Zolia Lily

I've told 2 friends IRL so far. One was so shocked her eyes nearly bulged out of her head... but she's supportive. I don't think she'd ever read any of it though. I think she struggled to understand why i write what i write. The other friend simply looked at me and said "so why haven't you given any of it to me to read yet?". I sent her one of my big ones to read, and she said it was better than anything else i'd given her to read... (even though the sex parts were awkward - lol!) but i still didn't get massive enthusiastic vibes off her or anything. Not sure about telling the others. I have a couple that, while not homophobic, are a bit conservative. And a couple more who i think may be positive. But i do want everyone to know eventually. I want to be myself around them without having to worry about the friend i told who isn't very good at keeping secrets... or worrying about how they'll react. On one level, i just want to know and move on. It's my mum i'm not sure about. I'm not as close to my dad and he probably wouldn't care, as long as he didn't have to be involved. But my mum i feel like i'm being dishonest with. I've taken time off study and work this year to write, and i feel like i should tell her the truth. I talk a lot about a couple of the friends i've made online, too... and it has all become such a big part of my life that not telling feels like a lie of omission. She isn't homophobic and is generally supportive... but she can be really quick to judge sometimes- especially other women. I'm afraid she would see what i write as something shameful or strange... I mean, i'm not degrading anyone at all, let alone myself, and i really really don't think i'm flying in the face of any feminism, or undermining women's rights or whatever... but i'm not sure how she'll see it. I think i'm going to give her the story i'm writing with a mainstream audience in mind (with gay main characters) and gauge her reaction from there.....

I'm a cat person My first cat was called Ralph and was some sort of tabbie / tortie / bitza , and he lived until he was probably 21 or 22. He was a biiiig cat. Mum and dad picked him up as a stray before i was born and he was a few years old then. He was like the energizer bunny. He just kept going and going. He died about 2004. I got a cat for my birthday when i was 5. He was a big ginger tom; a real hunter and wild creature. As he aged he mellowed and he was my baby. He pined after Ralphy died and got really old really fast. We got two kittens to try and give him a family again. He pretended to hate them, but he cleaned them when they were sleeping and they slept on top of him, so we think they got along ok. He aged really badly though, was partially deaf and blind and had heart murmurs and diabetes and ended up with mini strokes and some form of alzheimers. It was awful. He used to walk in circles (like Zoolander, could only turn in one direction...) and sit and stare at walls. We had to have him put down late 2008. It was awful, but he was suffering. So we currently have the 2 kittens. (we still call them that, even though they're about five... ) A red Burmese, called Pride (he looked like Simba when he was a kitten, and then we said something about a pride of lions, and it just stuck...) and a Tortie Burmese who is called Tawny (because she is, basically.). Pride is a real sook and wants cuddles always. Now. Right now. And cries and cries if he doesn't get them. He pines and cries and drives everyone crazy if i go away for more than 2 days. I'll have to take him with me when i finally move out! Tawny is a real haughty tortie. She is very aloof and only cuddles when SHE wants. But when she is happy, she can't purr properly. She ends up squeaking and purring and it's ridiculous and adorable. And she can't miaow. She opens her mouth, but nothing happens. We also have an elderly arthritic dog called Scarlet (or Scarlie for short) who is a failed guide dog puppy... (no longer a puppy!) and about 6 chickens. Mum grew up in the country, and we have a big back yard..... so she decided she wanted chickens!!! When i'm old and am the local cat lady, i'm going to have a black cat called Bagheera, and possibly another cat called Sheba, and one more cat called Mouse Just to mess with it's head :D also- this is actually really funny : http://www.27bslash6.com/strata.html

Worst of it is, to pay for all the damage bills, the government is cutting spending- especially on environmental issues and counter global warming initiatives!!! It's like- you're not going to fight climate change? And you think we're getting once in a lifetime floods / cyclones / fires all within a few years of each other BECAUSE......????? AND all these stupid people are now saying it was all just a big media stunt since it didn't end up being that bad. So they'd rather the government didn't take precautions and left them out there to take a risk??? Gee, you know... i can really see them taking that in stride...

whoah i thoguht that was a kid looking in your window!!! LOL!!!

wait wait wait- so what happens if there's a tie??? Extra time??? Tiebreak??? (apparently we have the only sport in the world where if they draw during the Grand Final they replay the whole thing the next week.... happened last year. TOtally just a money making stunt though).

