AFriendlyFace

Personally, I agree with every word of the above two posts. Well, since you asked, I didn't care for the violence or the content the few times a friend talked me into playing the original GTA and GTA 2, a few years ago. I'm assuming I'd be even less inclined to like GTA 4 since undoubtedly the graphics and violence are enhanced and since my own tolerance for violence in entertainment has significantly decreased over the years. However, that said I'm all for you playing the game and having a good time; I just mentioned this because you asked Actually, while I agree with you to some extent about older cartoons and many of the ones from my early childhood, I think that there's a considerable and disturbing trend for modern day cartoons to be, what I at least, would consider to be too gross and immature. I felt this way about a large contingent of the ones from my own childhood (even when I was a kid) as well. Some of the ones from my childhood were 'ok', other's were just stupid, gross, and disturbing. Nowadays, almost all the ones I come across peripherally seem to be of the later ilk, but I concede that if I were actually still a kid actively watching and searching out cartoons I'd probably still find a sizable decent population. Anyway, I'll probably still let my kids watch standard, contemporary children's cartoons since I do just find them gross, stupid, and immature as opposed to 'poison' or something, but I confess I'd much rather them be watching the 'classics' and I'll probably try to steer them in that direction (doubt it'll work though). That's an excellent point. I'll try to be an involved parent who 'does his homework', but for the most part I'm sure I'll be relying on content labels as well. They're pointless if the clerks (or other parents) ignore them and allow my kids access anyway. This isn't a big issue for me in the first place. I'll probably be fine with allowing my 15 or 16 year old to play games with an M label because as long as the teens are mature and do know the difference between fantasy and reality I don't see much of a point with trying to hide all things with sexual or violent content from them (especially since if they want to find such things it won't be hard to do at that age anyway). I think the most important thing by the time they reach middle to late teens is teaching them that movies and video games don't equal real life, and instilling in them a respect for other people's bodies (rather their urges are to jump that person's bones or break them). Just my thoughts, Kevin

Awww LOL, were these serious proposals?

