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  1. We had the internment for my mom yesterday morning -- just my brother and I, our SO's, and my last surviving Aunt. My brother surprised both SP and me by asking if we wanted to go somewhere for lunch. Had a nice meal without any awkward silences, so that was nice. Maybe -- maybe -- he's changing some. But then just a couple of weeks ago when he stopped by to sign mom's life insurance paperwork he never even turned off the car. Doesn't seem like it's been almost 12 month's since SP and I had our first date, sending us down this road of our new relationship. He's said that there are do
  2. On GA we have a great and friendly community. I've enjoyed my time here. I have met some wonderful people. I accept these people for who they are here, online. I use my real first name, Michael or Mike. I do not share my real surname here or on my email address. I believe in privacy. People can accept that or not. The majority I have met, do. The internet is a tool. It has much to offer and much to answer for. We need to be careful online and respectful of others. Much can befall people who are not careful. This goes especially for your personal information. To b
  3. I know I’ve said this before; I always wanted a marriage like my parents have. Of course, I knew it wouldn’t be traditional, given the fact I am Gay, but I wanted it all the same. As I hung with friends, played baseball and hockey, went through school, I came to realize I was often assuming a dominant position, and often asked to lead. It was sort of a natural thing. I ended up in school taking criminology and socio-legal studies, and received my degree. I went on to become a police officer and eventually a detective. While I was still a uniformed officer, I accepted w
  4. I suppose this piece should have a WARNING … if you are closed minded, cannot deal with things outside your own experience or what you think is 'normal', or believe that relationships with more than two people are wrong. DO NOT READ THIS. I have never been conventional. Well, I say that, yet, I wanted to be married. But I also believe you can love more than one. I believe that bringing others into a relationship for friendship and sex is a good thing and that it can work. Until last year, my husband resisted that. he was unsure, worried that I would love the othe
  5. Like the title says not all things in life work. It's a shame, but it's true. My desire for our new boyfriend to become more in our little family didn't come to fruition. He decided it wasn't right for him and moved on. I've talked to him, but we'll leave it here for the moment. All of this was hard on tim. Especially since he'd grown so close to Jim. tim is willing to continue on this adventure - he has a big heart and wants to make me happy - but we will see. I am aware of other things he wants to explore, more related to our lifestyle, perhaps that's the best way to
  6. I thought I knew what love is. I thought I knew when I met tim. I thought I knew when he agreed to marry me. But walking behind him down the street, watching his such-long legs supporting his perfect ass and his black leather jacket sitting just at his sweetly slim hips, made me feel it deeply. This brilliant, sexy, funny, and deeply compassionate man was mine. Then he turned and he smiled at me. It was such a smile, it lit my soul with the brilliance of a thousand suns. I wondered what I'd done to deserve him in my life. tim is a good boy. At dinner he was so calm, so relax
  7. MichaelS36

    Worthy

    How do you tell someone who can't see themselves, they are worthy … of love … of life? I see the dark circles under your beautiful brown eyes And I wonder how I can fix it … Fix all the wrongs done to you in your life How can I take that pain from then and now? You do not see your own strength within you Life dealt you a bad hand You lived through pain, and horrors I cannot imagine I can only promise to be with you To hold you up and protect you when I can Don’t hate yourself for the days when you can’t face life
  8. And I am … weary that is. There are times I just want peace, selfishly for myself. Fighting tim's depression, mood swings and self-loathing, wears me out, it tires me and breaks my heart. And today when I bent to pick up his ART meds, he no longer wants to take … today I wondered why I continue. That scared me, that question, because never before have I asked it. Valentine's Day is the worst day of the year, for him and so for me. It brings memories to my sweet husband, things, time and people that are lost to him. The lack, leaves holes and dark empty spaces no one and nothing can
  9. It's a funny thing, marriage. We go through life together my husband and I. We work, commute, shop, watch TV, cook, eat, shower, make love, laugh, talk and all the other things we do, together each day. Often by rote. Often without a lot of thought. I care for him during those times he is in the troughs of depression. When he's ill. When he's afraid. During the nights when nightmares of the past haunt him. It's my duty as his partner to be there for him. It isn't a chore, it's a privilege to be married to him, and to be there for him. But life is filled with cycles. We go through t
  10. WARNING ***Discussion of race, religion, bigotry lies ahead. It's what I feel and think. If you don't like what I feel and think feel free to ignore this blog. If your mind is closed, do not read this blog. If you are afraid of your own truth, do not read this blog. If you are looking for honesty and acceptance, I hope you choose to read on. *** I've been thinking about what is going on in our world besides COVID-19. I wish it wasn't what has been happening. I've been debating saying anything about how I feel but an online posting by a woman, who is an educator just made me decide.
  11. SP and I got married yesterday -- the 1-yr anniversary of our first date. We'll need to take off Monday morning to return the license to the court clerk.
  12. SP and I are going to start pre-marriage counseling next week. Expect it to be a bit rough, but good in the long run. There are things in his past he thinks he's dealt with, that I don't think he has. We've had a few difficult conversations the last week -- not helped by my pain level having been extremely high for three days now -- but we'll work through things.
