AFriendlyFace

Well first off, I don't think there's any value judgments to be made based on the race of someone's attraction. I'm very very open minded when it comes to...well nearly everything ...but specifically dating, sex, attraction, etc. I've dated and/or messed around with whites, asians, hispanics, and blacks, and my focus wasn't on their race. Just whether or not I liked them and was attracted to them. That said, I very much have a type. The fact that someone isn't my 'type' won't automatically preclude them, but there is a type. First off, as I said in the body hair thread I'm all about SMOOTH. I also tend to prefer slender, slim, toned, or lean muscle. Average to muscular is okay, but I prefer smaller. I also prefer smaller in terms of height. Ideally the person should be about my height 5'10. One or two inches either way is fine, but if there's a larger height disparity I much prefer shorter guys to taller guys. I like guys with longer, fuller, shaggier hair and I significantly prefer straight hair to wavy or curly. That said, it's quite obvious that my 'type' is very often Asians. I think Asian boys are by and large very very beautiful! My other big 'type' is fair-haired white boys. Again I'm fine with darker haired white boys, but often that's where the body hair thing comes more into play. Not always though, and happily most twinkish gay boys are good about staying smooth Blacks and Hispanics generally interest me less, and I certainly don't have a 'fetish' for them, the way I do with Asians and light-haired whites, but at the same time I've seen some incredibly hot ones! I certainly wouldn't be surprised if I found myself attracted to and dating a black or Hispanic person. I've had less experience with other races, but I'm sure this would essentially hold true. My attraction to females is slightly different however. I'm still very attracted to blondes and red-heads if they're white, but I also have a major attraction to slender, black girls. At one of my old jobs there was this gorgeous black girl! When we first met I found it hard not to stare. She was a lesbian though and in a relationship, and of course I was gay, so while we developed a pretty good friendship nothing ever came of it. Still, I recently heard that she'd broken up with her girlfriend and started dating a guy and I couldn't help but feel...I dunno jealous I guess, and like I'd missed an opportunity I didn't think existed. My only other big attraction quirk is that I'm proportionately very seldom attracted to straight guys. I just like the average gay guy's looks AND personality a lot more, and I find them much easier to understand and relate to, so straight guys just don't interest me very much. The only ones that do would be like the laid-back 'surfer' or 'hippie' dudes or maybe a 'metrosexual'. What a wonderful story! I've heard that use of the phrase; however, I personally prefer to playfully refer to myself as a 'Dairy Queen' because of my proclivity for cheese I certainly agree with that sentiment. Also, with regards to the rest, on the bright side everyone is sort of at that same disadvantage of not knowing if the person they're interested in has a 'type' and whether or not they automatically make or fail to make it, so at least we're all on even ground in that regard I suppose that's true. Personally, however, I have to say that the majority of the stereotypes I've seen/heard about Asians have been things I would regard as 'positive'. If you ask me Whites AND Asians do get a 'better rap' than Hispanics or Blacks when it comes to the media. I've frequently wondered whether this might account for the fact that those two groups tend to be the ones I'm more attracted to by and large. On the other hand, I've also wondered whether it's simply a case of me looking for 'confirmation'. Like if I already found Asians really HOT, maybe I just notice the positive things and ignore the negative things that the media and society tend to portray? Just my thoughts, Kevin

:angry:So for the past several days I haven't been able to stop listening to By Ben Folds It's most definitely one of the most romantic songs I've ever heard, in fact I'd be hard pressed to come up with a song I consider more romantic. LOL and I'm not even seeing anyone or 'in love' I'm sure it would be on a continuous loop if I were I also think, "Good Morning Beautiful" By Steve Holy is also freakishly romantic. I think you have to sorta like, or at least be able to tolerate, country music to appreciate it though. In any case I know I'd completely melt if I ever had a boyfriend that sang, or even just quoted, that to me when we woke up one morning. So those are my two romantic songs. What ones do you guys like? -Kevin

