AFriendlyFace

I do too! "Killer Queen" - Queen

Wow! Well done you guys, with the hindsight of chapter 44 it looks like several of you made some really good guesses!

Good point! HAHA, Steve, I love the new acronym! Good chapter, looking forward to the next!

I correctly guessed that at this point Instinct is not dead! ...mind you I did it after reading the next chapter

Thanks!

Nah, I found the comments against gay culture and regarding misogyny to be much more provocative.

I definitely agree with you! I think they would have listened too. I tried to write them in a realistic way that made them seem like 'typical' human beings. They're natural tendency is to be a bit self-involved and a bit oblivious to someone's unexpressed feelings, but I think that's very much human nature, regrettably I think this is often even the case for parents. They're supposed to think first of their children and read between the lines, but I think it's far easier for most parents to live in denial that everything is just peachy if they aren't hit in the face with the contradictions. The thing about suicide is that it usually is a surprise to the people close to the victim. How often do we hear the wailing regret of "how could I know have known?" "Why didn't I realize?" etc. I definitely think they would have been supportive of James if they had known. I think this speaks of another issue I see frequently. Very often people will go into hysterics over the silliest things! They'll grab the spotlight and run with it and make everyone notice their smallest problems. I think that's definitely the other side of the coin. I think it's seldom just about problem X or situation Y for 'over-dramatic' people. I think it's more often about generally wanting attention and affection from those around them and not quite being able to ask for it in a positive way. Thank you very much! I definitely think you're right, Old Bob! I certainly don't think loneliness or feelings of being ignored/invisible are the only reasons someone commits suicide! There are definitely a whole range of other reasons such as: rejection, anger, fear/worry, extreme stress, and ill-health just to name a few! It is a very difficult trend to reverse indeed! My only advice on this would be for everyone to look carefully at the people around them and try their hardest to be perceptive and sensitive to their needs. It's easier said than done of course, and as many have said, to a great extent it's up to the depressed person to let someone know how they feel and what they need. The flip side to that would be to make it clear that you're there for them and that you would be supportive and listen if they needed something. Did Kenny let James know that he would have been available to support James? We've all pretty much agreed that he WOULD have supported James, but did he let him know it? Did he back up his words with actions that reinforced his promise? My gut instinct is to say that no he (and James' parents) didn't do that. Thanks, Steve! I definitely agree with you and I've already enjoyed the discussion we've had thus far about this issue! I really hope that it does do someone good. Perhaps either a potential victim will read the story and see the ultimate fruitlessness of it or a potential 'saviour' will read it and be more on the look-out for this sort of thing. Of course I'm probably deluding and flattering myself to think the story could have that effect. In any case perhaps just opening up communication in general will be beneficial Thanks everyone! -Kevin

Walking Contradiction by Greenday

Thanks Old Bob! Thanks Procyon! I definitely agree with that interpretation. Actually I'm really glad you brought this up because I wanted to see what everyone thoughts of that little bit of misdirection. Was it effective? Did you guys actually assume it was James? Did it change the way the ending was perceived? In other words did you expect James' death less as a result of this? Or did it indeed lead you to conclude that maybe he wasn't dead after all? In the original version I visualized Kenny does see the note when he wakes up from the movie and rushes in to check on James. One variation was finding it too late and ending story there with everything explicitly spelled out, the other alternative, and the one I probably would have used had I not opted to end the story the way I did, was to find James safe and sound in his room (with him merely having neglected to remove the suicide note from the drawer in which he'd hidden it (perhaps because he subconsciously wanted it to be found?)) and the two of them having a long 'heart to heart'. I decided that that ending was too sentimental though and that overall the story had much more consistency and unity, not to mention being more evocatively powerful, the way I eventually elected to write it. I agree, and not to marginalize suicide at all, or to further stigmatize the victims, but I think very often depressed people do want to play the role of the eternal victim (granted it might be all they're able to do in some instances), and of course in many ways suicide is very often the ultimate act of self-pity. Thanks Tiff! So let me ask you, what do you think? I noticed that almost everyone's initial reaction seems to be that he did do the deed, and the possibility that he did not is something later considered and possibly 'chosen', but seldom the automatic assumption (in fact I don't think it's been anyone's automatic assumption). I honestly can't tell you whether he did or not. I purposely tried to leave it subjective, so that whatever the reader decided, however the story would have more significance to him/her would still work. Thanks! that is how I hoped he'd come off! Thanks Dion! Thank you Mike! Thanks, yeah, I did try to pick a significant song. Adam's song definitely has that lonely, depressed, "another six months I'll be unknown" quality to it as a suicide song. The other big suicide song I considered was "Last Resort" by Papa Roach, but that song had a more angry, active, rageful depression that I didn't think worked as well for the story, and didn't have as much significance. Once when I was in high school and the song was recent, I was in the car with my then best friend who was going through a rough time (his mother had recently died ), and the song came on and he said, "this is my favourite song right now", I said, "yeah it's a good song". Then I promptly freaked out and started wondering if he was trying to tell me something!

