Boxerdude

Y ou are way to kind. I love all of you but I can not help letting my own experiences show. I have been through this, I have lived it, It is very hard not to voice my own opinion. I have been there. I have several friends that I have had to deal with that have done this. It is suiside. I hate to be so bold, but it is. There families drove them to it. I have lived it to many times. It is really hard to even talk about it. I am sorry if I am getting to sappy, but I have done this at least 3 times. So it hits home really close to me. I know the rounds and sad to say , I know what usually happens. Enoiugh of me sobbing. I love the story. don't get me wrong, but, I have put a lot of effort into researching what I thing BW will write. I just hope he respects my opinion as much as I resect his story. Boxerdude

Nick, you are way to sweet!! Thank you very much. I found you blog and it is neat the way you express yourself. Buddah has a good one as well. I was surprise at how much he opens up there. You both are great people and I enjoy getting to know you even if it is through a forum. Have a Great 4th of July!!! Go Connor Go!!! ( oh sorry Cody, I have different thoughts for you!! heehee) Boxerdude.

Okay, I will try again. I know this one has not been used and it very well could be about both Ryan and Toby. Believe Music by Elton John Lyrics by Bernie Taupin Available on the album Made In England I believe in love, it's all we got Love has no boundaries, costs nothing to touch War makes money, cancer sleeps Curled up in my father and that means something to me Churches and dictators, politics and papers Everything crumbles sooner or later But love, I believe in love I believe in love, it's all we got Love has no boundaries, no borders to cross Love is simple, hate breeds Those who think difference is the child of disease Father and son make love and guns Families together kill someone Without love, I believe in love Without love I wouldn't believe In anything that lives and breathes Without love I'd have no anger I wouldn't believe in the right to stand here Without love I wouldn't believe I couldn't believe in you And I wouldn't believe in me Without love I believe in love I believe in love I believe in love It meantions so much about what has happened, I thought it would be a good title for this next chapter. Love is what will save this family and everyone around them. It did for Connor, now it will for the those that Connor can touch. He has it in him, it is his gift to give his love, friendship, and help his lover!! Anyway, I will stop with this one and move one. I am sure everyone is already tired of my posts. I just really like trying to figure out what is going to happen based on what I would personally like to see happen or even feels should happen. It is part of my life experience, that I think is showing through. I have been through these stages in my own life when a friend dies. I see what happens to those around me and myself. So, I guess everyone is seeing who I am now. Boxerdude.

Well I am glad that I don't feel like I have disapointed you. I think that the songs have a lot of meaning. I wish I had your experience with Elton John's concerts. I have never been able to attend one. It is a dream of mine as I find him as almost and Idol. He really sings to me. Thank you for at least addressing my thoughts. It means a lot, I think a lot aobut the story and I really put myself into it. You are the best and keep writing!! Boxerdude.

My vote for the title would be "Recover Your Soul." Here are the Lyrics for those of you who don't want to go look them up. Baby you're missing something in the air I got a name but it don't matter What's going on, it's cold in here You have a life but it's torn and tattered Maybe you're losing pieces of your heart You have a world but it stopped turning You lose the day and gain the dark Love was a fire but it stopped burning Spare your heart, save your soul Don't drag your love across the coals Find your feet and your fortune can be told Release, relax, let go And hey now let's recover your soul Lazy old sunset sinking like a tear Alone at night in a losing battle That perfect world is never clear You have to fight for the things that matter I think that this next chapter could be what some would say the sappiest. It will have to do with breaking down and rebuilding. We know that Ryan is there and he is just starting to come out of it. But I think this song describes Ryan's state that "he has lost his soul." It will be a long road for him. Connor is finding out what his place in this world is and what he brings to those he calls friends. Toby should continue to get better and with that the family may be able to start healing. This song talks about all the turmoil that they have gone through and the last line says it all, "You have to fight for the things that matter." I think Connor will fight for all of them especially Ryan. Ryan will fight to pull himself back together. Everyone else, will be trying to get back to life as usual and help their friends as much as possible. The other song that I would like to see in this chapter is for Connor to sing or dedicate a song to Ryan. It is called "Something about the Way You Look Tonight." Again here are the lyrics as it is a very touching song. There was a time I was everything and nothing all in one When you found me I was feeling like a cloud across the sun I need to tell you How you light up every second of the day But in the moonlight You just shine like a beacon on the bay And I can't explain But it's something about the way you look tonight Takes my breath away It's that feeling I get about you, deep inside And I can't describe But it's something about the way you look tonight Takes my breath away The way you look tonight With a smile You pull the deepest secrets from my heart In all honesty I'm speechless and I don't know where to start It seems to be a perfect song for Connor to convey what he has gone through to where he is and how much he loves Ryan. Cody and Connor will become closer as will the twins. And I think Domonic, may ever start to take a bigger role. I really do hope that Connor will sing again on stage. That last statement he made really pulled at me. It seems like he should be destined to sing, he helps people when he does and can touch others and make them smile. I also think that Maggie and the boys are due a long vacation! Just them. Well, let's see what happens!! These are just my thoughts and with a little research. Boxerdude.

