Jaro_423

Thanks, Jo Ann. Bless you for reading it and reviewing! You wonderful folk here are all so encouraging.

my attempts at poetry

Just when I need warmth Cold returns freezing my toes Halting new blossoms And sending all back into Hibernation once again Cold blasting wind makes My uncontrolled trembling yearn With eager grasping For warm regeneration Freedom from jacket restraint. Stubborn relentless Pushing limits to extremes Cold refuses to brake Icy breeze chases spring warmth Signs ignored stopping for none

I was hoping to find some comments regarding what folk were getting from this. Not sure but it spoke to me of walking along a rocky path with those red rocks being revealed with the shadow of yourself passing and the lines being blurred by the effect of movement. The colour was great too and gave one a feeling of bring outdoors in nature. Could it also speak of how life is with somethings becoming clear as shadows pass and others blurr into the backround. Anyway, thanks for writing. Love these Tanka!

Thanks. I like Cole's view of it.

Wow! Loved in, Ron! You did a great job there and the meaning was very clear to me. Thanks. I really want to try doing some Tanka too - sounds like a dance! Haha!

Well, I'm all caught up it seems. Wasn't too difficult since it was hard to put aside. You do such a good job, Nephy. Glad I found you again! Please, please keep writing so the story moves along at a good pace, in your usual unpredictable and totally absorbing manner. One never knows with you what is going to happen next which is part of the thrill of reading your books. Love the characterization - the good (a lot of that) and the bad and the ugly! It's all so well done. How you can make such a mean, nasty streak like James be so mean and nasty and wicked and evil, to the point one absolutely hates him. Are you going to redeem him at any point? Can this family have such a black sheep? Maybe this experience is going to sort him out. Can't wait for the next chapter.

It's still good but somehow it's changed and not got the same edge on it that it had before. Not sure quite why that is. Sorry, that's just my feeling about it. Maybe the surreal has put me off and it's just a personal reaction and nothing to do with your writing or how the story is panning out or not panning out. Somehow the court scene failed to really capture attention and imagination, though you did try to add a cliffie there regarding the bail question. JT seems to be out of the equation now so that danger seems to have passed by, though there might be some interest from what happens to him since his dad will not be too pleased unless he regards Andy's hospitalization as sufficient work and JT can convince him of this. Andy's dealing with his mother's death still is not great material for exciting and interesting reading. Though his near death experience (if that's what it can be called) was perhaps dramatic, it did not appeal to me as a great story line. So I have to say the chapter is a little disappointing after what has gone before. Maybe it will pick up with future chapters. I hope so. Up to this point I have really enjoyed the story and for the sake of seeing where Andy and Joey's relationship goes I might continue for a bit longer.

Wow! The Driud thing has put your story in a totally different category now. Not sure I really want to go down this road, but the story has been really good up to now, so perhaps I should just go with it. It's all been quite realistic now we are going into the surreal world and it's a little freaky. I loved Joey's bold step of redemption for JT in forgiving him. Wow! That was amazing and so brave and courageous. And JT's response was amazing, though perhaps not all that believable yet not impossible by any means.

The reaction of the family was at first a total switch off. I couldn't believe there was silence. And then everyone looking at Roger??? You sure know how to side step the obvious and surprise us. And then it all turned out so well, as we knew it would. I think you loved teasing your readers with that! At least JT attacked when there was help around and the three musketeers surely stood together to send the bullies fleeing! Good on them. Seems an immediate fulfillment of the dream, though I suspect there's lots more to come with the fall out from this incident. Good as ever. Thanks so much for writing!

Another cliffie in that we don't get their reactions/response until the next chapter! You so good at doing that and half the time don't even realize you doing it, it seems. Not that we should have any great surprise in how they respond, mind you. It was just the emotional high has to wait until the next chapter or do you skip it? What a wonderful declaration Andy makes and how honouring to his dad! Wow! So very precious. He is indeed a very mature youngster and so very likeable and adorable, just as Joey is. How did Joey turn out so well when his parents were such utter failures. How did he learn to love? To be tender? To be kind? To be understanding? Is it possible really for such parents to produce such a child? So enjoying this story. Thanks for writing. Well done for a fine sermon preached.

Every move from here is fraught with apprehension and tension. Oh my! Can't even go to the church without being concerned and worried that they'll be separated somehow and someone with bad intention will get to the one isolated. It's nerve wracking! Glad to see Andy was quick to pull out his phone and call his dad though. He is so quick that he was able to chirp out a safe answer now that there was no impending danger. And JT's comment was so typical. You can bet too that when he gets them that's just what he'll force them to do, suck his cock. He is such a complete asshole in the worst possible way. Am I confused? Is it JT or TJ? Yes, so pleasing to see we have a Pastor Irvin to balance the extremism of Joey's parents. Good on you, Billy! I was a little worried that you were going to go anti-church or anti-Christian with Joey's parents as the only example. So thanks for bringing balance.

Wow! The tension is mounting. Great story so well told. Thanks for writing!

I've been reading pretty constantly for a while and need a longer break, I think, to just check up on the normal world out there and see what drastically needs doing before I get buried in this story again. So enjoying it. Roger came through with flying colours! I think Andy is very much his own man so he's not going to do the typical thing one might expect of a lad in his shoes, because there's no way he's typical. That's what makes this story so appealing. He's going to overstep the mark, as we have already seen, and that's going to get him into trouble, lots regrettably, I think. But he's a good guy and his integrity and honesty will win him through in the end. [i'm really making this statement after reading PrivateTim's review even though it was a few years back.] Thanks for writing. You do such a great job!