Wow! You guys are good guessers! One of those three is it. So here's a link to the chapter so you find out which, lol And I hope ya'll enjoy it! Let me know what you think -Kevin

LOL, well I have had experiences over the course of my life. I should hope there will be others, but regardless I'm still in a position to evaluate the ones in the past.

Paula Abdul - Dance Like There's No Tomorrow

Great picture, Gabe! It's very artistic and you look very beautiful in it.

Fuss at me for leaving out spoilers then you do it! Just wanted to drop by the thread and let everyone know the title for the next chapter. It will be: The Name Game I'll give one small spoiler, this is really the first time in the story we really get a considerable amount of Aaron/Ben dialogue, and I must say this chapter was a lot of fun to write! I'll also promise a couple of good Mick and Jake scenes Hope you guys like it when it posts, incidentally, the chapter is due to be posted in two days, but if anyone can accurately guess what the chapter name references I'll post the next chapter early!

What a very insightful analysis, Procyon! It greatly adds to my enjoyment of the story! How I wish I had noticed it during my initial reading!

So then there are more installments to this story? I didn't realize that!

I agree with all of this! It wouldn't have been realistic or fair to 'turn Mike gay' to give it a fairytale ending Besides, that wouldn't have been a happy ending for Sharon at all! Sharon and Mike also seem to get their happy ending this way as well I think that Brian will put his revelation and determination toward gainful endeavors. On a practical level it probably wouldn't have even been a good idea for him to rush into anything with a guy. He didn't seem completely ready and jumping into anything too serious too quickly probably wouldn't be wise. Well, I bet Brian gets some more kisses at least!

Titles are indeed very important in my opinion as well! Personally speaking I always try to come up for a good title for my stories and even chapters, and I usually like for it to have more than one layer of meaning. On the other hand, I don't think a good title is essential to a good story. I think to some extent that might just be our bias and preference. I've read a lot of very good stories with stupid, irrelevant titles. Some authors hate trying to come up with titles for their work. For me it's about my favourite thing

That is fascinating! I need to learn more about this! I shall have to check this out as well! I was indeed fascinated and curious about the mother! Is there more to the story? I mean will there be other installments? And we've missed you! Hope you've been well I agree; that was very well done!

There are ALOT of parallels between deaf culture and gay culture! Not to mention somewhat analogous histories and perspectives. My best friend is an interpreter for the deaf (and gay, but not himself deaf), and so I've had this conversation ALOT. I'll probably chime in with more later, but I actually have too much to say on the matter and too little time right now to do it. Incidentally, while I don't have concrete statistics and also while the people who have given me this information have themselves either been gay, deaf, or gay & deaf, it seems that there's a much higher incidence (proportionally) of homosexuality in the deaf community. I personally know 6 deaf gay males and a deaf lesbian, in real life, and then several more deaf gay boys online! Good subject, Robbie -Kevin

Well done, Old Bob! I'm happy for you! It is indeed wonderful to be 'lucky in love'. I think it's something most people desire very much! Looking back over the Love and Lust relationships/encounters I've had over my life, I don't regret any of them either, so I suppose I've 'been lucky'. On the other hand, I have not found enduring (romantic) love...but then I'm not sure I've even been looking for it *shrug*. So I guess I've been lucky in love, but I could stand to be luckier

LOL, this sounds to me like we're in for a BIGGER cliffhanger after reading those 4 paragraphs!! *looks at his watch* Ahm, so just where are these paragraphs?!? (Surely 9:30 am is considered evening? ) Yes, if it gets really popular and mainstream goat meat may become known as a staple in the gay diet.

