thing or a bad thing, and why? I tend to ramble on at length in such beginning posts as I'm sure most of you have noticed, so I won't kick off this discussion, I'll reflect on this and post my thoughts later. In the meantime I'd love to hear what you guys think! -Kevin

For that I would do a variation on this: One of my best mood-stabilizers, and a great way to generally feel awesome emotionally is to just go to bed, put your problems and stress out of your mind and create a very nice fantasy. Personally, I don't create fantasies about myself (or out of the life of anyone else real). I create lovely little fantasies for people I make up. I guess it's sort of like writing a story actually. I give them a history, usually a conflict of some kind, then I insert wonderful, loving, caring, helpful people and/or amazing luck and great happenstance to make everything end up beautifully. The focus of my fantasies tend to be emotionally based and it's usually some sort of negative emotion the fantasy person has to overcome, or perhaps general negative emotional baggage. Of course this is probably in line with the fact that I prefer these types of songs, movies, books, etc. anyway. I don't know how it would work for you, but it's great for me! My fantasies are usually on-going (I'll pick up where I left off last night on the one tonight), and eventually I just decide to create a new one with new people and situations. They're very different from my stories in that there's a pretty uniform positive progression, they aren't really realistic (well I hope my stories are realistic), and there's no concern about loose ends or strong story resolution, lol. I don't know why but it just feels weird and makes me uncomfortable if I make the fantasies about myself or anyone else real. But yeah, works wonders and I do it all from the comfort of my bed as I snuggle in for the night. I attribute this activity to the fact that I rarely ever have trouble sleeping and usually fall asleep before I want to ('cause I'm having fun!). But yeah, great pick me up, and it promotes restful sleep which is also essential to good physical and emotional health. I cleaned tonight. It did put me in a lovely mood. I felt so productive and I just love how everything looks. As usual it was an 'accidental cleaning'. I don't enjoy it if I plan it, but if I spontaneously start tidying something up I often find that I'll naturally decide to do something else and before I know it the whole place is done! Do you not do this often? Well obviously I don't cook steak dinners particularly often either but to be honest most of the time I'm around my house I'm in a state of undress. Usually just underwear of some kind, or pajama pants, and a tee shirt. But often just one or the other, or neither. I know I shouldn't but I often tend to go out scantily clad as well. Not out out, but like out to my vehicle, to take out the trash, or check the mail or something. Tonight for example when I was done with the cleaning I took out the trash and I was just wearing my boxers and a tee shirt at the time. I do routinely go out in PJ's though, and this time by "out" I do mean that I occasionally go to the nearby grocery store or even a little diner in the neighbourhood. Contrary to intuition I think it's actually the fact that I am into fashion that I do this. Basically I'm pretty used to dressing in ways that are often 'extreme' - or at least very noticeable - so I'm not shy about drawing attention to myself, particularly if it's because I'm dressed oddly. My PJ's are pretty cute I think though, and all my bits are covered. Most of the time people seem to get a kick out of it, so I figure everyone's a winner -Kevin

Thanks Dion! And we welcome your opinion. Of course I might be biased since it's also my opinion but all opinions are welcome!

Hmm, I hadn't really thought of that. I don't think that's the whole story though. While I'm 'proud and out-loud', I don't walk about in rainbow gear most of the time, and while it's very easy for gay people to pick me out, I often 'pass' in straight society without trying - I'd personally find it a bit objectionable to my sense of my since of self if I tried to pass - they just obviously assumed I was straight (well most people are) based on the questions and comments made. So I think they were being themselves. On the other hand though I'm a firm believe in people feeding off each other's moods and energies so perhaps they sensed my boredom and behaved differently. Thanks for giving me something interesting to ponder, Benji. I'll mercifully spare you all having to read my further ponderings on the issue, but I'll continue to reflect on it privately. A good point, Tim. It would indeed be unfortunate and deeply upsetting if after she took the bun from the oven she decided to keep it at her own table! Wow! This is like the exact opposite of the way I think about the terms. I don't particularly like being called a 'homosexual' at all and to me it has negative connotations whereas gay is affirming. I guess there's a huge range of personal connotations and variables at play here! I enjoy my sexuality, and not just my homosexuality, but my 'sexualness' in general. It's a great source of physical and emotional fulfillment I think. I rarely find myself sexually frustrated because I tend to express my sexual feelings and nature fairly often. Granted I've been in the position of really wanting sex and being preoccupied before, but my solution was fairly straightforward: I had sex. I suppose it's often more complicated than that though. Once again I find myself enjoying this topic Take care all and have a great day! Kevin

That all sounds really lovely, Krista!

Great topic! I love exotic food! Growing up my mom would take me to many different types of restaurants and I've tried quite a few different cuisines. We used to eat out quite a lot and rarely ate basic "American" food.

