SolarMaxx

Thank you Larwain, for your supportive words -- and taking the time to send them. They definitely ring of truth, and you've given me some constructive ideas to consider. I have to say, there are some very impressive people on this site. I wish I would have had access to it in high school. The information vacuum for anything existing outside my family's belief system was absolute! Maxx

Thank you for that thought gnomenreigen! I think maybe I just needed to hear it from another person. Until recently I've always felt that same way, especially because I do love my wife, and we have a happy life together. I sometimes wonder if we would be even closer if I told her about my gay half. I don't she would believe me, but if I did managed to convince her, I think she would be very supportive as long as I wasn't on the prowl! I honestly don't know if such a revelation would be painful for her or not! Since it has always been a moot point, I guess I never will. I think this whole thing with my nephew stirred up some dormant feelings. It's not easy being a sin-eater in my family! For all the scripture quoting -- there seems to be an awful lot of sins! I have 14 nephews and 6 nieces -- and every single one of them is perfect! Thanks again, Maxx

OK -- I'm not exactly proud of this, or necessarily ashamed -- but I've have never told anyone about my bi-sexuality, or even had a single same-sex experience. I suppose I closed that part of myself off in high school, and while I used to think it was complicated, it's really not. Dating women exclusively was always far easier and safer! I always had lots of opportunities and I was lucky enough to fall in love and get married early in life. I don't want to piss anyone off, although I know I probably will, but that's the path I chose without regret, and I have a great life most of the time. Until recently, I never looked back. I grew up in a very large, very religious family, in the rigid heart of the Midwest bible-belt. Tolerance and progressive thinking aren't exactly hallmarks here! My nephew came out to me some months ago, probably because I'm the family sin-eater (dumping ground for everyone else's problems) -- and he knows I'm agnostic! He doesn't know about my sexual duality, and I'm not inclined to tell him because somehow I just can't do it, and I also don't see how it would be helpful at this time. My first inclination, when he asked my advice, was to advise him to follow his conscience -- because he actually seems to be OK being gay! But frankly, advising him to be honest with his parents at this point in his life seems like majorly-dangerous idealism! I already know I'm a bad one to ask so don't even waste a single watt of energy admonishing me -- I really can't handle the additional guilt. He's a very good kid and I know that lying & deception don't come naturally to him. But I'm really concerned that if his "coming-out" goes badly, his life could become a living hell! I'm now thinking that discretion is a more practical path for him, at least until he is on his own. I wish I didn't know any of this -- it's definitely keeping me up nights. I'm really concerned about giving him the wrong advice! I want him to feel good about himself and who he is -- but also be aware that it can be a hostel world, and oppression and cruelty can be unrelenting -- even among those you love!

What advice do you give a 15 year old nephew about coming out to his parents?

Hi, I'm Maxx, -- I'm too old to live in my first childhood, and too young to start my second! Staying balanced between a spoiled inner-child and responsible outer adult is a full time job -- but it's a good job and most days I'm happy to have it. I don't give much advice, but I am a natural born listener, and love the written word. Anyone telling an interesting story can hold my attention.

In the same why that sexual orientation is not a CHOISE -- I'm wondering if hatred is. Albeit taught, often at an early age before insight can develop, I'm wondering if hatred can be neutralized in a damaged person -- poisoned from birth -- under the right circumstances! Is it actually possible to choose to want to change? If so, maybe one needs to extend tolerance to cultivate tolerance in others. Maybe we are all meant to "better" this world one person at a time.

It seems to me the biggest obstacle to tolerance and exceptance is the notion that somehow people are able to choose a sexual preference, or set of feeling! I know too many highly educated people who truly believe this.