Yettie One

A charming tale. It is funny how as well planned as things may seem, it is often on camping trips that everything seems to fall apart, and situations are presented that often offer up opportunities that would never have been possible under normal circumstances. Very true to life, and cute.

A very random snap shot of normal life, a couple of kids growing up and flexing their muscles, establishing their identities and learning about the big old world we collectively share. Two things that I loved about this story was the normality of it, nothing fancy, nothing over the top, just a regular family vacation, something we all can relate too. The other aspect I enjoyed was the bratty nature of the kids. They seemed like two teenage boys. I can remember lashing out at my dad in much the same way when he made me do things I didn't agree with. I can remember thinking how much I hated them, and how I wished I could have my friends mom and dad as my parents. In that aspect, I could relate with the boys, and it felt authentic and natural. Well done.

There was an interesting underlying theme to this story, however I found that the writing style was somewhat disjointed, and would flick from one train of thought to another very quickly with little or no reference to the change or background to allow the reader to follow the switch of action/thought pattern. For this reason, it was difficult as a reader to keep up with what was going on. Iron out these issues, and you have the makings of a really interesting story here.

Hey Snuggle Monster. Hope you had a really great day, didn't work too hard, and got to celebrate seeing in year no 23 in a suitable fashion. Hope ya have a great year this year. Rob xxx

I had to read and re-read that to make sure I'd got it. I kind of figured that the call was not all it seemed when I noticed Ghosts in the description of the story. I am not really sure how I felt about the story. It is tragic, yet ends before we really get to realise the full impact of that tragedy or the effects of it. It is also not clear what may or may not have transpired. It is left to our imagination. I remember thinking to myself, "I wonder if while you were missing a wolf, you managed to drive past an accident you didn't know about." while I was reading the part where the mother is complaining in the kitchen. My heart aches for what is to come for the characters of this story though, and that made me sad.

There is a delicate pace to this story that I really enjoyed, and the fact that a subtle humour was woven into the text was perfect. I got to smile and relate to things that as a teen I know I kind of felt. Not exactly the same situation, but I think we all had a crush that was unreachable, and you managed to capture those assumptions we make and feel in those moments really well. I wish there had been more, I wanted to know the what, if's and why's. But that is just me being greedy. Another thing that I have enjoyed in both your entries is the way you bring intricate little details into the weave of your story. In this instance it was the OCD which Tay displayed as you laid out the characters. A tiny little quirk that adds to the flavour of the person we are reading about, important yet not over done. That ability you use to create a picture of your character for the reader is cool.

I was reminded a lot of things between Billy and Brandon as I read this story. Overall a really cool little story. Thanks for sharing.

An enchanting little story. You paint a vivid landscape of a world none of us really appreciate to any great extent, unless it is something we have to live with. It is too easy to take hearing, sight, sound for granted. I love a story that challenges my preconceived conceptions of the world. I would agree with Louis in saying that a pivotal part of this story was the scene played out on the couch as Nathan signs to Andy. However for me, the one thing that stood out to me was when I realised that Nathan watched the snow fight through his eyes alone, not his ears, and had to make assumptions about the sounds, reactions and action as it unfolded. For me that scene was visceral and emotive. The sexuality of their coupling was light and alluring, and I appreciated that. It suited the flow of the story superbly, leaving me more drawn to the feelings the boys explored than the act itself. The confusion and guilt, followed by the affection and concern. It was beautiful. A great entry for this anthology, thanks for sharing.

There are parts of this story that are so cute and cuddly, and while I enjoyed the overall presentation of the plot, I just didn't buy into it. It felt more like a fantasy to me, the kind of thing we all wish we'd done as a teen. As a reality, it just didn't work for me, which was a pity as there are some really genuine moments in the story. I compliment the way you captured the sexuality of your characters, and the awakening to the reality of preconceptions and cultural difference. That was sweet. I also loved that there was no real graphic nature to the story in terms of the sexual content, that part being left to a readers imagination left the rest of the story to flow really well. The two main areas that didn't work for me, was the fact that the story would suggest that a 16 year old would have been abandoned in a strange city with a stranger so easily, email to mom or not. The other is that as a resident of Europe, the tourist ring that the boys enjoyed so is expensive. Eating out, sipping wine, touring the city comes over as just too mature for a pair of horny teens, especially one that was so introverted prior to touring Europe. I guess argument could be made in support of these points just as easily as I have raised them, but these are the main points that made me feel more like I was reading a young boys dream. Thanks for sharing.