  13. My best friend sent me a txt at 6am this morning. She's in a hospital in OKC with a massive infection in her lower back. She's had multiple back surgeries in the last 10+ years. Two weeks ago her pain level was so high she was nearly suicidal. Not helping that her "pain management" Dr. cut back her pain Rx to a point where they're useless. She finally convenced them to take an MRI and they found a "raging infection of osteomyelitis in her spine where her hardware is. She kept trying to tell them something was wrong but they weren't listening. She has a PICC line [a line direct to the hea
  14. Better late than never might be the motto hanging over the entrance ... Oh well ... As the story continues to progress, maybe there'll be things you'd like to chat about, complain, moan. Whatever. First though, I've an announcement about Tony and Geoff, and the next few months. As a serial which is written as it's being posted, T&G needs discipline as well as enjoyment on my part. Over the past couple of episodes, that discipline has felt more like a constraint, something that holds me back from writing other things. So the next chapter, 17, about the meal, will be the last
  15. So... the mega-million question everyone some time in their life would ask themselves. Please be honest about your own selection. That is, how you truly believe and practice in your own life, not what is considered socially acceptable (which could go either way, by the way), or what you believe to be the ideal. If you have a background story that affects how you define your own sexuality, feel free to share at your own comfort level. This is by no mean a scientific study, but a survey out of curiosity. It is not to be used to define what sexuality is in an objective measure. So
  16. SP and I bought promise / engagement rings today. His is 10mm wide - 6mm black band in the center, with two small silver bands on the outside, spaced slightly off the main ring; mine is a 6mm black band. It was good. We did not go to the cemetery today like I had originally thought I would. The last two years I had very strong "intuition" on what day and time I should be there. This year... nothing. That really upset me yesterday; then felt bad about being upset about it when SP and I are almost at our 6-month anniversary (the 27th -- which is also C's birthday -- which hasn't hel
  17. I like songs about relationships, whether it be about friendships, falling in love or breaking up, that are gender-neutral so that they could apply to any pairing of two people. This isn't to say I can't or don't enjoy songs that use pronouns or clearly talk about females, but I wouldn't send that song to a guy and say this is how I feel about you. I'm curious what songs others like that fall into this category. I'll start us out with a few I can think of off the top of my head: Just a Kiss by Lady A I Won't Give Up by Jason Mraz I'm Yours by Jason Mraz Sweetest Perfection by
  18. Nervous tonight. SP has to work tomorrow evening at his second job so our Valentine's date is tonight. Shaved my beard down close -- it hasn't been this tight in decades -- because he thought the longer one I had made me look older (probably did). He knows how long I've worn it that way and that this is only something I would be doing for him. Will leave here in about 30 min to go pick him up. Much more nervous than I thought I would be. Made sure to have his card and box of chocolates in the car; his flowers will be delivered to his office tomorrow. No idea where we are going to
  19. Warning: This is me whining, but trying to get my thoughts in order by writing them out. I left work early today not knowing if I was going to start screaming or crying; or just start doing both. This week has not been a good one. The weather keeps shifting back and forth by large jumps so the joints can't get back in balance before the next front hits. This is keeping my pain level above normal, and that is increasing my depression, and that is increasing my level of irritation. Partly because of this and partly -- I think -- because of the increased feelings for SP, C has been on
  20. SP and I have had several conversations, and a couple have circled back to becoming partners but maintaining our individuality. Just ran across this quote from Kahil Gibran from The Prophet [if you've never read this, do so]:
  21. Love when you see the smile from someone feeling the same. or the warmth in your chest from the mention of a name. Love your first thought in the beginning of a day, and the last thing you feel when you're hitting the hay. Love when every moment you're waiting you seem to ache, so afraid that from this dream you'll wake. Love the feeling so strong time seize to exist Yet even those moments blow away like mist. Love filling you up 'till you feel so strong, yet so small that you feel you'll do everything wrong Love when the smallest thing can send y
  22. I'm not really a writer - things pop into my heat now and then and demand to be written down, but not good otherwise; and at the moment there's too many competing emotions to make any coherent statement. So I'm going to do what I've done before, and use a selection of song lyrics to express my feelings on this -- both my birthday, today, and the 1-yr anniversary of the loss of my boy at the end of the week. Kind of traces my emotions from the beginning or our relationship, and the hesitancy he had for so long because he'd been hurt so bad, to grief, to (not quite yet) healing: 1 ------
  23. Took today and Monday off. I'm not making it to Joplin for the Tri-State Gem & Mineral event because of unexpected car repairs but I did drive down to the same town C & I were at when we spent an entire afternoon wandering through antique stores. There were a couple of moments where his loss threatened to sneak up on me, but I tried to focus on the fun we had that afternoon -- the brief moments holding hands, the quick pat an the ass when we where out of sight of other customers -- the good memories to keep. I know that the first part of November isn't going to be good. I have a f
  24. For topics and themes in Changes (I'm honored to create the first story discussion forum for Promising Author, Mikiesboy )
  25. Woke up early this morning (too early for a Saturday [ah - just remembered re-reading this that I need to reset my alarm!]) and drove up to attend my Aunt's Memorial service. Took mom so she wouldn't have to ride with my brother -- that and I have a handicap sticker. The slideshow / video her oldest boy made with a bit of help from my brother was nice. Could have done without the ministers congregational recruitment blah blah that I found a bit out of place and inappropriate for the situation. Was a short but lovely service. Mom managed to get through it ok. Had a little dinner after
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