Kavrik

I agree with Nephy in that the opening picture is amazing. I agree with Marzipan in that I too was thinking of Inception (the movie) which I think is still a fresh idea in fiction and should be explored. You do it well here. Kynan is a great character and this is a good read. I have some style questions and I'm going to post those in the story discussion rather than here.

I have to admit...this little prologue you got goin here had my blood stirring. I wanted to read chapter one and find out more about Waylon's Crossing. But more than that, as I was reading it, I was visualizing the start to a really good series and this was the pilot episode. I can't wait to see you introduce some characters...hopefully there's a cute blond boy I can get attached to. Also...I hope that you make the story dark and nitty gritty. I like my literature with an R-rating so bring it on and you've definitely got an avid reader.

Dis is wish 4 U on Burfday

Thank you for the review Bug. I'm going to be reposting this story here in a while as I've edited the entire thing and finished it. I really appreciate your review and you are awesome.

Checkout this short movie. I thought it was really cool and good for General Audiences. I like checking out Indie Films...anyone else share this?

I am cat that went to Hogwarts and stole Dumblydoor's cap. I also pass no judgment.

Why do you want to know?

I haven't seen it yet. It got really bad reviews at Rotten Tomatoes so I wrote it off as pmuch garbage at that point.

I personally think that the mother's mood will help with the health of the baby. Please, Andy you should extend as much love as you are able so that your child is born as healthy as possible.

That sucks. Have a good weekend.

Superstorms, floods, and everything east of the rockies buried in ice. This is "normal" weather according to naysayers of global climate change. Yeah right.

I thought that this story had an amazing start and that the sex details actually detracted from it. I think that your narrator's voice is extremely captivating and would like to see more of where this is going. I'm not saying that I don't like reading sex...I just think it came way too early in the story and would have been better in my opinion if you'd just said, "He raped me," and then went on to describe how the character felt conflicted by this because it would have matched the earlier part of the prologue.

Mark, as a fellow pasta-farian I salute you with this starbucks coffee! As you can see, there's more than I can drink so help yourself you big Cat you!

This is my favorite author. He got skurred when he saw his cover art. LESSON LEARNED PPL ==> NEVER JUDGE A BOOK BY ITS COVER!

Good read, if not a bit somber in the telling. Personally, I prefer chapters that have a little more dialogue in them and I think your pacing could use a little work. Perhaps putting some more dialogue and less string of events followed by string of events might take out some of the monotony. Anyway, the editing was extremely clean and this is refreshing. Thank you for posting this and I look forward to the next chapter.Do you by any chance have pictures or ideas of what these characters might look like? Also, why do the people in this world that you've created have such prejudice toward homosexuals? I mean...has the hate for them been established or am I just to assume that this we have Christianity in this world as we do in ours?

Whoah! Flying Spaghetti Monster for the win!!!!

I really like the earthiness of Dane. He’s a great, humble, if not somewhat awkward character that is charming in the way in which you present him. Dane’s father is a real P.O.S. and doesn’t deserve to have such a loving boy for a son.I have a few minor criticisms. Please keep in mind that when I read, I critically read and I can’t turn it off.“Hurry up, if I find out you're late to school today you are going to regret it,”In my opinion, the dialogue here would be better in using a contraction, i.e., “you’re”Dane's dad said the doorway of his office.Some kind of preposition is missing here. Maybe use “from” or “through” right after the word “said”."...he could stop at the cafe that that guy, Tap, had taken him into, the coffee had been really goodI stumble on the second “that”. Maybe you could try “…he could stop at the café that Tap had taken him into because the coffee was really good.”In a later section you write, "...his dark black hair..."I’m trying to figure out what color this actually is, as black seems to be really dark already.

If you could date any fictional character, who would it be and why? RULES TO THIS QUESTION as this is merely to satisfy my curiosity on such topics. 1) The fictional character must come from one of the G.A. Stories that we have posted here on this site. 2) The fictional character in question thinks you are amazing so you don't have to explain why the fictional character thinks you are amazing...he or she just does. 3) And the fictional character is "single" no matter what's going on in the manuscript and for all intent/purpose so are you so you don't need to explain this part either. This is pretend people...please hop on the "what if" bandwagon and pretend with me. Okay...post away.

Thank you for the nice poem Nephy. You are so talented

I want to try this if it gets really cold outside.

I read this heartwarming story and thought I'd link it here so you guys could share in it. Basically it's about these deer that needed to be rescued and some people did just that.

I'd love to try this sometime!

I have to ask...is any of this inspired by things you've experienced?

Wow...extremely moving poetry. I'm so happy I found this.

Great chapter and solid writing but I have a few things I’d like to point out about the writing that I think might make it stronger.There’s a lot of showing vs. telling in the beginning paragraphs of this chapter. It kind of reads like an encyclopedia and it really shouldn’t unless you’re aiming for the feel of Tolkien’s Silmarillion, “…And Ungoliant weaved Shadows about himself and escorted Melkor to the two trees of Valinor…” etc. I mean, “The Kings talked about this and that and the Queen retired to her room, etc.” It’s all encyclopaedic speech…kinda boring but doesn’t have to be. You can tell us by slowing down the action and immersing us in the room. Tell us what the Kings were talking about… tell us what the Queen was feeling and why she couldn’t wait to retire, etc.“…was a candle at the front, lighting the room dimly, and there were four rolls of wooden benches for the congregation on each side.” In my opinion, “dimly” is a really poor choice for an adverb here. I would suggest removing it entirely or making it an adjective and placing it in front of the word “candle”. Hence, “…was a dim candle at the front, lighting the room…”And then you write, “It was difficult to notice what was going on, or see all the details because even with the candle, the room was still quite dark.” I know the room was dark because two sentences earlier you said that the lighting in the room was dim. I would suggest trimming this sentence entirely.“Anyone who walked past this way would’ve noticed nothing on first glance, and if they had businesses on their mind (which they usually would in the middle of the night), they would’ve walked straight on instead.” You use contractions outside of conversation and I think that I’d rather see “would have” instead of “would’ve”.I love the exchange between Edward and Tyler. The conversation is well written and it immerses me in their lives which is the “telling” I was talking about earlier.