Initially I wasn't really sure what to make of things as they unfolded, and I began to wonder if the anger was not driven by the parents marriage breaking apart for some similar such reason. The narrative is seen through the eyes of a young boy, and for this reason we do not get answers to the questions that arise from the text, a fact I am not sure if I admired or disliked, as I always want to know more than I am allowed. I did like the flow it didn't become bogged down by the sever emotional baggage that the isolation and rejection the son felt must have caused, and this really worked well in this instance. You got a sense of the tragedy, but it left a window of hope alive to leave the reader smiling at the possibilities. Well written and catchy. A lovely presentation of the subject.

Glad to know you are fairing well Robert. You take good care of yourself for us. Hugs to you all. x

It felt like I was flicking through a scrap book of photographs, an assorted collection of memories, a little glimpse into moments in someone's life. I guess that is how it was meant to read, and in some ways that is really clever, but in others ways I know it left me with so many questions, gaps I wish I could fill in. Difficult subject to be fair. Not easy to say I enjoyed it, but it was such a different style that I did find it cool in they way you presented it. Well done.

I love the way you leave this completely open to the interpretation of the reader. As Wayne says there are so many possibilities, and that is part of the charm of the story. You are able to sit back and contemplate the flow in relation to any number of different characters and see a new and different translation of the story. This is a fine piece of writing in that it is laced with imagery. You use clever words that create a picture of the scene, vividly playing out as you read. I really enjoyed that sensuality to the work. Nice entry. Thanks x

Some people go through so much in life just to appear human to the rest of society. To be able to interact, to share, to love, to live. We don't take enough time to give thought to the things that folk go through to be the people we know them as, and in reading this I felt humbled to see through the eyes of someone who's walking this path. Life is never fair. It is a fact that we are constantly learning to deal with, and it is encouraging to see that even in the hardest pain of losing someone so special, Eli remains faithful to his commitment to be all he can for Adam. Such a beautiful thought to end on. Hard story to read. You kind of want to know why it always happens that way, but heart warming all the same, and I'm really glad that you took the time to share a story that touches a realm of mental health we never really hear about. It is not something I can say was easy or fun to read, but was great for other reasons. x

Oh Andy Your writing is so much fun. That was really cute. Sex on legs ey? I'm not sure the angel of death is meant to have enough time to get getting on with getting some leg over. hehe That was a really creative take on the theme, and an enjoyable read. x

Played to your strengths and it showed by writing what you know, but what I found so charming about this little gem was the awkwardness of being caught and the redemption of being given a second chance. The fact he had the balls to make the second call, respect! I'd have been a BIG chicken lol! So short and concise, yet really well planned and written AJ. That was a stunning entry. Thanks buddy. xx

I've never really liked the invincible nature of vampire stories, but that was a really interesting presentation of a vampire world. I really enjoyed the fact that it was not weapons, or skills, or some huge battle, but pure and simple love that won out. It gave the story a quality I didn't expect when I began reading. Thanks for sharing, it'd certainly be an idea of vampire-ism that I'd not mind exploring further should you write more.

You hit it on the head Percy. I really wanted the fact that despite the horror of it all, Damian's desire and determination to overcome gave him the strength to deal with the facts of the traumatic events. I am so glad that you got to see that in the story, and I managed to communicate it in the text. Makes me feel good to see your comment. Thanks so much for reading, and also taking the time to share your thoughts. Huggles. xx

So true Michael. So true. It's is amazing when you stop sometimes to think about all the gifts of creation that we take for granted, and I'm glad that came across to you in the story. More than anything, thanks for checking it out, reading it, and commenting. Thanks even more for the message too. It's sharing ideas and experiences like that, which makes submitting a story so enjoyable. Appreciate it more than you know. Hugs buddy. xx

Awwwww Sly, never meant to make you cry girl! Erm.... well, ok, maybe I did. Nah, thanks for reading. I really appreciate your feedback, means a lot. Huggles. xx

Heya Cynner. Wow, so glad you checked it out and enjoyed it. Appreciate your comment pal, and thanks for reading. Hugs xx

Hey Andy. Thanks for checking the story out. Grateful to get your feedback and really good to know that you enjoyed it I value your opinion lots buddy. Thanks x

Sometimes I think that the like button is really misleading. It is hard to like something so dark. I agree.You got it all wrong though. Storm was not the same person at all. That would have been a twist too far. x

Heya Lilansui. Not spoken for a while buddy. Thanks for reading, and glad that you enjoyed it. Ta, for commenting girl, means a lot. x

I was torn at the end. I wanted to explore the effect of getting the news that his attacker was dead, and find out what it lead to, but I also kind of felt it was milking it a bit too far.Thanks for reading, and love hearing your thoughts, so really appreciate you taking the time to comment. xx