wildone

Monday's joke: A man takes the day off work and decides to go out golfing. He is on the second hole when he notices a billy goat standing next to the green. He thinks nothing of it and is about to shoot when he hears, "Baahh. 9 Iron" The man looks around and doesn't see anyone. " Baahh. 9 Iron." He looks at the billy goat and decides to prove him wrong, puts his other club away, and grabs a 9 iron. Boom! He hits it 10 inches from the cup. He is shocked. He says to the billy goat, "Wow that's amazing. You must be a lucky goat, eh?" The billy goat reply's " Baahh. Lucky goat." The man decides to take the billy goat with him to the next hole. "What do you think goat?" the man asks. " Baahh. 3 wood." The guy takes out a 3 wood and Boom! Hole in one. The man is befuddled and doesn't know what to say. By the end of the day, the man golfed the best game of golf in his life and asks the billy goat, "OK where to next?" The billy goat reply, " Baahh. Las Vegas." So, they go to "Las Vegas and the guy says, "OK goat, now what?" The billy goat says, " Baahh. Roulette." Upon approaching the roulette table, the man asks, " What do you think I should bet?" The billy goat replies, " Baahh. $3000,black 6." Now, this is a million to one shot to win, but after the golf game, the man figures what the heck. Boom! Tons of cash comes sliding back across the table. The man takes his winnings and buys the best room in the hotel. Once in the hotel room the man says "Goat, I don't know how to repay you. You've won me all this money and I am forever grateful." "Just name it and it is yours." The billy goat replies, " Baaah, Kiss Me." He figures why not, since after all the goat did for him, he deserves it. With a kiss, the billy goat turns into a gorgeous 17-year-old girl. "And that, your honor, is how the girl ended up in my room."

Oh I'm sure after her, er his, um coronation, CJ will be sooo excited that he might even Knight certain individuals for their efforts to get him his rightful title. Steve Either that or raise taxes and ship some of us off to the penal colony of New South Wales .

Oh, have I mentioned yet that I believe CJames is :king: :king: The Queen Of The Evilest Cliffhangers :king: :king: Oh, I did , well it never hurts to mention it once or twice again. Steve

So, since CJ is away, us kidds can play . I thought it would be interesting to get everyone's unbiased opinion about CJ, without fear of reprisal. Since CJ has made it possible to have someone else's name (sorry Steve) come up with a Google search of "King Of Evil Cliffhangers", I thought it would be only fitting to give CJ the recognition that he rightfully deserves. Please, vote with a simple yes, or a simple no to the question: Is " :king: :king: CJames The Queen Of The Evilest Cliffhangers :king: :king: " Your opinions are much appreciated Steve

Only 95 to go Barry and Ray are headed home after a big night on the town when Barry accidentally hits a buck goat. Ray being the animal lover he is jumps out the car and gives the goat artificial respiration and revives him. Ray says to Barry he's going to be fine but its cold so we'll have to put him in the car to keep him warm. Barry yells "What about the terrible stinking smell in my car?" Ray says "That's OK we'll hold the buck's nose!" Have you noticed most goat jokes involve a goat getting injured or killed ? Maybe I've scared CJ away from posting. Steve

Okay, here is post #99.... A rancher named Clyde, has a car accident. In court, the trucking company's fancy lawyer was questioning Clyde. "Didn't you say at the scene of the accident 'I'm fine.'" Clyde responded, "Well, I'll tell you what happened. I had just loaded my favourite goat Bessie in to the..." "I didn't ask for any details!", interrupted the lawyer. "Just answer the question. Did you not say at the scene of the accident 'I'm fine'"? Clyde said, "Well, I had just got Bessie into the trailer and I was driving down the road... "The lawyer interrupted again and said, "Judge, I am trying to establish the fact that, at the scene of the accident, this man told the Highway Patrolman on the scene that he was just fine. Now several weeks after the accident he is trying to sue my client. I believe he is a fraud. Please tell him to simply answer the question" By this time, the Judge was fairly interested in Clyde's answer and said to the lawyer, "I'd like to hear what he has to say about his favorite goat, Bessie." Clyde thanked the Judge and proceeded, "Well as I was saying, I had just loaded Bessie, my favorite goat, into the trailer and was driving her down the highway when this huge semi-truck and trailer ran the stop sign and smacked my truck right in the side. I was thrown into one ditch and Bessie was thrown into the other. I was hurting, real bad and didn't want to move. However, I could hear ole Bessie moaning and groaning. I knew she was in terrible shape just by her groans. Shortly after the accident a Highway Patrolman came on the scene. He could hear Bessie moaning and groaning so he went over to her. After he looked at her, he took out his gun and shot her between the eyes. Then the Patrolman came across the road, gun in hand, looked at me, and said "How are you feeling?" "Now what the hell would you say?" Now, CJ you lurker you, where are you???? Please don't disappoint us with not getting in the first 100 posts . Your lurker status may be up for dispute soon. Steve

