Warrior1

Reposting it from another gay forum I visit: I was born and raised up in Bangladesh, which is as homophobic and religious and conservative a country as you could hope. Now I'm moving out to Canada to study. Hopefully will try to do PR and settle there. Now my question is ... How gay friendly is Canada? Am I taking the right step? As per my research, Canada is quite gay friendly, it stands at number 3 after Sweden and England for lgbt rights issue. Though I understand it differs from cities to cities. I am going to Ottowa (in Ontario) - does anyone have any personal experience with it? Legal rights are all there , but more needed is social acceptance. Can I come out easily to anyone? What's the chance of finding a bar or bathhouse etc? Chance of finding a relationship? Can I eat out / hang out / stay in same flat with another man in public without fear of discrimination or bullying? Looking forward to the life I always wanted but never had. Thanks (please be positive -- even if the answers are negative, try to put it in a positive way).

At Swim, Two Boys by Jamie O Nail Crime and Punishment by Fyodor Dostoyevsky The God of Small Things by Arundhati Roy Call be By your Name by Andre Aciman The Sands of Time by Sidney Sheldon Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix by J K Rowling

You have no idea how much this piece moved me. Maybe because it's a personal account that I feel so captivated by it. The endless parties and sex are delightfully exciting to read, but maybe there's something quite ... 'empty' about that life too which makes people eventually settle down. And thanks for the recommendation -- the book sounds like premise of TV movie The Normal Heart which I absolutely loved.

HPD

LOL, somehow GayAuthors do not update ones year. I am actually 22, but yeah, that's still young. Anyway, thanks Lisa.

JFalkon, I read some of your stories back in my teen days (around 2010), and sincerely loved them, especially the horror one. In fact, I have been searching for one your stories for a while, but I could neither remember your name, nor that story's name, so couldn't find. Now after seeing your post here, your name sorta resonated with me, as though I have heard about you or talked with you before. I entered your profile/story area and wow -- The Cleansing is what I have been searching for all these years, haha. Great Anyway on topic, it seems that while battling depression and suicidal thoughts is something a lot of you have experiences with, most of you don't have this 'Social Anxiety Disorder'. It's a real disorder, as difficult as that of depression, sometimes even worse. I could never accomplish anything in my life for excessive shyness. All my dreams of being a model, actor, published writer have gone to waste. Sighs. Anyway, I hope I can get over it someday.

Thank you everyone for responding. I will give a more detailed, and maybe even individual replies when I get time. For now: Cynus: "While I don't disagree that medications can be useful for people with depression, I don't believe they are useful for everyone. Medication was NOT the answer for me, personally. I hated it for the same reason I hate drugs and alcohol. it dulled my senses and made me unable to experience the world as fully as possible, which ended up increasing my depression in the long run." This. Initially I thought my antidepressant is a magic pill solving all my problems, but very soon I started seeing its negative sides too. I have been on Mirtazpine(Remeron) 15mg for about 5 years now, starting at 2 every night (30mg per day) to as low as 1/2 every two days (3.25 everyday). Whenever my doctor reduced my antidepressant, it made me less depressed (good side), but it also drained me out of all my emotions. I barely felt anything, I stopped laughing when a funny thing happened, I stopped crying even when a near one died, I stopped having crushes on cute boys and I think I even stopped being a good human being as my empathy level declined so much (which is so wrong, as I have always been a very sensitive and emotional person). And I sincerely felt that, despite the depression clouding my days, taking less of it helped me in regaining my emotions.. I'd rather feel the pain and sadness because those are part of your life, I don't want the antidepressants to make me a zombie. However, if one is too depressed to almost commit suicide, like me, those does help. So my doctor raised it to 1 every night again after a bad period. So there's two sides to antidepressants: they stop you from being depressed (a blessing, truly) but at the expense of numbing you and robbing you off all your emotions. I just hope no permanent damage took place. I would hate it if I seriously become the emotionless zombie. I'd rather commit suicide out of hopelessness than see my emotions being totally drained. Anyway, again thanks everyone.

This. I don't have any experienced, but I can't truly believe a one-night-stand can have the same emotional (and here I say emotional, not physical) impact as a committed relationship. HOWEVER, sometimes a relationship doesn't come so fast. You wait years after years and nothing happens. So, in such cases, if I get an opportunity to do it with someone I trust, would that be SO bad? I mean ... I would try to refrain myself from doing anything, however I may fail to resist my temptation, it's not always that easy. This is so, so sweet <3. I wish someone could love me that way too. LOL, toys and porn can meet the physical need, but one doesn't want a relationship for that reason, right.