I had the most amazing weekend! I got back into Baton Rouge Friday afternoon and visited with my friend Mandi until Saturday afternoon. We relieved all the things we used to do and pretty much spent the whole time talking non-stop. We're both very chatty people, especially her, so it was a ball. I got really nostalgic seeing all the old places and how they've changed and how they haven't. Over dinner Friday night we went to our favourite restaurant, where we used to go about once a week before I moved, and we ordered our usual stuff, and we talked and laughed and at one point she said, "for a minute I forgot you didn't still live here." I'd forgotten that too actually. I can easily imagine that that Friday night and Saturday would have been a 'routine' evening for us if I still lived there. Then on Saturday evening I met up with my friends Claire and Josh in the area we all grew up and went to high school. That was both harder, but it felt more necessary. With Mandi it hadn't been quite as long (2 years as opposed to nearly 6 with Josh), and we'd stayed in touch, and we're both in a good place in our lives. It was two old friends who missed each other but were fine. With Josh and Claire...well first of all it was just wonderful seeing them! I'm not sure if I ever mentioned any of the drama going on with Claire, but we have stayed in touch over the years via phone since I moved away from Louisiana completely, and once she did come to Texas, so I still felt very close to her, but she's going through a rough patch. I think she's finally completely done with her girlfriend, and actually her future is looking brighter and more hopeful than it has in a very long time if you ask me, but while she's coping amazingly well she's still pretty much reeling from all that. Which is why she had to move in with Josh... Josh, is the one I'm most worried about. He had a rough ride throughout high school and college, and he's cycled between drugs and alcohol and ultra-religiousness. The guy's just so clearly in so much pain and turmoil, and right now he's kind of like stuck in both phases if that even makes sense, and the contradictions are taking their toll on him. Yet, he's still the same boy I knew in high school. He's still full of life and bright eyed, he's still slender and adorable, and he's still loud and out-going. Which really made it all the harder to bear seeing him like that. I almost think if he had just been a shell it would have been...well no maybe not. Being gay has always been such a burden for him, it's always been something he's hated but that's been so undeniably him. It just drives me crazy that all this time later he's still in this vicious cycle because of it. It's so foreign to me too. I mean I've known over people who've struggled because of it, and I can sympathize, but my general reaction and the course I steered my life as a result of realizing I was gay can best be described as, "okay, cool!" So even though I can see his position, maybe I just can't properly empathize. I guess I can't quite imagine why he didn't fight the things that said it was bad and channel his sexuality into a healthy outlet (instead of an unhealthy one ). I mean I can intellectually understand, and sympathize, but I guess I can't really know what it's like. Then I look at other people who overcame similar obstacles and I just really can't figure it out. I mean I can...but I can't, and it's driving me crazy. I really don't know if he'll ever be okay... I sorta have this guilt as a result. I'm f**king fine; I should have dragged him through as well. But we weren't close friends, and I never knew about most of the stuff he went through until much later. He also came out way before I did. I've thought it over many times. I think the closet was very protective for me. When I was ready to come out, I was READY to come out. I had my head together, and I was in a strong position. He just wasn't really ready and didn't know how to deal...apart from that I guess he was always in a more hostile environment. Ignoring all that though, I am sorry I wasn't there for him properly. That I didn't do much to directly help. I had similar feelings of, "I wish I'd done more to be there for you over the years" toward Mandi and Claire as well, the big difference of course is that while I feel I could have done more, I did do something, and since we were doing so many sentimental chats this weekend I brought this up to each of them, and they both said it was helpful just being able to talk about it wit me even if I wasn't physically there. Apart from all that they're both doing better in the first place. This weekend was really the first time I've had the chance to talk to Josh about all his stuff directly instead of just hearing it through other people. It's really even the first time we've related to each other as two openly gay guys. Still, I can't change the past, and there's no point in speculating about how things might have turned out differently. In many ways Josh would have been my first really viable candidate as a boyfriend. But while I've always found him cute, I never really felt that way about him, and for most of our history together it just wouldn't have been possible because of the different places we were in life and our journeys. I guess it's also just ridiculous to think that I could have helped him at all. Who knows, maybe he'd have dragged me in with him instead? Maybe I'd be strung out or thumping a Bible...or both. I realized too, that even ignoring any radical changes in our pasts, I could be living that life with Claire and Josh as well...I mean under different circumstances I could imagine what we did being a 'routine' Saturday night for us as well. But I left, I left and I moved to Baton Rouge, and then I left and moved to Houston, and I don't regret it, not any of it, not for a minute. As I said to them when they asked how I liked Houston, "It exceeded my expectations and I'd still be perfectly satisfied with it even if I were enjoying it considerably less." I truth is I don't have a lot of the problems that the three of them are facing simply because I did leave. I have more options and I have a wider range of very different friends, and while I'm not criticising their lives or our old cities, I haven't a doubt in my mind that I'm happier here. It's selfish I know, and I do love them and want to be there for them, but I don't want to be there for them.

LOL, well it would have taken anyone a long time to get there and I kept thinking I was going to be free any minute :wacko: Have a fantastic day! Kevin

Well I want to do high school English, but it looks like I shall have to start with middle school. Yeah, I'm fairly agile and I enjoy climbing stuff. Haha, I had to hurry with the lunch after all that! Take care and have an awesome day Kevin

That's so much fun! Yay for you!

