mayday

don't be sorry. I do feel for you - so far away that I cannot even offer support or my shoulder - your hurt is one my thoughts cannot even imagine. Feelings diminish vast distances to nothing, when put into your words - the Atlantic wanes into a small stream that might be crossed in one leap. Your last sentence has left me reeling. I do know how much silence can hurt us - silence which drives our loneliness home, which leaves us with only ourselves - nothing between me and the void that life is - can be - I wish I had your way with words, dear friend...

this hurts

So entertaining. A joy to read. And so much feeling to share...

There is a novel by Marlen Haushofer, an Austrian author, called The Wall. One morning in the Alps, the female narrator discovers that the valley has been cut off from the outside world by an invisible wall, beyond which every living being has died looking as if they had been turned to stone. Its ending is not very forgiving, no feelings discernible for the only other human being the narrator encounters, a man who may be crazy who may be desperate and who seemed dangerous. I do not know why but the feelings you invoked reminded me of that story...

stop all the clocks

brought tears to my eyes

Intriguing start - I can see how our narrator will willy-nilly arrive at some insight about himself. Already there is this insight about his being lonely. There are the questions about why he exists. About his parents, his lack of (real?) friends - I am not really sure about that one. Maybe he has no idea whom he can trust.

Mhm - after all this I wonder what will (not) happen at Marcus' flat... definitely not - I guess - what Marcus came to the bar for.

believe me, Craig, I am honoured. What else could we be...

Yes, Gary, a logical point to end this part. Unfortunately. Nothing worse than an idea done to death by keeping on and on and on. But that is exactly what you won't do. There are enough strands to follow still if you are so inclined. And I am sure you will find lots of new ideas to weave into it to create suspense and meaning. Fendral who came to the rescue! What a surprising turn of events - and so fitting, too. Kellar, who finally can reconcile himself to being an alpha - wow! Their mutual admiration and respect - beautiful and moving. Now one minor detail: I have only now noticed that - of course - how far away the attack on Kellar's parents happened, otherwise Kellar would have not started out from there. So Tobyn's thought that there might not be too many hunters left seems much more credible. Thank you for this story! In spite of this being a perfect spot to end I am sighing that this will be the last instalment for quite some time.

I could not leave a review on this last chapter right away - simply because it blew me away. I always wonder at the end of your chapters how your story will/may/might continue but never more so after the last two of this PP perhaps... and now this - great that you leapt forward in time (I double checked when I started to read for the first time because I was so sure I had missed a chapter or two...) Perfect ending for a very tough and heavy story - it is incredible how you have manages to create a character who engages and moves us in spite of himself. Perfect ending - as in utterly credible, utterly satisfying (who can still doubt redemption through loyalty, friendship and love now?) I love the swinging of the mood between glimpses of a dark past and the lighter moments to glorious happiness among friends - He must have redeemed himself in Graham's eyes: what proof could be greater than Graham's open declaration and proposal in front of everybody who means something to them? Thank you, Parker, for another great story...

Then you have made me feel proud for quoting that central message several times already! Thank you - I love delving into the deeper layers of fiction - makes them worth rereading...

hi Headstall, sorry to read that you need cheering up today - hope to have done that - telling you how I enjoy and appreciate your writing is no hardship at all.

true of course, it is the same over here south of your border, but my friends still experience subtler forms of discrimination - distrust, being belittled, lack of respect, blindness to their merits and achievements - that sort of thing. As Tobyn so aptly puts it: most humans do not like different... And I definitely would not like to be a gay member of the police or the army where macho attitudes still abound

I have not heard about that history being a long one - lack of knowledge on my side - but you are right in that being gay in one of those countries now means living in danger of your life and constant fear. Those countries, however, are not the only ones, remember the pink triangle in German concentration camps ... countries in Africa come to mind, yet with the shifters originating (? I guess) in Europe those would seem far fetched and present different problems as black people in northern Ontario would also stand out, I am sure. What your comment tells me, though, is that I have not come across anything in this story that would be simple or one-dimensional, lots of stuff for parallels, thoughts, apart from being simply a great story to read and to follow...

sounds so logical...

anytime... one more point though, which does not have anything to do with this chapter, I'm afraid: Why is it that evil always seems to come from the East? Tolkien did it with his Orcs speaking a Slavic-like gibberish, you do it with your hunters? Here in Europe there is an easy explanation: apart from the present wave of refugees from the South across the Mediterranean, new people -- and it is only too true that "most humans don’t like different” -- always seem to come from the East, some of them really dangerous like the Mongols/Huns (about 800 years ago, though) and maybe Native Americans can claim the same with Europeans arriving from the East, too...

Hopefully not! I see your point, yes, but there is still so much which is left open AND there is this tantalising colon in the title between the name of the pack and The Malaise, which gives me hope that this is just book I of a longer foray into the shifter universe. I can easily imagine a trilogy. But perhaps this is just my wish to keep on reading ...

Great chapter again - Kellar seems to be more of a son than ever before here - as if he could let go after a while and listen and take advice instead of leading and doing. A forgotten trait in one who started out as a rather insecure and fearful young man. Now he seems ok to accept authority in a new way, hopeful, almost childlike. Fendral is an alpha once more at the end of the chapter - giving perspective, helping where he can and where help is needed, leading. I had no clear idea of Fendral before but you have made him credible, so real... Dutch Woman in her comment is right - this seems like a foreboding of an ending, lots of loose ends coming together here. BUT we still want to learn about Kellar's father and his background. There is also a rather faint hope one or the other member of Morningstar might be still alive and to be found elsewhere. What about contact to other packs? What about Warren's first shift? And there are the tantalising ideas of our young men as fathers... So - let me guess - The Malaise might be just part one of the story - there might be others for us later? And of course I would like to see all of the hunters gone, which is by no means assured yet. So lots of loose ends still to tie up and - hopefully - lots of new instalments on Mondays. I love your story, Headstall. Thanks for sharing it with us.

Wow - what a moving chapter! We will hear what Fendral wants to tell his grandsons - beautiful in its promises

but still... one or two days ahead of me - unfair!

Well Parker, you outdid yourself... Again. It took me four times to read this chapter through to the end. Ellie with a spear gun. Like a modern version of the goddess for revenge - an ending I had definitely not anticipated (or I would have read on at the first try). Somehow now things can be resolved, I guess. Thank you for not ending this one on a cliffhanger.

Ouch! What a turn of events. There is simply too much that may come back to hurt him now. And Graham completely in the dark. I am not sure I "like" the last part of this chapter. On the other hand - this might force him to remember his promise to Graham that he would try to make amends to the people he has hurt? Too naive? I only hope that being in that car be better for him than being with Kenny right now...

May your love rest in peace. May you find strength and peace in the memories of your love and time together.

This conversation is at once a relief to read - a chance for Scott is so welcome - and so realistic - Graham is not running blind into a relationship with Scott but setting conditions, asking questions and a lot of circumstances need explaining - we are faced with our own expectations such as that people have a home to go to, that parents love their children. Three promises - I hope Scott can keep them. He would suffer within himself, too, if he had to break them. But can he really escape his past? In the same environment more or less? You do keep the suspense up for several weeks to come! Thanks for your story again, Parker!