Oh I wanted to ask people here and see what they respond. I also responded to my own question.

This gives me hope. Better to find it late but a lasting one, than to find early but that does not end well ... However, sometimes I feel desperate to have someone beside me, to touch someone, to kiss, to put my head on his shoulder, etc. I know being desperate would only worsen the situation, but I can't help it.

Depression: I've had depression from as early as seven. The symptoms were clear, only the concept of depression wasn't, not even to my doctors. My parents took me to various doctors, and unfortunately, they were not able to diagnose it immediately. It wasn't until I was about 13, when I started having these racing suicidal thoughts, that my parents took me to a psychiatrist, and he was finally able to diagnose my depression. I've had ups and downs definitely, but not major. It has been mostly consistent except for a good time last year. I've been visiting the same psychiatrist since I was about 13. Unfortunately, depression has turned me asocial, but it hasn't affected my relationships with my family members. I take an excessive amount of coffee to keep me calm and focus. But that's about it. Luckily never got addicted to any substance. If I wasn't living in such a damn conservative country and wasn't so anti-social, I might have had one night stands to feel a warm body to keep me calm ... but no, never got the chance. I am writing a novel ... but that has got more to do with expressing my thoughts and feelings, rather than being a way to treat my depression. Suicide: I often have suicidal thoughts, but I can't say I have seriously ever considered it. More like it would have been great if I could. Never attempted it, but often cut myself with razors and blades. I still have the scratches. Social anxiety disorder: Along with depression, I've been diagnosed with social anxiety disorder, which is one of the least known anxiety disorders around the world. Could be because I've had a very isolated childhood, could be because I was bullied in school, I don't know why. But at one point, I couldn't even make an eye contact. I've never had very close friends -- except one. Don't know what life holds for me. Worst of all -- I have absolutely no idea if I will ever find a partner for myself.

On Depression: When were you diagnosed with it, and how long has it been that you have been suffering from it? Has it been something constant all throughout the years, or do you have ups and downs, good and bad period, etc? Do you have a psychiatrist/therapist/counselor to talk to about these things? Has it taken a toll on your relationships, including that with family, your significant other, friends, etc? Have you ever resorted to substance abuse to self-treat depression? Or sex? What else do you do that works as a therapy to this? Anything like writing, painting, any artistic expression to deal with this? On suicide: Do you have suicidal thoughts? How often do you have them? Have you ever attempted it? Cut body parts in frustration? Social anxiety disorder: Do you have social anxiety disorder? Do you have problems making friends, talking with people, making eye contacts? What about romantic relationships, do you have problems with maintaining -- or even starting -- those due to social ph

Umm ... thanks a lot, but this wasn't the interview I was looking for.

I think most of you know Shadowgod the author and poster here who used to be active here once, if not personally then through his stories: Living in Surreality and Dreams and Clipped Wings among many. I once read a interview of him, but I can't remember where. I can't find it anywhere. He talked about his characters, his motivation to write, the methods he uses, even his personal life... Can someone point out where I can get it?

I am 22, and still completely inexperienced, either way. Ugh, totally hate my life. Anyone I can share my grief (being a bit silly, it's NOT THAT big a deal) with?

^ What? Did you like it?