Great response, Greenmann! Sorry you had to go through all that That's an excellent question, in my opinion! Personally, I would urge you to create a thread/poll posing that very question! For myself I'm pretty sure that no matter what my final answer would be that I would make it clear that it was his decision and that I would do my best to support it either way. I would never want to get to the point where I flat out said, "leave me", but I also would never want to get to the point were I said, "don't leave me" (because of my condition). Instead I'd always be shooting for, "make your own decision". Of course the circumstances would dictate which way I was leaning, and which way I was, as a result, probably subtly pushing him. I can imagine situations in which I would really really hate for him to go and as a result I'd be leaning toward the stay option, but conversely I can imagine a lot of situations in which I think he'd clearly be better off and I'd feel like I did haven't his best interests at heart if I didn't sway him a little more toward knowing that I thought that was okay. I suppose there are even instances in which it might get to the point that I explicitly did one or the other, but I certainly hope to avoid such extreme situations. As I said, it's all about the situation and circumstances. Take for example the me being badly scarred in a fire. In that situation I'm assuming that the damage would be purely superficial and I wouldn't have difficulty functioning and surviving on a daily basis. As a result if it were really hard for him to see me that way, and if it were badly affecting our relationship, I'd probably prefer for him to leave (again, I hope I wouldn't flat out make that request though). On the other hand, it wouldn't be a big deal in terms of sacrifice or labour he's putting in, so if he was okay with the way it looked and we were still happy for the most part, then of course I'd want him to stay! Looking at something more debilitating that required considerable effort and sacrifice on his part, then it would come down to quite a few factors. Selfishly I'd probably prefer for him to stay and take care of me, but I'd feel much worse about the whole thing. If I were financially able to hire others to look after me, then there's a good chance I'd want him to go...on the other hand if I/we were financially able to hire others to look after me, then I'd definitely be in favour of doing that in the first place and sparing him the messy, labourious details. I'm not one of those people who would only want his spouse/close family members taking care of him in those ways. I've always been comfortable paying for services and I don't get embarrassed about that kind of thing at all. In fact I'd probably be more embarrassed about someone I did have a personal relationship with doing those things for me. So all around it would be a better solution to hire someone to take care of those things as much as possible. It would also depend on his place in life and his ambitions. If it were near the end of our lives I'd have a much stronger bias for him staying. If on the other hand he were young and had his whole life ahead of him, I'd have a very strong bias for him leaving. Part of this is that while I'd hope that my older partner would eventually 'move on' and perhaps meet someone else, I would assume that he'd be okay with not 'remarrying' (and if we'd spent our whole lives together and he were older, I'd be more okay with that too). On the other hand if my partner were young or middle aged, then I'd very much want to see him move on and 'remarry' so I'd think the sooner he did it the better. Apart from romantic relationships there's tons of other social, career, and personal objectives to take into consideration and these too would likely be more pronounced in a younger partner. I could go on and on, unfortunately all these things are likely to be in some random combination so it won't be so straightforward, but in the end I would hope to simply convey to him that it was his decision and I'd cope with the ramifications and be as supportive as possible either way. -Kevin

Wow! I went to one whilst passing through Louisiana last night/early this morning, and I lost 60 in just under one hour...I guess it comes with practice Glad you had a fun time, Kurt!

Happy Birthday!! I hope you have a fantastic one

Honestly I'm not attracted to them at all. My preferred 'type' would be just the opposite, guys who are a little bit younger than me and no more than 'toned'. But that's just if we're doing types. In practical application I certainly wouldn't rule out anyone as much as 3 or 4 years older than me (probably about as high as I'd want to go though), and really the muscle thing doesn't do it for me, but if he's not massive I guess it's okay. I guess what it comes down to is that I don't want my guy to look like a body builder, but if he looks like he goes to the gym, that's cool.

Well at least the evening wasn't a total loss then! I've not seen it and I probably won't; it doesn't really sound like my kind of movie.