I think you've got a good point, Nick! I know my opinion and position on things have changed considerably over time as well. I have that problem too! I like everything to be perfect and if I don't have the time or energy to get it right I often don't bother at all. I took that test again, and as with last time (I just looked up my results from a few months ago in the What Personality Are You? thread) I scored as an: ENFP * moderately expressed extravert * distinctively expressed intuitive personality * distinctively expressed feeling personality * slightly expressed perceiving personality I'd say the results are definitely true for the last three things, but stuff is sort of weird with the extrovert/introvert thing. For example I wouldn't describe myself as a "moderately expressed extrovert" at all, I would describe myself as a distinctively expressed extrovert AND a moderately/distinctively expressed introvert. I've always found it interesting that these two things appear as polar opposites on a scale. It might be logical and intuitive to think of them that way, but for me they aren't at all, instead they would be two separate scales. I'm a highly social, outgoing person. I do enjoy being the center of attention, I speak loudly, love having a wide circle of friends, quickly throw myself into the social mix whenever I go somewhere new, and enjoy parties. However, I also 'need time alone to recharge' and a more significant amount of it than the average person I would say. I also prefer small groups of two or three to large groups (I enjoy both but smaller get-togethers are preferable), I frequently seek out quiet and solitude and occasionally purposely cancel plans and/or avoid people to spend time alone doing solitary things. I would also be hard pressed to decide whether or not I prefer to speak or listen in general. So anyway, personally I've always thought I score quite high on both extrovert and introvert. Most people assume me to be an extrovert because I am when I'm with them; they don't see my quiet, solitary side but it's just as important, natural, and enjoyable to me.

Oh man, my hypothetical life sucks! Okay, I've got a plan! I'll go to the doc and get the STD's treated, then I'll take the cute guy to the salon and get him waxed all over, and I'll bring the short, heavyset dude to the gym, and before long I'll be healthy, hairy guy will be smooth, and large guy will be slender, and then we can all join a commune in the wilderness of Washington state and live happily ever after eating organic strawberries. ...yeah I think it's foolproof!

...Well, if I'd already managed for 3 years without guys I'm sure I could go a bit longer

For the record this is also what I meant.

This is something I feel very strongly about when it comes to physical attraction. I can't stand body hair. Apart from being wildly out of shape or something, body hair is the single thing which is most inclined to turn me off of someone. To be very blunt, if I had to choose I'd much rather be with a smooth woman than a hairy man. Hair on the head is great (and I like longer, fuller styles), a trimmed patch around the genitals is also fine, as is short, trimmed hair under the arms. I can tolerate a moderate amount on the legs, especially if it's lighter. As for the arms I really only don't mind if the hair is very light and not particularly prevalent. For the rest of the body (chest, stomach, back, etc.) almost any is a deal breaker. My biggest attraction in terms of having a physical 'type' is to Asians, blonds, and red-heads, and while I consider these types very attractive in most all ways, the fact that they're more inclined to be hairless or only have fine, light hair is undoubtedly a huge determinant. It's for this reason that I think I've always had this reaction to body hair. I've really always found it unattractive and I've always been attracted to Asians/blonds/red-heads, I didn't even piece together that it was probably related until relatively recently. So anyway in that way my sexual attraction has always been well-integrated I'm getting that, although I've been so busy I keep missing my appointments I'm very pleased with the results for my arms, but the rest is slower progress. Also, while this wasn't part of the question, I'll also add that I similarly don't care for facial hair. Anyway, I realize that's all very shallow, and obviously none of these things would matter to me at all, except in terms of sexual attraction, and I also realize that quite a few people feel the exact opposite. These are just my opinions and preferences. Take care all and have a great day Kevin

Well, as someone who's completely unfamiliar with DnCW and didn't realize Cody was anything but a new, made-up character, I'd say it worked pretty well I dunno, given the circumstances I don't think she was really out of line. Anyway, good chapter! -Kevin

Awwwww But wow, yuck!

I have often heard this concern expressed by others! Frequently it is the reason people offer for not exploring themselves and occasionally it's been a warning from other against my doing so. Personally, I've never been of this opinion at all; if there is a snake in my bed I want to know about it and find it, I don't want to curl up on one side and hope it leaves me alone. Sometimes one's demons cannot be exercised, but nevertheless I think it's better to know they are there and act accordingly than to live in supposed ignorance. Speaking for myself I've often explored the dark corners of my mind and soul, but the darkness doesn't scare me; there has always been enough light to offset it. Besides, I've never thought myself perfect, or even lacking significant flaws. I know what my flaws are and I love myself in spite of them.

