Drew Payne

Thanks. I do like something a bit of disturbing, just to unsettle the reader. But using the horror genre, I've been able to write about subjects that interest me. Not all my writing is this disturbing, but I have enjoyed writing these stories and will be adding more stories here this year. I've got several ideas, but I need the time to write them 😊

Thanks for the feedback, it's always welcome. I do like unexpected endings and with this story there could not be a happy ending.

Will ignored the first three emails as spam. He didn’t even bother reading them before deleting them. He’d been deep in the dissolving of his Civil Partnership and that, plus work, was all that Will could focus on. At forty-five he’d realised that he didn’t want to be in a Civil Partnership with Isaac for the rest of his life, and certainly not convert it into a marriage, especially as Isaac was suffocating him. They’d had their Civil Partnership six years ago, and at the time Will had thoug

Thank you for getting it. People who grew up in Simon's situation learn coping strategies. They can be unlearned but it takes time, and at last Simon has the time to do so.

Thank you. Until I introduced Freddie, I was finding this story hard to write but I did want to show how hard it is to come out on your own, and how easier it is with the support of friends. Also, Freddie is so much fun to write. I can let him say so much, and he can say the things that Simon needs to hear. And thanks for reading.

@NoSkis, thanks for your amazing feedback, it does me so much good. This story is so important to me, it is one I've re-written a lot and changed quick a lot. I originally wrote it for a short story competition. I had to write a story inspired by a photograph, which was of a pair of expensive, pink running shoes hanging on a picket fence at the head of a beach. This story got a two line rejection email (I am sure the subject matter wasn’t anything they wanted) and I nearly gave up on it but when I returned to it, a couple of years later, I found there was so much in it that I wanted to say. I am so proud of how this story has touched people. It's what I want to do with my story writing.

It was a very conscious decision not to let Simon hate himself for being gay. It's such a cliché in coming out literature, the character journeys from hating himself for being gay to being out and proud, all in less than 100,000 words. It would also have got in the way of the story I wanted to tell. I wanted to make Simon very aware of the homophobia all around him, he sees it for what it is, something not to be believed or trusted, and something to be avoided. In the beginning of this story, homophobia has such a negative impact on him because he's trying to manage it on his own, but as he comes out and makes friends then the homophobia becomes easier for him to manage because he isn't trying to do it all on his own. I should subtitle this story "The Education of Simon". I'm using characters to open his eyes and help him to put things into connect, you'll see more examples of that to next chapters. But the beginning of this chapter does show Simon really settling down into his gay-skin, and that was so enjoyable to write.

We didn't have mobile phones, multi-channel television or the internet when I was Simon's age but I couldn't live without them now. They have really changed life. Friends of ours have teenage age children, some of my work colleagues have teenage age children, I based Simon's attitudes and priorities on those teenagers. But please remember, Simon is only sixteen. He still has the attitudes and emotional development of a teenager. Things to him are still so back and white. To us it seems so obvious, "bastard cuts off my phone, I'll go and get a pay-as-you-go contract." To Simon, it just seems so ultimate, his dad could cut off his phone, his mum has said she can't afford to pay for it, he would lose his phone, he's too afraid to see alternatives (He's also still being to learn to not keep everything to himself, which he did growing up). He doesn't have the emotional maturity to logically assess his problem. He is also dealing with a very big change in his life, coming out as gay, and his phone is such an important part of that (to him) and it is a constant that he is holding onto. (I'm not touching on the plot elements that make it so important too). Thanks for your feedback, it does me so much good because it shows me the elements that are important in the plot (Well the ones to me) you're picking up on. And that's great.

Now that's a dilemma. Stop being bullied by your stupid dad but give up your phone which is your lifeline to so much of your life, and the way keep up with your news friends. Keep your phone and keep being bullied by a very stupid father who thinks he's right because he listens to the stupid people around him. I couldn't that to Simon, I do like him, but I could do that to another character who I didn't like that much. Mmmm... That’s an interesting idea.

Simon was the only person on the top deck of the bus, but it was already dark outside so there was barely any point looking out of the window. His phone was still inside his jacket pocket but he didn’t want to take it out as, although it might contain things on it he might want to read, he’d first have to ignore… Well, it was easier to ignore it all with his phone still in his pocket. Darkness had already fallen when he’d reached the bus stop. He’d not wanted to leave Jeff’s house, but h

Not to give too much away, but Rosie, Simon's mother, is right to worry. Lawyers are expensive and here, in England, you no longer qualify for legal aid if you're going to the Family Court, where Matthew's case would end-up if he does take her to court. It can be very messy, and it can be a way for one parent to threaten another in a divorce/separation. I don't think Simon would qualify for a Social Worker. He's not physically at risk, he lives with his mother and her partner, and what his father is doing won't ring very highly on the abuse factor, in social work terms. Anyway, he's got his own Social Worker, Niki. But please remember, in his own eyes, Matthew isn't a bully, he's someone fighting hard to "save" his own son, in his mind he is doing good. Those people are far more dangerous because they don't/can't see the harm they are doing.

I don't think Matthew has met his match in Niki, she far out shines him. Matthew is a follower, not a thinker, and anyone who can form a logical argument isn't a match for him. But this scene was great fun to write, writing Niki's dialog was so satisfying. Matthew is based on so many people I've met in the past, people who dogmatically follow their religious/political affiliation without question. They're not bad people but they're doing bad things because they're following what they're told without question. I especially saw this, here in England, when we had the Equal Marriage act going through parliament. There were many fundamentalist Christians saying the most hateful and harmful things, and watching them I was sure so many of them didn't realise how harmful what they were saying was. They believed they were right.