Well if you think threesomes are nasty that's certainly your opinion and I'm sure you're not at all in the minority with that opinion. I can also understand if you just straight up don't want to be with someone who's done that. That's certainly your prerogative as well. What I would dispute though is that the person's activities as a single person are going to affect the way he conducts his relationship as a coupled person. Before I became a vegetarian I had tried most variety of meats. A couple of years ago I made the decision (and commitment) to become a vegetarian. The fact that I've had steak before doesn't mean that I'll suddenly run out and order a T-bone now. At the time when I ate steak I had no commitment to vegetarianism, as such with the hypothetical bisexual and/or threesome guy, at the time when he dated/fooled around with a woman (or had the threesome) he wasn't in a relationship. No such commitment had been made. It's not as though he tried and failed to keep his commitment. So no, I don't think my boyfriend's past with a woman, or with threesomes, would make me feel insecure about my relationship. People act very differently when they're in a relationship versus single, and I'm not just talking about sex I'm talking about their whole lifestyle. No longer messing around with girls, or having threesomes would just be one among a long list of changes and adjustments I would expect my boyfriend to make when we got together. If he had cheated on me (or even cheated in the past with someone else) then of course I would be worried! As for simply being concerned about his attractions, no him being bi would not be extra cause for worry. How is it any different for your boyfriend to be sexually interested in a girl versus a different guy? Either way it comes down to trusting him not to act on his attraction. The only argument that would really concern me is the whole "twice as many people to worry about" thing, but first of all I think that math is a little fuzzy and unpredictable. It's possible that he would have twice as many people he's attracted to, but it all depends on what he's attracted to and how many people attract him in the first place. For example for most of the day I was in the company of 6 random guys whom I'm not well-acquainted with (I don't even know their names). I was really attracted to one of them. I thought one other was somewhat good-looking, but I wasn't interested. The other four I was actively disinterested in. That means that of the 6 guys there was only 1 I had any sexual interest in. Just because I'm 'gay' doesn't mean I'm attracted to all, or even most, guys. I'm fairly picky when it comes to sexual attraction. I also have a very very specific type of woman that I'm somewhat attracted to sometimes. However, this demographic of females is pretty low. Thus despite all that, and despite being what I would refer to as a 'sexual person', I'm still NOT attracted to very many people in the general population. The fact that a few women also attract me isn't that significant. Chances are a less-discerning 'exclusively' gay person (and there are a lot of those) would have an overall higher number of people he's attracted to. In any case attraction is irrelevant (at least to me), it would only matter if my partner acted on the attraction. I'm not going to think that because he's with me he'll magically cease to be attracted to other people. I do expect that because he's with me he won't act on the attractions. Who he's attracted to, or if he crosses that line who he cheats with, don't matter because either way my feelings and reactions are more or less going to be the same. I guess what it comes down to is that I don't really make a big distinction between men and women, and where I am aware that I make a distinction I try very hard to stop doing that. I can't stand gender roles or stereotypes of any type, and while one gender may have a more frequent set of qualities it doesn't mean that all members of that gender have it, nor does it mean that various random individuals in the other gender will have those qualities to a greater degree. As such I'm more comfortable starting from square one with people and filling in their qualities, faults, and virtues as we go. The last thing I want to do is look at a person and think "oh a man, that means he's A, B, and C." or "Oh a woman, so then she's D, E, and F." When I catch myself doing that I STOP! I do this same thing with race and religion. I feel very bad if I find myself having preconceived notions about how someone is going to behave, or what they're going to be able to do because they're a certain race or a certain religion. Anyway, perhaps this in turn makes me less likely to care what gender, race, or religion my partner is attracted to, or if they did the deed, who they cheated with. It's just a person to me, and either they stopped at the appropriate point in time (mere attraction, or I might tolerate casual flirting) or they went too far (anything sexual, or acting with the intent to be sexual). I also don't really care at all what gender, race, or religion I end up with. I have a very strong 'type' and as such many (most in fact because as I said I'm very picky) people simply won't meet my criteria, but if a 'surprise' one happens to, then I'm certainly not going to be particularly concerned by it or rule it out. I also expect my physical attraction to be physical. I tend to connect romantically much more easily with males, but I assume that to be a result of the physical attraction, and while obviously no two people are alike, when you get right down to it I would assume that somewhere out there, there's a girl, or a person a different race, or religion, with pretty much all the same main qualities and features that I like in my partner. I would assume that the only reason I fell in love with him versus one of these other candidates had a lot to do with being physically attracted to him, and making an emotional connection at the right time. But I would never presume to think that X, Y, and Z qualities of the non-physical type are only available in one gender, race, or religion. And a strictly gay boyfriend could just as easily fall in love with another guy, or bail out on your relationship and find another guy when the going got tough. What I don't want is someone who has the capacity to be attracted to men and women, but is 'messed up' about sexuality and thinks that it would be better for them to date females if possible. Or if they have the capacity for both, but they're just with me as some sort of purely counter-culture statement or something. These would be the types of people I would worry would be fickle and swap genders as their mood and situation dictated. But someone with the capacity to be attracted to both genders who genuinely couldn't careless which gender he ended up with and instead just pursued people as his feelings, attractions, and desires moved him, well him I wouldn't hesitate to be with. In the end I really don't think the conditions of a man dating a man, or a man dating a woman (or a woman dating a man, or a woman dating a woman) are any better or worse than each other. There should be no value judgment attached, it should just be whatever comes natural to that person. There's no way in hell I would rather be straight; I love being gay, and my life would be so fundamentally different if I weren't gay that I'd hate to even try to imagine it. I'm thoroughly pleased with and enjoying things just as they are. However as much as I enjoy being gay, and as much as I wouldn't change it, I certainly don't think it's better to be gay than straight (nor is it better to be straight than gay let me add vehemently!). It's just different. Different isn't better, it's just different. As long as people recognize that and are comfortable with their own and other people's way's of perceiving the world than I really don't care who dates whom or who's got which bit of anatomy. Whatever works. -Kevin