My personal opinion is that there is no knowledge more relevant and important than self-knowledge. To me it's one of the fundamental experiences of the human condition and I would find it more pitiable if someone had no self-knowledge than if they were illiterate for example (or otherwise lacking in knowledge of something that most of today's Western society knows). For me the quest for self-knowledge has always been paramount. 1) So I selected "yes" it's important 2) for the best way, the poll actually didn't offer any of my preferred methods. I think the truly best, not to mention easiest, way is through good old-fashioned introspection, and carefully exploring your feelings and motivation. I think a very good tool for this is to write your thoughts out in a journal/blog and/or to discuss them carefully with a trusted friend. These three ways are by far the ones I employ the most and I'm very pleased with the results. It's also useful to engage in other creative pursuits like writing, painting, poetry, music, etc. and also probably very useful to engage in other hobbies that aren't traditionally associated with such things (I think sports could be very helpful for example). I know that for my part if I'm going to engage in pure introspection without discussing it with someone or writing about it, my favourite way is to take a long walk by myself, a close second is to take a hot bath, and a third is, oddly enough, to do dishes. I'm very introspective when I wash dishes for some reason and I find it very relaxing. For the sake of this poll I actually selected all three options. The second option, Jung's test etc. is the one I've engaged in the most and I do find personality tests and other such things to be very fascinating and often very insightful. Though, for the most part, they've only ever told me things I pretty knew already. Nevertheless, I enjoy them immensely and they do stimulate my thinking about the subjects so I still find them useful. I also selected counseling because while I've never been to a therapist myself and while I don't feel like I do have anything major or chronic for which I might need counseling, I still think that with the right therapist it would be very useful and enjoyable. I'm also a firm believer that counseling is very good for people. Finally, I wasn't going to select the non-scientific approaches like astrology because I'm fairly skeptical about such things. In the end I did elect to select it however because I think the fact that one may or may not participate is illuminating about oneself in the first place. For example I almost always read my horoscope if I'm reading a magazine or paper that has it in it (I don't actively seek it out though), I've also done tarot cards with friends, and last month I tried to go to a psychic/palm reader on a whim (I was passing a place that did it), but unfortunately it was closed. Anyway, point is I think those things are fun, and I'm just about open-minded enough to believe that there's a very small chance there's something to them. For the most part though I don't believe them at all, and would never actually base any decisions or actions on such things. What I think my willingness to participate casually says about myself, however, is that I'm a very open-minded, spiritual person, who enjoys novelty. So in that way I think they do tell me something about myself. 3) I said I know a lot about all those techniques. It's a relative thing of course, but I'm pretty well-informed about such things as a result of my degree in psychology as well as my general interest and active pursuit of knowledge about in the field. 4) I am interested in knowing more. I'm interested in knowing more about almost anything that interests me even a little, and this interests me very much, so I doubt I'll ever know all I want to know about it. 5) for the last question I said that I was open to all techniques for learning more, because I think all could be very useful! Great poll/thread, Old Bob! Thanks Take care all and have an awesome day, Kevin

LOL, well for most people I think they develop 'times' when it's said to someone. I said it today to one of my closest friends when I was hanging up the phone. We used to say it every now and then more spontaneously when she lived in the same city, but now that she's moved away we say it at the end of most phone conversations and talk once or twice a week. Similarly I say it at the end of every phone conversation with my mom, and we talk about 2 or 3 times a week (well this week only once because it was so hectic, but on a good week 2 or 3). Again this only developed after the time I moved away, before that, when I lived at home as child/adolescent it was generally said nightly before bed and occasionally during the day spontaneously or for special circumstances. I think most Americans develop something akin to this habit. They may say it nightly with family/spouses/partners, and at the end of phone conversations if these people, or other close friends, are away. Similarly some people seem to throw it around more at birthdays and holidays, although personally I've never been more or less inclined to say it/hear it for those reasons. Of course the 'habit/routine' way is the most functional and least...emotional or joyful I guess. I mean it's still nice to hear/say, but I personally prefer if it's a more, 'in the moment' kind of thing. Those 'in the moment' type 'I love you's' are far less common (otherwise they become routine ), personally speaking I guess I only have 2 or 3 of those a month with someone, be they friend or family member, TOPS, and even those are usually of the more playful, casual variety. The best kind are the spontaneous, but also very serious sort, and I think those are exceedingly rare. On the other hand 'I love you's' of any variety are probably far more common when involved in a romantic relationship of some kind (especially one that's gotten serious, but that's still not routine). Personally speaking I've only been involved in one of those ever, and while I convinced myself I felt it eventually I think he said it too soon and the first several times I said it back were more 'because I had to' than genuine feeling. On the other hand I do still 'love' him in the affectionate, this is someone I care about and want to see happy way, but not at all in the romantic way.

Oh wow, that is a difference in cultures I suppose. So parents don't even say it to their young children?

I've had those before, and still do on a semi-regular basis, but I still think Cosmos are better, lol.

