Thanks for the feedback, Drew
I'm a bit at a loss with your comment about writing in paragraphs, however. To be honest with you, I thought that's what I had done....
Most of this opening chapter was narrative. I don't think the reader would find it easy reading if I were to start joining the speech of the two protagonists together in the same paragraph.
I stand by the way that this chapter has been written, for the simple reason that it was largely made up of the two boys talking back and forth to each other. For that reason the average paragraph length is probably as low as fifteen or sixteen words. The second chapter, which is as yet unfinished, will be much more descriptive in nature, and will largely centre on the thoughts and memories of the main protagonist, Jamie. For this reason the chapter currently averages around one hundred words per paragraph.
That seems to be about right to me. Short paragraphs when characters are talking (unless one of them starts a long soliloquy, of course) - and much longer ones for the descriptive parts of the story.
Or do you know something that I don't, Drew
Now, having said all that, I'm not happy with the opening paragraph myself; for reasons I have given in one of my previous replies.
~ Marty ~