So touching, so sweet. But not going to be easy for them. It must seem to Joey like he's landed in heaven after the hell he's been through. Andy is so wonderful and realizes straight off that Joey is more important to him that all the rest so come what may, they together will go forward. Bold, brave, warrior spirit! And Andy's dad, Sam - what a gem! To be so incredibly supportive of his only chick regardless. Wow! What an amazing blessing Andy has in his dad. Funny, I was so caught up in their exchange that I had forgotten about Roger too! He sounds quite pissed off but hopefully its just the initial shock which if he's had no inkling would be a huge shock to him and take a bit of processing to come to terms with.

I needed more than a like button with this chapter! It was great. I cried tears of joy through most of it. Love it! Thank you, thank you, thank you! It is so emotionally satisfying to read such good stories! Just had to listen to the song as I did not know it. Can't say it grabbed me that much. Can't win 'em all they say! haha!

Wow! I love it that in the midst of this insane trauma that is so heart-rending we can inject humour and have a laugh. Andy is a bit of a clown landing on his ass and then being hit by the door! But what a lovable, adorable clown he is. That was unexpected that Joey suddenly didn't want to be seen naked in front of his friend and yet he had been so explicit in all the details of his abuse. I wonder if this was a natural shyness or a shame at how badly injured his body had been and he was protecting Andy from seeing that. Hmmmm... Again it just makes us love him all the more. These two have such a good vibe going between them already which started from the moment they saw each other. So romantic! We all long for that and love to read it. Thank you for writing such a great story with such delightful main characters. Yes, I see those little mistakes are still there. It would be good to have edited them out. They are minor but it's very annoying for a reader to be distracted by them. I had the impression you had not passed it through the editors because of rushing! Lol! I do enjoy coming to this late and reading all the reviews. It's an education in itself!

Wow! You wrote Joey's story with great pathos and had me crying along with Andy and his dad. His dad is such a great guy! Thank God that Joey has them to help him at this critical point in his life. Some kids don't find that help at the point they need it. Roger too, is such a good loyal friend. I love that you believe love conquers hate - great philosophy that will give you much depth in your writing and enable you to touch people deeply. Great story. Thanks for writing! You are good.

Poor Joey! Seems the family, or at least his dad, is running away from something and Joey is sworn to secrecy here too. Not good. And, oh my, not just a beating, but a severe whipping. His father is a sadist if ever. Tragic story here. Andy is going to put him in a bad position now by finding out and that's going to make it harder on them becoming friends or more. Really enjoying the read. Thank you for writing! Did you say at some point that this is your first story? I think you did, and I have to keep reminding myself of that. You're a pro at this! It must come naturally to you.

Oh, Rano, you are so funny with your comments and they absolutely hit the button too! I love reading what you have to say and really look forward to your first writing being posted. Soon? And thanks again to Fax for making this Forum and for writing such an appealing story. Thanks also to all at GA for making all this possible. It is such a delight to interact on this site. Faxity, keep up the good work. You doing such a fantastic job of writing.

I chuckle lots through your story at Andy's comments, eg. his knowing English, a bit anyway! A delightful self-effacement and a gentle poke of humour. It is good. Love how the characters are unfolding and how you are building suspense over a number of issues. I have a concern about Andy's project as he seems to be outing himself here by talking of "his friend" who is gay and again springing to his defense. Seems that if he wants to stay in the closet he would be better off choosing a safer topic and one in which he is not personally involved, though on the other side, I can see how you are speaking through Andy and rooting for the cause. This is proving a good read. Thanks for writing!

Very convincingly told. A realistic picture of school with its bullies and its nice guys. Andy is coming across as a great guy with a really nice bunch of friends. Love his inner voice constantly trying to keep him in line. And Joey seems so appealing too. Moving along nicely. Looking forward to a good read here. Thanks for writing.

A nice opening chapter that established the main character. Can't believe this is your first attempt! It was an entertainingly quirky opening with a nice touch of humour. Certainly invites one to read on. Thanks for writing!

Oh, I love the cave. It has this scary element to it but that's what makes it such a rush. So looking forward to them really enjoying each other in the total privacy of the cave too. It brings back memories of exploring caves in my youth (safer ones on land! Lol). And its such a place that is totally theirs in which they can shut out the whole world and just be them in their little world. It so inaccessible from everyone else. Such a great idea. So cosily romantic.

Difficult to say which was my favourite scene as I really like how you have taken us through this story. Maybe the feeding of the deer where Ben was so enjoying being close to Asher and having that excuse to whisper to him and be so close. I loved the revealing of his humming which wasn't described in that scene but in the last chapter. It would have added another element of sweetness to the scene. Then there have been the funny scenes like when Fiona skyped and got them to come out to each other in such a bold way and the heart-stopping scene where they nearly drowned. But that made way for the tender appreciation of each other and the total elimination of any inhibitions in the reveling of just having each other and enjoying each other having so nearly lost each other. I wonder if Rano is going to create some more of his wonderful pictures of these two lovely guys. I hope so. Between the two of you I am being transported in delight. Reading was never better!