Welcome to Procyon (I've really been enjoying interacting with you around the forums! ) And welcome back to Bitterephipany, I recall your old names as well, good to see you again

OH wow, that's so sad

Well that's fascinating! It seems to me more like their orientation did change. I.E. from an attraction to guys to an attraction to girls. To me when it comes to sexual orientation, the gender of one's attraction is more relevant than the fact that it's same or opposite from your own gender. I'm truly amazed by this! Thanks for sharing!

Err, I know you put it in quote marks, but I still think 'different' is a better choice of words than 'wrong'. That's all very true, but I think what it really comes down to is an issue of denial. Some people are very good at denying their true sexuality, and almost undoubtedly the same would hold for gender. Certainly they would be expressing it subtly anyway, and the signs would be there, but for someone adamant about ignoring them it could be done. The same would hold true for this person's spouse/partner. Upon reflection they could probably see the signs, but if they were dead set on ignoring it prior to the revelation that could probably done. People have an amazing capacity for selectively seeing and believing what they want. You mean for example if I were dating a gay guy and he realized he was transgendered and went through the process of becoming a woman, and then realized that she was still homosexual and thus a lesbian interested in dating other women? I guess that's plausible, but it's not my understanding of how it works. I've personally known four transexual people fairly well, three of whom who have already for the most part undergone the switch and one who is still in the process, and each was attracted (or certain that they would be attracted) to same gender before and after, regardless of 'sexuality' before the transition. To me it seems more like regardless of your gender you're either attracted to males or females (or both) and altering your physical gender should be independent of that. At least that's how I see it.

I agree that there isn't really anything biologically amazing about all this, but it could be a fairly significant step societally. I think it's important that people get over the notion that a 'family' is a man, a woman, and a kid/kids. Families come in all different varieties and important for us as a society to realize that. So if transgendered people having kids is going to help carry that torch then I'm certainly behind it, even more so than I would be on a strictly personal level (obviously regardless of any other agendas I want people to be able have kids and start families if that's what they want).

Welcome back, dude! I hope all has been well with you! Do you want us to get rid of your old account?

Well as someone who wants very very much to become a father I'm a bit saddened by the fact that majority of responders seem to have the most trouble saying it to dads/step-dads/father figures! I really hope my kids won't have a problem saying it to me! I know that really in any relationship, especially as the individuals get older, this is a two-way street, but in many ways I feel like it's primarily the responsibility of the parent/older person to make sure the younger person knows they are loved. So maybe as long as I make sure to say it to my kids and make sure they know it, it'll be less of a problem. I hope so anyway.

I agree, but it's best to just make a cosmo

I would disagree. Many people don't even work out for sure that they're gay until later than that. I think the issue of transexuality would take even longer to figure out. Especially if it were a MTF in a gay male relationship. Chances are he might have incorrectly assumed that his feeling of being different or out of place stemmed from the far more common experience of being homosexual than being transgendered. Don't get me wrong, a lot of people who are transgendered figure it out right away and always sort of 'know', but I think it's easy to misidentify given the right circumstances and background. I would be very interested in some stats on this! Yep, definitely answers my question

I agree, there is much bi-phobia in the world. On the other hand bi people who refuse to have relationships with one gender contribute to it. I have an unorthodox suggestion that may or may not work, and I suppose it has the potential to hurt you so take it with a grain of salt. Why not do relationship like stuff with him? Like you said you guys had fun hanging out before right? Well keep hanging out and start acting more and more like you're already his boyfriend. Without being possessive or very overt with it that is, since that would probably put him off. Just keep flirting and having fun, and spending time together, and if it's something you both want maybe you guys could 'do stuff'. After awhile it'll basically be like you're dating anyway. Which will give you both a chance to see if you like it. If you do, at some point you can have 'the talk' about where things are going and what you each want. At that point it might not be as intimidating to him if it is something he wants because he'll realize it's basically something he's already doing and all that would happen is that it would become 'official'. Anyway, that's my advice, keep it light and non-serious, but similar to dating and when it feels right see if you both want to take it to the next, official level. I know that does have the potential to get you a broken heart, but really what relationship doesn't? Anyway that's why I urge you to keep it light and non-serious until it is official. Just have fun, don't go too fast, and only do stuff you both want to do. Just a suggestion. I hope it all works out Kevin

Happy 18th birthday, Adam! I hope you have a fantastic birthday and an awesome year! If you get a chance please drop by and let us know how you're doing All the best, Kevin