LeeSA

I like to think that they were still too young to see what was going on then and yes Alexanders own insecurity and vulnerability is on show. That being said Lyn chose to defend Alex in that situation because he cared too much to let it pass. Defending Brad was a little different cause Brad just misses or chooses to ignore the undertones of every situation much less hear what anyone is actually saying to him. Falls back on his usual jokes. One act is an emotional response for Lyn the other is just reminding Alex, Brad is different. Feels a bit less sad maybe? That way

Im kinda thinking Lyns instict to protect those he cares about comes from it being something he was not able to do previously ..... perhaps his dad. It just carried over in his everyday life. Even if his dad fucked up big time he would still want to defend his family especially as a child

Exactly..... Lyn felt safe behind his walls keeping everyone at arms length. If he lets anyone in he has to confront himself and his feelings about himself and for Alexander. Hiding is much easier or so he thought, not so much anymore. Lyn has done a lot of posturing himself just a little more subtle than an outright pissing content. Lyn has not let himself be completely vulnerable since, well their entire friendship.

Exactly..... Lyn felt safe behind his walls keeping everyone at arms length. If he lets anyone in he has to confront himself and his feelings about himself and for Alexander. Hiding is much easier or so he thought, not so much anymore. Lyn has done a lot of posturing himself just a little more subtle than an outright pissing content. Lyn has not let himself be completely vulnerable since, well their entire friendship.

I dont think he was oblivious at all, he was scared. The three of them are, though the reasons differ. Lyn is scared to face the unknown. Scared to take a chance on something he is not able to workshop the potential outcomes. When you grow up feeling like your in the way, unwanted and a burden, that changes you. Some of Lyns attempts to fade into the background of his life before college had the desired effect otherwise he wouldnt keep doing that. Get through the crap with as little impact as possible and then you can live. Part of Lyns relationship with his mum is the cause of that and his dad and what happened there. Though we dont know too much about that yet. If he was ostracised from his social circle he will not want too much atrention either. As for his loyalty to his friends, it comes from a deep acknowlegement of who they are and accepting that. I figure he has seen a lack of loyalty in his life too. Lyn is quite possesive here too. Gotta love that. @Cane23 talked previoisly about mirrors and duplicity. Lyns reaction to Brad is physical tingles etc when they touch or hug, a look. His response to Alex is emotional and its growing. Hence the fear and a desire to hide from what is going on in front of him.

Hmm I didnt really pay much attention to that particular comment of Lyns.... "I cant be your mother hen all your life" There are so many other ways Lyn could have said that. I cant look out for you forever, its time to stand on your own two feet.... but mother hen? I feel like because he was caught in the middle of the three and their displays, maybe he gave a more accurate account of his feelings for Brad even if he doesnt realise it or even understand them

I didnt think of that, late shift brain.

Have to agree with the declaration of intent and he backed it up with the napkin issue. The only people I ever see do that are parents, partners or lovers. Alex is no parent.

Very good point. But if you dont feed the puppy eventually ot is going to bite.

Well would you look at that, hot as hell and well timed. I know adult Lyn still hides behind his carefully constructed delusions, this chapter I understood another part of why he was so scared to let his wall drop. It is hard when you measure your responses actions and carefully construct your life to bolster your delusions and ignore your base needs. Your deepest desires. In the moment when Lyn admits that he is truly present with Alex, he acknowleges his base need. To let go the reins, be used, desired and pushed by the one he trusts to hold him while he falls both physically and emotionally. The trust that took for Lyn in the light of day is going to scare the shit out of him. But I think its his first time honestly and emotionally connecting with himself...Alex is at his forefront even during his interaction with Brad. He feels his ass more than Brads fingers. Alex needed Lyn to be totally present, which he was, and he acknowleged in the moment. To be with him and not some deluded fantasy with Brad. Lyn let Alex see a part of him because he trusted him. Alex was desperate to hear that he was a living feature in a fantasy for Lyn. He needed in that moment to know he was replacing the long held fantasy of Brad. I am very pleased that is exactly what he got even if Lyn was fighting the emotion of it a bit. Again with the pissing contest though this time Brad knows he is coming in at a loss. His teasing words are, I think, negated by his physical reaction. He is angry that he is continuing to loose his place in Lyns life. As an adult he is not in the same position, how can he be? As Lyn said he needs to fly the coop and he is getting married. Brad also said he didnt want to. I took that to mean he doesnt know how to extricate himself from the pending wedding. Maybe he was hoping that Lyns long held crush would blow it up for him. If I have to be fair and I promised myself I would try maybe he is just too scared to look at his feelings for Lyn. I think Luke was indeed warning Lyn away from "his" Brad. It feels like they both know what transpired between Lyn and Alex and neither of them like it, for different reasons.