Simon was sitting at the kitchen table, slowly eating his way through his breakfast of two slices of toast. He had no appetite, so each mouthful felt heavy on his stomach. But his mum had made a fuss over preparing it, so he felt obliged to eat it. He bit again into the slice of toast in his hand. The bread had grown cold, and the butter on it had seeped below the toasted surface and was making the bread soggy and greasy tasting. He wanted to just dump it on his plate and abandon it, but his mum

But some people dream of being a hero, even if that's a dead hero. For this narrator, his life is so small and inconsequential that his dream was better than reality, then reality turned into a bitch. And flying is safe, it’s the take-offs and landings that are a bitch... And the recycled air, the plastic food, the awful people in the seat behind you, those chemical toilets and...

It was my thing. Whenever I flew, I’d always try to sit in a seat on the exit row, next to the cabin door. It wasn’t that hard to do; I just made sure I always got to the airport in plenty of time and then it was easy to get the seat I wanted. It was easy to sweet-talk the check-in staff. I flew a lot with my job and this was my thing when I did. Sitting there was great for getting off when the plane lands. I could just get straight off, and I didn’t have to stand in the aisle like an

@Timothy M., you get these characters too. Rosie, Simon's mother, has lost a lot of the fight from her, she isn't the woman she was when she lost her home (See chapter 4) but a lot has happened to her since then (Her mother-in-law would break anyone's spirit). Niki does give her love and security, and some backbone. Niki does push Rosie into doing the right thing. Rosie and Niki don't need a gay lawyer, they've got something just as good, a mouthy feminist solicitor. Wait until you met Kate, Rosie's sister. She's another female character that I enjoy writing.

@Talo Segura, I agree, Simon is an innocent and he's had a very disruptive life. Blaming himself is one of the symptoms of that, also bottling things up is another one, though in his case that is a learned survival strategy. He could so easily be destroyed by events, or events could be the making of him and help to re-make him. Look at who his friends are, and look how they are behaving towards him. I have one advantage over everyone else, I've known Simon longer and I know what happens to him. I cannot say anymore. Remember, Simon is learning an important lesson, "You are not alone."

@Marty, thanks for your feedback and your involvement with this story, you make me blush. Freddie may or may not be matchmaking, but do remember Simon is very naive and has very little insight into the world around him. I love the way people are getting involved with these characters, characters I've created. It is so amazing the way they have touched people. It feels strange how people are speculating about what will happened here, especially as I already know (I've planned out this story to the end), but as the great Professor River Song (Wife of The Doctor on Doctor Who) says, "Spoilers sweetie, spoilers."

@Parker Owens, thanks for your feedback. Simon's dad is putting his religious beliefs ahead or his own humanity, his responsibility to his own son, and his apparently cold actions are a result of that. I've seen that so often in the past, especially from men with fundamentalist believes. Those black and white believes can make a person turn very cold. I'll explore Simon's mum's behaviour, in chapters to come, I promise. Freddie can be a bit blunt, he is only sixteen, but his heart and head are in the right place (And he’s so much fun to write), and Niki is so much the voice-of-reason but with attitude. As a writer, I need characters like Freddie and Niki, otherwise I can't stand up to Simon's dad's nonsense. And they are great plot devices too.

@NoSkis, thanks for your feedback, and it's great that you get this chapter. That's what I wanted to do with the parents and their messy relationship, and how it is seeping out and affecting Simon. Life is messy, but at least he has good friends and a sort-of-stepmom with a heart and a big mouth. More to come...

Simon was sitting on the sofa, scrolling through the texts on his phone. There were texts from Freddie and Jeff, many more from Freddie than Jeff. There were texts from his mum, and even from Niki. But the vast majority of them were from his dad. So far that day, his dad had sent him six texts, all of them about the lecture that he wanted to take him to the next afternoon. It would be delivered in a church near to his dad’s own by some man from The Release Trust, who claimed Christianity had tur

Thank you, I wanted to get a creepy element into a Christmas Carol. I also like the idea of the dead finally getting justice.

@Geron Kees, thank you for your feedback, I am glad this story has touched you. I wrote it out of anger, I was so angry at how the media was just ignoring the disgusting homophobia happening in Chechnya, but I also wanted to write about how the human mind creates ways to survive the most terrible things. I used the horror genre because this is something horrible, but I also like to use genre fiction to write about other things. I wanted to write my suggestion of a road map to how to come out, so I turned into a fictional story of one teenager's coming out (My current serial novel here on GA). I am very angry about how, here in London, the police ignored a serial killer preying on gay men, some years ago. I have turned my anger into a novel I am trying to write. Stories can be so powerful and I want to use them to make a point. Thanks for the feedback, it helps me keep writing.

Thank you so much for this. The characters here all have their own voices, in my head, and I hear their voices when I'm writing them. It's how I've learnt to write dialog. I started out, in my teens, wanting to be a playwright, and I studied and studied how to write dialog. But the best lesson I learnt was to listen to people (Public transport is a wonderful place to listen in to how other people speak), and in my head I work out how a character would talk and when I can hear their voice I find it so much easier to write dialog for them. Of course it can backfire. In the novel I'm writing, there's a character who's an East London drug dealer. I heard his voice so clearly that I got carried away with writing his dialog and wrote way too much. I had to go back and cut down what he said.

Thanks. That's the great thing about writing, I can work out my dialog before I commit to it and work to make it funny, sometimes. In life, I never seem to think of these witty lines, at the time, but in writing I've got the time to create the humour, and I did like that line about having his hair messed up. Priorities Freddie, priorities.