Way off topic!! Kitty, maybe Mikey was transfered into Ryan's body and is completely depressed!!! The whole body snatchers thing!! Oh, yeah, not that kind of story. I still want to know more about the twins?? Do you think that they experiment??? I also wonder how Dominic is doing. I hope Toby is getting better!! I think I wuv him!!!! Boxerdude

I just wanted to say thank you to all of you who posted a Happy Birthday note to me. That really meant a lot and it was very special. I received several PM's and thank you too as well. I am really growing fond of all you you. What a great group of people to be associated with!! Thanks Again, Boxerdude, David

Thanks to all of you!!! This is so very special to me. I don't think I have ever had so many Happy Birthdays in my life!!! I am at work and I am having a hard time not crying out of joy!!! Everyone of you mean a lot to me, seems odd because we can't see each other but I am really getting a sense for who each of you are as a person. Even the ellusive Buddah! LOL (by the way, just figured out where your blog is, pretty cool) Again, you have truely made this day blessed for me!! Love and Hugs to all Boxerdude, David

Kevin, thank you, that was so sweet of you to do that!! Actually, not many people know it is my birthday. So it really means a lot to me. You are the 4th person to tell me happy birthday. I will have a good day. Mike is taking me to dinner to night so I can have Steak and Lobster!! Yumm Have a good day! David

Who would have known that Buddah was such a tease!! LOL Can't wait so we can really start to figure out what is going on in that increadible mind of yours. Thanks, Boxerdude

Then I would have to go with "Recover Your Soul." I think it really describes Ryan and I can see Connor singing it to him. Or maybe "Something about the Way You Look Tonight" as Ryan is coming back into reality. Boxerdude

When I went to napster, there where many version to the song and sang by different people. I usually make sure it is Elton John and go for the first version. It seems to be working, as I found the words to be almost exact. Don't feel bad about crying. I is a normal emotional response to something that moves you emotionally. When you get to know characters in a story, you sort of become part of the story yourself. At least, that is what a good writer creates. Like LB, who has the ability to basically suck us all into the story. These characters are amost like our friends. I am going to be 42 tomorrow and I cried through the whole chapter almost. I am not flammer or anything like that, but I am very intouch with my emotions and I was moved. When you are moved, crying is away for you and your body to express yourslelf. Just know you are not crazy!!!! Boxerdude

You won't be hated. In real life, this is a very common situation. I have grown up with many of my friends who ended up in the same situation that Mikey did. He was a great person in the story but, it was true to life. I have some very sad stories I could tell on the subject but I think you get the point. As you, I am a huge Cody fan. Boxerdude

You seem to be a very strong young man. I think that you have a great many things that show how strong you are as a person. Keep your chin up and if you ever need someone to just talk with I am here as well as many others on the forum. We try to support each other and be there. You are never alone. Boxerdude