Hilarious! And MAN i love Urban Dictionary!!!

omg omg loved loved loved!!!Just read this on Maria's reccommendation (oooh that's sooo spelt wrong )and it was fantabulous!!! Loved Sam's vulnerability and strength *sigh* made me happy

Hey- whoah! Surprise start!Really like your style of narration- it flowed and you really left me wanting to know more!!!Looking forward to more chapters

Ok, really sorry- but blame Hollywood for this one. They had an interesting kids book with themes that were obviously going to be continued in later books, a book that had emotional and adventure elements, and then they turned it into a family movie. There was a lot of potential there, aaaaand... Hollywood fail. Should have kept it in the UK. That's all i'm saying. Whereas Twilight? Yeah, i think they managed to stick to the books more. WHich i like to think reflects badly on the books :D

Thing i love about GA is that everyone is so positive and encouraging. It's really refreshing! I have stories posted online that haven't made it here (yet)... but soo many of the reveiws on that site go beyond constructive criticism and are really harsh. While authors may not have edited etc as well as they could have, writing is a huge effort and a gentle push in the right direction is waaay better than a really nasty review. I was really shocked by it at first! As for when i review... i try to explain why i liked the story so much... Often when i don't review or comment it's because there are already a ton of comments heaping praise on the author... and i don't feel like i have much to add. I do try and review stories by writers who are just starting out, though. I know how much it meant to me when i posted my first few things

Harry Potter. ALL THE WAY! I've re read those books almost once a year since they came out. i used to line up in costume.... Twilight... i read 3 books and got bored. Thing is... when i started reading, i got hooked, and i couldn't stop... and then i had a break and actually THOUGHT about what i'd been reading and i was so horrified i never picked up another book. things i don't like about twilight : 1) He sparkles. SPARKLES!!! ARGH! 2) Bella is annoying and whiney. 3) Edward is pushy and manipulative. good things about twilight : 1) uh.... Taylor Lautner shirtless... and that is all. as for Harry Potter- there's complicated (you know) plots, and more than one story arc, and intrigue that you don't already know about, and parts are funny and parts are sad, and there's tiny little details in there that show just how much thought JK put into it... Seriously. AND JK got basically a whole generation of non readers reading! Another author dedicated books to her- for proving that children will , in fact, read long books. Credit where credit's due! also- you should watch this. I know, it's 3 minutes... but stay to the end! Shock!!! lol. But i don't see anyone getting quite this insane about sparkly vampires.

Goofy? Embarassing? Nah- love 'em! Both gorgeous

Hmm, i don't know about racism being a reaction to Globalization. Perhaps things that accompany globalization- not just multiculturalism and cosmopolitanism, but corporatization and capitalism (linked to the huge gap between rich and poor nations (the North-South divide), the actions of the WB and the IMF in developing nations, probably linked to wars etc as well)... but the truth of the matter is that the societies we live in are fairly unprecedented. Mass immigration and the movement of people across borders is a fairly recent occurance. And i think we've already heard examples of what happens- immigrants working illegally for lesser wages, but also companies move overseas, people lose jobs... But i do like to blame neo-liberal capitalism for nearly everything... I imagine that there wasn't a whole lot of racism even a few of hundred years ago; since ordinary people would rarely have seen a foreigner, or even someone of a different race. And even if you did, you probably wouldn't have looked at them with hostility or seen them as a threat. Then again, religion as a basis for descrimination has been around for a long time, and the Roma (gypsies) and the Jews in Europe have been discriminated against for basically ever too (the Jews were forced to live in Ghettoes in Italy as early as the 1500s. Probably elsewhere too.). So therefore, racism as a reaction to the instability and fear in a certain era. As for the construction of identity... that's hard. But often it's not us who make the choice to be identified as different. Often that's an identity that is imposed by the majority, or by society as a whole. Take the Rwandan example for instance. (Ok, forgive me if i get this totally wrong, but this is what i understand to have happened...)... As far as i understand, when the Belgians invaded Rwanda, the Rwandans didn't classifiy themselves as Tutsis and Hutus. They were all one big happy society (you know... whatever.), but the Belgians separated them into two groups- those who were taller and paler, and those who were smaller and darker, told the taller paler people they were superior to the larger numbers of smaller darker people. This distinction became the basis for discrimination that led to civil war and genocide- and it's a distinction that didn't even exist until an outsider came in and labelled people differently. You can also look up an experiment they did in the 80s (??). Blue eyes brown eyes or something. They intentionally discriminated against some children to see what would happen and see how discrimination could work. Veeeery scary! But i am with you on the links between identity and race. The problem is that race is immutable and often obvious, and often becomes the most important marker of a person's identity- especially if they are discriminated against. If, for example, you are a writer, and writers are suddenly under threat of arrest or execution for writing material that a person/ group doesn't like... the fact you are a writer suddenly becomes really really important. But in a normal situation, it might be less important to your identity than being, say, a mother and a wife. So then, being a part of minority immediately makes that a really strong factor in your identity. I'm sure i'm talking to people who relate here. For me, being straight is not all that close to the top of the list of things that are important for who i am. But for a lot of people who gay or bi etc etc, i imagine that 'not being straight' immediately defines them as different. I thnk the question of whether we simple don't know how to include everyone is interesting. I think that there is an issue though, with whether or not people want to be included. Family, tradition, culture are all really important, especially if you are part of a minority. You don't want to give that up just because someone else might feel discriminated against. They have their own, no? And if you are one race, you are automatically not of another (unless you're of mixed heritage etc etc), so if you are included in one group, you are automatically excluded from another. Europe and the EU is sort of an example of this at the moment. All these countries joined together- and the EU is desperate to foster some common ground between them and make them all feel "european". But some people feel more Italian than European, while some might feel Catalan and European, but not Spanish (despite being "officially" or "technically" Spanish by birth...) Fostering that sort of commonality is difficult i think... nationalism plays a role. Creating a common enemy would work i think... but that would probably lead back to racism of some sort. Ooooh rats. Hope i didn't talk myself in a circle there. I know what you mean about this getting complicated. But seriously- Kudos. Most of the time my politics classes sat there and mildly discussed stuff. You're really getting in to some deep stuff!