Great chapter!

Just wanted to say this was a very good chapter...now I'm off to read the next

Welcome you guys!

Then may you never know the answer

So a couple of days ago the craziest thing happened! I was minding my own business at work and it was time to go to lunch. So I walked out, and realized that I'd gone out the wrong door and that my truck was on the other side of campus (I'm a sub. teacher for those who don't know). SO, I thought, "it's a nice day, no point in turning around, I'll just cut across this field." So I cut across this GIANT field only to find that there was in fact no easy way to get back to my truck and that I had to follow the fence along back to the road. Eventually I found this opening and rather than go all the way around the block I thought, "Okay, I can cut through here." So I walk awhile and realize that I'm actually on the fenced in campus of this small, Christian, elementary private school that's next door to the high school I was subbing at. No big deal I figure, there's bound to be a way out. Well it turns out it was completely fenced in! As luck would have it however, this guy was coming through the gate that led out into the parking lot (yes, even the parking lot was fenced off!). So I went through as he was coming in...only to discover that I was trapped inside a small parking lot that was completely fenced in, and the only way out was the gate through which I'd entered, and two other gates that led out onto the main street (an 'exit' and an 'enter') unfortunately during school hours the 'exit' was completely sealed off, and you had to be coming from outside (and in a car) to open the enter. SO, since the gates that lead out onto the road (which would have actually helped me) were REALLY high, I eventually elected to climb one of the shorter gates...back into the fenced in campus. After roaming around for awhile I finally found this underground tunnel which went under the road and out onto the other side. I figured, "this has to be a good sign!"...wasn't. It ended up leading me right into ANOTHER fenced in parking lot. By now I wasn't having this anymore! SO I just sucked it up and climbed the VERY high fence out which lead to the sidewalk by the road. After all this I was blocks away from my truck, but I saw this subway in the distance and thought, "well that works." So I strolled over there for lunch and ordered a salad. Wouldn't you know it that to add insult to injury they only put a SPOON in the bag with my salad and no fork!!!! What the hell?? I made this epic trek and they can't even give me a frickin fork? Anyway, I actually rather got a kick out of all that, so it wasn't too bad! Last night I got a call from an old friend who I hadn't spoken with in about six years (he got my number from a mutual friend). It was kinda weird. He's like this 'ex-gay', Christian fundamentalist now, and I suppose he was spurred to call me because he'd heard of my 'wayward ways'. ...It's always nice to be insulted by someone you haven't heard from in six years. Anyway, I'm thoroughly excited, I'm going on this trip back to Baton Rouge tomorrow and Saturday to visit an old friend that I haven't seen since I moved! It'll be a blast! We're going to relive all our old, fun activities. Then Saturday night I'm meeting up with some more old friends, then I'll (hopefully) be back in time to go to church and 'young adults youth group' Sunday. I really like them! It's such a progressive group! Like the exact opposite of my Christian Fundy friend. We have alota good discussions and also a lot of fun activities. Last weekend we played ultimate frisbee in the park, which was a blast! My two best friends go too, so it's always fun times Anyway I'll be having lunch with them, then going to a gay organization I belong to, then as soon as that's over I'm going to go visit some friends of mine that have horses. I've been hanging out more with them lately, and they're these insanely nice guys that are like this really serious gay couple, it's pretty sweet. They always talk about 'their nieces and nephews' and stuff. Anyway, they have horses and they invited me to go ride! I'm so excited about that! I haven't ridden since I was a kid! So yeah, I'll have a nice, busy, fun-packed next few days

HAHAHA! Glad you did it too

Woo HOOO! Congrats, Tim I'm celebrating my up-coming weekend trip to visit friends out of state that I haven't seen in a very long time

Awww, well I hope you aced them!