1. Out in the Dark -- 10/10 -- Stunningly shot, soulfully acted with an unforgettable ending. Essentially a love story dealing with the Israeli-Palestinian conflict in the background. And yes, the two leads are yummy looking, especially Nicholas Jacob. This is without doubt my favorite LGBT movie, and one of my favorite movies of all time. 2. The Matthew Shepard Story -- 10/10 -- Expresses the haunting story of the real life Matthew Shepard in haunting details. I can't imagine anyone who wouldn't get his eyes teary watching this. Shane Meier was more than adequate as Matthew, and Stockard Channing gives one of the greatest performances in any medium. Another all-time favorite of mine. 3. Brokeback Mountain -- 9/10 -- eh, no need for description. But I'd say I liked the short story better, and it was that which inspired me to give the movie a second chance (yeah the first time, I couldn't get past the first 20 minutes). 4. Prayer for Bobby -- 9/10 -- A mother's struggle for her son's 'problems' -- first with his sexuality, then finding justice, and then finally making peace with God. Sends a positive message, and is very well-acted and well-made. 5. Just a Question of Love -- 9/10 -- In terms of storyline or execution, I can't call it extraordinary or very good. But this film proves that you don't always need a skillfully-written, unique plot or complex dialogues to tell a good story. Sometimes cliched plot and predictability can work just as well. Maybe it was the chemistry between the leads and their acting that made the film feel so real and touched me on an emotional level. And Stephane !!! Guh, one of the most handsome men I've ever seen in my life. 6. Weekend -- 8.5/10 -- Sexy men and the sexy chemistry between them. Very realistic and life-like. The ending broke my heart. 7. North Sea Texas -- 8.5/10 -- Lush, gorgeous cinematography, and an unique look into the minds of children/teenagers and their growing period. A bitter-sweet ending, one that is both confusing as it's satisfying. 8. Free Fall -- 7.5/10 -- Highly erotic (the explicit scenes were, in my opinion, better than any porn or erotica I've seen). But I couldn't connect with the men on an emotional level. 9. Morgan -- 7.5/10 -- The chemistry made up for what could have been a mediocre film. Others I have seen are not really worth mentioning.

Living In Surreality by Shadowgod. I haven't read many stories, unfortunately.

And you forgot to mention that more than 2/3rd of the show was about specific case-of-the-weeks (monster of the week in XF terminology) which does not need more resolutions than that were provided. Yes, the on-going story-arc (the whole govt. conspiracy thing) was muddled up from the very start, but XF is not considered a classic for that reason. The level of creativity, acting, making and innovations shown in the MOTWs (at least 30-40 great MOTWs) is still hard to catch on TV. I watched XF in 2012-2013, so it's not like I have some childhood bias or something. Plus, I have seen a hell lot of TV shows, from the popular ones like Lost, Game of Thrones, Dexter and Battlestar Galactica to even the cult, unrecognized ones, and I can almost bet that XF is still timely. Also you need to put things into the context of its time. It was the 90s. At its time, shows weren't released on video cassettes afaik (DVDs haven't appeared) so the need to put a consistent mythology wasn't there as people rarely watched the same thing twice and most couldn't remember what things happened 5 years before. Things like its cinematography, storytelling, execution of ideas, acting, voice narration, overall making are still hard to catch. And yes, I am a huge huge fan of Gillian Anderson. She's doing The Fall season 3, X Files and Hannibal. Woohoo!!!

I am looking forward to a short story or novella -- nothing that exceeds the 50, 000 mark. The horror could be supernatural or psychological, but it should be 'believable. I usually like horror stories that take place in a rural, forest-ish place with with a great detail to the atmosphere along with the characters' psychology. Of course it's a gay story so must have ... gay characters (but that goes without saying ) Btw, I once -- a very long time ago actually -- read a short STORY about a couple who goes into a village or someplace like that, and get cursed and all that, but in the end, survives. I have been trying to find it with futile result. That's all that I can remember though. The author wrote many other short story on the horror genre if I am not wrong. And it was either hosted or promising author. Can someone find it out for me? At least give me names of such authors here at goodreads.

How many of you majored in literature or language? For those of us aspiring writers, won't an actual degree in writing, literature or anything similar help? I mean, the advantages of taking a real degree in writing will obviously exceed that of taking a few online courses or just knowing the craft through some self-help websites. While a lot of big authors are self-taught, I think a real degree in writing or literature would help a lot more. So I was wondering, how many of you people have a degree in writing or lit.? I am studying a subject that is completely different from any of 'em -- so I was wondering, if I should do a minor or something in English when I go abroad. Or should I be satisfied learning things from the net. Because I think taking an actual degree will make me more determined and motivated and help me learn my flaws and strengths as there will be people to monitor me, and real people to learn lessons from; but at the same time, a new degree requires so much hard work and money. Thanks.

The weather is fucking crazy here. It's supposed to be the time of transition b/w winter and spring, but it's colder than it has been in years. And it was raining a while back. WTF is going on? Well, I am not complaining.

Does gloryhole really exist, or is it just another ridiculous concept created for pornography?

Loved the add, and the way they depicted intimacy and love. But I agree this is more like an NGO or pro-LGBT organization making a marriage equality add or something similar. But still, a very beautiful add in itself.

I hated the 3 way, but aside from that, it's one of my favorite stories ever!