Thorn Wilde

He is very sweet. He's been taking care of me while I've been sick and anxious.

Welcome to my life, lol! I've been staying up until, like, 3 and 4 am. Going to bed at 1 is an early night.

Boyfriend is making lasagne for dinner!

Clo's landlord is selling the place and didn't even tell his tenants, apparently. Suddenly a real-estate agent just shows up out of nowhere.

Hi, Kitt! Hope you're well.

Truuuuth!

That really sucks. Seriously hating your landlord on your behalf. All of the

Not too bad. Have been watching YouTube vids on movies and pop culture for the past hour and a half or so, lol Hi, Clo! Hope you're well. Me too, bro. lol Hope you're well today.

Hi, Albert!

I think there's an unfortunate side-effect to mental illness that many experience. It's not one that's easy to understand or admit to, even to yourself, but I do think it's fairly common. At least I have observed it in both myself and many people I know (and I have a lot of friends irl with mental illness; it's like we're drawn together somehow, us weirdos who suck at fitting in because our brains don't function very well at times). As an example, I have a friend with ADHD and PTSD who often has a burning need to rant about all her problems and everything she's going through. She does so to me quite often, and I try to listen, but it's exhausting when I'm going through an episode, especially when she doesn't even bother to ask how I am doing despite knowing that I, too, suffer from a mental illness. So I 'hm' and 'ah' and say, 'Oh, yeah, that really sucks, I'm sorry.' But I don't really listen always because I haven't got room in my head. And she doesn't have room in hers so my need to do the same is overruled (part of the problem, I think, is that she should be in therapy but isn't; I am, so I may be a tad better at realising that my brain is not her problem, though far from all the time). It's not a great foundation for a friendship and can far too easily turn toxic, but I haven't got the energy or the capacity to tell her that I haven't got the energy or the capacity to deal with her shit on top of my own. Vicious cycle. This kind of self-centredness, if you will is, I think, natural and, to an extent, healthy. It's a defence mechanism. When we're going through an episode, we really don't have room. We need to focus on ourselves if we want to get out of it. Sadly, that means that we often haven't got many resources left for what other people are going through. No matter how much we genuinely care about other people, it can be hard to express empathy in a kind and constructive way, even to those closest to us. Not saying everyone who suffers from mental illness is like this, far from it. There are strong and beautiful people in this world who, no matter how shit they feel, somehow still manage to make room for others (though often to the detriment of their own mental health, I think). In the end it's often a question of how we deal with this tendency. In my blog post on anxiety that I wrote last week, I talked about the ways in which my brain functions (or should I say doesn't function) when I'm suffering from anxiety, in relation to other people. I'm afraid that people hate me, that I'm hurting others, that I'm the reason people are sad and annoyed. I have also realised lately that the way I overcompensate in trying to relate to and express empathy for other people when I'm like that, can appear overbearing and downright offensive. All of these things are born from this unfortunate self-centredness that arises when I just don't have the capacity to make room for other people. When I think that everything is my fault, I'm making other people's problems about me. When I overcompensate in an attempt to relate and empathise I end up shifting the focus onto myself. When I'm depressive, if I even interact at all, I just turn into a whiny bitch. And when I'm hypomanic, I genuinely believe that I can fix everyone (because I'm just that awesome!) which, of course I can't. It's not intentional. It's not an inherent part of my personality. It's because my brain lies to me and, in the midst of this overwhelming storm of emotion, I don't understand that that's what's happening. This behaviour can be annoying to people who don't suffer from mental illness, and downright harmful to those who do. What I should be doing when I get like that is step out of the world for a bit, deal with my own shit, calm the fuck down, and then I can rejoin the rest of the world again, as myself instead of this ball of self-destruction. But I don't always have the capacity to understand this. So, to end this weird rant of a blog post which, surprise surprise, ended up being all about me even though I was planning on talking about a generalised problem that I think many people have, I have a request: Tell me. Say, 'You're doing the thing again, Thorn. I think you need a break.' I have not, perhaps, been the most receptive of this message in the past, but I think I'm in a place now where I can be, because I understand better what I'm doing now. I may whine about my problems for a bit, but I won't bite your head off. I promise.

Glad you got away unscathed as well. (I presume?)

Do the thing! You'll do great!

Oh, I laughed! I have many friends who have brewed their own beer. I've heard a few stories about rather disastrous first attempts, but nothing this bad, lol! Glad they're both okay. Ian getting a job was a pleasant surprise. It'll be good for him to have something to do. Humans were not meant to be idle. Also glad he got in touch with his mother. Another sweet and wonderful chapter. Thank you!

I used to post to a place called FictionPress, a spin-off I guess you could call it from FanFiction.Net because so many people were using the original fiction section. Most other sites I came across before I found this one were so focused on erotica, and at the time I was, like, fourteen, lol! We do pretty good paté in the rest of Scandinavia as well. The style varies a bit from country to country, but the Norwegian ones (aside from the cheap kid one that comes in a can) are pretty similar to the Danish. I actually tend to put lingonberry jam on mine, a trick we actually learned from a Danish family friend. She served us paté straight from the oven, on freshly baked bread, with lingonberry jam on top. So good! Hi, Dugh! Sorry about the weather, but I hope you have a nice trip all the same! Morning, everyone! Today is a better day than yesterday.

Goodnight everyone. Time for me to try and get some rest.

Yeah, I used that before I found that website. There were a few corrections that needed to be made. Funny thing is, I didn’t work on the story for a while, and when I returned to it I realised I hadn’t written down the English versions of the lines anywhere. I knew from context roughly what they were meant to say, but I ended up using google translate to translate them back into English so I’d know what they actually meant, lol!

Ooh, do you speak it? I have a story I’m working on, historical drama, where one of the characters is an Irish monk. He speaks it a few times early in the story. I got the lines translated with help from some folks on a website I found ages ago, but I can’t find the site again, and I was considering adding some more...

Sounds like a fun story.

I stick with posting here... except my fanfic which also goes on Archive of Our Own.

Hi, Xander! Writing is good.

I know that feeling. Major executive dysfunction on my part. ‘I should go get a sandwich.’ Three hours later, still no sandwich. Lol! Yeah, what Tim said. Here what he’s done would be illegal. Hi, Drew!

Thank you, Parker. That means a lot right now. I really appreciate you.

Sounds nice. I’m playing D&D tonight. Dinner is soup. Hi, Gary! How’s your day?

wtf?? How is that legal?? What an ass! Hey, Page! Hope you’re well.

no wonder they berate me me when this is who i am no wonder they taunted me when that was how i was then my voice was silent now my voice is far too loud crying see me don’t leave me so maybe they are right and i am exactly who they think I am and i do all of this to be special maybe they were right and i am nothing but an impostor my cry for help nothing but a smokescreen this word so