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Talo Segura

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Everything posted by Talo Segura

  1. Because I could find nowhere to put my own ebooks, I asked every site, but there was zero interest, so I made my own free site - https://the-gay-fiction-library.site123.me The only problem is, being free, it is limited on storage and you have to rename the downloaded ebooks, but it's free.
  2. Talo Segura

    Prologue

    We live in a techno age and (for me, using Android and a Chrome based browser) a long press on a highlighted word or phrase brings up - cut, copy, paste, share, dictionary, and TRANSLATE. You don't need to speak German, you could copy and paste into an online translator if needed. Often I have to look up words in the dictionary because I don't know, or I am not sure, what they mean, translate is the same. I should add, I kind of like it when the author makes no concession and you have to work at it a little. I read one story where the author refers to an elevator and then a lift, it made me wonder why use elevator when the book was by a British author writing about England and he used British English and lift throughout. Was it a concession to Americans, which would seem odd, because most British and American English variations are well known. Anyhow, I digress, just hit that translate button, the result is usually understandable.
  3. Talo Segura

    Prologue

    "The only way up is down." Cryptic!
  4. Talo Segura

    Chapter 25

    I enjoyed this story a lot. As books go, it was a cut above the average, well written, great characters, dialogue, and setting, nice pace. Well done!
  5. I can't believe it! Google litrpg stories or take a look at https://www.royalroad.com/home
  6. Talo Segura

    Chapter 3

    The story is good, interesting, the past events and the present situation. The family inter-relationships keep you guessing as does the link to Jonathan. It's a well plotted story, but it's the quality of the writing that makes it so enjoyable to read. I have to second @C. Henderson those descriptions are vivid and create the atmosphere that is not always there in a lot of stories. Here you feel the cold and see the snow piled up dirty at the side of the road.
  7. Or http://iomfats.org/storyshelf/hosted/nigel-gordon/ and a couple of his ebooks here: https://the-gay-fiction-library.site123.me/ plus an author bio https://the-gay-fiction-library.site123.me/about-nigel-gordon
  8. Talo Segura

    Jake's Hand

    This is one of those stories for which the plot is being gay, discovering you are gay, overcoming difficulties and forming a relationship. It is also a story about a missed opportunity, a choice which seperates our protagonists on their path through life. It is well written, populated with wonderful descriptive narrative and astute observations around relationships, best friends, family. The story is a unique study of love between two men, a love that is handicapped by their individual histories, but which ultimately is a triumph for everyone. My main criticism is that the story is peppered with unnecessary sex scenes, described in graphic detail, which add nothing to the theme, rather they transform the novel into something less than the story deserves. It is at times, led by this divergence, unrealistic. Alex, Robbie's fourteen year old son, we are told places his tent some distance apart so he can jerk off without being overheard. This is my biggest regret about the story, even if there is no graphic sex for some seven or eight chapters into the novel, it then falls into that usual formula, describing their love making which has no real place being detailed so graphically and doing so rather destroys what could have been a great story. The time spent on those scenes may have been better spent giving detail on Jake's experience in Vietnam. After all, this is the pivotal point of the story and is told only through Jake's recollection and subsequent explanation. It thus becomes a vehicle which is the obstacle they must overcome, but I don't believe it is given the place it deserves. Plunging the reader into that reality would have made for a better understanding and certainly have added more drama. As it stands there are some long drawn out plot points, where the reader knows what is going on, even as our hero Robbie continuously appears clueless. This does tend to become a little frustrating. It is a well written story, with a great theme, which doesn't live up to its potential. I found myself skipping through the sex scenes and most of the final chapters.
  9. Perhaps you know, or someone else does, how to set up an online collection. I've seen people do it for much less important things than repairing burst water pipes. A little help from friends online can put you back on your feet, in the dry!
  10. It appears to be a mixture of choice and asking permission. You can choose to unpublish and hide the original. You can choose to re-write, re-title, and publish a new version. You only need ask permission to delete the old story, but I think I would leave it as you have done with your revised stories. My conclusion you leave the old story, republish the new version. Those revised stories appear with new likes and comments, the old version is still available.
  11. Talo Segura