I feel like such an idiot! I knew you had a monkey, and I figured that's why you had the pic, but it didn't occur to me it was an actual pic of your monkey.

I recall you mentioning this once a couple of years ago and amazingly I've remembered ever since. LOL, I read that as "studying plagiarism" the first time I figured you had a respect and fondness of nature based on your posts in the soapbox AND adults

That's wonderful news Drew!! (that he's better that is!) That's awesome, Celia!!! Congrats!! Let us know how it goes -Kevin

I rarely type mine out. I just sign "Kevin" most of the time. I never knew that!

You just got it today right? (or am I really that unobservant that I didn't notice till now?!) Yeah I like it, it's adorable. The water polo picture is my favourite of Greg as well. So mine, well first off it's really my second avatar. Actually, technically speaking it's my 3rd or 4th (can't remember which for sure, but I know I had at least one other early one, but I didn't have it/them very long). My other main one was of course the pirate avatar that I had for around two years. There aren't many 'pirates' left on the site nowadays, but there were quite a few at one point! I finally just decided it was time for an update several months ago. I picked it because I thought it suited my personality. Mostly it looks like the avatar guy is laid back and peaceful (at least that's the vibe I get from it), but also 'fun', friendly, and out-going. I feel like I have those qualities most of the time. Plus I thought the avatar was cute and roughly matched my looks: dirty blond/ash hair - I've been going for a more subdued colour recently - fairly light skin tone, and most notably an odd necklace/pendant around his neck. I'm known for wearing odd things like that around my neck and usually over an exposed collarbone/upper chest like the avatar. So I feel like it suits my style pretty well. Good question, Eric! Take care all, Kevin

Hi everyone! Old Bob actually suggested this thread in reference to something I said in another thread (Thanks, Old Bob! ). So I thought it would be fun for us to describe our hypothetical, ideal wedding. Please refrain from mixing in politics or legal issues in this thread. Also, if you're against getting married, then that's fine, but please feel welcome to post your 'wedding ideas' if you feel so inclined anyway. Regardless, I don't mean for this to be a discussion of gay marriage only gay weddings. Although straight people, please chime in with your thoughts and comments as well! So I'll probably add more later, but roughly my perfect wedding would be something like the following: It would be a big affair attended by all our friends, family members, and co-workers. Obviously no one would have anything negative to say. I expect that most of the people at my 'ideal wedding' would be GLBT anyway since the majority of my friends are. There wouldn't be any 'groomsmen' or 'bridesmaids', whether the wedding party would be completely mixed with people of all genders and orientations, based purely on how close they are with the groom for whom they're standing. I would like a very large wedding party, probably 5-10 people for each of us, plus of course a 'best man/woman' for each of us, and any family/friends doing the 'giving away', 'ringbearing', or 'flower childing'. I want to be formally dressed, but I don't like traditional suits/tuxes. So I'd probably opt for some tailored slacks, probably gray, very nice shoes with a matching belt - I think I'd like the belt buckle to stand out a bit without being gaudy or over-done - I'm thinking either a light blue or dark red shirt that's well-tailored and fits snuggly but doesn't make me look like hustle. Probably a nice vest as well either gray to match the slacks or black to match the shoes and belt (I'd have to see the outfit to decide). I would not wear a jacket or tie because I really don't like the way the look guys. Also, I primarily want to stand out from the other men in the wedding party (thus the fact that I would likely wear gray slacks versus the more common black). If I could get away with it without looking like a pimp I'd quite like a sort of 'ceremonial' walking cane and a gold chain and watch. I wouldn't want to go too far though so I might opt against that. I'd probably wear the shirt with a couple of buttons open (but again, not enough to make me look like a slut) and with the collar flared forward a bit (again, not over-done). I would of course have just come from having my hair done and getting a manicure, pedicure, facial, and message. I wouldn't care what my fiance wore as long as it expressed his personality and made him happy. I think I'd like to get married in a nice, big church. It would be ideal if I could do it in the church I currently attend. It's BEAUTIFUL, very large, and done in the classic church style with plush carpet, stone walls, a massive alter area, VERY high ceilings, and arches and chandeliers everywhere. It's unlikely my church could do it though because it's against the rules of the broader denomination (although my particular church, congregation, and minister are very gay affirming and I know they would do it if they could. Either way I'd probably invite a lot of them). So failing my own church I'd probably look around for an elegant looking church of a different denomination that did have gay marriage. I briefly attended an all-gay church (MCC) so I know I could use their church if I had to, and it's a nice enough church, but it's a bit more modern than I had in mind. If I absolutely couldn't find a traditional looking church that would do it (but I think I can), I'd probably opt for a formal hall of some kind. The reception I would want to take place in a large, formal hall (thus why I wouldn't want to have the actual wedding there) that attached to a fancy and beautiful garden. That way it would sort of be like a 'garden party' but people could go in and out as they pleased. There would of course be some excellent vegetarian choices, but naturally I'd also have quite a few meaty selections for the carnivores. I haven't actually properly planned out a menu just yet, but that's something I'll delight in doing later. I'm thinking I'll have fish for my wedding. I mean me personally, naturally there would be fish available anyway. I quit eating fish last year (prior to that I was a pesci, lacto, ovo vegetarian), and occasionally I still miss them, plus I've always really loved fish (whereas I never liked other meats much), so for the occasion I'd probably personally have fish. Of course we'd also have a lot of champaign and wine, and I'd want an open bar as well. Despite the fact that I usually like to mingle freely, and also the fact that I'm not at all clingy I'd probably want and expect my new husband and I to remain side by side throughout the reception. So I'd mostly leave 'making the rounds' to our wedding party and immediate, close friends and family. I'd probably just want us to position ourselves somewhere fairly central and if people wanted to come and wish us well they could come up to us (and be most welcomed of course!), but just for the night I wouldn't want to have to worry about being the ideal host (as I said, for this that's what the wedding party, close friends and family would be for). Naturally we'd dance the first dance together at the center of the floor and kiss gently but deeply as the song closed. I haven't selected the song yet, but that's another delight which lays in store for me! I'd want the honeymoon to be somewhere gorgeous and naturey but with EXCELLENT accommodations and amenities. We wouldn't even bring our cell phones, computers, or anything else with us (remember this is an ideal wedding, so naturally there'd be no risk of us getting lost or finding ourselves in any other kind of danger ). I think I would primarily want four things for my honeymoon activities: -Lots of great sex (hey that's a given right ) -Lots of great scenic and beautiful walks with my husbands -Lots of great food -Lots of great conversation (before, during, and after each of the before mentioned activities) Notice I didn't even say shopping! No, I'd want a pretty secluded and non-commercial honeymoon (but I do want the great accommodations, amenities, and food). The major point would be for it to be emotionally intense and very relaxing and peaceful. So that's a rough overview of mine What would you guys and gals want? Take care all and may the wedding of your dreams come true! -Kevin

