mayday

Peter seems to be the most perfect guy imaginable. Not only for Patrick. Switching over to English so that his lover and friend can understand - the best thing to do to win trust (and isn't it great they all speak English, too!. And I love the idea that Patrick remembers his own family and some potentially nice relatives. Fiona seems a sure bet. Patrick impresses me when he is able to look past his own grief and realise that the funeral of his beloved parents might not be the perfect place to get to know other people. Beautiful scenes. Thank you for another beautiful chapter, even if Michael was only asleep during all of it.

A hell of a cliffhanger in the beginning, Parker. I am not sure if I am to admire it or ... You have got too good at them! Another one at the end, though much tamer - and more moving. And lots in between. I love the scenes in the classroom - that Andy is changing out of his old clothes and out of his old responses. Wonderful how he channels his anger and his energy - calmly finishing dressing himself, making sure he is "presentable" and then walking determinately to face the enemy he believes to be waiting for him. A new, very self-confident Andy is emerging here. Fitting, too, that he is only briefly fazed by Kaz' seeing his scars. When he hears Kaz' response he is not surprised any longer, just sees him as the friend he is. I do remember how - one or two weeks ago - trying to hide his scars from coach at swimming was still very important to him. What a great friend Kaz is to Andy and Zander, both. Zander has surely chosen the perfect person to look after Andy when he cannot do it himself. Well, we have to wait again... Thank you, Parker for this one.

aren't we all??? Maybe writing pseudo-analytical stuff distracts me from having to wait until Friday - but better than not having to wait for a next chapter of A to Z...

I have just read the new chapter in A to Z and been rereading some others - actually in order to avoid working and because they bear repeated reading - when something occurred to me and I would like to have your opinion - I was reading the nightly scene of Andy doing some legal research when I started wondering about places, rooms in Parker's novel: the story more or less begins in the cellar, in "hell" as Andy says, in his father's clutches, his self-worth is just as low distance, mountains are crossed, landmarks are followed and lost the hayloft - a place for animals rather than humans - signals that things are moving upwards, Andy has got a job, shows his skills, his character, his stamina and ... he hides - again in a library - in a closet, a place for things nobody needs anymore, as he himself more or less says, where he is still in the closet in practically every sense, hiding whatever he can but he has decided what to do, is not only driven anymore two churches offer him a safe haven for some limited time (I wonder if that will change during the next chapter) but in isolation, still again it is a library, the bookshelves in Garrett's study - the most intellectual room in a house so to speak - where he finds the solution to his problem, but not because somebody wrote it down before him, instead because he himself deduces the solution, in his brain, so to speak. And we are given to understand - albeit jokingly - that Andy is highly intelligent and can make sense of dense texts, enough to show him a way out of his dependency on others, books and texts release him into maturity, independence, freedom (Garrett's words: "If you can make sense of half of it, they'll make you a judge") and this time he will tell the judge what to do, namely to allow him to marry the Stevensons' backdoor signals home to him, it is where he had put his presents and where Zander - probably as the nearest way - carried him through into his future home out of the cold his home with the Stevensons is also the place where he finally feels safe enough to set limits to what he will allow others (Frank in this case) to impose on him in terms of traditions (drinking) he can take his own decisions now? The Kasimierskys' house where he is confronted with girls - girls wanting him, girls wanting his boyfriend - which he now (on the night before his wedding) deals with really well (I need to get this in as well as it is in the latest chapter) in a circumspect and very kind manner, but also not giving way or shrinking back. I am wondering what place the church and the area before the church where he cleared the snow once will be like on the wedding ... am I a pessimist? Maybe...

4000 words for one evening - true, lots of things are happening here, but comparing it to chapter 7 which tells us about one day in half as many words, Andy's last day somewhere on the outskirts of Carlsberg - this is so much denser, I feel so much closer to Andy. Great scenes at the Stevensons, great how you have depicted Kaz' family, obviously devout Catholics, Lena's last attempt at seducing (?) Andy is a perfect mirror of her parents' attitude, yet peacably with both accepting Andy and the marriage in the end. That Mrs. K. cannot call the marriage what it is is quite telling. And I am so impressed with Andy's handling all these situations, Maria's reaction, Frank's protectiveness and expectations of a stags' night and the drinking involved, Mrs. K's 'interrogation' and Lena's midnight visit. I also loved your hint at how closely Maria is watching Andy when she sees how helping Monica is something he usually does and when she appreciates his being helpful. I like how you have given us a kaleidoscope of mild aversion towards gays withing the families and their stereotypes. I can only hope that the boys won't have to face the other part of the spectrum the next day. Andy's anxiety of becoming like his dad have become more poignant, more worrying. In some ways it seems almost like the last stand of his father's viciousness and evil within Andy. Kaz seems to to feel Andy's worries somehow and I love how he is trying to reassure his friend, even if he may only guess that it is more than the usual nervousness of a bridegroom. You have slowed down your narrative considerably, especially compared to the chapters which cover a whole week, which to me indicates we are coming to a turning-point/climax. Again, a great chapter, Parker. Thank you.