Radiohead - "Creep"

LOL, I think I have to disagree with Graeme! Well you're right, but it sounds to me like Jonnie might also have a ways to go on his quest (no shame in that, nearly everyone does ). For example what I took from it was that in many ways he was being counter-gay culture, and doing his best to avoid stereotypes. While it isn't healthy and meritorious (in my opinion) to say "oh look I'm gay" and then rush out and start acting as stereotypically 'gay' as you can, it similarly isn't healthy and meritorious (again just in my opinion) to actively resist everything you can. It is my belief that people are best off just being themselves and if they fit stereotypes, great, and if they don't, great. Personally speaking I fit quite a few and I don't fit quite a few, and I have a wide range of degrees to which I either embody or disprove them. Ah, well as it turns out I am considering a career in this field. (I could leave it scandalous and open to speculation, but I'll clarify that I mean a career as a gay activist not as as a porn star ) I definitely do agree with that; however, your being male and white IS a pretty darn major aspect of who you are. It's unfortunate that is, personally I think gender and race (and obviously sexuality) should be completely irrelevant. But they are NOT. Society will not let them be. You are treated and (whether it's pleasant to admit or not - I hate admitting personally) act completely different because you are male and white. I definitely bemoan this fact, but it's inescapable in today's world. I agree that being gay or straight is no more significant than being male or white, but race and gender are pretty darn significant and so is orientation. It sucks, I wish all three were societally irreverent - and definitely personally irrelevant - but they are not. As I said, I can't stand admitting that I do and don't do certain things because I'm male and not female. I can't stand realizing that people look at me and make certain assumptions about me because I'm white. I can't stand knowing that my sexuality does influence my world view. I try very hard to completely blend gender, racial, and orientation lines. I try very hard not to give such things consideration and to conduct myself in whatever manner feels most natural to me. However, I can't deny the relevance these things do hold in my life, and I dare say that for quite a few other people who haven't given them as much thought and merely behave as they've been socialized to do, they probably hold even more significance. The way I understand and interpret the difference between 'homosexual' and 'gay', is that all gays are homosexual, but not all homosexuals are gay. Being 'homosexual' only relates to one's sexuality, being gay includes sexuality but incorporates a whole range of other cultural, historical, and social phenomena. It has been my experience and is my opinion that typically an individual who is 'gay' feels better about their sexuality, and is healthier and better adjusted (physically, emotionally, and spiritually), than an individual who is only 'homosexual'. As I said, this is just my opinion and this is just my opinion generally and overall not in every instance. For me the word 'homosexual' holds more negative connotations than the word 'gay'. I'm very unlikely to refer to myself as a 'homosexual' unless I'm having a very scientific discussion. In every day conversation, and certainly in a conversation related to any other discipline besides science I would always refer to myself as 'gay' instead. Actually, while we're on this topic, it's interesting to ponder if, according to the structure I've discussed above, all 'gay' people do have to be 'homosexual'. Can a straight or bisexual person be 'symbolically gay'? My answer would be 'yes and no' and to some extent, but not completely. In many ways I could consider myself a 'symbolic lesbian' and perhaps even a 'symbolic bisexual', because I have a great deal of support and interaction with the communities and I know a great deal about their issues, history, and culture; however, I definitely don't think I can experience lesbianism and bisexuality to the same fullness of extent that a natural lesbian or bisexual can. I wholeheartedly agree here! One should always have the prerogative of labeling (or not labeling) one's self however one sees fit! I enjoyed that! Take care all, Kevin