Al Norris
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Everything posted by Al Norris
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From the jump to the entrance of the doctor's office, it was choppy. Too much too soon. No questioning of why a secure door was still working... Should I mention the elevator? Computers were active? Where is all this power coming from? Let's go back to the transition from the tunnel to the MUNI. Rope cut? Clean or frayed? Answer a couple of basic questions. Regardless, obvious there are people alive. Allowing a team member to walk into a deserted building alone? When you don't know who else might be around? Nope. Not happening. I could go on.
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Some people have no proportional sense of humor!
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Some of us knew this from the story. Though @Carlos Hazday shouldn't have given it away so soon! OK. I'm hooked.
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Hmm... It seems that as soon as I flip it to chapter 2, I'll then be with the rest of the crew and have to wait while you post your chapters. See? This is why I don't mind being among the last to read... I get the whole thing at once to binge on!
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I want to see the scene where Brandon lets his Alpha no about his um, secret! That ought to be good for a laugh or two. While I'm not into the Dom/Sub stuff, I thought you you pulled it off rather well. Not too much but just right to make it fun! Thanks for the story. It was well worth the read.
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I kinda know that... After following your interactions with all of your readers. I meant that. I've also noticed how much a beta reader has helped. I know that in the story I wrote (for another site) having a beta and an editor (different people) has helped to flesh out my own story and make my story better. It's all a process that we go through. I also don't worry about spelling and grammar mistakes. Even the professionals have errors. You can never have enough eyes on a project!
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Sure, blame it me! Should I just quit commenting? You want I should take me fun and go home? 😇
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The whole thing does make one wonder. Just the fact that there are other elementals and they appear to be working to increase the fire damage makes one wonder about the conflict between the Europeans and the Aboriginals.
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We already have a problem with fire and you want to bring in more?
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@WolfM, you have weaved a terrific story, so far. I'm really enjoying it. I have one concern, maybe it's best called a mystery? That's Brandon's size. Generally the wolf is much larger than normal. If I get your descriptions correctly, Brandon's wolf is about what we would call normal in size. Almost pygmy to normal shifters. Likewise, his Hybrid size is also diminished. There has to be a reason for this. All I can think of is that because Brandon has kept his wolf 'locked up' for all of his life, he has never 'grown' into what he is.
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In south central Idaho, where I live, we only have to deal the occasional prairie grass and sagebrush fires. They are bad enough. Only seen eucalyptus fires on news shows. They make the coniferous fires look like a walk in the park <-- not that they're easy, mind you. Just no comparison to how hot and fast that eucalyptus oil burns. My hat is off to anyone who fights wildfires of any kind.
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Every author who writes a serial, uses cliff hangers. I will admit that some over do the device but generally, it is a good plot device.
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Since I knew Carlos was helping out, the moment you mentioned Hunter Valley... My first thought was CJ and Owen! I guess I shouldn't bring up mesquite smoked ribs? Um, hickory? Applewood? 10,000 years and counting. That and 'might makes right.' As a species, we haven't been civilized long enough to breed that out of us.
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Wonderful start, Wolf. I can only imagine how all that smoke affects any lycan.
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I cheated. Right after that 911 call, I stopped reading comments and skipped right to the rest of the story. However, right up to this epilogue, I was (more or less) content with Dorian's death. Figured the Epi was notes on the McKinney's. Raven has it exactly right. You Are One Sneaky Little Wolf! Many Hugs, Al
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Everyone else has said what I wanted to say! So... I'll just move on to the next chapter.
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I guess that the only way I'm gonna find out if the scheming little schmuck gets just desserts is to keep reading! Although, if Dorian catches on, it will break his heart.
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We know that back in chapter 46 of RWTP that the poisoning is silver nitrate. We also know that if the dosage is low enough, it won't be detected in the blood. We know that over time, the effects are accumulative and there will be increased aggression along with an unidentified pain. We know that the cookies begin 5 years ago (the time between the last chapter and this one). We know that Levi did not eat the cookies in the last chapter. In this chapter we find out that 'mom' is baking a batch for Dorian and a batch for Levi. Same batch or different batches? That question is the only reason I don't fully suspect Levi. Outside of that, the McKinney family, as a whole, is suspect.
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It seems the consensus is that Levi might well be the backstabber. I can't argue for or against that idea. He does appear to be a tad bit off.
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Blech! 🤢 Now if it had been B5...
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I just realized, here I am... Arguing with the author who has already written the story! Shame on me.
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I would say it's a case of natural leadership raising to the top. LOL! Agreed!!! If I understand the hierarchy, Dorian was a lead Hunter. Hunters fall under the auspices of the Enforcer. His step-dad was a senior advisor, while Dorian was only a junior advisor. With dad sitting as councilor, there was no need for Dorian to sit there. Therefore, despite the accusation, Dorian was not culpable in any manor. The councilor was out of line in trying to shift blame. Meanwhile, Dorian acted to restore order and unify the pack. Something the councilors were neglecting. Perhaps on purpose.
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Could be, but I don't think so. My thinking is that if a shard of silver was in him, he would be dead after all these years. I'm also thinking that Ethan would have noticed that. When Ethan healed Dorian the second time, nothing was expelled. Regardless, good start to what seems to be another excellent story.
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Interesting to note that Dorian couldn't shift to Lunis form and was so surprised when Ethan did! Kinda knocks the wind outa your sails. Happy to read this continuation!