You lucky thing! Have a fantastic, safe time!

I agree; it's a subject which never fails to hold my attention So you're saying that what makes it worse is a heightened sense of rejection? I guess I can see your point, on the other hand I'd be just as likely to say it should be less of a rejection because a girl would be so different. It's hard to explain what I mean...I guess a bad analogy is like if I drink Chardonnay every day and then suddenly switch to sauvignon blanc then it's sorta like I got tired of the Chardonnay and opted for a similar but different beverage. If on the other hand I drank a margarita instead....well that's completely different and it has nothing to do with the Chardonnay; I just wanted a completely different style of drink. But actually I don't agree with that at all, it's just the opposing argument that might readily come to mind. Instead, as I said I would make no distinction. A cheater is a cheater and I'm done with him either way. Also, I think when it comes to cheating it very very rarely has much of anything to do with the person being cheated on and is instead much more likely says something about the person doing the cheating. Hmm, I guess this comes down to different expectations for our significant others. Unless the threesome or other rounds of casual sex had left my partner with some sort of disease, or extreme emotional baggage, then yes, as I said, I really wouldn't particularly care what his sex life had been like before we started seeing each other. It's only his present and future that would concern me in this regard. To answer the first part, I honestly don't see how one's sexuality has anything to do with compatibility, trust, and passion, that is as long as the person was with someone whom they were attracted to in the present. Ex's are always going to be complicated and carry baggage, and depending on the circumstance they may very well always be a slight source of tension, insecurity, and jealousy. Yes, I can see how it could be very disconcerting to know that your partner had previously been deeply in love with someone else. Had previously considered building their life with this person and trusted them completely. Yes, I can see how that could be very threatening, but I honestly wouldn't find it any more or less threatening depending on the gender of their ex. The fact that such a relationship had existed at all, maybe; but the gender, nah. Anyway, it all comes down to trusting your partner and your relationship. It's important to feel secure in the knowledge that the past is in the past and your partner has no desire or intention to relieve the past. Also, for the record, it would be these types of serious relationships that I would find more threatening in my partner's past than any casual encounter, fling, or short-term relationship. I would expect to talk to my partner about these feelings and get over them, and I also think that on the other hand the fact that my partner has a history of long-term, stable relationships is a very good thing, but I would want to discuss them. With the purely sexual stuff in his past...well I'd just be curious, but I can't imagine particularly caring or being worried (again assuming he had been sexually responsible). I'd also be very interested if my partner had a history of cheating. I know that's a tad unfair and that I should trust him and let us start with a blank slate, but I would find cheating in his past to be very troubling and it would damage my trust a bit (although it would be worse if he weren't honest with me to begin with, or worse had even mislead me in this regard). Again though, 'non-cheating' encounters wouldn't bother me. As for the second part of your question: I would first say that being bisexual, or not identifying at all, does not indicate that your sexuality has no point. To get into this we would need to discuss what the 'point' of one's sexuality is in the first place, and that could get quite long, but suffice it to say that the fundamental parts of someone's sexuality that I would consider to be the 'point', would not be affected by the gender(s) that they loved and to whom they were attracted. However, even disregarding that and assuming that there was 'no point' to someone's sexuality (which as I said I certainly wouldn't argue on the basis of orientation), I still fail to see how that then invalidates the love they would now share in their current relationship. Love isn't about sex; sex is just...incidental, at least when it comes to the broader concept of love. Anyway, just my thoughts, and I'm very much enjoying this chat Take care and have a great day, Kevin

Awww Thanks you guys!

But not if he's with another guy? That seems like a good assessment to me.