MarcW

onto the next chapter of this saga ... the past couple of weeks at the gym have been very quiet .. it was after all the xmas / new year period - so people had some better things to do then get all hot & sweaty - like eating, drinking & being merry... today i get in and - where did all these people come from ??!! looks like so many make their resolutions and with luck they'll forget soon and leave room for the regulars ... anyway ... i'm doing my cycle work and LO ! who do i spot .. yes it's HIM ! .. he's back ! .. joy upon joy.. oh dear must try and keep anatomy in check ! .. anyway i keep smiling at him ...- come on you idiot go talk to him ... he's using the free weights and bending / lifing right in front of me .. nice view ! aaarrrggg ... cycle use finished ... i go upstairs to use the resistance weights and calm down a tad .... a few minutes later he comes up and uses the machine at the other end of the floor ... thats it ! i walk over to him and start a conversation off by saying "nice to see you again - you were missed!", this leads to one of the longest chats we've had .. what we each were doing over xmas, the reason why he was awol - seems he was very ill, with the cold/flu that a number of people here have also been suffering - he couldnt get his flu jab this yea (i got mine - so hopefully i'm immune) - lots of laughs & giggles .. ahhh .. seems life is good again ... we leave on good terms - him off to the shower - me back to work to sort out some security issue .. next time i might totally screw things up by telling him how i really feel .. i suspect he's now got some inkling .. but, again i know how things are in reality & will be happy as a friend...

its grey, wet, typical new years weekend, i'm in a crap mood ... watch a youtube of 3 songwriters i like :

i think i know what i'm getting myself for xmas

another good one gone too soon ...

always liked this song ,,,,

old classic ...

thought that story looked familiar if anyone else wants to wrap a story around this thread ... please do ... i enjoyed it .. now give me more wicked ideas

within another forum entry - http://www.gayauthors.org/forums/topic/39712-changing-gay-to-straight/- on page 2 i mentioned a book called "Hiding from Myself" by Bryan Christopher - - it was an advert that just so happened to pop up on that forum message - and talk about targeted marketing ! anyhow - on with the quick review - the sub line on the advert was "can a gay person change" - Bryan is a Texan, a fundamentalist christian , and gay. this book describes his struggles to become an "ex-gay" through prayer, self-help groups, getting locked up in a mental ward, taking a job at Hugh Hefner's bunny farm - all to struggle to become "ex-gay" find a wife and become "normal" - he has some female relationships - but he soon strays and tries to go back to stage one - back to the prayers, the church, the men mentors... there are places in this book that i did chuckle though ... but a lot of the time it was "come on give up on the indoctrinated fairy stories, live your life how you want to".. its a struggle - no denying that - we've ALL had to struggle in one way or another coming to terms of who we are, and what society says we should be .. but first steps is loving yourself .. then worry about the world. i wont give away the ending .. just to say its a happy one. was this book what i expected - NO ! - going by the advert & the fundamentalist Christian angle that was there i thought it was going to be all preachy and "YOU'RE A SINNER - BURN IN HELL" (although that bit is brought up - and quickly shot down again) i quite liked this autobiography - i would recommend others to read it - and not just gays - everyone could do with a little bit more understanding - and i think this book helps

note a blog entry ... no need to panic today ... both were off .. tomorrow 1 comes back .. but manager is still off ....& i take wednesdays off ... loaded up all the photo evidence of the drunken debauchery to the servers so everyone in the office can view them - we do ask if everyone wants to join my department - but there's always some luke warm response seems they only want to do things within business hours & not socialise outside - oh well their loss... some of the pictures are in the category of "what was i thinking ?" .. or "i'm never going to do that again (until next time)" ... only 1 that i thought might gt me in trouble was me kissing a co-worker - nothing was said then & when he saw the picture he said it was a good one - he's cute, but off the market as he recently got married - so no idea what his wife would make of it if she saw it ... we can chalk it up to a bit of fun (which i'm happy to do ... perhaps we could have some more fun at another time - and yes that's a joke ! - there's no way i would jeopardize him in any way)

fireworks in the office .. good to stand well back and see the rockets fly .. oohh... ahhh have a good holiday & good luck for the future job

