Louis,
Thank you for your review, editing skills and kind comments. You are right, the story has a deeper meaning to me and I tried to include memories from my childhood in it. Bethany, in the story, represents a real girl my age who lost her older brother in a car crash.
When I wrote both essays, my goal was to make them mean something special to the main characters in the story, but also have a universal appeal to others. I thought Bethany might hear Mitch's essay and think about her brother. I wanted to write something that would stir my emotions if i read it. I am happy to know that others have read it and had similar reactions.