Ok, so someone is reaaaallllly going to have to reccommend some of the good stuff (Yaoi) to me! Also books, movies... bring it on! pleeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaase????

actually, you are totally right about the cleaning thing! It's decluttering, cleaning out, removing all the rubbish. Mum always tell me that she hopes my desk doesn't reflect my state of mind (it's a mess... i can't actually see my desk....)... and the shifting where you work? Nice! i read somewhere that people who can see trees during the day are generally happier than those who can't... how cool is that? i mean, treeees!!! But i would also extend that to flowers and fresh air etc too. and cup of tea. Oooh yes.

Ok- so my response- from an Australian perspective... I have studied a small amount of politics at Uni and the last subject i came did was "Democracy, Terrorism and Violence". I think parts of it were really relevant to your questions- especially to the question of the emotional reasons for racism when it's easy to condemn it as morally wrong. For me, the reason i still beleive racism exists is a lack of understanding, which, when exploited or not addressed, can turn or be turned into fear. If you fear someone, you hate them. I see the two as really closely linked. I think it's been the same in a lot of societies with larger underclasses of a different ethnicity. The fear of revolution, of being turned on, i think leads to racism, hostility and violence. A lot of racism in Australia to me seems to me to be a reaction to fear. We are located waaaay away from other English speaking nations, far away from our English Monarch, and our usual allies in wartimes. During World War Two, there was huge fear of being invaded from the north by the Japanese, and in the current day, the situation is a fear of large waves of immigration. We have growing numbers of immigrants (especially Asian and Indian immigrants) and i think a lot of racism here comes from a fear of the so-called "asian invasion". A fear of being outnumbered by other ethnicities, of losing jobs to them, of Australia becoming essentially an Asian nation. I think this is a huge reason why Australia hasn't yet become a republic and removed itself from the Britsh Monarchy. And to me it parallels the way the Nazis stirred up anti-semitism against the Jews during and before the wars - by using the rhetoric that the Jews were richer than Germans, stealing German jobs, etc etc etc. Of course, the native Australian minority is nowhere near large enough to form a supposed "threat" to Australian society, but there is still a large amount of racism towards them too (although a lot of people would deny it). Living in the city, we think everyone is well adjusted to a cosmopolitan, open society, but only recently i realised one of my friends from the country was really racist against the Aborigines. He said it was because they bashed his friend once, but the sort of violence often endemic in minorities is a consequence of the marginalisation of these groups, their lack of representation, and their lack of opportunities to change their circumstances. Violence, for them, ends up being the only way they can react to the impossibility of their circumstances - but in the end it doesn't help, given the way they are regarded. Violence and helplessness and marginalisation are really closely linked. We find here that the only Aboriginals who ever really are seen as "successful" are those who end up being sports stars. The native population is basically unrepresented in any part of society- apart from the occasional sports person, and maybe an actor or two. At school, we learn only a little about what the Colonisers did here. Australia day (where we celebrate the colonisation and founding of Australia) still is contentious- there are more than a few people out there who think it should be called "invasion day", since that's technically the day white settlers invaded. White european settlers claimed the land and gave the native populations no rights at all. Since they didn't build fences or buildings (being nomadic) the Europeans felt the land was there for the taking. They massacred, hanged, and poisoned whole native tribes, and even recently in the newspaper, the largest massacre in Australia was credited in an article with being a group of Australians within the last century- when much larger massacres of native Australians occured during colonisation. There are no more Aboriginals frmo Tasmania- a whole island of them was wiped out. And it's really not talked about. More talked about is what is called the "stolen generation". Children of Aboriginal blood were forcibly removed fromt their families between the 1860s and the 1960s, sent to live with white foster families or live in boarding houses, to be integrated into white society and "socialised". Many of them never saw their families again, and the impact was huge- they lost their families, but also their histories and their cultures. The most recent "step" to address the past was the Rudd Government issuing an apology to Aboriginal Australians in the name of all australians for the actions of australians in the past (very contentious), but land rights are often still in the news and it's generally seen as 'not enough'. The life expectancy of aboriginal australians is far lower than that of non-aboriginals, the income, the standard of living, the alcohol abuse, the kids that don't finish school, that don't go to school at all... and it's the sort of situation where no one knows what to do about any of it. The government sent in the army the other year. I mean- the army! What the hell are men with guns going to do about the problems out there? IN regards to what your friend said, about not being able to understand... I think on one level he / she is right. Reading text books and conceptualizing and intellectualising the situation is one thing, but living it is another entirely. wow. A long winded answer. Hope that makes sense....