Hmmmm, if the tree fell over 30 mins ago, and the clocks mysteriously moved ahead an hour, this should mean you have a half hour to prevent it from happening . Maybe your life has become a dkstories Story . Steve

Something just occured to me. Do you think we can go 100 posts in a thread in CJ's Forum without a single post from the lurker himself? Steve

Not sure if I'll get online tomorrow, so here is the Saturday Goat Joke. Little Johnny's goat accidentally got hit by a car, and unfortunately died. Mom and Dad tried their best to console their young son. "You know Johnny, its not your fault that your goat died. It was just fate." But little Johnny would have none of it. So in a last grasp attempt, Johnny's Dad said "He's probably up there in heaven right now with God. He'll be happy there. So you don't have to feel bad anymore." Little Johnny asks "What would God want with a dead goat?" Steve

Okay, today a little racier one for you all..... A Scottish old timer in Scotland, in a bar, talking to a young man. Old Man: "Lad, look out there to the field. Do ya see that fence? Look how well it's built. I built that fence stone by stone with me own two hands. I piled it for months. But do they call me McGreggor-the-Fence-Builder? Nooo.." Then the old man gestured at the bar. "Look here at the bar. Do ya see how smooth and just it is? I planed that surface down by me own achin' back. I carved that wood with me own hard labour, for eight days. But do they call me McGreggor-the-Bar-builder? Nooo..." Then the old man points out the window. "Eh, Laddy, look out to sea. Do ya see that pier that stretches out as far as the eye can see? I built that pier with the sweat off me back. I nailed it >board by board. But do they call me McGreggor-the-Pier-Builder? Nooo..." Then the old man looks around nervously, trying to make sure no one is paying attention. "But ya f**k one goat . . . " Have a great day everyone Steve

Oops, I guess I'll have to take the blame on that one. I guess by mis-spelling Kidd, by using the darn spell check, it took part of the punchline away. Oh well, new day, gotta find a new joke with at least one goat in it . Steve

Okay, I'm actually laughing out loud at this one. A husband and wife that raise goats have an wedding anniversary. The husband who raises meat goats has forgotten the anniversary, his irate wife who raises milk goats (already some friction there) says "Tomorrow morning there better be something in the driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 3 seconds, or else!". Next morning there is a small package lying in the driveway. The wife opens the package, it's a bathroom scale. Steve

Hmm, how to explain. I'll try it the simple way. In the classic film "Casablanca", I believe the most remembered words were of Bogart uttering "Here's looking at you kid". I have never seen the movie myself, but I have seen the clip of him saying those words. Quite a few movies, make reference to that line by using it as well. I believe it has been in a few sports movies as well, but it is all attributed back to Bogart. So, in the joke (and I use that word loosely), the punch line is "Hare's (the rabbit) looking at you kid (young goat)!" Darn, if that much explanation needs to be given, I definitely know it was a d one. Hopefully the North American people got it. Steve

Oh, have a got a real groaner today.... A man raised animals on a small farm in the Midwest. The farm was a peaceful place. Then, one day a pig was found murdered in the barn. Upset, the farmer was determined to find the killer. The only witness was a rabbit. The farmer lined up all the suspects: a cow, a young goat, a horse, and a rooster. He told the rabbit to pick out the killer. The rabbit hopped up and down the line. He stopped and nodded his head at the young goat. Nervously, the goat said, "I didn't do it!" The farmer replied, "Hare's looking at you kid" Steve

So what do you call a goat's beard? A goatee Geez, only day 3 and I've run out of clean goat jokes. I might have to do some more digging. Steve

Day 2 Two men were walking through the woods and came upon a big, black, deep hole. One man picked up a rock and tossed it into the hole and stood listening for the rock to hit bottom. Nothing. He turned to the other guy and said "That must be a deep hole..let's throw a bigger rock in there and listen for it to hit bottom." The men found a bigger rock and lugged it to the hole and dropped it in. They listened for some time and ....nothing. Again they agreed that this must be one deep hole and maybe they should throw something even bigger into it. One man spotted a big log nearby. They picked it up, grunting and groaning, and threw it to the hole, listening intently....nothing. All of a sudden, a goat came flying out of the woods, running like the wind, and flew past the men and jumped straight in the hole. The men were astonished. They walked on through the woods, and a little later met an old farmer who asked the men if they had seen a goat. One man told the farmer of the incredible incident they had just witnessed. They had just seen this goat fly out of the woods and run and leap into the big hole. He asked the farmer if this could have been his goat. The old farmer said "Naw, that can't be my goat...he was chained up to a big log" Andy Oliver Have a great day Steve