Sam Smith singing Have yourself a merry little Christmas... don't forget to make the yule-tide gay

watched the movie "Lucy" yesterday ... lets ignore the plot holes ... but the last two tracks of the credits have been rattling around my head since then ... Damon Albarn - Sister Rust (although when i first heard it i thought it was being sung by David Bowie) and Raury - God's Whisper

nothing of import here - just testing to make sure this works .. ofc it does .. why shouldnt it ?

well.. there's that saying that starts "you dont have to be mad..." ... but it always helps i was going to post this as another chapter in the Gym message (A was the guy who I was doing the weights with) - but thought it should have its own entry ... i've also been pointed out that maybe this should have gone in as a blog post (just found out how to make a page for that) - so next time my long tracks of ramblings will go in that way ...

well.. that didn't go as planned - does anything in the train wreak that's my life .. ha ho .. another chapter - yesterday (Friday 12th) was my works xmas party at a nearby hotel / dry slope ski resort type place - as usual i book a room because i know i aint going to be in any fit state to drive or bum a lift off anyone - so i get dolled up in my DJ and then send the messages out to my co-workers stating room number & drinks are available - a number show up and pre-party starts with a swing , music, drinks , laughs etc... time rolls round for us to get downstairs to the venue and meet up with the rest of the gang... whilst working our way down 7 pass a bar (another round for everyone ) - there's a couple of guys chatting away and another one comes up and hugs them - me being my usual drunk self asks him if he's giving hugs away can i have one ? - yes ! so we hug & its all good fun and laughter - no harm done - everyone is happy... get to our table - food, drink, good company as usual, silly toys on table, jumping reindeer, walking snowmen & Santa's , party poppers, crackers with their usual corny jokes & hats that don't quite fit - then the in house "band" starts - its an Abba tribute band - crazy - i know all the words to these songs - so its dance & sing along - around 10:30 that party is starting to wind down - but next door is the night club - me and 2 colleagues go check it out (for this part of the story lets call them A & J - i'm of course M) - looks interesting but A has left his wallet up in my room - no bother we'll all go up grab it (and a few more shots) then come down to continue the night... we get to the lift & wait for it to come down - how come these places always only have 1 lift working & thy are slow ! - anyhoo - doors open & there's a number of people coming out & 2 guys acting silly - bump & grind - again all laughter and joy, me? i want to join in & we all have a giggle - they go off to the night club & my 3 get into the lift - now on the way up A starts off on 1 - "don't touch the homo's" etc - i tell him not to be so rude and point out that the brief encounter was all in jest so he should get off his high horse - we reach our floor and get out and whilst walking to my room he's niggling me - don't talk to them, don't touch them etc ... when we get in the room i round on him saying he don't know the F he's talking about (J goes off to use the bathroom so is out of earshot for this part) - A says something along the lines of there's too many gays & they shouldnt be around (now i've worked with this guy for over 3 years - visited Paris with him on a number of business trips - romantic meals etc - but as its none of his business I've kept certain things secret from him (although the amount of banter & innuendo around in our office you would have thought someone might have guessed - and yes he's straight) - so i told him if he really felt like that then perhaps he should go downstairs away from me - he goes quiet .. and i could actually see the cogs going round ... light bulb time ... "NO WAY !!!" .. "err YES way"... now i think this is the 1st time I've seen him get thrown totally off guard...(must admit this really ISN'T the way i would have wanted this conversation - but its out there now) ...... at this point J comes back in the room (one thing I've forgotten to mention - both these guys are British Asians - so that might have coloured their responses) -- A promptly tells J - and i'm "whoa ! WTF ! you don't just out someone - especially as i'm standing right in front of them both" "since when ?" J asks ...and i now spend half an hour or so trying to explain "Since i was BORN !" .. in the end we just end up going round & round (how have i changed between the years we've known & worked with each other and 5 mins ago when you found out this small thing of mine (oh that bit sound a bit perverted ) - so i call a stop to this - telling BOTH not to mention it to anyone - i'll tell people when i'm good and ready (and really for my work it don't matter if they don't know) - a few more shots .. J goes out to take a call and everyone clams down a bit ... A & Me are ready to head down but J hasn't returned - but as we exit the room we find him laying in the corridor going to sleep - cant have that so we drag him up and take him back to my room ... and put him to bed - he's totally out for the count so make sure he's on his side, still breathing & mumbling away to himself ... and both A & I head back off to the party... dance the night away & A's girlfriend comes to pick both him & J up - i get introduce - nice girl, but the A goes and says "here's the thing i've just learnt about this dud (me)" .. i'm thinking WTF AGAIN!! and tell him to just shut up about this ! - we go up to get J & A's bag - only to find that J really isn't in any fit state to go anywhere - so i tell A just to leave him and i'll look after him - A says good night / morning and heads off (now A is the bother-in-law to my manger - so i can sort of guess whats going to happen when i go the the office on Monday - am i really not looking forward to that !) so its time to go to bed - btw its a double bed - and i shake off my party clothes - now normally i sleep in the nude but tonight i have a guest in my bed and the last thing i really want to do is freak out they guy - so leave me boxers on -- land of nod here i come - some hours later the bed feels like its in an earthquake & this hand ends up between my legs - err what the hell... no panic its just J trying to get out of bed in a semi alive state to head off to the bathroom ... i start to giggle ... anyway he does what he needs to do... and clambers back into bed - "you OK?" i ask .. he reply's back with some grunts and goes right off to sleep.. 9 A.M. - and i'm up and about, showered & tidying up the room (removing half empty bottles, used glasses on 1 table, etc just to make room service's job a bit easier - thank god the room isn't wreaked like they normally end up with this bunch) - i grab some of my bags & load up my car .. 1C out there - nice & sunny - so i scrape the frost off and have a chat to some of the other guests in the car park... come back in and get to my room .. J is still out of it ... so quick cup of tea, out with the kindle and read a few more chapters of "Hiding from myself" by Bryan Christopher (a book i've mentioned in another subject in this forum) ... half hour or so later .. ITS ALIVE ! (well barely) .. he drags his corpse out of bed and i tell him to go get in the shower (and no its not because i want to get him out of what clothes he still has on)... that seems to get him back into the land of the living properly ... we head down to breakfast and after a hearty fry-up grab whats left of our stuff from the room and i take him to his home .. all in all - was it a good night ? ... yes .. but with a few bumps along the way - now lets see what next week holds in store for me ,,,, eeek ! more maybe later ...