I am sooooo totally going to be taking that advice!

Lol, thanks Bee and Maria :D :D

and also this : http://hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.com/2010/10/god-of-cake.html Hyperbole and a Half is possibly the funniest human in the world.

Ok- here it is. My secret to tears of laughter, being unable to breathe, and painful ribs... generally it only takes me a few pages..... http://damnyouautocorrect.com/ also fun : http://funnyreceipts.com/ Also not bad at all : http://whydidyoubuymethat.com/ but the first one is the best. Almost actually worth buying an iPhone for it......

OMG you're evil! that thing has just consumed minutes of my life and i want MOORRRE!!! LOL awesome

Ok- so now i've FINALLY figured out how to post a photo without needing an URL.... Sometimes i HATE computers. And please forgive my technically challenged soul for that moment of rage against the internet. Anyway- now i've said that i really hope it works. Oh yeah. And this is about the most recent photo of me i have. I got excited when i got my hair done and ran around taking photos. Unfortunately you don't quite get the impact of the brightness of the red because of the shade- I had to do it there since in the sun it was so bright the rest of the photo whited out and my camera smoked and shot sparks... not really. Sorta.

Your friend should stop reading women's magazines! lol- i don't know if she does.... but apparently nothing destroy's a woman's self esteem faster than the very mags which are supposed to be all about women and all positive and feel good. They aren't. They're out to destroy you so you'll buy all the cosmetics they advertise and go to those spas and keep buying the magazine for more tips about how to be yourself and lose weight and feel great and how to love yourself (only 5 kilos lighter) and keep spending money on things that are never actually going to help you just so their editors can earn your hard earned money! (Ok. Rant over. Sorry.) .... I'm a slender build, but i (usually) do not think i'm underweight, or "skinny". I think i'm pretty normal, actually. I HATE it when people make a big deal out of my size. I have to pack in the carbs and sugar to put on weight- and i don't think that's healthy. As long as i eat right and excercise, i think i'm healthy, and i don't think anyone has the right to judge me for being the size and shape i am. (I say usually since i've recently been sick and lost a fair bit of weight... but not enough that people should have started talking about me being anorexic behind my back! Which they apparently did!!!! And it's ok. I went back to the doctor this morning.) I often wish i had curves- and actually was shaped like a woman. Half starved models on a catwalk aren't real people, they're wax dolls who are filling in for coathangers ... why are they the ideal to which women (or anyone!) should be compared? Starvation is not cool or hot. Health is waaay more important. And apparently it's actually more healthy to be fit and slightly overweight, than it is to be underweight and unfit. I think good health and confidence are the most attractive things on anyone. the obese thing is tricky. I am often quick to judge, and say that, like smokers who get lung cancer, they can't have been blind to what they were doing to their bodies.... But then i also know that it isn't always easy. But in the end, on a flight you pay for the weight of your luggage and the space you take up... if you take up more and weigh more, then on one level, sure you should pay more. But if they do that, how about making kids pay less as well? Makes sense to me.