Great chapter again!

droughtquake has said it: Andy's nervousness becomes so palpable in this chapter. Never before has he been nervous for so long. and his fears of turning out like his father make me feel for him. Terry's love and friendship and Monica's support are now something he can believe and trust. That is wonderful to see, he has come so far already! And I loved the way you crafted Zander's paragraph - having him write it years later allows me a glimpse of how much deeper their relationship will be then, it reminded me a little of the very first lines of the first chapter which clearly spoke of two lovers/partners/husbands being together, about their trust and love, it is the same tone, but much more intimate. And not giving us his verses - clever trick! Somehow Andy seems so innocent when he expects nobody to turn up at church - he is in for a surprise. Let's hope not an unpleasant one, too... Thank you again, Parker

Another chapter to reread again and again and to love, Parker. No surprises that Andy's insecurities still show - at least to us, if not to his new family and friends. He definitely needs to talk about his fears and nightmares with his doctor. Garrett's warning hints at some new complications. You do know how to keep up suspense. Wonderful conversation with Mrs. Marjorie, great to see her so completely perplexed for once and genuinely happy for Andy and Zander. And of course meeting Nonna. Lovely scene! Can't get enough of it. But also: That Andy has no idea how to celebrate with all the trimmings, clothes, flowers, decorations... rings so true and is so sad at the same time. They still need their best men, don't they? On the other hand it shows us, too, that he is in for the marriage itself, the security he hopes for, not having a party and being the focus of everyone's attention. What also emerges: he is completely unaware of what kind of person he himself is, even though people tell him all the time (now), he can even find it in his heart to understand Bruce Mack. What a wonderful young man has emerged! Thank you, Parker, for Andy, Zander, and the remaining chapters - may they be numerous, even if that would mean spring will be long in coming to the white north country.

All my way home I was looking forward to another chapter which would make me feel good for myself and happy for Andy, Eustace, Zander and... so thank you for this one. And in a way it was also good to see Zander admiring what Andy accomplished during the weeks before he came to Blackburn. Somehow Eustace seemed more alive in this chapter, more of a character, now that we can see him without Andy's constant fear and worries, I like his humour especially, that he can laugh at himself, his reaction to Andy's middle-name is priceless. Zander so insecure - that was a bit of a surprise, too. There were glimpses of it before, but never so blatant, after all, we know that his fears are perfectly groundless... I wonder what the next week will bring... ... so thank you, Parker, for this one.

I suggest we have a vote on favourite phrases of the chapters... (at least poor non - native-English-speakers like me might get puns etc. that way... sorry, but some of your last posts showed me that I am out of my depth... My favourites from chapter 58: they understood each other even though miles and weeks separated their understanding... Anger and anguish swirled inside me, and I had no way to separate them. a glimpse back to Andy needing help, yet far more secure and himself "Then let's go inside and tell me about it," my new uncle grinned. Family reunion for real "It's in the journal," Zander said, quietly. like: And it was so. (Genesis, Bible) "So Dad had killed my mom; and Ray had given Dad an out." He wasn't there, but he knew, and he knew he had been sold for his uncle's silence "one wrong word meant pain. Agony." no comment "All those miserable, lonely years. Someone actually cared, and I never knew." The universe shifts again ... "You might want to read the note," he said. Andy still needs help with people caring... "a place you can call home" "How do you know my son?" Monica challenged. Monica being protective "All clean." beneath a shirt somebody had lent him... "It isn't, if you know where you're going," Andy did not know where he was going ... a first almost at random selection.. I knwo there are more...

This is a bittersweet chapter, Parker. On the one hand it is good to know that Andy is not alone in the world anymore, drifting and running, but with a support network of family, loving, caring. On the other, what will it mean to him that his father systematically kept love and care from him for years? Seeing Eustace again - what a wonderful outlook for Andy. And knowing that somebody is actually missing him - what will it mean for him... the first personal letter ever to reach him. He must feel overwhelmed (and it makes me look forward even more to your next chapter.) Of course I would like to have closure and justice done. In a way, the mist seems to be clearing - I would hazard a guess it was one of the brothers who murdered Andy's mother. I also guess that Garrett will inform Judge H. of the new developments and that important conversations will take place on Allan's way to the airport. Maybe this will end in some more people being invited to the wedding, not just Andy's old relatives. And I guess that this will also affect Ms Chandler's plans... and not in a way she likes. This almost seems to point to a fairy-tale ending - poetic justice at work. The real surprise for me was Ambrose. Not so much his tenacious investigations, but him caring for Andy so much... probably because we used to see him through Eric's suspicious eyes. And I am surprised that Allan was less of a surprise for me. Probably due to the apprehension what Ambrose's arrival might mean to Andy. What I liked very much was the loving interaction of Andy during this crucial conversation, the love and protection he receives from Garrett and Monica, especially. So, thanks again for a really good chapter even though I am pretty sure that not many more are left for us to wait for...

