Bondwriter

Seeing old ones wither away is painful. These long, evolving diseases allow you to see them "die" several times: first when they lose their autonomy, then their head, and then eventually their breath. And all the while you have to see them in pain. All my thoughts go to you, my friend.

We might have surprises with Richard. Is he really the cowardly philanderer who causes such testimonies of reject as the one above? Won't there be any flaw revealed in this man? Only 21 (and possibly 22 & 23) will tell.

Happy lung cancer, Conner! This is indeed a long sex scene. It's not bad in itself, but the narrator doesn't come off as really considerate of his lover in my opinion. Some of the terms are a bit crude for my prudish ears, but hey, that's me. Just that it does not move the plot forward a lot, until of course Jarred appears at the end (in a true cliffie, we wouldn't know who rings the bell). I'll be able to have a better opinion once the story's complete, to see how this scene fits in the whole scheme. If it's intended to characterize Andrew better, fine. But I'm eager to know how this all turns out. And whether Andrew quits being a poor little rich kid.

I don't know if many people saw this was up. Lots of love showing in everyday life in this chapter. Both between Aaron and Brian, and through the whole family circle. Really glad there was this turnaround in Brian's family, it helps out big time. And the fact A&B have been intimate before does play a part in them being able to cope with all the everyday cares Brian needs. Now, the big cliffhanger: the hearing. Quite anxious to read it.

Well, this asks for a few comments; obviously this new chapter displays a quality: brevity. It goes straight to the point, doesn't linger in annoying psychology and is focused on action. Sadly enough, there's also the flip side of this quality: it's too short. Though starting with a conjunction and then going into a very straightforward noun/ verb construction are clever (notice the use of the verb "to die" and none of the longer circumlocutions or synonyms as "pass away", "met his maker", etc.) you are at risk of leaving readers with lots of questions unanswered. Maybe you could rewrite the preceding chapters in the same format, so your four chapters end up having some unity. 1. He went on a diet following an online anorexic girl's advice. Or was she? 2. Dieting/ becoming an anorectic was hard but thanks to the online manipulation, he held on. 3. He went to a party where he had drugs and sex. 4. And then he died. I didn't bother using the first name Seth since we don't really need lots of characterization. I wonder if you would get as much enthusiasm over this rewritten story. A lot of students would be grateful if we rewrote accordingly Paradise Lost or Moby Dick, though.

No, but it helps to stomp, crush, stampede, smash, crush to a pulp... Beware of the goats!

The goats are up to overcome the human race. In this thread, human teenagers can die in car accidents, get shot, or the most evil of them are seen as saints, and the mere alignment of two disconnected nouns and an adjective, without a verb is immediately given a warning with this especially designed emoticon just for goats. Goat, grab, grind...

You bet. Is it content you want? What about: goat, grill, glad?

Oh, my Gosh! Revelations! The Cappucino stuff really puzzles me. I'll have to research more!

Definitely future. "Nostalgia for an age yet to come" Tar or feathers?

Yup, that's right!

Hey, so did I! (Actually, I posted 400 somewhere else.)J acques Legivr

Eric was shivering in the cold of the desert night. But worse of all, he felt cold in his heart. Not that he had any remorse, no. But he felt like a complete failure. He had looked at the spreadsheet every night for the last few weeks. "By the time I turn 21, I'll be able to retire and live off the return on the investment of my ill-gained money. Certainly having poor workers, possibly children, working 15-hour days for me!" The mere thought was enough to cause him a little erection (unlike his brother, he was not very well-endowed, which caused him to suffer a lack of self-esteem.) He heard an engine approaching. The sound was this of his only friend now: the Piedmont Sheriff! Had Eric been a little bit more knowledgeable in Doors, he'd have known it was his only friend, the End: as the Piedmont Sheriff got down from his dark vehicle, he asked: "Got the Data Stick, kid?" "Nope, my queer brother got me in trouble and..." The thud of the gun resounded through the empty valley. The sheriff approached with his heavy gait. He turned the body around with his boot tip. Another blast echoed through the empty space. The body jerked. Was it from the blast or from a final spasm as the spinal cord was svered by the bullet? "Gotta make sure the little shit won't rat me out. Too bad, this was some fine nice piece of ass. I'll have to find another one. It sucks." He'd have spat on the mess that had been Eric's head a few minutes earlier, but no DNA had to be found in case the coyotes and the birds of prey, and the countless creepy-crawlies didn't do the job of cleaning up the crime scene. But the sheriff trusted Nature. As he climbed aboard his vehicle, the words of the famous 80s philosopher Nikki Sixx ran through his mind. "When you play with the Devil, your day will come to pay..."

The it's-nice-to-get-good-feedback-but please-tell-me-what's-wrong syndrome at work... (I've a few online artist friends who just LOVE things like "Isn't the hand out of proportion?" or "The perspective on the tiles in the background is wrong." told to them. Much better than "Hey your drawing is so good! How do artists make characters come to life like this? It's amazing!") Your comment and your blog made me want to go have a read again to find something to "criticize constructively". I stopped at chapter 1. I couldn't find any flaw in the writing. The choice and sequence of events is interesting, the first-person narrative works well. I might have more to say once the story is complete. As for the realism of the story, you had others testify, and maybe new readers could enlighten you better on this. From my end it seems quite plausible. But don't worry, I'll wait in the shadow with a big sledgehammer to pound on you if there's anything wrong with the next installment.

Greetings to all these new people ( Anthony, Natalie, Pat, AMHIL, Mark)!

No problem on this side of the Channel! I must have read about these "golden showers" before, but though I have VERY weird fantasies, these are not mine. Hence I'm not overly familiar with them. From Jack's take on Peter Pan, I know he has done a bit of research (in the interest of writing fiction) on the gay adult movie industry, and has a fairly extensive knowledge of it. Conceited for conceited, I actually mention the split peas soup in Goldilocks, so I was wondering a lot about the relationship with my story when the answer was just below my eyes. Actually, I liked the "lumberjocks" a lot, though it wouldn't have been quite proper with my fine woodworking gay family. "And some men do it in Palm Springs Butterblondes with Cadillac Souls"

Actually, your display of wits got me a bit lost, guys. I like your explanation of the nursery rhyme with puns, but I was wondering how one could link Golden Locks to WS? I mean, gold= yellow= what you know, but is that it? After extensive research, which yielded the information that Czech adult film makers are Maupassant fans, I'm still a bit at a loss.

Yes, those referring to murder, theft, bearing false witness, coveting your neighbor's house. Honoring my parents was something I had no trouble doing, but that I wouldn't establish as an absolute rule for some parents. And I never coveted anybody's wife (though I did covet a few husbands, but well... ) For the rest, I don't really want to see them established as universal rules. We've got the international declaration of Human Rights that seems the basis for better getting along with everybody.

No goat should be hurt by me as long as no hero is killed in this story. I'll ask my minions to do the job.

Did you notice that Charlie and coffee both start with a C and that coffee is just one letter less? There might be a Charlie & the Coffee Factory subplot.

Cheers!

Sure, he's a b***. But is he a mean b***? An evil b***? Will he get a villain award? We were comparing the respective merits of two completely different b***. And Richard is a rather ordinary b***. Though being willing to jeopardize his son for his career's sake is quite evil, I agree.

It should give something like this: Knowing the same causes yield the same consequences, should this be done?

So, stereotype? Funny? Should it stir some controversy.