asamvav111
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Everything posted by asamvav111
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You were in a hurry to kill him, weren't you? Go back and rewrite. The emotions are there but too distant. Begining had a promise that remains undelivered. Rethink the scene. Either you have not experienced this or you need more time to internalize the anguish. What happened in the third stanza? The rythm is off. And look at the choice of words. The clever play of 'there' in first stanza caught the eye. I know you are a great writer. Now show me.
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I wish you would have made a happy ending here. My day started out bad, continued bad, now because of this story will end bad. Anyways, that's my problem, not yours. It's a good story. Tackles the plight of a gender creative issue very steadfastly. Thank you for sharing this.
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My "What The Hell" June.
asamvav111 commented on Johnathan Colourfield's blog entry in Musings From Me
So happy for you. But, please remember, all the cautions with a closeted guy applies. Just take care. And be happy. God bless. -
My "What The Hell" June.
asamvav111 commented on Johnathan Colourfield's blog entry in Musings From Me
So happy for you. But, please remember, all the cautions with a closeted guy applies. Just take care. And be happy. God bless. -
The last line was most beautiful of the lot. It's a good story. Thank you.
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Attack of the Coffee Beast
asamvav111 commented on Dark's story chapter in Attack of the Coffee Beast
Cute Cute Cute! Cute is the word for this story! Just sweet and cute. I want Maxwell! -
A prompt that would have meant dystopia to many has turned utopia for you. Curious. A beautiful future. Lets pray for a meteor shower, shall we?
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Standing ovation! You Sir, have done a splendid job. Related to medicine in any way? 'cause your setting is uncannily precis and your research through. The Choice is so fiercely presented here that it is unnerving. And so is the realist-minimalist style. Bravo. If this story grows, it can very well be a saga worth revisiting. Care to continue?
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Well done! Beautiful story. Only glitch for me is the title. Thank you for sharing such a wonderful piece with us.
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not at all happy... May be I'll revisit this story after a while. Things are getting to much predictable. No more Stockholm Syndrome please. The characters are excellent and so is the plot. Don't waste them.
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another contender! Hmm... Not trying the jealous route, are we? And every relationship is high maintenance be it intimate or otherwise. And 'It's me... Not you' routine is too over-rated to be used still. People are lot more straight forward these days... Or not!
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never did say I'm subtle. I'll send yah the money. :)But, first give me the name of the bank, account number, password, your mother's maiden name, and your birthday. You can throw in your social security number for a good measure. Oh! And your address too. I would definitely wanna send you a thank-you card. Sweet... Ain't I?
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see... I told yah! I havn't even uploaded my pic yet and you are running away! I'm such a creep! oh! Heart breaks are always bitches. Sad... Cause you had to go through one. But, think in this way... It gets you one step closer to Mr. Right!
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Cartheras are absolutely awesome... Well... Not all but some really are. And so are their exploits. They are the one that got me reading you in the first place. And I'm totally enamored since then. Anyways another delightful story... Excellent plot and the sex scenes just... muah! But, here is the rub. How did Elis forgive Dave so easily? Wanted more drama and a slight tragedy there, just may be. Is it Biology trumping Emotions? Can't break up with your mate even for a little?
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I may not be able to handle the spoiled food. The heartbreak will heal, hopefully, by someone else's loving salve. But, the nightmare of eating spoiled noodles shall forever scar my psyche. *dramatic hand gesture* and Dude, I don't judge. You like sixties, you like sixties. There isn't much I can do. Except send you batches of Viagra may be.
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so how old are we talking about thirties/forties or fifties? Anything above would be pure gross!
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Let me see... Not handsome... Check... Older... Check... Pisses of others big time... Check... Lol! The last one was not your criteria, was it? ;P So the only thing that is not compatible is probably a few couple of thousand miles in between! Oh! We are a match made in heaven! *dramatic hand gesture* I think I should move to Philippines. If all the men there are as accomodating as you are, I'll have a better chance in finding a soulmate than here in India. Watcha think? Hope I didn't 'scare' you?*snigers*
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awww... Wish I was anywhere near! Then again, I have a mirror-cracking face, so It may not be the best idea!
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But, what about water, the sustainer of life, the nourisher? Or water, the shelter for marines? Resplendent in all its majesty is it not the soft snow coat of the winter and yet, deadly sharp icicles of hanging death? Or perhaps, it is the smokey smog and cloud, formless wanderer of the vales and hills, a vagabond! What is Water?
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hmm... Hint to John from Mark, people!
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Lol! And I get a free patient... Yap! You should totally do it.
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um... *How to put this without hurting his feelings look* that may not be the best idea. The river is so polluted at places, you can recognize the smell miles away. Yet people still bathe in it for religious reasons, along with the corpses and all the flower and stuff and the industrial waste. So, if you are not thinking about taking a dip near Gomukh-Tapovan, the glacial source where it's still pure, not to mention freezing, I wouldn't recommend it.
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Lol! I would be super happy, if I'm half that stuff! But yah! Asians rock! We Are The Future, Babes!
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yaah! We count! Indian here.
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Well the previous reviewers say it all. Nothing new to add. Just a question though. Wouldn't true love warrent a little bit more trust and patience in Lief's part? That character just seems too juvenile to me. But then again, without that, the whole story looses its lustre. You are good with dark themes. You know that. But, you always seem to bring a sense of closure with it, a peaceful ending. Not enough of that here. Was it deliberate?