Thanks first laugh of my day 😂

Thank you .... I was really struggling to see anything positive about his behaviour. I think I said somewhere along the line that he isnt aware of his feelings about Lyn however I would be truly gutted if anything happened between those two now. His behaviour is undeserving or is that my wish for a HEA for Lyn and Alexander ? Maybe the point from our dear author is for us to be caught up in the crap he projects. I am waiting for him to royally mess up.

Such a sweet chapter, and yes a genuine kiss, even if Lyn had to do Lyn and run away. He knew back then where that road could lead. He aknowleged that Alex makes him feel safe. As @akascrubber Lyn gave Alex a gift that he valued. When someone cares enough to remember little moments in time you have shared, you feel seen. I know I keep saying that but when it happens it creates a bond no matter the type of relationship. Not telling Brad, He seems hell bent on being seen as a surface level party animal with no depth. They fact that Alex and Lyn so easily agree that this is their moment shows that Brad is on the outer despite Lyns crush and that on some level they know it wont be well received. Brad telling Alex "everything" is cruel. I am struggling with Brad, I believe that everyone wants to feel wanted needed loved respected etc etc but no matter how hard I try I only see Brad as a hack saleman. He manipulates to get what he wants and uses Lyns feelings for his own benefit, I see nothing good/positive. He has his mask yes but I think the person behind the mask is worse than what we see.... ? Someone give me something to work with ?

Whether it is from Lyns own self image issues, upbringing, his ongoing need to hide aspects of himself like being gay and poor, his need to self isolate for fear of rejection, whether its assumptive or realistic, Lyn sees Alexander. The good and the bad thats powerful. Perhaps it is that aspect of Lyn that Alex is drawn to. Alex knows he can be an ass due to his own upbringing, and as such deals with a lot of falseness from people who see him as someone to be forgiven for his behaviours like Brad does, never reacting to his rudeness etc etc. The Braclet poped up this chapter too which grounded Lyn each time he went way off on his own script at the beach and in the shower gave him courage perhaps in the fact that Alex cared enough to still wear it.

Wondering if Alexanders reluctance to be upfront with Lyn is just the way he has decided to maintain Lyns focus. Lyn likes a challenge. Although Alexanders feelings for Lyns are as long or longer than Lyns feelings for Brad. Alexander had Lyn in his sights before Brad wandered along. He is asking when Lyns infatuation with Brad will end or when he will see Brad for who he really is, but Alex has not let go of his feelings for Lyn. Alex and Lyn are protective of each other, Lyn did not want Alex to partake in a phallic measurement of ones ego or percieved masculinity. When Brad realized that by no fault of his own Lyn has caught more of Lukes attention that he wants he is not happy at all. I also think that Alexs language when the group parted was to further highlight to Brad that his hold on Lyn is wavering, using "our room" and also making Brad aware that he and Lyn have conversatiins aside from him ie the salt in the hair stuff. Perhaps Lyn is realizing he had missplaced some feelings towards Brad back in the day. Feeling attracted to him as a package.... family home friends extraverted seemingly easygoing and so on, the things Lyn was lacking.

