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Parker Owens

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  1. Parker Owens
    Great chapter. It illuminates a lot of the thinking in Twoey and David's minds, and nudges David and Twoey just a little closer together. David is getting sucked into a classic relationship vortex with Kathy that could spit him out in very unhappy shape. Disagree with ColumbusGuy here in that I don't think David has it in him - just too far outside his experience - to tell Kathy on the phone that he's not her guy. He's stuck, and doesn't know how to get out. David might need a deus ex machina to extract him from that.
  2. Parker Owens
    "Bus Stop," the Hollies. Addictive, very classic. Cannot pry it out of my head.
  3. Parker Owens

    Chapter 13

    Parker Owens commented on craftingmom's story chapter in Chapter 13

    A near miss! Augh! The things Bryan ought to hear, but can't, because of the clamor of his own heart and the things he thinks he knows. And the torment Bryan is going through is so very well illustrated and elaborated in this chapter. Readers will need a warning to check their heart medication - so many hearts will be breaking. So many other readers will be shouting themselves hoarse at Bryan to go back and get his brother talking again. Great chapter!
  4. Parker Owens
    Agree with ColumbusGuy 100%. I wonder what might change David's mind?
  5. Parker Owens

    Chapter 12

    Parker Owens commented on craftingmom's story chapter in Chapter 12

    This is the best chapter yet. The picture of Wyatt's swift decline and despair is painted perfectly. Carol's heartless manipulation of both her sons - and especially Eddie - is completely exposed and the reader can't help but seethe in impotent rage at her. The offstage plot implied by Eddie's thoughts is really chilling. And through it all, who can't want to rush onstage and console poor Wyatt?
  6. Parker Owens
    This is becoming an addictive story. Really like the way the dialogue comes off. Also think David's complete metacognitive blindness (obliviousness?) about Twoey is perfect. I think I agree with ColumbusGuy - I have misgivings both about Danny and about Erik. It looks like characters we might like are about to get hurt. Did I mention I want another chapter?
  7. Parker Owens
    I've tried writing endings of my own for GA stories that are incomplete as personal exercises. They brought a little bit of closure to me, and they helped me do some writing and work on dialogue, even though nobody else will ever read them.
  8. Parker Owens
    Another dialect (not dialectical) curiosity is the inland New England multiple preposition. As in the old timer who went deer hunting: "Had to go way up back through around on in there to get him." This also gets you the 'are you illiterate?' stare, I think.
  9. Parker Owens

    Chapter 11

    Parker Owens commented on craftingmom's story chapter in Chapter 11

    Dear God, poor Wyatt. He gets to hear his death sentence, and get left to freeze in despair, with a probably soon-to-suppurate shoulder wound to go with it. Great blast of sickness and wickedness in this chapter. Carol is revealed as her clearly unbalanced and evil self. Eddie is ambiguous here; not at all sure of how innocent or not he may be. Clearly, he knows what he did to help his mother, but not how it will hurt his brother. But did I detect a fatal flaw in Carol's plan? I think so...
  10. Parker Owens
    Mayonnaise: "may yo nays" or "may nays?" Or then there's the tiny bit of the country that says "my nez." I
  11. Parker Owens
    USA: restroom Canada: washroom UK: the loo USA: he's in the hospital English speaking Canada: he's in hospital (also works when you substitute the word 'university' for 'hospital') Most of USA: Submarine Sandwich Eastern New England: Bomber, Grinder Philadelphia: Hoagie There are doctoral theses on this kind of thing....
  12. Parker Owens

    Chapter 10

    Parker Owens commented on craftingmom's story chapter in Chapter 10

    Oh, the duplicity! Well structured, evil oozing out, but not acknowledged or recognized, but nonetheless duplicity. Well done. And the the quick emotional whipsaw of the returned leather band followed by the police discoveries. My gut is officially wrenched. Next chapter, please.
  13. Parker Owens
    I agree with Puppilull about Jason; he appears to be very suspicious and easily jarred. Of all the characters being developed here, his seems to have the least depth. This is an enjoyable story so far, and look forward to more.
  14. Parker Owens
    I enjoyed how you let us inside the character's minds in this chapter. Thank you. I am not sure what to make of the encounter with Eric, but then neither can Twoey - not completely - so that's good. David's rant on churches and churchgoing got to me, somehow. What a pity it is that so few people experience Christian communities as supportive, accepting or encouraging. Actually, a great many such churches exist. Poor David doesn't seem to go to one of them.
  15. Parker Owens
    "It's not the score that should determine how you play. It's how you play that should determine the score." (Okay, so I'm a coach. Sue me) and "God never told anyone he had to be stupid."
  16. Parker Owens

    Chapter 9

    Parker Owens commented on craftingmom's story chapter in Chapter 9

    What a plot twist. As if another source of tension were needed, here's another. Even if Eddie somehow gets there is a connection between the chained figure on the floor and his beloved brother, is there any chance that it won't end horribly? What could the trigger possibly be? And what kind of monster could use Eddie this way? Clearly it's time for some digestive fortitude, because our guts are about to be wrenched.
  17. Parker Owens

    Chapter 8

    Parker Owens commented on craftingmom's story chapter in Chapter 8

    Thank you for this chapter. It's great how the suspense builds in two directions - Bryan and Sarah finally getting at a way to begin unpicking the mystery, and Wyatt finally meeting his captor. Also nice is the interplay between the students, which was colorful. Of course, the problem is that now everyone needs the next chapter. Now.
  18. Parker Owens
    My text got cut off - power outage - but I wanted to congratulate you on how well you portray the conversations with all the characters present. Again, thanks for your writing, and please post more.
  19. Parker Owens
    I agree with Defiance here.
  20. Parker Owens

    Chapter 7

    Parker Owens commented on craftingmom's story chapter in Chapter 7

    What a great chapter. It perfectly conveys the roller coaster of panic and hope and panic again that sets in when a loved one goes missing. Despondency painted beautifully. Thank you.
  21. Parker Owens
    This is a great chapter. Complications, and more splendid complications can come from this. I really feel for poor Twoey - wanting the unhappy David, but maybe ready to settle for someone else? Is he too scarred to fight for someone he really wants? Nice plot ideas in chapter 4. Does it now go without saying that I want to see more? soon?
  22. Parker Owens
    I agree with ColumbusGuy; I dislike characters who play too many games or vacillate too much, unless that is a signature part of the that person's makeup. David needs to have some figure-himself-out time. Am still on the hook, and the line is taut. You can start playing the fish.
  23. Parker Owens
    Put anyone in a tight emotional bind, and he or she can behave just like Mike. Unfortunately, it has a real connection to many people's actual lives. His reaction is regrettably true to life. The father's reaction is harder, but comes before the meat of the story, so perhaps can be glided over. The hook is well set, and the bait taken. Still want more.
  24. Parker Owens
    Ok, I'm intrigued. Hooked. Want to see some more...good going.
  25. Parker Owens

    Chapter 6

    Parker Owens commented on craftingmom's story chapter in Chapter 6

    Thanks for this chapter! I was looking for it moments before it appeared! Now my heart breaks for Wyatt. Fear and despair can break a person irreparably. I wonder if Wyatt can even hope to recover. And Bryan - what must he be thinking? Only he really knows Wyatt well enough to decide whether to buy the "second thoughts" theory offered by Mommy Dearest. The real question is for how long that explanation will throw Bryan off the scent of the truth. Excellent suspense with plenty of questions to chew over.
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