Okay, I have been holding back, but if we need to nudge you then I will see If I can get these people to open up a bit. Connor, first and formost, Cody's mother was right. He has the inner strength that none of the others possess and he will help lead them through this horrible issue. He is the "Rock" that his frineds depend on. He is human like the rest of us and will have the emotional issues as well. But, he knows he has a lot of people depending on him. He feels it is is responsibility to give back what they all gave to him. Because of his past pain, it will and has made him the strongest character in the whole story. Ryan's reaction was no surprise to me. It was interesting that Maggie, turned to Connor for help. Connor's view of Ryan being very needy of him is a good sign. Connor will keep focus on Ryan because he loves him more that life it's self. Ryan will work through it but he will have to face his own "Demonds" to get there. Now what those demonds are, is where LB will come in. I have my own idea but LB will rise to the occassion. Toby, he will come throught I think, it will be hard but he will. With Ryan now at his side, he will have more to live for. I do want to see the MF caught that did rape Connor and I hope LB does justice to that!!! It is still something that sticks in the back of my head and is very personal since I was raped at the age of 8 by a man and he was never caught. My fault, I was 8 , buried it for over 30 years before my therapists helped me remember it. Connor needs closure on that . Maggie, she needs a break. She has so much and for her to lean on Connor was really hard on her. She needs Toby to get better. She is a great person. I would really like to see Cody and his mother step up a bit more. They have slowly been doing so and Connor will need them both as will Ryan I think and Toby. Mikey's partents, I think Connor said it all. They can rot in hell! To little to late! I hope that we find out in the near future what happens with them. They have a lot of responsibility to those kid's that they hurt because of how they treated their son. His death sound be a reason for them to stop, think, reason, or get the hell out of town. I also think it is time for the Twins to step up. They have been haning in the wings and they need to come round and be there for Connor and Ryan as well. Everyone can't expect Connor to deal with all this and them on his own. They need to come together as friends and rebuild what they have. Speaking of that, personally, if I could name the next chapter I would call it "Rebuilding Lives." Okay, all it is your turn. Agree, disagree let's get this ball rolling!!!!! LB, I hope that was a good start. Boxerdude

Kitty, thanks! this was the one song that I actually could hear in my mind as it is one of my favorites. When Burt bacharach was on American Idol helping them, this was one of the songs that I believe one of them practiced but ened up not singing. It gave me goosebumps, when Connor sang it and then for Cody to again come to his aid as to say "Ditto" to the song as at the memorial service. That song sums it up for what Connor is all about. Thank you for publishing the lyrics. Without trying to sound to mushy, I would like to say that I dedicate this song to all of you on the forum as well. This may be fiction, but it creates real emotions. After communicating with all of you for awhile now, I feel a bit of closeness to each of you. Boxerdude

LB and Kitty, All I can do is say "Thank You." I do something different now than in the past when reading. When ever you put the words into the script, I go to Napster and look up the song and read the lyrics as the song is sung. I can't hear it in my head if I do not do that. One interesting point, when Connor sang his song at the funeral, I noticed one small thing as Elton John was singing. Elton John changed one word in the lyrics. I played it twice to make sure. There is a part in the song where it states "When I am gone" Elton John actually sings it "While I am gone" making sure that everyone understands that he believes that this is a temporary situation. I just thought everyone would find that fact of interest. I am sure the lyrics are published as written by LB but they are sang differently. LB and Kitty, I think that you two are absolutely the best. I love the cliff hanger and could not wait for the chapter to post. I read it within five minutes of the notification. I cried through most of it as most of us will or did. My partner came in and just laughed at me. I had to tell him to F-O and leave me alone. I really want to write more because there is so much to discuss and go over, but I don't want to ruin it for anyone else who has not read it yet. I just know that it touched me deeply but in the best way. By the way, ever post before mine I totally agree with you and think that you are the best forum group I have ever been apart of. Love to all of you, Boxerdude

It wha the descriptionof his body that got my attention. Thick and I new or atleast thought he was smooth skinned. Anyway, take a look at Tom. Just picture him as a blonde then. I want chapter 21! Boxerdude

I don't know about Cody killing himself, besides LBTW has already tried stated that he never said anyone was going to die? He maybe aiding to his cliff hanger or he may be saying that we did not see a secret he planted in the last chapter. I don't know why I thought that Cody was bigger than the rest and had dark hair? http://www.tv.com/tom-welling/person/12155/summary.html This is a good website to go to for pic's of Tom Welling. He plays Superman as a teenager in Smallville. Used to be an A&F Model. Real Hottie!! I still think of him when I think of Cody. Weird I know. But I guess I just did not think everyone was blond or red headed. Boxerdude.