I had a science teacher once. Brilliant man could talk for hours about all things biology chemistry related in ways that enraptured and encouraged passion in others as you could see and feel his passion. There was nothing, it seemed, he didnt know or was not willing to share. One of my favourite teachers. That being said the guy parked his car sideways, buttoned his shirt wrong and would often pick up salt instead of sugar and put it in his coffee. It is not uncommon for people to have different levels of intellegence in different areas. Lyn has spent his life hiding from emotions he has not learned or developed any/much skill it was easier for him not too. Just sayin

Nope

Of course it was an ugly kiss, it was an ugly situation to be in in the first place. Brad reduced Lyns feelings to a side show to get laid. Nice.... not. Lyn is on the back foot in all his interactions with anyone male, female, friend or not because he is hiding who he is, not just his sexuality. How could the underlying self hatred in his own situation/behaviour not make him puke. It does show what happens or what can happen when he lets his guard down and I think will reinforce his control or need for control. He is sooo not prepared in college to deal with anything emotional. As for his treatment of Alexander, I think he was behaving from a defensible position of his own bad behaviour and lashed out. He could have said no to Brad, Alexander knows this. I wonder if Alexanders cold apprach to Lyn while in school was on some level a subconsious understanding that Lyn is emotionally stunted. Wondering @Laura S. Fox will we get any memory chapters for the intervening 8 years ? I hope so.

I dont see him as he most deeply thinking and sensitive person bar his own feelings so maybe if he was again in a lose it all again situation he could "offer"..... you can almost picture the situation afrer Brad made such a statement or offer, whatever the precipitator. Luke looking at Brad, incredulous, hurt and angry. Lyn, mouth open, brain operating like only Lyns can and Alexs hand curling into a fist with a face of fury.

Yep I think Bella is looking for source outside ie Lyn and Alex to "fix" Brad so he is perfectly presentable and hasnt considered Luke at all. She should.

It would be an interesting moment to see if Lyn can outgrow his long held feelings but I am not sure that Luke would like that at all...... and that scenario would blow up in Bellas face and Brads too.

That is so true and mixed with hiss blessed delusional thinking .... seem to have lost my little pic for my head exploding.

Guess if we expected the three of them to just open their bloody mouths and be truthful the story would end rather quickly I have spent the afternoon thinking that Lyn is just a coward with no bloody back bone. Of course then I feel bad and I dont want the story to end. Then @Cane23 I read this and just feel more sad and sorry for Lyn and Alex and nk not Brad. But good god, I wish Lyn would grow a pair.

I am surprised that Lyn actually admitted to himself that he was the subject of a pissing contest, even if he tries to bury it in waffle later he saw it for what it was at the time. That is a step forward in a way for Lyn. He is well aware of Alexanders feelings and Brads too on some level but is not emotionally ready to go there. Deluding himself is his go to its easier emotionally. Bella has no good intention whatsoever, if Brad has told her, and as it seems Luke aswell, as much about Lyn and Alexander as it appears, she will want to push Lyn out of Brads life with some finality. She may not know the full extent of Brads feelings towards Lyn but she wont like that Lyn while absent for 8 years is still very important to Brad and she will want to be front and center. Have the perfect life on show for all to see. The fact that Lyn has likened Bella to his mother also shows some awareness of emotional undercurrents. Perhaps Brad is in way over his head with Luke and Bella and doesnt know how to fix the situation hence bringing the three back together. As for suggesting swimming again, really. Simple way to put Lyn in a vulnerable situation yet again. Brad just didnt factor in Alex. There is no way that Alex will let Lyn get to far away, he stopped performing at the cocktail party when Lyn was no longer watching him. 🙂

It is funny when you go back and re read something. You know more about their behaviours so you read it different. I was pretty sure Lyns dad was not mentioned but reading chapter 8 again I found it struck different. With your comment @Cane23 about aristocracy stuck in my head. I think because I was looking more closely at Lyns mother, you can yes, see part of the reason why Lyn is the way he is, the guilt inflicted on him by his mother and how he chose to deal with that or rather didnt/couldnt as he was a child. It would not surprise me if going along in the story we find that Lyns mothers life takes a darker turn as she is forced from a distance to watch the son she blames for her lack of ongoing entitlement rise beyond her. Her guilt only serving to further enforce Lyns apparent huge lack of insight. Lyn makes a little more sense to me I guess as the inferred guilt in his aparent existance was the cause of his mothers perceived ruination. As such am leaning away from aristocracy and into her being a once mistress to someone from Alex's part of the world. As a kid bought up in that type of environemnt Lyn was always going to struggle working out what was/is real. There was also a comment made by Alex earlier on after the Alex, Alexander name thing in the library with Brad that sits different. Alex said "Im not people, not to you" which made me think he was trying to give Lyn back his proper name and that perhaps he was more aware of Lyns beginnings for a very long time.