    Chapter 1

    I'm curious about everything!
  12. Why not? You wrote, let's say a first attempt at a story, you got lots of good feedback, you want to go away and re-write it. It's a great story, but you wrote it badly. Now when you have finished all the hard work of writing it again, you don't want all those old comments, it's a new version. When I have seen people do this they have, at least in one case, given the new version a new title and republished and in the author notes linked back to the original. So I guess that's the way to do it. Again, I ask why not? You might not want to spend your time on it, but if it's a good story, badly written, and now you can do a better job. I asked the question because this site holds a large place for learning to write, with this writers club, articles, advice and suggestions for utilities that might be useful. However, there is no set way for tackling story re-writes, perhaps because it is felt it is obvious that you can re-title and republish a story. Still as one person stated, they preferred the original of one such republished story and regretted it was deleted. This raises two points, the site doesn't, I think, want stories deleted, but authors might prefer their new work, obviously, if they have revised and republished the whole thing. Perhaps an edit and author's note in original and new versions, links the two stories and solves the problem. Except, as an author you wouldn't want comments on an old version that had been revised and republished, would you? Maybe I am making things too complicated, but for me there are revisions of an existing novel and there are new versions. A new version being where you take the original story, but change significant chunks. Imagine, you started writing, you had no idea about plot, storyline, planning, the finished story is a bit of a mess, even written into an impasse. The next version is going to not simply to revise it, but start over. Why throw away a good story?
  13. That is astrology, a celestial map, it's not the horoscopes you read in the media. That the celestial map highlights personality traits is a universal rhyme rather like: Monday's child is fair of face Tuesday's child is full of grace Wednesday's child is full of woe Thursday's child has far to go, Friday's child is loving and giving, Saturday's child works hard for a living, And the child that is born on the Sabbath day Is bonny and blithe, and good and gay.
  14. Talo Segura

    Balticon 1980

    You should really have more respect for drugs, large rabbits, and Valkyrie women. That rabbit could have sneaked back and thumped ya! The woman probably wasn't dangerous and only wanted a piece of ass! But what type of convention did you say it was... pharmaceutical.
  15. I find no clear approach to learning how to write through publishing online so as to receive feedback and comments. Some writing is published as learning, then later may be either abandoned or revised. Sometimes you may want to delete or hide a story. You might revise and want to re-publish. How do you do this? Take a story revision, you don't want to edit the existing story, this is a re-write, you don't want the old comments, they have served their purpose. You want new comments on a new revised second edition. You also want readers to see it is being republished. How do you do this? I have seen, presumably complete stories, status changed to in process and the old reviews disappear. Do they come back when the new story is finished and marked complete. How does this mix of old and new work? There is a straightforward route to publishing, pausing, abandoning, but no clear route to using a story to learn, getting feedback, revising and republishing?
  16. Arthur Schopenhauer, "All truth passes through three stages. First, it is ridiculed. Second, it is violently opposed. Third, it is accepted as being self-evident."
  17. “Learn how to see. Realize that everything connects to everything else.” ― Leonardo da Vinci
  18. This was a nice story, one you developed as it went along, starting from coming out, exploring being gay, having sexual encounters, then getting seriously mugged. As a backdrop we have Shaun's mother and a mention of his brother. The second half is a "chance" encounter with Harley, which remains unresolved, until you write the next story.
  19. It was as though Shaun had been waiting all his life to meet Harley, the tension and pressure in his leg matching the way he was so tightly wound up by his life and his mother. This was his escape, an unexpected turn in his life when all seemed lost.
  20. I probally shouldn't push the point, but a meaning/definition of a term is just that, a common understanding. The definition of caring is someone or something that shows kindness and concern for others. A person who is concerned about others and who does kind things for them is an example of someone who would be described as caring. adjective. https://dictionary.cambridge.org/example/english/caring-person
  21. Loved number four: Chekhov’s Egg is like Chekhov’s Gun but directed by Ridley Scott. If you introduce an alien egg to the story it must hatch and eat someone by the third act.
  22. I wonder if I am alone in not really visualising Harley, he has been well described, but only his red hair and heavy build stick in my mind. I am very poor at visualising descriptions of people, in any story.
  23. I can imagine Shaun has more things on his mind than revenge or bringing his assailants to justice. His injured leg is catastrophic. I remember well the story of Gerard Depardieu's son, Guillaume, whose leg caused him so much pain over a long time, he demanded it be amputated. In his case an infection set in, which despite many operations eventual led to his death aged thirty-seven.
  24. To clarify "his mother is a caring woman," as @Defiance19 understood that statement and as most people would understand it, a caring woman is someone who cares for other people, namely her son, she is plainly not a very caring woman or mother. I do think there would be more police action over a serious assault than the response that all his money has gone, his phone, credit card, and his car. Wouldn't they at least look at where the phone was, where the credit card was used, video camera surveillance? Still, I'm not picking holes (I hope) in the story because they may have not put much effort in if they thought he was gay, and you've given plausible reasons why he might not be able to get compensation from the bank.
  25. I like the way you have handled the story, switching from the attack to the present. The story is very good and carries the reader, but there are a number of little errors in the text.
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