What a wonderful present for Valentine's day! Lot's of hope for love between Peter and Patrick, some hope for a sick boy. I am so glad to read that you won't stop here. Thank you for sharing this story!

Phew - another cliff-hanger, though obviously things are not too bad for Andy, unless I have misread the first sentences (wishful thinking perhaps...) Yes, A.W.'s actions seem to make sure Andy does not get away again. He may have untangled the web of Stefan-Eric-Andy, incapable of leaving unsolved mysteries behind - the question of course being how - can he as a police officer get at legal information on foundlings and new candidates for fostering? May there be links to the Mack-Chandler party? But you have never surprised us with such Deus-ex-machina easy solutions when things get complex. Who is the second person in the car? His father? That would be a nice surprise, but A.W. does not seem to be there for a social visit. There's no help for my burning curiosity and sympathy with Andy facing another hurdle but wait for Tuesday to come... You seem to turn the screws tighter with every chapter... today it is difficult to thank you as this chapter deserves, cliffhangers start to get in my way seriously.

So many open questions - moving moments. Thank you for this so very promising beginning.

Another chapter to make your readers smile - full of loving interaction and openness - two more daddies to be? Thanks for this chapter - it was worth waiting for.

Wow once more! I could not believe it! What an astonishing idea... But then - why not? Why would Andy not be able to solve his problems once and for all? Marrying Zander and nobody can do anything about it, if Judge Harrison got it right and I'm pretty sure that Garrett's confidence is well-placed. Please let them be right in this... Venom from Bruce. Cold hatred. Makes me shudder. Reminds me of my own country's bloody persecution of anything 'different' last century. Andy has gained self-confidence. His choice of vault pole - where he flopped twice last time - without feeling stupid or a loser! His conscious change in attitude - he has recognised his own potential for decision-making, he takes his fate into his own hands. His dreams still wake him up at night but he does not seem paralysed by them as he used to be. And then he is the one to offer the solution, the comfort, reassurance, as Zander well perceives. Proposing in the barn - among animals rather than in a room - half outside, half inside. Andy's old safe haven in a way and we know from his weeks on the farm that his hide-out in the hay felt like home. He has made a decision. No more running away. Confronting problems. He has grown up. I would not like to have to confront him in some years - he will be a formidable lawyer or whatever he may take up. How will his idea be put into practice, though... waiting again for your next instalment... Thank you, Parker, for another great chapter.

I am still reeling from this chapter, feeling Andy's fears which he seems to be trying to overcome by writing and worries - probably justified - of what Bruce Mack and Ms. Chandler and/or his aunt will try next. Terry is right, these people are playing dirty and the only one who knows how ruthless they can be is you. So I guess I simply have to be patient to find out. Otherwise: lot's of progress for Andy. He shows a new closeness to Mr. Stevenson, referring to him by his Christian name before 'correcting' himself in court. He takes the initiative and encouraged Jeff, introduces him to Zander and Kaz, unaware of his boyfriend's jealous feelings - at least that's my explanation of Zander's standoffishness towards Jeff. And they do exactly what Kaz encourages them to do: Show their character and strength instead of lowering themselves to Bruce's level. And they win! (And Bruce won't be able to stomach losing the race to people he despises, has he ever learnt to lose?) But THE turning-point for me was Andy's running towards his own victory and himself, not from something like before. That was the wow-moment for me. And that only shortly after he had run away to hide again - which is perfectly understandable under the circumstances. Actually I would have been surprised if he had asked an adult for help, his teacher, the headmaster, his parents. I believe he has not yet shed his deep mistrust of grown-ups, especially those in authority. Maybe the court hearing (is that the right word?) will help him a bit in this, as might the experience of somebody openly feeling for him as Dr. Shea does, something he seems to be aware of for the first time - it has happened before, I know, but I doubt the Stevensons' aching for him and his former pain and suffering (when he showed them his scars and during the tale of his journey to Blackburn) registered with him in his turmoil then. Heart-wrenching to read of how he misses Zander at night, his very own stalwart against loneliness, fears and panic. Yet it is also comforting to know that he manages. So, lot's of progress - despite of the short period in the closet - and lot's of potential for further complications, xlerox is only too right in that. Thank you again, Parker, for a great chapter!