I didn't know what to post, so I thought maybe a goat joke a day. Hopefully none will be offensive, and I'll give credit where available. What better way to recognize the goat, than to spread some jokes . Steve

Congratulations Kevin It's great that another lurker like you has got in a minimal number of posts . Like your blog title and your byline says, your posts make me smile. Looking forward to reading the next 3000 posts . Steve

CJ, I really liked the story. As far as being in second person, I found myself reading every word more closely than maybe in first or third person. Being an important message, I did not see any of the words wasted on being "filler". As far as knowing that the senator was closeted or not, I did get the correct feeling from the two lines quoted. As I usually do, I began to wonder what the topic of the vote was for. When I was about half way through, I thought eureka, it is about the internal debate of one person to decide to vote his conscious on the Matthew Sheppard Bill. Even though this was not the issue, I can well imagine that it was pretty accurate of some of the feelings of the Senators that did vote in favour of that bill. But like you said, it could have been anyone in any party. So the location also seems to not really matter as well. It was a very well written story, with a clear message that I sure wish more politicians would do. Vote with their conscious, rather than their fears. Luckily more and more politicians are beginning to look at marriage for all, this way. Hopefully the US doesn't lag behind too long. One particular line stood out amongst the others:

CJ, Loved the chapter. I agree with Ieshwar, what really made it one of the best is that there was no cliffie. Unfortunately, does this mean we will pay with one in the next chapter up to LiS26 standards?? A couple of things really made me chuckle.... Poor Brandon. I know we have accused you of being many things in the past CJ, but this is only more proof that you are indeed a sadist to your characters . What eighteen year old could live with the "pressure" that your putting him under? I really liked this line, as it really sums up Jon and Eric's attitude of late and there seems to be no end in sight. One other thing that I noticed was the complete absence of The Scar. I have said in the past I've been intrigued by his character, as we don't know too much about him. Also, the reference to the "other" story was actually minimal this week. Is there a reason for this? (never hurts to ask ). BTW, I think that exchange may have determined if Vladimir will be around after he is done making the bombs. As far as Zeke goes, I think we might be surprised about how he reacts to Brandon being the lead in Instinct. I have my suspicions, but it seems that Helen hasn't been wrong yet, right? Lastly, in case I don't post before the weekend, have a great vacation CJ . Enjoy yourself, don't worry about a schedule, and check out some locales for the boys to tour. We will patiently wait for your next posting. Steve

Well I decided to vote for The Scar. I have to admit, when you first started writing about The Scar, I didn't take him too seriously. But now, he is an integral part of the story. I guess what interests me is that he is the mastermind of building a bomb :nuke: , but other than being an arms dealer, we don't know too much about him. Things like, who is he after, is it revenge, where will he detonate them, will he detonate them, why does he need three? All of these questions make him intriguing. I see Dimitri and Vladmir as subordinates to The Scar, so I am watching mainly him with interest. In the second one, I choose Barbara. I may be the only one to choose her, but I like a woman who can show up to a party in high heels and carrying a whip . I hope we hear more about her in the future, as I'm sure that her and Helen's relationship must be an interesting one. Steve

Congratulations BeasStKid, I second what the others have said. I have learned much about your home country and the challenges that you face daily through your post. Also get the see the humourous, fun side of you too in your posts. Thank you for that Steve

Benji, I too was wondering what the affect of CJ not having anywhere to lurk and post, and what that could do to him. I think he said it in the "leaving on a jet plane" forum, that he is going to have withdrawls. So, we are posed with getting him a new laptop PDQ, or come up with another solution. I purpose that CJ pick up a package of 100 3M Post it Notes (maybe 100 won't be enough to cover what he would normally post at GA in a week or two ), and write posts on them and place them in various different places in Europe. Sure, nobody here would see his posts, but at least he would have the feeling that he is contributing, and won't suffer from withdrawl Who knows, if he leaves a link on the bottom of each sticky note, he may increase membership in GA around Europe Steve

umm, err,ahhh,hmmm Oops Sometimes you can't see the tree amongst the forest

Ah, I think I'm onto your way of thinking Ieshwar. Are you saying the Graeme was shadow writing for CJ, thus meaning that although Graeme's name is associated with the passage, he was doing so with CJ's blessing, thus meaning the actually published work credit will be given to CJ Very interesting angle. Steve