Pretty sure my mum's been expecting me to come out for a while now.... which is weird. I keep getting all these lectures about how parents love their children no matter what, and how all parents really want is for their children to be happy... and IF either me or my sister was gay, while she wouldn't have chosen that for us since it's a hard road, as long as we're happy then she'll be happy too..... I've sat through this lecture quite a few times now. It's kind of funny, since i'm not gay (i don't think), but i do write gay fiction. Haven't told her that yet. I keep thinking i should put her out of misery, but i think she's given up on me for now. My sister's best friend recently came out to his family, knowing they wouldn't react well, and promptly got disowned and kicked out. He hadn't planned on doing it until he could move out, but he didn't feel like he could lie to them any more. Not telling you this to strike fear into your heart (his cultural background may have had a lot to do with his parents' opinions), but because i think there is a point at which telling the truth, or needing to be yourself and be honesty, becomes a priority. (He has since moved back in, but they don't mention it. They ignore it as much as possible. It sounds like a pretty crappy situation to me). I think weighing up the situation is important though. but it is a deeply personal decision, and no one knows your family and friends like you do. One thing i would do is plan carefully. For all eventualities. If things go wrong, do you have somewhere you could go? Someone who'd help you out? If they're ok, then great, but i've heard of people being met with disbeleif too, or being told they're not gay... I'd write things down, plan what you're going to say... think about how they may react, think about how you'd react to their reactions, and be prepared for anything. More than anything, i'd say just not to walk in blind. To be prepared. I hope this helps. I'm not really in the same position, but i am always here to talk if you need someone to talk to. Apparently i'm good to talk to xoxo

Maria, how could you forget the yoga? lol!!! I would totally agree (or even something like Tai Chi or Meditation...). I always find physical stuff the hardest to make myself do, but i usually find it's worth it afterwards. (I went to my doctor this morning for what i thought were purely physical problems and she's gone and linked them all to anxiety- GAH! I don't think i'm anxious, but anway... we have anxiety disorders in the family, and i was depressed in high school, so i'll be putting some of these into practice anyway....) but there are a few other things i find help. Music- nothing changes my mood faster. If i can find the right music to lift me out of a funk, it's the most amazing cure ever. And i am totally taking up dancing to it like a few people have suggested!!! Food- aaaand while i am totally likely to eat packets of chocolate biscuits on my own when i feel like everything has gone to shit... it doesn't really help. But a really yummy, really wholesome and filling and warming meal makes everything better. Of course, food is my life, so whether or not it helps you is something else entirely! Also, Hot chocolate. With or without marshmallows or cream. And especially when it's cold. I used to have days, or even weeks at a time, where absolutely everything annoyed me and got me down. I got on a train and wanted to scream because every person annoyed me somehow and i ended up just hating humanity in general. Those times, when nothing goes right- time for a holiday. Even if you don't go anywhere. I always needed a few days alone, doing nothing, maybe writing, listening to music, but no cleaning or studying or stressing or talking to anyone, and usually by the end of a few days, i felt a whole lot better. More able to deal with life and people again. Also an idea i read somewhere but never got around to putting into practice: every time you stress about about something or get annoyed about something, write it on a slip of paper and put it in a jar. By the end of a few days, if you look through the jar, you can look at what you've written more objectively, and sometimes that might help you figure out what you can do about them. And also, you might find that you've written the same things, over and over again. Then, you're supposed to take note of those things, but try and put them out of your mind. You give yourself 10minutes a day in which you allow yourself to get angry / stressed about these things and get them all out of your system- and then you're supposed to try not to get too caught up in them the rest of the time. I like this idea. I know when i'm stressed or frustrated i spend a whole lot of time thinking the same thoughts over and over again. Breaking out of that appeals to me. short of that, writing. Not necessarily stories or diary entries. I personally like lists. Lists of pros and cons, good things and bad things; help just get it all out on the page. But music. Most of all. oh, and books with sappy romances in them All the way!!! xo