Wow, Parker, you had my heart beating with this development out of the blue. And what blatant irony - to have the self-righteous now concerned for Andy's welfare of all people, of a boy who formerly was perfectly ignored by all those meant to look after a child's welfare while he was in very real danger and pain. Now, when he is with a loving family and happy and safe for the first time for almost 10 years, more than half his life, since his mother left (not sure about the time before, his uncle had been there, too...) this is beyond belief... Garrett has now turned out to be what others foresaw: Andy's champion. He does need one and one lawyer seems not enough to protect him... if I remember those allusions rightly from the chapter with the judge, there is abundant reason not to trust the local CPS (funds disappearing etc.). But what moved me was to feel again Andy in fear. Andy as he used to be for months. Yet I also felt that he had grown and matured. He could think more clearly while he was being interviewed and manhandled by that woman. He was not purely the victim any more, paralysed by fear. He seemed to be somewhat quicker and more self-assured in his assessment of this woman than in that one months ago of the police officer at Carlsberg. And he took far fewer thoughts/sentences to realise that running is not an option any more. Good for him. I remember him wondering if he had run far enough - perhaps he can realise soon that you never can run away from your own story... As if the harassment at school would not be enough. I love Terry and the reaction of the school and their friends at the table. Let's hope against all hope that this has been the worst and things are "over", in spite of the threats... You keep me on tenterhooks, Parker. Yet I cannot but thank you once more...

Beautiful chapter, I like the way Andy is completely unaware of his own good looks, even if Zander is telling him constantly that to him he is beautiful. I loved reading how Andy welcomes him downstairs and how they express their love upstairs, Andy's attentiveness as a friend, as a lover and that he is the one who takes the next step forward, how he is aware of Z's responses. And it is such a relief to know that his past terrible experiences pale against the present, how that present pushes his terrible past back and overcomes it partly. Still a long way to go, but we are getting closer to the we and the distinction between past and present of the beginning of the first chapter. Thank you, Parker.

What do you call what happened to Zander - a curve ball? Disquieting outlook for 10 athletes and for Greg, too... But I am impressed with Zander's way of dealing with it. Coach Simpson also seems to be a decent and fair man. How lucky Zander seems to be with a loving family. His capacity for empathy and his values must have come from somewhere - just as his parents learnt and taught him to be what and as he is. Some interesting scenes in store for us? Beautiful scenes, too, with the snowblower. Andy the expert, the miracle (albeit a small one) -worker. I love it. I am wondering why Mrs. M is so upset with the reverend concluding that Andy must be her grandson. We know nothing about her past and her family apart from being married and a widow. Andy asking the minister about love - he has grown so much more confident - amazing. And what a difficult, difficult question to ask and to answer. And it proves that he is dealing with his past and he does not hide any more. Good for him and Zander when the going gets tough in school. But your beginning has made it clear that on Monday a lot would be in store for Zander, and not all of it good. Can't wait for your next chapter... again... and thank your for this one.

Great beginning and a great variation of the situation in Cards on the table. More baggage for the two men to deal with, more viciousness but again supporting, loving and fair parents.

Spikey 582 and Xleroc have said it all - beautiful chapter

Thanks Parker, again a chapter which has been a pleasure to read. But you did have me on tenterhooks down to the last paragraph with your title even though you do not torture us with cruel cliffhangers. Departures. I knew about Zander going to a meet but what would be the second departure? The only one which seemed likely was for Andy and Mr. S to go to Carlsberg... No, so - relief! Is there a second meaning I am missing... I know that you do not choose your words at random, so - anyway - beautiful and convincing scenes. Also that Zander can guess what his father might have planned. There seems to be some surprise Kaz has planned for Andy to while away the weekend... I guess practically everything will be new to Andy - from spending a day with a friend or his new friends to meeting a track and field coach and trying out - this is a cliffhanger, albeit not a cruel one. so thanks

Great chapter again. How does Zander know what to do? He always seems to get it right. And progress, too, in therapy - it is so good to read after all the dark chapters in the beginning that Andy is finding himself and peeling off the layers of dirt and pain, even though he still has no idea how deserving and loveable he is - you show that beautifully Thank you for your writing

Yes, another great chapter, I can only agree wholeheartedly. I feel with both boys, the progress they are making - their parents are great, too. Looking at Andy's growing support group (the judge, the principal now, too) I cannot help wondering if he will need it and what might have been going on in Carlsberg, where everyone simply wanted either to use and abuse him or to get rid of him. What he will have to be up against and if his progress will make it easier for him to face whatever he has to face from C. What a wonderful boyfriend Zander seems to be. He sees everything in Andy that he himself cannot see yet. He proves it again, just as in his drawings. Thank you for your great story