Maybe Ben will end up with Mikeyl? I wonder if Ben kissed Mikey when he stayed all night?? Cody, I have figured out in my mind what I thing Cody looks like or should play him if there was ever a movie. Tom Welling!!! Tall, built, and very hot!!! Thanks LB for letting us know when the next post will be. I know I am looking very forward to it. Kitty, thanks for all the extra time to make sure that it will be the best chapter yet!! I am sure it is because both of you have invested so much into it. Boxerdude

Well, I think we have covered this subject enough. I appreciate everyone here. I think we are all on the same page. We all have opinions and emotions. Thanks to everyone for allowing me to voice my opinion. I was extremely touched at LBTW's response. You are the best Author I have read in many many years. I have not read a book in over 10 years, but I have found myself glued to Nifty reading nearly every night now. Thank you for helping get back to it! I forgot it could be enjoyable. Now, I really like your teasing us about chapter 21! I too have been under a different opinion and love the cliffhanger!! Excellent, Excellent writing! Boxerdude.

Kevin, Very well put. I appreciate the fact that you really did get the just of what my long post had to say. Thank you again. I was very close to not post it but it was tugging at my heart. LB has a wonderful story going and I for intend to be there to the end. If someone else finds it painful or hurtful to read, then I can only say, "It's Okay" and move on. I hope to see more of your posts as I enjoy your point of view. Talk with yall later. (yes I am from Texas, Yall is You All in country talk) LOL Boxerdude David

Hi all, I have spent the better part of the evening getting to know a new friend who is really into SOOTB. But, he can't stand the thought of Toby leaving us. I want to give a small but clear feeling on this whole subject. It has really bothered me and I feel that I need to voice my opinion. Whether or not LB decides to let Toby die or live, we have to respect the opinions of those who voice them. Listen to what the people say or have to say. For some of them, it might be a little to close to home so their feelings might be different than our own. They may even choose to stop reading the story. Now, it is time for us to stop and think "why." We have no right to judge and I do not think that they are lashing out at LB eaither. We have all been judged and sent to jail by most of the straighty world, so why would we do that to our own. Read the posts that people put out. Think past what they are saying and maybe you might find someone who is in need of a friend. We have not right to judge as we detest it ourselves. Rise above what has been done to us and try and figure out how you can help your brother or sister. We have to be different and show the world that we care about one another and will suppor each other no matter what. No one out ther is perfect, but do not pass up the opportuinty to help another family member in need. Read past the writting and you will understand. Sorry if I am preaching, but we do have a brother in need. I can not stand the thought that we would judge instead of offering a helping hand. We are better than that. Make sure that you see past yourself and are willing to give a helping hand. Boxerdude

Nicholas, For some one so young, you are wise beyond your years! I agree with you 100% about LB. It is a wonderful story and I am eager to see how it unfolds. It is like life, you do not know what is around the next corner or how it will turn out. The worste things can happen and you have no power to change them. LB has done a fantastic job! No young man, (I can say that because I am much older than you). You will learn a hard lesson one day when you fall in love with a Ryan. I did and I know what is going on inside his head. Don't be mad. You should be sad for him. Realize one thing, he is crying out and he knows no other way to do it. A.D.D. can do that to people. He is hurting more than anyone else and has no idea how to process it. You will learn this in time. You will also find out that people like Ryan, are in it for the long haul. He has a bad way of showing it, but believe me he love Connor and he knows Connor loves him. He is trusting that the love between them is strong enough to see them through. Boxerdude

I search for two hours trying to find this song. Here are the rest of the lyrics. When I listen to the song, my eyes started tearing up. He is talking about Ryan!!!! I have no choice to stay, I have to stay, I had to stay. He loves Ryan so much and this song shows how much he feels he is loosing him. Connor is crying out in his own way. It hit me like a brick, and only after listening to the song completely. He is really scared he will not only loose Toby but the one true love of his life. Yet, he is putting everyone else first with that big heart and trying to be there for everyone who was there for him. His unconditional love for his "family of friends" and he only knows how to express it through song. I am a total mess now and I challenge each of you to listen to the song completely and someone tell me I am wrong! Beautiful child Beautiful child You are a beautiful child And I am a fool once more You fell in love when I was only ten The years disappeared Much has gone by since then I bite my lip, can you send me away You touch I have no choice I have to stay I had to stay Sleepless child There is so little time Your eyes say yes But you dont say yes I wish that you were mine You say it will be harder in the morning I wait for you to say, just go Your hands, held mine so few hours And Im not a child anymore Im not a child anymore Im tall enough To reach for the stars Im old enough To love you from afar To trusting... yes? But then women usually are (switch women for boys) Im not a child anymore No, Im not a child, oh no Tall enough to reach for the stars I will do As Im told Even if I never hold you again I never hold you again