cutie has been long time gone - looks like he aint coming back oh well .. life goes on - today i took a co-worker with me .. i normally do cardio & then some resistance weights - today he's showing me the free weights & giving some pointers ... also gives me a chance to prod his muscles .. just testing .. its all just good fun ...

just finished the 1st book of GFD (kindle version), so i glanced through the rest of books here - noticed there's 12 in the series plus a few extra side stories, then took a look see on Sunday - there's the "2nd book" ... bought another great opus from a great author

i wish to add my felicitations to comicfan on this day of your birth

it got viewed so many times it broke the youtube counter - they had to go from a 32bit integer (maximum 2,147,483,647) to 64bit (which means it can go upto 9,223,372,036,854,775,808 views)...

crazy ! someone should get refresher lessons when i did my test (they call it "reverse direction of the car using forward and revers gears" rather than 3 point turn now - so yu can take more than 3 "points" if necessary) - i told the tester i could do a U turn as the road was wide enough ! - still had to do it the proper way

oh dear.... http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2856231/Trio-men-arrested-hot-tub-threesome-turned-violent-dispute-gets-paid-escorting-services.html but with the police reporting it was in a "hot tube" - now thats funny ,,,,

holy moly !!! i tend to watch all the storms when they strike around here .. my little brother on the other hand hides under the bed ..

another one from the ipod ,,,DT8 Project - Winter (sort of suits this season).... There is us.. alive, turn ice into fire I want, I need, to feel such desire A pain lies deep, in the heart of my soul This truth, unfolds, and I'm losing control And I'm losing control.. I drift in this place, I can't see ahead Searching around, for the answers And it's cold, outside, and I feel the winter There's a chill, in the air, of secrets untold Tonight, I crave, sunlight on my face For I, can see, it's lonely in space A touch, can make, your senses awake But fear, controls, your every mistake Your every mistake I drift in this place, I can't see ahead Searching around, for the answers.. And it's cold, outside, and I feel the winter There's a chill, in the air, of secrets untold And it's cold outside.. and it's cold, outside And it's cold outside.. Winter.. I feel the winter.

i used to get asked if i was my mothers husband .... she either looked really young ... or i looked old ... (i was / is half her age anyway).. side track .. he's been awol again ,,,, but i guess college is a bit busy this time of year ,,,

feeling a bit romantic ... Sara Brightman - If I ever fall in love again :