That does sound like a good suggestion! Thanks Old Bob I think I'll thoroughly enjoy planning my own wedding. I've helped plan a lesbian wedding before, but I was mostly in the role of supportive best friend, so while I was involved I mostly just agreed with and supported the brides! I'd really prefer the more active role of planning my own. I think that when it comes to weddings there's no wrong way to do it as long as it makes the couple happy! So, if someday my son or daughter wants to get married on the side of sand dune or something else I might not personally appreciate it, I shall do my best to smile and be supportive and remember that as long as he/she and his/her partner is happy that's all that matters. I think it might be fun to have that wedding thread! I might just start one! Thank you so much for providing us with a good opportunity to discuss this Benji! Once again, Happy Anniversary! 25 years is quite an accomplishment and I'm really happy for you -Kevin

Hey Vike Welcome to the forum. For the most part i would readily agree with everything you said! Except for the part about dealing with an emotional woman. I don't think that's necessarily accurate. Perhaps you 'lucked out' and your partner is pretty stable and calm emotionally, but believe me there are quite a few highly emotional gay guys out there! On the other hand given the choice between a stereotypical overly emotional gay male or straight woman, or an emotionally repressed straight male, I'd take the emotional gay male/straight woman any time! Please note, I'm not saying I believe these stereotypes, only giving my preference assuming the stereotypes are true. I'd rather deal with someone who is open and honest about their emotions, albeit vociferously, than someone with whom I could never tell what he was thinking and feeling, and who, worse yet, might not know himself! (I'm definitely not implying that your partner is like latter! I'm just taking extreme examples and expressing my personal preference ) Of course I admit that I'm a bit turned off and bored with straight males. I feel very prejudiced saying that, but I just find that I usually have the most difficulty empathizing with them (I can roughly understand them in most cases, but it's usually hard to identify), and I'm often bored in conversations with them. I don't think it actually has that much to do with the subject matter either. I suspect I could talk about the same things with straight women or gay males and enjoy the conversation more. I think it has to do with how they express themselves and communicate in general versus just simple interests. Naturally the perfect balance is lesbians! Anyway, as I said, I don't believe those things about all demographics in every case. I'm just expressing my opinion about the stereotypes that abound and what I've experienced in a slight majority of cases. Take care all, Kevin

Marry his co-widower Chase? LOL, I was going to call you on this one too, Robbie I don't think Steve survived. I give Brandon even odds either way. Can't wait to see what's next! -Kevin

Thanks you guys! I really appreciate it

I was going to suggest "Man of Honor" too. After all if it's an older, married lady they call it a "matron" of Honor. I don't see why they can't modify it still further for a gay best friend!